A Wife to a Husband

by Paula
(Texas)

Who pays child support to 2 other women!



I am a Woman married to a man that pays child support to two other women the children were born prior to our marriage. The first one he was told of came from a woman he met in a club after some time later she told him that she was involved with another man and she was pregnant, but that the baby was not his but he offered to get a DNA test done. She declined and now 5 years later came back to let him know that the other man who was there during the delivery, signed the birth certificate and played the role of Father to this little girl of 5 yrs is now not the Daddy. So you can imagine my dilemma. The other child was discovered during our engagement several months after they broke up and already having made plans for our Wedding, figured that it would not become a problem.
Oh boy was I ever wrong. :(

My biggest problem with how the child support is handled. In 1950 Congress passed the first Federal child support enforcement legislation. Through the years it's gone through a "FEW" changes the last known change was in 1996 where it's aimed towards working with fathers and it requires all employers to report information about newly hired employees-namely "FATHERS".

I think it's time that the Child Support Laws get REVAMPED!!! My husband pays out $1600.00 in child support to 2 women that he was not even married to. Not to mention we have 3 children at home. Which, thankfully when Baby Momma #2 came around...she was not able to get back child support, because it was not known that he was the father at the time and she showed up asking for a DNA test 5 years later, which had she shown up before the girls 4th birthday, then he would have to pay back child support for those 4 years, OUCH!!

I really think that several things need to be brought to the attention of tour Legislators. Namely that we are now in a society where WOMEN have evolved since the 1950's and are holding jobs that are paying the same or more than some men. I feel that just because the old adage of “The man flips the bill" is no longer the norm." Women are far more capable of doing the same.

I feel that the system is biased, that it is being discriminatory toward the man. Mainly being that the man is looked at being a "Dead Beat Dad", regardless of the fact that he is or has taken car of his obligation by ensuring that the child is receiving the monetary amount bestowed upon him from the courts. He misses one payment and they want to throw him in jail.

The way I see it... "What's good for the Gander is good for the Goose".

Now that we have made it through 2 child support issues, it brings in a lot of new questions.

1. If the man's wages are being calculated to determine the amount of child support, then why can't the woman’s "Baby Momma" earnings be included too?
After all the man did not conceive that child on his own it takes to tango, and I feel they are being let off the hook.

2. If the child support is being taken out of the mans check, he is already paying taxes on that money, so why is it that he can not claim the child as an exemption? The Women already gets that money tax free and come tax time they get to claim the child too?? HOW IS THAT FAIR?

3. The courts need to come up with some different type of system with regards to marriages that conceived children and those who conceived children out of wed-lock. I feel that men are being scrutinized because of their past, well what that says about the woman, she is just as responsible. In some cases, she may have done it to trap the man.

4. I think that the review of Taxes does not need to be excluded if the patents are married to someone else. I surely do not want my wages included in the calculation for the amount of child support that is figured based on my earning too. I should not have to pay for children born out of wed lock, that I did not bare myself. Even though my husband is the responsible party, and he is keeping up his end of the order.

5. The calculation should be different for custodial parents that were married or re-married after the child support was calculated. It's not fair that they are receiving support when they have a spouse, who is living in the same house hold and clearly making a living and supporting the family they married into.

6. Custodial Parents involved in a Divorce where they did not have a job and stayed home and raised the children, should not have any type of income taken into account, other than the income from the working parent.

7. The state needs to come up with a card that is used strictly for child support. Cash can not be advanced from it, every penny is accounted for, and shows what the money is being spent on and requires that the money can not be direct deposited into the custodial main accounts it goes directly to the card. This will give the OAG an average of what is spent per child.
If they wanted the money for the "good of the child," then there would be no objection to this method.


These are a few things that I have made note of since going through the child support process with my husband. Not to mention, if in fact these "Custodial" parents are responsible people and they need the money for the "good of the child", then there would be no objection to either of these changes.


I guess I am a little tired of not being able to see my husband as much as I would like and hearing my babies ask, "Is Daddy staying home tonight?" Because he is working his fingers to the bone to help make up the difference in the money coming out from his paychecks to support some lavish lifestyles that the Baby Mommas did not have before child support. I think the last time I was able to spend my own money on myself was prior to our marriage, at least once a month I got a pedicure, manicure and visited a Salon, not to mention I have not been able to change my wardrobe in the last 5 years, I still have the same clothes and shoes.
Much less a vacation and both women always show up well manicured, hair dyed to compliment the seasons, salon gelled nails, and every two weeks of changed colors and fills to boot. Not to mention the manipulation of visitation to fit their schedules because they are going “Out of Town." I delivered our third child and he was born in February and my husbands family had to come down to see him, where they do not live in town, so without extra funds to travel the family comes down here to see us.

