Are you really all about your child(ren)

by Miranda
(Arkansas)

I am 28 and have 3 children whom I only recieve child support on 1. My two oldest have the same father and my youngest has another. My x husband went to jail when our oldest was 11 mo.old. He spent some time in the county then the next 2yrs in a rehab 2hrs from where we lived. The first 3 mos. he was there I drove to see him every wkend. After that he was allowed to come home on the wknds.


Which is how I got pregnant with our 2nd. After 2 yrs of rehab he went to 3 or 4 different prisions. All of which were hrs. away. Still I drove to see him every visitaion day. Wether it be 1 a wk or every other wk. After 1-2 yrs of that he was sent to another county jail yet again 2 1/2 hrs away.

Where he remaind for 3 yrs as a trustee. While he was there I relized that he was never going to be able to provied for me and our kids, being a felon and all. Therefore, I divorced him. Even though we were divorced either my mother or I would take the kids to see him. In the time that he was there he meet a woman who had a child.He spent his days there doing extra jobs to earn money "under the table" and sent it to her to pay her bills.

He even saved enough to buy a "new to him" motorcyle. Through those 7-8 yrs I never asked for a dime. I just wanted to give my kids the chance to know their father and form their own opinion of him. After 7-8 yrs of this he has been out of prision for 8mos and is married to the woman mentioned above.

For the first few mths he got the kids everyother wknd and some in between. Then it went to less and less. After all these yrs I finally ask him for a little financial help. He tells me he can only send me $100 a wk and then would only be able to get the kids once a month. Note he still lives 3 hrs away.

On top of that our kids don't want to go see him because they feel that his step son is more important than they are. They are 9 and 7 and have never had their dad there for anything. He missed all their b-days, their first words,steps, kindergarden grad, fieldtrips, ballgames, everything.

He wonders why they don't want to stay with him and get to know him. So I asked my 9 yr old why he didn't want to see his dad he says, "lets see I tell him I need a new bat for baseball this yr and he gives me my step brothers used one cause he got a new one and the dont have the money to buy me one. He gets to go to all of his step sons ballgames when he has only been to 1 of mine. He got a new Denali and can't afford gas to come get us and when he does get us he spends all his time on the couch." I have never, never talked bad about their father to them. I don't feel its my place to help them form an opionion on a man they did not choose to be their father. I picked him! I have tried to give him all he wanted just so my kids could know him.

If he lived close enough that the kids could spend more time with him during the week and he had to buy food, provide water, shelter,elec. for them atleast as half as much as me then I would not ask him for anything. For 8 yrs I supported our kids by myself working whatever job I had to to make sure they were provided for. So why should he not have to have the responsibility of helping me out a little now.

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Aug 19, 2011
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To all who disagree.
by: Anonymous

I don't think she knew he was going to be like this with her and her children. It doesn't matter what situation he is in. If he has the capability to be there for a son that isn't his, with all the history he has on his shoulders, than he can definitely support his children. There is no excuse. I don't understand, this is are lives that you both had created, it should wake people up so that they can realize that they have to do all they can to be there for their children. I'm tired of some men and their excuses. They even say that they love their children. You can love your children, but if you don't express that love, than it doesn't matter. because a child needs to know it. Its not just because you say so. I agree with this woman. take him to child support and make him pay all he needs to and if he doesn't want to be there then he should give up his rights of being a father. but no, he won't because its all about pride for them.

Jul 22, 2010
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WAKE UP FOLKS
by: Try being a full time parent

AMEN! I know there are good dads out there but listen, a judge can smell a rat a mile away so these "the judge says I'm a dead-beat" is correct: They can sniff you out. Does anyone really know what in the world it COSTS to raise kids? I tell you what, let's all put every single item it takes to raise kids (down to the toothbrusth and bubble bath) and let's divide it in 2. Even better, try feeding your teenage boy and putting them on your insurance! 25% net ain't squat. You pay on what you make and if your kids aren't worth a quarter of your take-home then you are a loser because you want them to have less than what you have for yourself. Trust me fellas, we ain't going on a cruise on your stinking $500 a month for 2 kids, trust me!!!! And BTW if you don't pay your child support, who in the @#$@#$ do you think is feeding your kid on your arears! So they have to not live until you get caught up? Keep a freaking job as if they WERE living with you and you had to keep them going DUH! They aren't a VISA bill folks... Wrap it up if you don't want to support your children you have!

Jul 11, 2010
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I Disagree
by: Anonymous

I personally think this story is conflicted. I mean you claim to have only ever wanted to give your children the oppurtinity to know their father, but it seems to me if you knew this guy had so many issues I mean forget the jail but rehab? This guy was obviously a drunk or druggie and you still opted to procreate with this guy? The blame is on you for having kids with a man who has shown you nothing but his true colors. It also seems to me your just a bit jealous that the guy found a woman that was able to apparently help him get clean and out of trouble. What tics me off about "the desperate single moms" is that they expect the father and the family they have now to just go with nothing and give you and yours all they can. It sounds to me to be such a bad guy he done his best to see them...and 100 a week that is 400 a month some people don't even make 250 a week so he is giving you almost half his check if that were what he was making. It just seems to me you harp on his mistakes without admitting that he seems to do the best he can with THREE kids to take care of. Just because one is not your does not make him unimportant. And to be three hours away You could offer to take your kids to see him once in a while instead of expecting him to able to fork out the gas all the time. Hell a motorcycle is alot cheaper on gas then a car which is prolly why he opted for it in the first place so he could get to work. I just think before you try to get enraged over this situation you could take a look at everyone's situation and not just your own, your not the only one with a family to support and U should be able to respect that without getting upset about it.

Jul 07, 2010
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good luck
by: Anonymous

I agree with you and Im a dad I think fathers or mothers have a responisbility to help pay for children upbringing go to court and get what your deserved sounds like you've done the best you could to keep him involved but in the end it his choice as well his responisibilty to help but without court or even with court collecting is trcky and can cause drama and sadness to all inovolved someimes but over due in this case just don't ever push the child away from their father if their dad wants to forget the past let him live with that do as much as you can to love and support your children and let them know that they have at least one parent who will always be there for them and that's sounds like you good job n ggod luck wish their were more of you out there

Jul 06, 2010
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Lady we all have a story
by: Anonymous

Lady you sound like a good mother. So be one and forget about the loser. We all have a story.

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