Are we always DEADBEATS or are we getting SCREWED?

by Angie
(Maryland, USA)

I had my first son the year of 9/11. I was in an abusive and controlling relationship for 6 years in which I was co-dependent. My boyfriend cheated on me while I was pregnant and I tried to get him involved with the pregnancy but he did not want the child.

When my son was finally born-which was traumatic enough almost being induced on September 11 from hypertension while the pentagon was bombed, I realized I needed to give my son the best life and it was not with an abusive boyfriend. I forced him to leave and asked to work it out amicably for our child. He decided to get a lawyer behind my back and go after our son as revenge. He married a single mom within six months and used the child in every means necessary to hurt me, falling behind on child support when he saw fit, then taking the child for weeks at a time without me knowing where he was.

I kept filing for contempt but the court system worked against me as a single mom, eventually taking my son away from me. He looked better on paper with a marriage and a home, I had just met my soon to be husband and was settling down. I had my second son with my husband in 2005 and in 2006, my house mysteriously burned down. My ex-boyfriend's wife consistently sends me threats and has been a cyber-bully for years. Our van has been keyed. My son comes crying to my house about how his stepmom calls me a fat b@tch in front of him and other names.

I just tell him we are not like that in my home, we don't talk about them whatsoever. I have asked the court for custody given back to me several times because he has wanted to live with me but it is impossible to get when already decided by the courts. While on vacation last summer, my ex-boyfriend filed for child support against me after years of not having done so as a revenge against us. Despite being a stay at home mom with my second son diagnosed with ADHD and speech problems, the court awarded him child support. And my husband works at the same company as my ex-boyfriend so is constantly dealing with sabotage at work.

I am currently pregnant, disabled and owe a years worth of child support. And all these years I have supported my son by never giving up my visitation or anything my son has ever needed or wanted from me, even though my son is forced to call his stepmom, "MOM", even though the system has taken away my license so we can't go to the doctor, even though my husband can't get a raise because my ex is buddy buddy with the boss, and even though my ex still contacts child support to come after me every couple months, even though I could not get a protective order against the cyberbully(ex's wife)whom hacked into my husband's email accounts, even though I have been mentally traumatized constantly by these hateful people that have used the system to their advantage, not because they NEED the money. My husband works at the same company, my ex makes almost 6 figures a year even in this economy and my husband makes half of that-an average of $50,000 a year.

I could be a deadbeat and just leave but do you know why I don't? Because I love my son and if I leave him for good, my ex will win! That is what my ex wants, for me to be out of my own child's life so he can tell my son whatever he wants about me. So send the pregnant disabled woman to jail for owing child support! Can I really blame some fathers for what they do?