One of the women is a complete drunk and still goes clubbing to have her "one night stands". That's why Thursday, Friday & Saturday nights she allows the little girl to do sleep over’s at her friend’s houses almost every week when she is not staying with us.

Not to mention if the child support was calculated including the "Custodial” parents income, then that would put some of those” Dead Beat, Custodial Parents" in their place.

I have nothing against single parents or those who were stay at home parents prior to a divorce I just want those that abuse the system(ie..Spending the childs money, because they can) be held more accountable.

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note to woman from a woman
by: Anonymous

I do beleive that the child support laws need to be revised. i'm a wife to a husband with two baby mama's and his case is absolutley unfair not just to his family but to his first child. It doesn't take 1000.00 to raise a child if a man is making minimum wage. sorry! but even if it weren't for the child, u still need to pay for a roof, food, clothes, utilities, etc. children don't come with a price tag! If money makes u beleive that a man is doing his parenting job by paying you and makes u feel better to be independant mother yea then money is ur trick. Women need to be a little smarter when having children. men are going to be men. u can't make them be father's but u can make the state make them pay you to make life a little easier. Woopty do. Is that really what u want when u have a kid?
Because when daddy isn't around... most women have nothing good to say when the child(ren) ask.
Remember whatever you choose in life there are consequences. You can make a baby but when things don't work out... the girl is stuck at home, pregnant, waking up in the middle of the night, taking time off work, working for thier child while the man is out and about enjoying life whether he is or not paying child support. Woman need to be more independant and strong. Quit being weak and beggin for a man to do whatever you think he should do to be right because YOU had to have a child and be single in the process! All they did was plant the seed, woman do the rest... whether a man is there or paying or nothing!

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Nonsense
by: Anonymous

Mam you are rediculous, you married him now deal with it!

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The system is BS!
by: anon1980

Funny how it's the women receiving the support who get all pissy about this topic. I have 2 ex wives to deal with also. Both had affairs on my husband, one was actually supporting her lover with his income and the other divorced my husband, moved in with her second lover, and got on welfare. For one year she sat on her lazy butt and partied while she left the kid with friends and family. then she had 2 more kids, 9 months apart. My husband is ordered to pay back that entire year of welfare! My husband is a wonderful person and we have a great marriage and two great kids. Child support messed up and garnished the wrong amount (to high go figure) and now we have no money for rent and food. And, we do not get that money back. They've taken my taxes and MY income even though I have gone through the proper procedures to protect my earnings. I am sick and tired. My mother never asked for support from my father, and she was an immigrant, single with 4 kids. She worked 2 jobs and NEVER bad mouthed my father. My father was also an immigrant and was barely making it on his own, but he gave what he could, when he could. But they are honorable people. The system is biased and it needs to change. Why should my kids go hungry just so the money the other two wenches get can go towards themselves and their other children with other men? It's Bull shit. I'm not saying child support in general is bad, I'm just agreeing that the system needs to change.

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Really??????????????
by: Anonymous

Stop and think before you post stuff without thouroghly thinking or using your brain. It takes 2 to tango. Yes they spread their legs open but he also decided to enjoy the fruit and place his seed. Hopefully, he is learning from paying child support that he needs to stay faithful to not have to pay more money out of what could be going to your 3 children. Seriously why do you have 3 more children when you can't afford it. As you said you knew about one of the children prior to marrying him. You made that choice not the children involved

First thing is the children are innocent and had nothing to do with them being brought into this world. Just be thankful that your husband is there every day for your children vs the other children just spend very little time with him. Be proud that he is being a responsible father vs a dead beat. Once they are 18 than you can take your desired vacation or get a manicure saying he's still with you I am surehe is getting tired of your whining. Yes I am not in your situation but I grew up where my mother was the only one raising us while our father barely visited and continued to spread his seed. Oh and they were married for 15 years before she divorced him. still today I have not forgave him That's one thing your husband should not have to worry about Be thankful for what you do have and think of those who have less than you

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Texas should be sued over this
by: Anonymous

The father has NO rights, yet MOST of the financial burden. I am in nearly the SAME situation, and just because this one-night stand decided to show up on our doorstep after four years of concealing a baby from him, our family is being put through a MAJOR financial hardship, while he is the one who has been working hard for the money, and she will not get a job because the state of texas benefits she gets are more than she could make in a job. And he is the one who was robbed of the valuable first four years of the childs life. She laughs all the way to the bank. Tax free. Where is the attorney general to step in and make it a crime for a woman to lie about someone fathering a child??

