Can i ask my kid's Mom how the monthly child support been spent ? A breakdown of the check I give?

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Can i ask my kid's Mom how the monthly child support been spent ? A breakdown of the check I give?

by harry das
(Brooklyn, NY)

I have no problem with my child's mom neither she has any issue or problem with me. My child support payment is automatically goes to her bank account once a month. We have good civil relationship. I see my child everyday. Am I lucky or what? Lol.

We went thru our divorce thru mediation. We have joint custody of our child. We all are happy and no complains. She is married and her husband also is a nice guy. But they dont make enough money.

Almost 6-8 months a year she nicely asks for more money in addition to my monthly child supoort. for example, she asks if I want to share the cost of an expensive game like playstation, xobx 360 or games. I have no problem to share that. Then my child needs some private tutoring for grammer school. She again comes to me and ask me nicely if I am willing to share half of the cost.

Sharing some cost with her for my son or daughter is not an issue or problem for me. Here is my question: Is it proper and/or legal to ask her how she is spending the money I provide for my child? How can I ask her without stressing her out? I dont know why, I sometime think that she is taking advantage of me using my child's need. I love to be wrong. Please advice.

I dont like to go to lawyer or court. Men in America always lose in divorce court. Can some legislation been introduced byy law makers in washington to change the law to make it reasonable for fathers of this nation? I think time has come somebody should stand up for Men. Amen.

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Can i ask my kid's Mom how the monthly child support been spent ? A breakdown of the check I give?

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WHAT KIND OF WOMAN DOES THIS TO HER CHILDREN????
by: Anonymous

First you have to get her to admit that she actually has always received payments over the years and stop saying it was gifts from your ex. Garnishments from wages, tax returns intercepted, not to mention our record of ALL money sent via money gram, cashier's check, money orders and not to mention a years worth of hand-written in the amount of $1400 the entire first year they were divorced. She has repeatedly tried to punsish my husband with threats of his license being revoked, jail and never seeing his kids again. She had a case against him and the child support enforcement agency in the state we live dropped the cased because of 6 months of them not being able to get back in touch with her and her non-compliance to follow through with her actions. Bottom line is jealousy and has absolutely NOTHING to do with the best interest of our children. She has moved them 20 times, no joke, and never gave us a forwarding address. Have to send things certified and confirm delivery so we know they get our gifts, she does not allow them to call unless she puts them up to ask for money. No she doesn't work, hasn't but 4 years of her entire life. She claims to have every sickness under the sun, owes everyone she knows money and has everyone actually believing all of her lies. Of course I have never been liked by her, that's a whole other story she has lied about to make my character look bad. He has another child now with me and I have been told that my child will go without before his other 3 children do. Pretty messed up huh?

So yeah, I would LOVE to see what her new camera looks like, her new Android and what her free apt looks like that everybody but her pays for. I could write a book on how unfair the system is and the lies that have been told to hide her skeletons. She is awful and she is teaching the kids that her lifestyle is ok and it's not. Every child deserves to be taken care of, not to raise themselves or their siblings for that matter.

She even asked us to keep 2 of them, enroll them in school, got it in writing and on recorder from her, then tried to get them back 3 months later after she realized we really weren't giving her child support. We filed for temp custody, judge signed off on an emergency hearing and we awaited a court date for 3 months. They were with us a total of 6 months when the case was dismissed because they did not live with us 6 months prior to filing. Nevermind she gives them misc medication for anxiety, sleeping aide, ADD or whatever else gets them out of her hair. All three were under 13 when this was brought ot ur attention. Drugs, violence, abusive relationships and neglect has been her way of life for the past 5 years ago and she has everyone believing we are worng. Karma, karma, karma. Financial affidavit should be mandatory or a bank statement showing what she contributes. Our battle is far from over but we are sticking to the truthm, as we always have, until we get just resolution!!

