A Grandmothers Story
by Lynda Dale
(Elk Grove, CA USA)
In 2003, my son, was 28 years old and trying to cope with the life that was thrown at him. He turned to alcohol in his twenties to drown the sorrows of a broken home with an abusive father. One night when he had way too much to drink, his judgment was poor, and he was lonely, he took a girl home from the bar. She told him that she had female problems and couldn’t get pregnant. They had unprotected sex.
Weeks later the girl came to him and told him she was pregnant with his child. The funny thing is that she also told 5 of his friends that she was pregnant with their child. This is when he found out about the girl’s shady past. She was a prostitute. And a meth addict. When he found these things out, he told her that he wanted a DNA test and custody of the baby as soon as it was born. He never heard anything more from this girl and no one knew where she was. So my son went on with his life.
In December of 2007, he found out for the first time that he was the father of a beautiful 3 year old girl. She turned 4 in March of 2004. The mother moved to Nebraska to have his child because nobody would know her there. Soon after the baby was born, the mother moved to Utah. As soon as my son found out that he had a child he hired an attorney to terminate the mother’s rights. The mother had two children taken away from her because of neglect and abuse. Under the law in Utah, if a parent has lost a child before due to abuse and neglect the law assumes that the other children are abused and neglected and the parent’s rights are terminated. The first lawyer he hired strung him along for 13 months telling him they had a good case, gathering information from witnesses and stating they had the “smoking gun”. Every time this attorney sent a statement to my son he would put a note in it telling him how good the case was looking and would ask for more and more money. My son paid this attorney over $9000.00 and had to fire him because he started sticking up for the mother. All this time my son tried to get the Department of Child and Family Services (DCFS) in Utah involved. Regardless of the fact that they were aware of the judgment of termination of parental rights against the mother for neglect and abuse, the fact that she had been turned into them 8 times for suspected neglect and abuse, a report that the mother hit the child with a belt, that the child was dirty and unkempt, that a nervous pit bull dog lived in the apartment and urinated and defecated in her room and chewed up her shoes, they saw no reason to investigate.
The contact with his daughter stopped because every time he would call the mother would not answer the phone. His daughter told him on numerous occasions that her mother was mean and she wanted to live with him. She also told me on a phone call that she wanted to come live with me. I have never met my granddaughter, and she wants to live with me. That was the last time I ever got to talk to her. The mother took the phone away from her and hung up.
My son hired a new lawyer. He has been working on the case a little over 4 ½ months. The attorney went before a judge in juvenile court and the judge ordered DCFS to get involved and appointed an attorney ad litum for his daughter. Because the attorney ad litum was not getting paid and DCSF had to cover their asses they made an announced visit to the mother’s apartment. Their report was the same as the free attorney…they saw no need to remove the child from the home because the mother had turned her life around. To top off the insult to my son, they have given him supervised visitation. If I knew I was going to lose my gravy train I’d sure be able to shape up after 18 months of going thru a custody battle. But, no matter how you dress up shit, it is still shit.
My son pays child support so the mother can sit on her lazy ass and not work. I forgot to mention that she told a Marine the same thing about not being able to get pregnant and my granddaughter has a half sister that is a year and a week younger than her. This father pays support also.
My son has fallen in love with a wonderful woman and they would like to get married. However with the laws in Utah and other states, they can come after his fiancée house for back child support for when my son was unaware of his daughter’s existence. My son’s life is ruined. He will never be able to have a life with a family and his fiancée because they consider his daughter and the prostitute his first family. And they consider that his first obligation. So having a child with the one he loves is out of the question because he cannot afford to support two households.
His fight for Nikki is coming to an end. He is broke after spending close to $14,000.00 to fight for her to give her a better life. All because the states get kickbacks for catching deadbeat dads. And they don’t want to do right for the child. It is all about the money. How can my son be a deadbeat dad? He didn’t even know he was a father until the State of CA started taking child support out of his paycheck. Something has to be done. Everyone needs to get involved and not let this injustice go on for fathers. Tell everyone you meet about this story. Pass it on to your friends, the newspapers, on the internet. Maybe one day the government will realize that dads can be the better parent and stop giving custody to meth head, prostitute mothers!