Are you really all about your child(ren)

by Miranda
(Arkansas)

I am 28 and have 3 children whom I only recieve child support on 1. My two oldest have the same father and my youngest has another. My x husband went to jail when our oldest was 11 mo.old. He spent some time in the county then the next 2yrs in a rehab 2hrs from where we lived. The first 3 mos. he was there I drove to see him every wkend. After that he was allowed to come home on the wknds.

Which is how I got pregnant with our 2nd. After 2 yrs of rehab he went to 3 or 4 different prisions. All of which were hrs. away. Still I drove to see him every visitaion day. Wether it be 1 a wk or every other wk. After 1-2 yrs of that he was sent to another county jail yet again 2 1/2 hrs away.

Where he remaind for 3 yrs as a trustee. While he was there I relized that he was never going to be able to provied for me and our kids, being a felon and all. Therefore, I divorced him. Even though we were divorced either my mother or I would take the kids to see him. In the time that he was there he meet a woman who had a child.He spent his days there doing extra jobs to earn money "under the table" and sent it to her to pay her bills.

He even saved enough to buy a "new to him" motorcyle. Through those 7-8 yrs I never asked for a dime. I just wanted to give my kids the chance to know their father and form their own opinion of him. After 7-8 yrs of this he has been out of prision for 8mos and is married to the woman mentioned above.

For the first few mths he got the kids everyother wknd and some in between. Then it went to less and less. After all these yrs I finally ask him for a little financial help. He tells me he can only send me $100 a wk and then would only be able to get the kids once a month. Note he still lives 3 hrs away.

On top of that our kids don't want to go see him because they feel that his step son is more important than they are. They are 9 and 7 and have never had their dad there for anything. He missed all their b-days, their first words,steps, kindergarden grad, fieldtrips, ballgames, everything.

He wonders why they don't want to stay with him and get to know him. So I asked my 9 yr old why he didn't want to see his dad he says, "lets see I tell him I need a new bat for baseball this yr and he gives me my step brothers used one cause he got a new one and the dont have the money to buy me one. He gets to go to all of his step sons ballgames when he has only been to 1 of mine. He got a new Denali and can't afford gas to come get us and when he does get us he spends all his time on the couch." I have never, never talked bad about their father to them. I don't feel its my place to help them form an opionion on a man they did not choose to be their father. I picked him! I have tried to give him all he wanted just so my kids could know him.

If he lived close enough that the kids could spend more time with him during the week and he had to buy food, provide water, shelter,elec. for them atleast as half as much as me then I would not ask him for anything. For 8 yrs I supported our kids by myself working whatever job I had to to make sure they were provided for. So why should he not have to have the responsibility of helping me out a little now.