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Give me a break!
by: Anonymous

Most of the women on here are ridiculous! It is just as much your responsibility to support your children as is the fathers. My husband and I have two young sons and work are behinds off trying our best to support them. As for his first daughter from a previous short relationship her mother takes him for a ride. Just because she chooses to keep having children from another relationship and modifying his child support increasing his monthly child support and also lying to the courts claiming outrageous child care expenses when the child does not even go to daycare... It must be nice for that mother to take away from my children and get a free ride off her daughter's father. When you see your step-daughter coming over in rags I think it is every man's right to ask what in the hell the mother is truly spending the child support on. The court system is completely one sided and yes if I were on the other side I would not be taking my husband for a ride on child support so I could "live" off it. The amount in which he pays monthly for his daughter I spend less than trying to raise two sons. Most women in this society need to have a reality check and stop using there children as a device to get extra money monthly.

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You have some nerve...
by: Tish :)

Here is how I spend the measley little 400 I USED to get... But no longer get since my ex doesnt see it fit to pay his lil amount ordered by court...

Daycare costs (before and after school per child)
$90 per week.

Well that sums it up... hes ordered to pay 100 or maybe 106 per week for all 3 kids..
So with his lil 106 a week, I pay for 1 ... yes 1... kids costs for childcare. Which means the other kids costs are out of my own pocket.

Additionally:

I cover their insurance, their school supplies, their shoes, their clothes, their birthdays, their food, their shelter, their water, their electricity, their christmas, their SCHOOL costs that are over and above the supplies.. such as providing things for parties, bookfair costs, etc.

I also pay 90.00 plus for enrollment in Baseball/Softball for league ball for each of the three kids so that they are active in a sport and enjoy the small things in life. I supply them with bags, bats, gloves, uniforms, cleats...etc. I have one that is in select ball and that is an extra 300-500 a year for uniforms, and tournament fees. That doesnt cover her 200.00 bat, extra cleats, trip costs... gas food hotel... etc.

So do you have any other questions on how I SPEND MY MONEY THAT YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO PAY TO ME FOR THESE KIDS?????????????????????????????????

No? Then we are done. Thanks!

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Consider all the facts
by: Anonymous

My ex husband and I were married for fifteen years. We had four children together and our divorce was amiable, for the most part. Necessary, but amiable. He pays about $1,000 per month in child support. That $1,000 is not meant to cover all of the childrens expenses; it is meant to cover HIS SHARE of their expenses as determined by the court. The total determined amount takes into account clothing, entertainment, sports fees, instrument rentals, etc. It's all inclusive. He is also responsible for 72% of NECESSARY medical expenses after I have paid $50 out of pocket per month. I have rarely asked him for help because I am ALSO responsible for MY SHARE of their expenses. He is not supposed to cover all of it. To expect him to do so is unfair, illogical, WRONG. I'm sorry, but it seems to me that what women so often call a desire for equality is more often than not a desire for preferential treatment. My new husband did not share my experience with his divorce. Everything his ex wife asked for, she got. We have paid $40,000 in four years for THEIR past debt, she paid nothing. She took every piece of furniture from the house and a brand new suburban. The court allowed her to do this. The judge said my husband's ability to aquire these items post divorce was greater than his ex wife's: uneducated gender dismrimination. He lost absolutely everything. (But gained a life, he says :) Women, be a credit to your gender. Do your part. And for those of you whose childrens father does not support your kids, I am truly sorry. I know there are many out there. Probably as many as women who take advantage of their ex husbands.

Yes, you can request of the court proof of how your ex is spending your child support. Most court systems have a "court facilitator," or someone on staff available to point you in the right direction. We have never done it, though my step daughter's mother refuses to pay her ASB card fee, sports fees, sports equipment costs, instrument rentals or purchases, or a reasonable amount of clothes every year. We pay for those things because we love her and don't want to see her doing without. The court system is discriminatory by and large and know that we would not receive help there.

