Abused mother

by Dani
(Tx)

I'm a mother with a 1 and half year old. I got pregnant after a few weeks dating this guy. He had told his friends and family that he was going to get me pregnant on purpose so he could keep me in his life. I wasn't aware of his plans until it was to late. After I found out I was pregnant I had told him and thats when the abuse started. I was physically and mentally beaten.

After 3 months of the abuse I couldn't take it anymore so I left and I had told him that I was changing my number so he couldn't contact me anymore. In febuary I had my child and he isn't on the birth certificate he had called me and I had to get my number changed again. She was 6 months old when he had started to stalk me at my home and he had wrote a letter saying he was sorry for everything I didn't believe anything he was saying bc he had told me many of times before and he still abused me.

I filed for an order of protection and after he filed for a paternity protition. We went for my order of protection and he denied everything but I had proof of his abuse and him stalking me. So he wanted to go for trial for the order of protection bc he had told the judge he did nothing wrong. Well before we went to trial for my order of protection we went to court for the paternity proceedings.

We both agreed that my daugter is his but when the judge said you have to pay for the back child support till she's 21, Medicade (I couldn't get health care were I was working at the time) and he had told the judge that he wanted DNA witch I don't blamb him but it is his child I don't mess around like that.

He kept try to prolong the testing date and the judge had told him that he couldn't do it any farther then feb 1st. It was set for the 1 st of feb 2011 and in Jan we went for the trial for my order of protection. He had told the judge if I got granted my order of protection he wasn't going for the paternity test, he had granted me the protection papers but it wasn't on my daughter.

Feb 1 st comes around and he didn't show or pay for the proceeding so it got voided. After my order had expired he had contacted me again not even a week later it expired and I applied for another order of Protection. He demanded to see my daughter witch he has no rights of her bc in the courts eyes she isn't his. He had threaded my daughters and my life and had threaded my brothers life so I filed that with the sheriffs department and he had 2 warrents out for his arrest for Agervated harassment. I moved out of state for my daughter and my safety.

He had got charged for 1 st degree sexal abuse after I had left. He has another daughter that is 9 and she wants to meet her half sister and I would love to let her see her but I don't want my daughter to have anything to do with her father bc he is not only abusive to women that he dates he's abusive and he neglects to his other 9 year old daughter. He does drugs and he's an alcoholic.

I pay for my daughter myself I don't receive any kind of assistance and I don't have child support for my daughter. Is it wrong for me to keep my daughter away from an abusive father?

Trey's Thoughts: You must protect your children at all cost no matter from whom. If the father is physically or mentally abusive the the children, then you should make sure they are safe.

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ABUSIVE MAN
by: Anonymous

Nope! Youre doing the right thing. As a matter of fact, my mom did the same for me and my brother. We didnt see my dad for 5 years for our safety. Do whats best for you and your children! However, if he goes to rehab and gets his life together, then maybe it would be best for your daughter to meet her father.

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Abused?
by: Anonymous

You stated that you only knew this guy for a few weeks before getting pregnant. So, you had unprotected sex, then got pregnant, and the relationship soured almost immediately. Duh! Only an idiot would want to have unprotected sex before getting to know a person very, very well. If you're older than 16, you should know better! Now you've brought another person into this world, into difficult circumstances, and it's sure to have a negative impact on them...i.e. they will probably follow in your footsteps, adding another link to this sordid chain of events.

It's time women took responsibility for their sexual behavior. I'm not saying the guy is good or bad. But you had total control over your part of this, as long as the guy didn't rape you. And by your own admission, he didn't.

It's one thing to suffer the consequences of one's actions on one's own, but your sins will now be visited upon somebody eles--your child's!

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Where is your accountability???
by: Anonymous

You got pregnant after a few weeks of dating??? So glad to hear that you were willing to have unprotected sex with someone you barely knew. You have yourself to blame for any and all of your unhappiness and hardships. No one forced you to have unprotected sex. So lesson 1., get to know someone before dating and/or having unprotected sex. Not just to prevent pregnancies but to avoid STD's as well. 2., Go back to school and learn to spell. Become educated so you can make better decisions for you and your child(ren).
As for the rest of the women, stop bitching the father in question is a "dead beat". You knew what type of character the guy had when you started sleeping with him. If you didn't know him and slept with him anyway and got pregnant then it is your stupidity and loose sexual proclivity that is to blame for your issues. Half of the women complaining have little to no clue how hard it is for the real fathers out there. The ones who bend over backwards to take care of their kids. The fathers who just because they have to pay child support through no fault of their own are looked upon cruelly by the media and society. Women are looking for that next payment deposit and treating children like a paycheck. I had a good paying job. The company I was working for went under recently. I started unemployment. Unfortunately, when your income used to be $90k a year, going on unemployment is like putting a band aid on a broken bone. During my time in between filing and receiving my first payment I went over $5k in arrears. Which, couldn't be reversed. Because of that my license was suspended. I need my license because there is no public transportation where I live. In order to make ends meet and pay a portion of my support order I had to return my lease. Which in turn affects my credit and adds ridiculous fees. But, my ex still gets to keep her car. Why? Because I'm paying for it! She doesn't work. Why am I paying her anything? Why wasn't I given custody? I have a completely clean criminal record. Anytime my daughter had a Dr.'s appointment, I took time off work to take her. But, since it is more profitable for the state to award the mother custody, my child and myself get to suffer. I served 6 years in the Army. I've done a tour of duty in Iraq. I'm forced into debt and horrible credit because of this "rightful" court order to provide welfare to a woman that does nothing. Why, do you ask was I with her if I knew what type of character she had? Because I was with her since we were teenagers. Some people grow up and others do not. Her and I were fine for 9 years. It wasn't until the death of her father that hardships came. I was called callous and evil because I didn't attend the first day of his funeral that I paid for. And for the real fathers that do without and endure the suffering for the happiness of their kids don't get discourage, you're doing the right thing in a wrong situation. Don't let your ex or the courts get the better of you.

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A very real danger
by: Anonymous

The guy is very,very dangerous to you and your girl. He truly believes he is the victim and will never change that perception. If he ever gets his hands on your little girl, that could be the last time you see her alive.
In his dark and twisted mind, he will use your child to punish you for all the "wrongs" he feels you have done to him.
Not to be rude but, why do you even have to ask this question? A suggestion is that you get involve in a co-dependant support group, ASAP.
I have been working in mental health care for thirty five yrs. Trust me on this one, this guy is a very real danger to you and your child.

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You doing right by staying away
by: Anonymous

No its not wrong for you to keep her away from him or his family. Do what is best for your daughter :)

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