15 years of abuse

by E. Angela
(Pt. Jefferson Sta., NY)

My ex started screaming at me the minute my son was born. Day after day from then on he turned into a monster. He was extremely jealous that I in fact was Nicholas' mother. He wouldn't let me take him anywhere - his parents could only baby-sit, and would put me down for every single reason.

I finally left him after 11 months of yelling and verbal abuse. From April 1994 - up until today, July 2008, he has been fighting with me.

Everyday he was calling and calling, yelling and screaming. Humiliating me in public, there's no end to what this man will do. When he brings my son home after visitation, he comes barging in my house with one complaint or another. I have asked him "not to enter" but he insists and laughs in my face. He also enters my house when I'm not home. I finally had to take the key away from my son and change the locks. After all these years of him telling the courts that I was alienating him from his son (WHICH I NEVER DID) I finally realized that it was he who was trying to alienate me from my son. Every single day he would call, "where's my son"? He looks dirty, and on and on, making me shake in fear. He would say anything to anyone to "prove his was right" and make me look like a bad mother. My son is even starting to question things. All of this has been since he started living with his dad in Oct.

I have tried during this time to make peace with him, but there's no use and my poor son has been living with this since he was born.

I have lost my home, entire bank account, I have had 9 attorneys, stood in front of (I lost count) how many judges, my son has 3 law guardians, 3 forensic doctors and during the last 12 years have been ordered for "therapy". We have seen at least 7 therapists in the past. As my son got older he kept asking me "what's wrong with me"??? "Why do we have to go to see a doctors"? I had no choice but to obey the court order.

This has been going on for years. It would start like this (like a pattern): A court date would be set and we would have to see a forensic doctor. After months of doing this, getting a report, I would get custody and we would begin therapy. Therapy would go on for about 6-8 months and the case was over.

Then after about 6 months to a year - I would be served with custody papers again. I have been served with custody papers in 1994, 1996, 1998, 2000 and the list goes on. I have exhausted everything I own, borrowed 10's of thousands from my parents and have no choice now to represent myself in court on July 24th. How does the court entertain such a person???

At the age of 14 my son was getting an attitude and wasn't doing well in school. We decided that he would live with his dad Monday - Thursday (he's retired) and come home on the weekends. This started in Oct. 2007.... but as the months went on, not only was he still yelling and fighting with me, my son started to change. Now he was sounding like his father. So now I have my 15 year old and my ex talking to me with such disrespect it's not funny.

No one has cared about my son or me during the entire ordeal. It was always what the father wanted. We were dragged to court for years, dragged into therapy, and now what do we have. A 15-year-old boy, who's unhappy and a mother who has lived in fear since he was born! That's why I had 9 attorneys. They see custody - they see dollar signs. It's disgusting! I have been in Queens Family Court, then Islip, then Supreme Court (on trial) in Staten Island, then back to Islip and now we're in Riverhead! It never ends.

I started my new job in September of 2007, because of his constant calling me at work, I never told my ex or my son where I work - nor do they have the telephone number. There was one job I had where they were calling me everyday after school for one thing or another. Or just to get me fired, which I never did.

I am so tired - so tired of being the victim. Where do we go from here? Don't know - I don't have one nerve left in my body from this man. This was his plan - the plan to destroy everything. Every holiday has been ruined. Anytime when things were going well - he would start in again. I'm so sick of this - my friends and family cannot believe this? Is there anyone out there who can help me by Thursday??? I would really appreciate a little advice because now I will have to pay child support and I can't even make ends meet now! I thank you and God bless you!

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Thanks for responding
by: Angela

Thank you for commenting. Yes - how do the courts get away with this? Battered - that's the word. They use the children like they were chess pieces - moving and conniving until you're in check mate. Very sad - I can't tell you how I want to run - but where?

It's a living nightmare! Both my son and myself haven't had one days' peace since we left 14 years ago. The man is sick and how he lies manipulates is disgusting!!!

Well tomorrow is my court date - I might retain my attorney but this will be longer than the rest of hearings. My prayers are with you.

15 Years of Abuse - E. Angela
by: Disabled Mom

My humble advice is: bail out, go hide. You don't owe anyone anything. You need major time to heal and a new identity. You needed a TRO from the very beginning against that monster. Your ex poisoned your son, just as mine did me. I can't see or talk to my son now...he wants nothing whatsoever to do with me, even when I was homeless and couldn't shower, feed or take care of myself. He blamed his life on me, his father physically abused both of us and lied so beautifully to the court, the police,the attorneys and his minister. They all blamed me. Out of self-respect and self-preservation I ran away. It was the best thing I could do and I haven't regretted one second. I pray for my son every night, still working for forgiving my ex.

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