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child support
by: Anonymous

My boyfriend has to pay $185 every two weeks in child support, his son is two years old and his mother does not work at all, she goes to school and thats her excuse for why she cant work. She also forced him to have to pay another $70 a month for insurance when she already had free insurance. She lives at home with her mother and doexnt pay bills. We pay rent, light phone cable and daycare for our 8 month old. We aldo have his oldest son full time. Itz not fair to our family that she isnt atleast required to get a job

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asking to see what the child support money its for???
by: Anonymous

The cost to have a child its expensive. Ads the house payment/rent, utility payments, clothes, foods, and any extra curricular activities plus the cost OS daycare and schooling I'm pretty sure a lot its men would shut up about their payments. I get 229 a month for child support and never complain. That doesn't even cover 2 Weeks of daycare. The rest I do on my own. Why, because I love my daughter and that its what a mother does. And I get from him and his family that I am a money hungry b¤¤¤¤. I never filed for child support, the state did because while pregnant and after birth I had to receive help from the state for medical coverage because I had just started a new job and didn't qualify to receive medical from work. Now after almost 6 years he decides he wants visitation (because his new girlfriend has always wanted a little girl) and because he is the father and on the birth certificate he will get it. He has never seen my daughter since we split up when she was 3 Weeks old.

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WOW!!!
by: Anonymous

I am a father of 2 and I pay $500 a month, hold on before the bitching starts.My ex and I were both guilty of wrong doing but only I will admit mine. As we grew apart we seperated, i moved out and the papers were filed.We got a non-contested divorce so we set the terms,seeing the writing on the wall initially I said I would pay $1000 a month (I was only a SPC in the ARMY trust me we dont make as much as everyone thinks)She decided that was too much for me to pay,so I countered with $800 again she said it was too much and settled for the $500. Against my better judgement I paid the $500.One day while I was picking up my kids she told me "...I need money to get my hair and nails done..." I was like hell nah its child support not (her name) support. Do you know she went to my commander and tried to say I was not paying her. On another occasion while my current wife and I were dating I sent in a 2 month span $4,000 in addition to my child support and she told my kids I never did anything I had to show them the Western Unions!!!! My kids didnt know I paided child support until 2006 we divorced in 2001!!! I sent $2,000 while stationed in afgahnistan right after SEP 11 for xmas and told her to split the gifts between us and she made it seem like only she bought the gifts.I got tired of the threats and paying extra and not see my kids because of were I was stationed (germany)because it was too far for her and she couldnt be without them so long!!! Well what about me??? So now I am remarried with 2 more kids to take care of so I cant just dish out the money like when I was single am I wrong? Am I not providing for my kids by only paying the court ordered amount. The laws have to change, I helped make those kids so I should only be responsible for those kids not her damn hair,nails,car payment or rent!!!!

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i cannot believe you people
by: Anonymous

What everyone fails to realize here is everyones situation is different. Yes there are the gold digging lazy living off child support moms. there are super moms who do it all alone and brag that if they can do it so can you! There are no good dads who see it as giving the X money and wont pay, there are great dads who get royally screwed. Support laws are not designated by personallity. You have a child, you have responsibility, end of story. You arent happy with your situation consult a lawyer.

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good and bad
by: Anonymous

i am a single mother with a 2 year old and i was in a abusive relationship he beat me through my pregnancy i had to be on bed rest and have her early i left him because i didn't want him to hurt my daughter, i never took him to court cause i wanted nothing to do with him. he took me too court thinking he was going to win and be able to live off of state aid and cash in on my daughter well he lost he got visitation and has to pay 135 a month in child support now i have been supporting my daughter just fine by myself i have never bothered him about the money i told the judge i didn't want child support and the judge told me i had to get it. my ex complains about having to spend time with our daughter he always tells me how he hates her and all kinds of things i have told him to sign his rights over since he doesn't want anything to do with her. he told me that if he did that then he couldn't see me and know what i am doing at the time. i want away from this man he is crazy and the judge knew it he made me drop the restraining order agianst him because he told me the father has a right to see his child it didn't matter he tried to kill us. so now i am stuck with him worrying about what is going on at his house he is 22 and still lives with his parents no job nothing. there are such things as good dads i believe it because my brother is one he loves his children and i know there are horrible mothers because my mother was one also she used us kids to get money from my father and never let us see him. but some women get stuck with horrible dads and don't complaine about the support.

