Army Father denied rights

by Gary
(Samarra, Iraq)

I am a Staff Sergeant in the U.S. Army and I have been paying child support for the past 15 years. I am not behind in my payments and I have insurance that covers my son (which his mother will not use I might add) I have taken my sons mother and step dad to court to get visitation of my son and won but when I called to come pick my son up his step dad answered the phone and told me I will not see my son. The next day I got a call from the Sheriff of the town that they live in saying that I have a warrant for my arrest for communicating a threat. I asked the officer who I threatened and he told me it was my sons step father. I live in Missouri and they live in Arkansas and other than our brief conversation on the phone I haven't talk to them. To make a long story short. I deployed a month later without seeing my son. I am so frustrated with the system at this point that I want to do something. I have bought my son a cell phone and his mom used it up and then I still didn't get to talk to him.


I don't know what to do? What is a father to do? I just want my son to know that I am here. I am not staying away from him because I want to. I am working with my lawyer again (which costs me more money) to fight the warrant and press charges on them for filing a false report. I see where that goes.

I am willing to join or start a group that will fight against unfair practices of the child support system.

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Apr 29, 2011
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Ugly baby momma's
by: Anonymous

I commented earlier and I hate the fact that my fiancee is going crazy because he hasn't seen his son. He thinks about him every day and it seems to have him down some days. I don't understand women who keep the child away but wants money fromthe father. If you didn't want the father to be there you shouldn't have had the baby in the first place. Bsbies are paychecks to some women and that's all they seem to care for. MY fiance hasn't seen his son since October and his birthday just passed and he can't even call to say happy bday or send something to him because he doesn't know where he is. He has joint custody and has been doing what he is suppose to do and she has been breaking the law of not abiding by the court orders. Every other weekend he is to meet her with him I write it down when she doesn't show up so it will be in writing when they go back to court.

Apr 29, 2011
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Your not alone.
by: Anonymous

Im sure this won't make you feel any better, but its worth a shot. My ex hit me with a child custody when I was in the middle of trying to get back on my feet from our split. At the time I was taking care of two kids with not much work experience, so finding a job was very difficult. I didn't have the family or any support system so when I got served papers I had no choice but to go to court alone. Which by the way was 4 months after we split. He had already married someone and told the judge all kinds of lies about me with no proof of any of it. Then he told the judge he was going into the military to make a better life for his family. No one told the judge it was the National Guard. They gave my son to him. Since then hes showed up with black eyes claiming that hes being hit by his father and the father says no, it was a 4wheeler wreck......he was 4 years old. There was no other marks on him. They also moved without any warning to me to another state. Since then the father is now divorced and flip flopping my son from his house to his ex wifes house and to his new girlfriends house. The last time he came to see me he went home and told his counselor at school he just wanted to live with his mom and his father sent him to see a shrink. Now hes talking about taking off in the Army because his time in the Guard is up and being gone for a year and leaving my son with his ex wife. I have talked to lawyer after lawyer and they tell me that I can take him to court for being in contempt but not for custody. They got me for being unstable because of my job status, how is he stable leaving my son with any one that will take him? Its hard having to watch and hear what is happening to your children when the other parent has a grudge. I just keep telling myself that he will grow up one day and want to know the truth as to why he couldn't live with me. Sad it was because I wasn't a good lier.

Dec 05, 2010
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A CONCERN GIRLFRIEND
by: Anonymous

I'm writing on the behalf of my boyfriend of two years. His baby mama has been keeping his son away from him and he has visitation rights and visitation rights at his school. She ups and moves away and took the child out of school, changed her number and has not been meeting him at his designated pick up spot. He also pays child support. If you guys can contact me by email I will greatly appreciated cause I am all for men who are trying to do the right thing but they are being f***** over by the court system. MY EMAIL IS mcelhaneytamara@yahoo.com. Men you have to do something and I'll be the woman behind you guys. Thank you

Apr 03, 2009
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You are not alone - we are with you ...
by: Anonymous

Gary,
I was deployed and lost my family during deployment. Ex-wife got greedy, and figured she can take me to the cleaners on child support. It didn't work, it blew up in her face.

You need to know this - when the bill was voted, not none senator voted against it. Check it on Thomas.gov. If Congress would want to abolish this draconian situation, they could do it. But the truth is, they don't care. The newspapers don't care. Nobody outside of us, who have tasted the bitterness of this corrupt system cares. Frankly, I think you'll be wasting your time.

Children can have their minds poisoned in you absence. No matter what anybody says, we are born alone and we die alone. I'm just saying this because people get false expectations, thinking that children will understand the situation later on. Some children may never understand, no matter how much a parent may do for them.

Disappointment is hard to take.