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YOU SAID IT BEST!!!!
by: Anonymous

I totally agree with your situation I'm going through the exact same thing! Girl u should run for president and put these ideas in these men heads!!!

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A little right a little wrong
by: Katie

I am in South Carolina, and they will not include the spouses income into child support. They do however calculate the mother and fathers income and look at the number of days the child spends with each to create the figure. It should not matter if he was married to the woman or not, but you need to remember that he laid down with this woman and created a child. No a woman should not qualify for back child support of any kind if the father did not know the child existed, but he should be responsible from the time he find out about the child. A man should also not be responsible for any welfare the mother receives! I hate this, if a woman chooses to get assistance from the government then SHE should be responsible for repaying it. I am a mother and my oldest daughter's father pays $200 a month for a child with special needs, because he chooses not to work and attend school. So, actually his wife pays the child support. Where is this fair. Personally I think the government needs to look at the 18 year cost of a child and split it down the middle! Fair is fair if it is not enough for the mother than GET A JOB, it is CHILD support not MOTHER support. If the father can not afford it, then get a JOB it is your CHILD to SUPPORT! Oh yeah and require a paternity test on every child at birth that way these poor kids don't have to be put through hell for some scandelous woman to get paid, and fathers know how many children they have to take care of! The system does need to be revamped, but some men just need to handle their business better!

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i feel ya!!!!
by: Anonymous

I am in a situation so much like yours. I have a husband with 2 other kids 2 other baby mamas. The one waites until the child is 4 for a paternity test (and has 2 other kids 2 other baby daddys who don't pay a penny in support). And the other waited untill the child was 4. So out the gate he's in debt. Not to mention the welfare we have had to pay off. On top of back support. But like your situation these so called women are out at clubs gettin their hair and nails done the whole nine while we have 2 children we had before we knew about these other 2 children and we can't even afford to take care of them. And these people on here sayin get a job gettin a job doesn't help when one spouse is losing well over 75% of his pay to child support which is costin us 1200.00 a month and the other is workin to pay day care. Do the math at minimum wage or even better 8.00 an hour for 40 hours is about 320 a week which is 1280 a month when I know for my 2 kids daycare is 500 per child a month. Is it so hard for all you ignorant baby mamas to see the problem. Especially when they still live at home with their parents and have no bills. Maybe they should give the child to the parent who can afford to pay support and bills. They seem to be the better fit parent to me. The way child support is done really needs to be changed. Child support is a joke and these women are gettin away with being "whores" hell they are getting paid for it. They are getting praised for keepin a man from his child by not even telling him in the first place. Talk about the best intrest of the child. Bogus.

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Really???
by: Tisha Parker

To the wife I am really sorry that you went throught this mess. I hope it all turned out well. I am also going through something simular to this. I have decided to not get engaged with to my boyfriend until I research my state laws about wives having to pay child support if the husband is not able. You dont choose who love... the man could have 10 kids in my opinion but I should not have to pay. This is almost like being guilty by association. (Am I a criminal? What did I do?) SMH Just because I choose to be with this man I have to pay? Dont get me wrong ladies I have friends who have "dead beat baby daddy'S" And some who are on the system. Who I do pay for! FICA1 and FICA2. sound familiar. Im just saying I went to school to receive my Degree and make my six figure income. I make 3 times more that my boyfriend right now. If we are married his babby momma feels that she is can get a peice of mine?!

Really?????? Get a Life if you are this type of person!!!