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Who cares
by: Anonymous

To the woman whos states " you wanna know whats real" Who cares... Maybe you should try to realize you might have to make changes in the way you live. If you want to live like you lived before your divorce,then work two jobs. Be glad that you get 900 a month.

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There are 2 sides to every story
by: Anonymous

Look like some of these posts are from scorned women who don't seem to think the men have a valid complaint. My advise to them would be get over it and move on with your life.

I was married and was a good husband and father. I went to work every day and came straight home in the evenings. I did my share of picking up and dropping off at daycare. I took the kids to the park, played in the back yard with them, gave them baths, read stories ... the list goes on and on. In short I was not a dead beat husband or father. My family came first.

One evening I was working on our rental property getting it ready for the new tenants. A friend of mine who lived down the street drove by and saw my car parked there. So he stopped and ended up helping me. The work that would have taken me to midnight or longer was done by 10pm. When I got home my wife was having sex with a co-worker. To make matters worse the twins who were 18 months old at the time were in the crib not 5 feet from them and our 3 year old had a habit of coming into our room at night and sleeping with us. Her only excuse was she always wanted to try out an African-American male. Needless to say, I promptly filed for divorce.

Since then she has gotten remarried and quit her 75k+ per year job. I pay well in excess of $1,000 per month child support. I do not mind that but when she is using it to purchase alcohol, pay her co-pays, etc. I take objection to that. Her new husband does not support her at all - they have separate accounts with her only income coming from me. My children wear hand me downs (including shoes!) unless I buy then for them, they sleep in 1 room shared with an older step brother that is just a walled in back porch, I have to get them haircuts or she just buzzes it, etc. She always has a nice hairstyle, manicured nails and of course expensive alcohol ... alcoholic or not she does have expensive tastes.

Just saying ....

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child support breakdown
by: Anonymous

my bf got a divorce from his wife and is paying a lot in child support. the ex wife does not work and lives at home with her parents. she was getting 600/ month for a 2 year old boy and still asking for more outside of child support. she wants him to pay for his schooling and diapers for her house and new shoes. so i told him to go back to court, try to get child support lowered cuz 600 is outrages for a 2 year old and ask if we can get receipts for everything. the judge said no its none of our business what the money goes towards that it is her money. so in other words the answer to your question is no you can not get receipts. we quit paying for everything outside of child support cuz she was only using us for money and i put a stop to that quickly. what gets me about mothers is they live off child support. before my bf and i got together i was raising 2 kids on my own with no child support at all. if i can do it... ANYONE can do it

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i too am a woman
by: cherry mocha

My childrens father right now is trying to play his cards against me...i gave him all his rights to visit his children and talk to his kids everyday. But now he wants me to sign some notorized paperwork saying i can't move outside 60 miles away from him and i have to have a set date and time to call him every week to "inform" him about the children? WTF (excuse the language) but why should i be controlled when he's the one who put a knife to his wrist in my parents kitchen with our kids in the other room! He says he'll pay for half of everything but i have to pay for it first and then at the beginning of the month he'll go through all the reciepts with me and pay me back for what i've already paid for? Are you friggin kidding me?! I'm not even asking for money or child support...I just asked for him to take care of his kids when he has them and i'll take care of them when i have them. Why does it have to get complicated?! Now because of this stupid stuff he's trying to tie me into i almost feel i have to go to child support just to get my damn freedom!

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She pays too!
by: Anonymous

Just because someone pays child support does not mean the recipient of the money does not contribute to the child at all. My ex pays $350/mo. per child (we have 2). Somehow that makes me a money sucking biotch! WHAT? Does he really think I contribute nothing? I contribute $350/mo and THEN SOME!