Jan 18, 2009
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Mil to Mil
by: Terry

Gary, I can feel all your pain. I am a TSgt in the USAF and know first hand what it feels like to go through so much pain. It was a long and hard battle but in the end I did win the custody of my children, but even with that the battle is never over. An ex wife can even be more vendictive when they are on the losing end of the battle. As a father just keep your head up and do the right thing for you and your son. In the end he will know no matter what how much you love him. Even if there are barriers and troubles that have evolved between you and your ex-wife. One thing I have learned over the years that is documentation that is the key to everything. Well, keep your chin up. An yes there are many groups out there to help fathers. I myself looked at starting one here in Texas where I live to help out faters no matter what their goal is with their children.

Nov 24, 2008
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This system needs change!!!!!!
by: Michael

I truly am sorry that you have to go thru all of this bull**** just to be a part of your sons life. I'm also a father and no what it feels like to have your children taken from you by a vendictive woman because of her (new) relationship. 15 years is a long time and people are unappreciative. Unfortunately, I dont have any useful advice, but please keep your head up and keep fighting for your son, one day he will appreciate it and you. I also am willing to participate in any group that will fight against unfair practices of the child support system.

Nov 11, 2008
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Hang in there!!
by: don steffa

I am also a SSG in the Army and I am going thru turmoils as well with my two daughters that live in Deleware. My ex is now divorcing her current husband and somehow he is ending up with custody with my two girls!! The courts in DE and NC(where i live) just tell me that I really have no say in the matter. So you just hang tough and hopefully someday the laws will change to give us good dads a chance with our kids.

Oct 20, 2008
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CRAZY AUNT
by: SHANIEQUE

I'm an concerned aunt who up until recently was very involved in my nephew's life until his enraged mother took it upon herself to remove him from our life and make the accusations that we didn't want him. My brother whom is the father of her son is not located in the same city. Therefore my mother and I are very active in his life. I recently had death in my family and was unavailable to take her call so she assumed we wanated no involvement in his life. This to me is disgraceful. I only want the best for my nephew and when she gets aggravated with my brother, she takes the baby away from all of us. Its pathetic how her dereanged mind focuses. I want to be involved in every aspect of my nephew's life. So I support you to the fullest and these baby mama's with drama need to wake up and realize when they have something good and have peolpe who want to be involved in their children's life.

Oct 08, 2008
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Is it the system?
by: Anonymous

I'm not really to sure if it's the system. I've read some laws. I think it is the guttless, spineless, Judges that sit on these hearings. They don't have the guts to do the right thing so they take the easy way out and award everything to the moms. I do believe there are some good Judges with good ethics but I also believe there are more weak and lazy ones.

Oct 05, 2008
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Good Husband
by: Mrs.Davis

Gary,you are a good husband.I know you are a good father even if we don't have KIDS YET! Gary, I'm behind you all the way. I see how you feel about your son and that you really wants whats best for him.God knows whats best and he will make it away we will see your son.So kepp doing what you doing you will get that blessing.

Oct 04, 2008
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I am on the other side of this situation but agree with u
by: Anonymous

My name is SSgt. Fortin with the USAF. 3 years ago my wife ran out on my son and I. I have been raising my son up until May of this year when I was deployed to IRAQ. At which time my EX wife came in and filed for custody as well as change of jurisdiction. I would have done the same if put in her shoes or any of yours so that is not necessarily my issue. My issue is that, because I am a man and there are no current laws in place to protect those of us whom deploy, I very likely will lose my son to his mother for the simple reason i am not female. I have provided ample visitation rights to his mother, paid for visits to see her across the country, nagged her to call him, paid for all the debts durring our failed marriage, and been the one to have to change the diapers, sooth his pains, and try to explain to him why his mommy isnt around. I work 40 hrs a week while at home, take care of him, and attend school at night to give him a better future. My family is a backbone that hers cannot be due to their drugs and violent histories. I will be home in less then a month and my biggest fear is that, even though I am in the best position you could pray for as a father, I may lose my son anyways. So I would like to add to your site this; It isn't just the child support system, it is the whole system in it's self. We are drilled to allow equal opportunity for women, but when will it become equal for a man to raise his children? That is the bigger question. If I lose my son in court upon arriving home I will be launching a crusade to change the screwed up system that denies fathers the same opportunities as mothers. Hell I will do it anyways just because I dont want my son to have to face it himself someday. I will stand in front of the white house with a sign that says I lost my son because I was deployed...And I will do it in my dress uniform. Time to stop living in fear of what our shit head ex's will do to us by means of our children. Time to change the way our nation thinks about fathers. And I think most fathers walk away because they simply have no hope, not that they dont care. Gary you have my information about my situation, I advise everyone to get on board with mine because it affects men and women alike. But we as men need to stand up, because this bull shits gone on long enough. My father won me from my mother and we can all do the same. So I am down for whatever we can all think of, to make some changes. I'll be in touch.