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I Agree!!!
by: Anonymous

MAN!! I couldnt have wrote this better myself! Anybody who doesnt agree havent been in this situation so ingore there asses OKAY!!! I wanna become a lawmaker to get rid or revise this.My uncle who is disabled has to pay 776 dollars a month out of his disability check which is only 900.The mother of the child has an annual income of over 60,000 so how is this far.Its only one child!!! My husband child's support was based off of both of our incomes because she chose to file after we were married!! How is that fair for me to be able to pay for our child plus hers.I feel like if they didnt take my child into account and was only thinking about hers saying well you make this much so..but what about what she makes? Why does mine count and hers doesnt? How come Im able to take care of ours but she cant!!! Change the law!!!

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I understand and I'm also in the same situation
by: Anonymous

I am married to my husband who has three kids with two different women. Basically there is nothing you can do about what your husband is ordered to pay. However if your husband feels it's too much, he can file for a modification and speak to the judge, asking to lower his support, due to the fact that he can not take care of himself and his new family. I have a friend that did the same thing. He has one child and only makes but so much, but after child support he can barely take care of himself. So the judge lowered his support. On the other hand I know a few men that have to be what you call "grimmey" since majority of women who have children by other men, try to get all they can (money wise). They have switched numbers in their social, so support can not take money out their checks. They are still ordered to pay, but the judge only ordered them to pay the least amount, because it shows under their correct social that they are not working. It's sad that they have to go through these measures, but in reality some really can't survive paying support and be able to support themselves. I do sometimes feel bad that my husband has no extra money but that's his fault. I can't be mad or upset, I had to adjust and move on. It's tough, but your husband may have to get a second job just to break even. Remember he will continue to pay support to his other kids until they go to college or either turn 18 and get a job.
Good Luck...it's not the end of the world.

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I AGREE
by: Anonymous

They should look into how much the costodial parent is making or if there even workn. Or better yet that money should be kept track on how it is spent becuse remenber its child support money for the child... not her needs

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You knew before you married him...
by: Anonymous

Well, i am married to a man who had three kids by two different women. The youngest is 7 the oldest 12. We have one child together. His check is hit pretty hard too but you know, before i married my husband, i knew and understood well what else i was marrying in to... his past and when i married him i was basically saying i accept you for who you are, where you been and it doesn't matter. I think it is bad that some who receive child support don't apply it to the child. the important thing is that obviously your husband is being responsible enough to do his part financially according to law. Be glad he loves his children enough to pay what he can. Don't give him a hard time for taking care of his responsibility and try not to make him feel bad if he can't buy you what you desire all the time. You knew before you married him that he would be having that responsibility until his children are of age where they no longer are receiving it by law. So i don't understand why you spend so much time complaining about a situation you basically accepted when you married him. When you married him you said richer or poorer better or worse. So try to encourage your husband the best you know how. Love bears up under all things. Good luck :)!

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time for a change
by: Anonymous

I agree fully have been on both sides and the fathers side is worse off.

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GET OVER IT!
by: Anonymous

He should pay, o well he married you. If u feel the money is getting low get a JOB!

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I agree
by: Anonymous

alright did most of you people not even read the article. I agree with it 100%

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Selfish Idiot! Deal with it....
by: Anonymous

I agree you are very jealous and insecure. You should go get a job so that you can worry about depending on yourself just in case your husband leaves you because you wont be getting that much money in childsupprt.. On top of that why would you have 3 more kids to add to the burden? You should be broke. Because both of you are about to be some kind of stupid to think that childsupport was going to go down just becaue you had 3 other children. You should have taken in into perspective and not selfishly had more kids to keep your husband around or to make his other baby mothers jealous because I am more than sure if they want your husband they can easily be with him while you are thinking hes at work. I just think you need to get over yourself and think that the kids didnt ask to be here. On top of that they were there first. And nothing not even you can replace that. You may be his first wife. But not his first baby mother unfortunetely. Like it or not those kids will grow up and thats still going to be there dad. He will have to eventually get involved if he isnt because kids are going to ask questions and if I were you I wouldnt want to be the one held responsible as to why my father wasnt there. He is not on punishment here. He is just taking care of the seed that he did plant in to these women. One night stand or not. They still were intimate.. And I know you had sex before you married him. What a hypocrite..