Oct 03, 2008
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I feel ya pain big brotha
by: YOUR 1 AND ONLY SIS

I am living with a dead beat dad AS YOU KNOW! That's why I'm proud of you for not giving up and trying to visit and take care of your son. I know right now its fustrating and it seems like theres never an end,you are closer than what you think. Any man who wants to take care of their children(whether money or time)should be commended. I'm feeling ya pain right now but the outcome is going to be overwhelming. The
situation is jacked up but its not the situation that you are judged by its how you come out of it! so STAY STRONG and DON'T GIVE UP!!!!
and over all don't forget to PRAY!!!

Sep 26, 2008
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"He knows who you are King"
by: Danielle Moore

Gary,

I would like to applaude you for taking action King. So many men just stand back and let the system and a bitter mothers control a situation. If you are paying and a responsible father you should be able to see your son. There are enough men not doing their part or may be paying but not wanting the responsiblity of taking care of their child. So be proud of yourself. Children know much more than what we give them credit. I have told you before..He knows who you are King. He remembers the valuable time you have been allowed to spend with him. That is something his mother can never take away. Kings hold their heads high. And never stop P.U.S.Hing as someone said in an earlier post.

On another note, I am not trying to bash the men, but I know there are more men out there with the same issue. I find it hard to beleive only one gentleman has chosen to take a stand and post a response.

I was reading one of Gary's Thoughts for the day and it read... "Silent means to be quiet, do nothing, and lack of noise. How is that an example of what a man is or should be? The problem with being silent is that you never get heard. I am not saying be loud but there is a way for men to communicate effectively without going to either extreme. Also when we are silent we rob the people we love of knowing how we feel about them. To many young ladies are growing up without hearing I Love you from daddy and even more so with young men. So how is being silent helping them become stronger individuals?"

Gentlemen, if that does not make you think something is wrong. And,for those men who chose to not comment...DON"T COMPLAIN about a system you choose to accept. Sit back and let the system take advantage of you, ruin your relationship with your children, and aide these neglegent mothers in raising angry children. Your lack of interest contributes to violence in our communitites, breeds disrespectful behaviors,and also the lack of motivation and positive self-esteem in our youth today.

Men and Women...it is not about YOU. It stopped being about you the day your child was born. The future of our communities depends on these young people that are caught in the middle of your mess. Clean it up so they can succeed life.


Respectfully,

Danielle Moore

"Keys to success... Research your idea, Plan for success, Expect success, & just plain do it! It amazes me how many people skip the last step! Practice being a "doer" and success will follow you every step of the way!" -- Josh S. Hinds



Danni








Sep 25, 2008
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"He knows who you are King"
by: Danielle Moore

Gary,

I know you have hear me say this before...."Don't worry King, he knows who you are." Children know more than we give them credit. Keep doing the right thing and keep "P.U.S.Hing" as someone posted earlier. I have many things to speak about when it comes to this subject due to the fact that my mom never let me see my dad until I was old enough to make the choice for myself. But, I am not going to go there right now. Just keep your head up...the system is meant to work against those who stand by and say nothing. For some it is easier to just make support payments and and ignore their child. Consider yourself a REAL Father King. I am proud of you!


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Sep 25, 2008
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A dear friend
by: Tanika Newsome (Crenshaw)

I've known this guy for so long and not once did I get the impression that he was a dead beat dad. I served in the military with Gary, and I have to say he was called Uncle Gary to my son and many others of kids in our military family. Whatever he needs from me to help this process go smooth, I'm willing to help, say or do. Not only by the mother reaction is she letting down her son, but she's letting him miss out on an opportunity that most kids don't have. That is to have a father and not a dad. Being a father is a hard job, and when someone is trying to do just that, you need to let him shine. She's making the biggest mistake of her life by not letting her son see Gary. It may come back to haunt her in the end. Gary you know I love you and like a brother. All I can tell you to do is thank GOD as if he's handled the situation already. You must own and claim that the drama is over, and it shall come to pass. I'll always pray for you and your family and my God be with you and see you through this situation as the victor. Next time you talk to your son's mother you tell her these exact words: "If the truth is in your way, then you are in the wrong way." Meaning you can lie all you want to right now but the truth shall come out. So why not go the right way and tell the truth. Tell the truth and shame the devil.