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The last 3 comments must be from low life Baby Mamas!!!
by: Anonymous

Go get a tropy or empathy from somewhere else and learn to keep your legs closed if the father is a idiot so are you becasue you chose him or couldn't keep your legs closed long enough to make him REALLy chase it, men are going to be men. Remember the only thing past 11 pm is 7-11 and whores!!!!If he REALLY liked he would've married your trifling asses noo but you thought having a baby would keep him around (HA HA the jokes on your ass...get a f***ing life. I agree with the inital post. Don't worry these women and their crumb snatching kids have to grow up and get a life at some point. Keep your head up and ALWAYS remember you were worth marrying and the rest ARE and will remain SKEEZERS and SKEET SKEET BITCHES!!!

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I completely disagree.
by: Anonymous

I think your statemnet "he has to pay child support to women he wasn't even married to" is completely ridiculous. It's not about the woman it's about the child. He fathered the child he's responsible to help pay for his child. Whatever money these women get from your husband is not enough to pay all of their monthly bills, and other expenses those children might need. Like school supplies etc. The women themselves are also working to provide for their children your husband is paying what he owes to help provide for his child. As a mom of only 18 and getting only 300.00 from my child's father of course I'm going to claim tax money i pay the majority of my childs expenses. His support is about 1/10th of what i have to pay monthly to raise our child. And to be brutally honest all of this would have been avoided had your husband been smart enough to use protection don't get mad at the state for doing what is right.

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Jelouse much?
by: Anonymous

sounds to me like someone is jelouse. That someone being you. You rant and rave about not being able to get your nails, and hair done. And these other "baby mama" shows up with it. BOO HOO!! Get over it, your husband is paying for these children. You choose to marry this man, you then in turn choose to take care of his other children. Get over yourself!

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I'm with you, girl!
by: Anonymous

I think you brought up some wonderful points!

Obviously some woman just dont get it... the way I see it is why does my husband have to pay someone else to raise his child? There is nothing wrong with his ex, she's not a bad mother, but he's not a bad father... why just because she is the mother does she automaticaly get custody? I dont see how it's fair. We could raise his child just as good as she can w/o her financial help... the system is twisted! The way I see it is if you take on custody then that means you take full responsibilty for you child!

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amen
by: Anonymous

i agree, as im going threw kinda the same situation, but with one child and a very greedy mom , greed will only get u so far its time u fight back there are ways :)

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complicated
by: Sarah

In that situation (two kids from two different women). Did he have to pay each mother 20% of his base pay? Or did the second child get 20% of his base pay minus the first child support amount?

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to response Anonymos
by: Anonymous

What a stupid answer to the wife of support 2 women. You dont know what you are taking about. You ramble about all the in the life of the child. Hog wash!! What of the so called women that. Demand money for spreadind their legs. But do not want your imput but just your money. Get a grip lady .

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Response
by: Anonymous

Where do I begin? it is not the mothers fault and the custodial parents fault that the man you describe being your husband who pays child support is a spermdoner who does not share the child in custody so hes getting off the hook by not provideing physical and emotional support to the child just money he pays. He has a wife that condems unwedded parents and parents that have a child out of wedlock. wow, Lady where you been? It is not the Mothers fault that the man met her in a bar and had sex with her and you said whats good for the goose is good for the gander, what about it takes two to tangle,you play you pay. I do commend your husband for paying most men dont you should be proud of him for that. Everyone makes mistakes but your husband is owning up to his mistake but by no means can you blame the other party or the child for what resulted from both of them. In other words if he hasnt learned his lesson tell himm to keep his pants zipped up. For your information, Childsupport does calculate the custodials income in the matter. Why isnt your husband taking on any custodial responsabilities? Dont throw rocks when you live in glass houses. The Bible tells us that nobody is better than anyone. Your not better than they are because he married you not them, wake up lady he coulve done the same thing to you and abandoned your kids. You just got lucky. So are you complaining about the money that those children get from your husband? I know you said the Mother spent it on buiz? I raised my kids alone and never got childsupport I owned up to the custody of them and he didnt that dont make me a bad person or bad mother because He took no part in raising them or paying. These children are innocent. They deserve a Mother and a Father. not just money to pay for his mistake of a one night stand. With your resentments and your condemming the custodial parent I would not allow you to be near my child. The system isnt designed to just pick on a fathere it does goes both ways they protect the parent who raises the child and they go after the one who dont regardless weather it be a woman or a man. The fact is that the one who abandoned the child be made to pay. There is no justification to absent parent abandoning his or her responsabilities, and no amount of money will cover the cost of not raiseing or shareing physically or emotionally to the child.

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