LOVE YA
Tanika

Sep 22, 2008
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It is what it is
by: Tina

I have experienced the love like no other having my son and I can not ever imagine him not being in my life nor would I keep him from his father. So I would never see it beneficial for another parent to try and keep someone who truly wants to be apart of a childs life away from them. Don't we have enough men/women in the world not handling their responsibilities to add to this number for no reason. Gary as always my heart is with you! The history of knowing you lets me know this is a fight you have not nor will give up and as long as you are fighting I will be praying for the change you are being the catalyst in fighting. I truly hate seeing a good man trying to be a positive influence go through such nonsense, but it is what it is. Now change it! My support always! T

Sep 21, 2008
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Mother In The Spirit
by: Angela

I am a teacher and a counselor. As a single woman with no children it hurts my heart to see people denied their rights; either God given or by law. As a teacher, I see the hurt in too many of our youths because a parent, in particular, their father's aren't participating in their lives. As the head of the household, a man is supposed to set things in order, especially his children. He can't do that if he is absent. And by absent I mean an unwilling participant in his own child's upbringing and development. As a counselor I have to deal with a multitude of children who have low self-esteem, no idea of their worth, no idea who they are or could become. As a result, today's youth are acting way out of order. So it puzzles me why any woman would not let a man see his own child. Do women realize what they are realing saying to their children when they reduce a man to just "child support"? It is amazing how we have laws and organizations that make it virtually impossible for a man (or woman) to miss a child support payment, but the same laws don't protect the non-custodial parents' rights to see their child on their weekend, or their turn for the holiday. Who goes after the custodial parent when they aren't meeting their obligations? At this point, all a man (or woman) can do is wait until his child is old enough to understand for themselves. You see as a child my father was absent, not by choice, but because I had an unreasonable woman for a mother. She couldn't see past the pain of her anger for the divorce and every chance she got she belittled my father and made it unbearable for him to see me and my brother. As a result, I've had to live with the pain of not having a father's love not her! Gary, my prayer's are with you. All things work out for the good of them who love the Lord and are called according to his purpose. Keep the faith and keep praying!

Sep 21, 2008
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Angry Child
by: JAMIECA

I agree totally with what you are saying. As a child I would be very upset if my mother took me away from my father. I think your son's mother is crazy for not allowing him to be involved in your life.

Sep 21, 2008
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Keep on P.U.S.H. ing ( Pray until something happens)
by: Support from a single mother

I agree with you 100% SSG Davis....Speaking from a single mother point of view...my child's father doesn't want to be in her life and that's by his choice! I will be praying for you to win this battle and keep on fighting for what is right!!

Sep 21, 2008
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FRUSTRATED...
by: Shameika Roberts

Gary, speaking as a mother and a child, there should be no apparent reason for a mother to deny a child visitation rights to his father. I feel that makes her less of a woman. She's hurting her child and no parent should want to inflict pain upon their child. There are too many dead beat dads and some mothers in this world for any child to be denied the priviledges of spending quality time with a parent. For her and her husband to make false accusations against you shows she must have serious issues. As a soldier serving for our freedom and dealing with personal issues as well, this is one burden you shouldn't have to bare. As a child I can't imagine my life without my father. So shame on anyone who neglects a child by not allowing a parent to be involved in there life. Tell her and her husband to take their fictitious complaints and shove them and allow that child to be invovled with his father. Thanks again for protecting our freedom...

Sep 21, 2008
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Person Without Children
by: Meceila

I don't have children but if a father wants to take care of that child let them. You have fathers out here who don't care if they see the kids or not. I feel if a man pays child support they need to see the kids. So Gary go for what you got!

Sep 21, 2008
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Sign this petition
by: Gary

http://www.child-support-laws-state-by-state.com/army-father-denied-rights.htm

This is a petiton to lobby for better non custodial parents. please fill it out.


Thanks Gary

Sep 19, 2008
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Frustrated MOM!!!
by: Amber McBay

I agree completely with your complaint. I am not an army parent but I do have 3 children that there Fathers are not a part of their life by their choice. I feel that if a father wants to be apart of their childs life they should be. These vendictive parents need to get over it and do what is in the childs best interest. Gary I wish you the best of luck and support you 100 %.

Sep 18, 2008
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Protect the Soldier's right to serve and parent
by: Marilyn Geer

As a soldier divorced and with children I know how the system can just loose sight of you and your rights. The soldier has a right to serve and be a parent weather full time or as the non custodial parent. There are many circimstances that fall into place when parents divorce or are not together. I feel soldiers are at risk for being abused by the system that is not familar with the special needs the soldiers present. Please defend our rights while we defend yours.

Sep 17, 2008
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lopped sided laws
by: Sandrene

I want to say that the child support laws are very unfair and they seem to favor the person whom ever is receiving the child support. The other person rarely has a chance and is constantly trying to prove themselves while the other parent is filling the child's head with lies, especially children of Soldiers, like their lives aren't hard enough. This system definitely needs to be changed.

Sep 16, 2008
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Army dad
by: Disabled Mom

Join a "Father's Rights" group, plenty of sympathy and effort going on there. Research your rights in Family Law specifically for military fathers and pray for your son. I haven't seen mine since he was seven years old, he's 28 now and despises me(divorce poison and lots of lies).

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