They are boys, they eat $400+ month in food. Plus like expensive toys (computers, X-box, etc) play baseball, football, hockey (NOT CHEAP!) School lunches are like $3/day per kid. Not to mention the housing and transportation needs I have to have because its not just me. Does he seriously think his piddly $700/mo covers even 1/2 of what I have no choice in? Sure, they don't HAVE to have this stuff or play those high dollar sports - but what am I supposed to say "Dad doesn't think you need the money so good luck?". If I can afford it, then I ALWAYS pay, if I can't, then we talk. It makes me so mad that he won't even give them $2 to get a water at the concession stand if they forgot their water bottle - because "He pays me enough for that kind of stuff". All I can think is what a crappy Dad!

These kind of questions make me SO ANGRY! She is asking you for help because it is validated. It isn't about you, it isn't about her - its about your kids and giving them a good life. They only get one and God gave them you. Really? Your going to make it about money?

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money
by: Anonymous

Is not always money sucking women! Sometimes it's the abusive asshole men who broke down their wives so much they had no choice but to leave! Now, they are the ones trying to figure out how to get their child(ren) BACK! Some men just suck!!!!! Fate needs to help out and take over!

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Child Support Is NOTHING More Than Welfare
by: The A Train

First of all, I am a woman. I have witnessed first hand the what the state of Texas does to children and fathers.

PARENTS should be the ones deciding how children are raised, NOT THE GOVERNMENT.

Child Support has done nothing but empower these money sucking women who expect men to support them? IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH THE KIDS.

These vile women use child support to control men?. and their relationship with their own children.

What do the mothers do to contribute to their children's lives? Nothing because they don?t think they have to. I know of lots of women who either don?t work at all, or they have a part-time job. Why? Because they are lazy leaches.

When 2 people have a child together, they should both have equal time with the children AND THERE SHOULD BE NO SUCH THING AS CHILD SUPPORT? women should not make money to care for their OWN children. And ONE parent should NOT be entitled to sole custody.

IT IS JUST PLAIN REDICULOUS?. child support began as a way to recoup all of the welfare paid to mothers. NOT because of dead beat dads?. but because these women were just as dishonest then as they are now. Men were taking care of their children?. but the greedy bitches got welfare too!!!

IT?S A BUSINESS that the attorney general is making money from as well.

We need to all wake up and do something about this. Men are being taken for a ride?. they have to deal with these controlling women (who think they have to go thru them in order to have a relationship with their own children) ?.they can?t afford to live? and they are denied their parental rights?. and a lot of them can?t stand it and move away. And don?t blame them a bit.

I know a father who pays $1000 a month for his 2 kids while his ex has a part-time job. THIS IS COMMON. Parents should contribute equally- but most people don?t see it this way.

If you are a woman trying to raise you children on your own- JUST DO IT. you do not need anyones help and you can?t force a man to do the right thing or to want a relationship with his kids.

If you have a case with the attorney general- please drop it and decide on a 50/50 arrangement with the other parent... stop contributing to family destruction. Every parent has the right to spend time with their kids without going broke.

IF for some reason parents cannot agree to an arrangement- then there should be an account set up for child support where BOTH parents are required(court order) to contribute an equal amount for support of the children visitaton set at equal times using a 2233 schedule ( 2 days at moms ?then 2 days at dads?.3 days at moms?then 3 days at dads).

We need to stop this horrible family wrecking practice in our country. Children are stuggling more and more these days with obesity and depression?. and crime rates are rising at a staggering rate?. THIS IS A CRISIS that I believe it is in direct relation to families being torn apart by government and greed.

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not a dead beat dad
by: Anonymous

I am still working on my divorce. we were together for 6 years 3 of those married. She got pregnant in highschool and i did not want her to be a nobody with no diploma so i put her through home school. i payed her school and mine also. we have 2 babys. one is 3 years old and the other about to be 2. the divorce is still in the works but im already paying the child support. 500 a month. she make about 1,300, with is more than i made when we were together and i always payed the bills. now she makes more and still gets 500 on top of that. so in total she gets 1,800. she does not pay bills still lives with her parents. When she got her job i also bought her a car so she could move around, that was an additinal 3,000 dollars. its been 8 months now since i started paying all of that. but i cant seem to figure out why every month i have to still go and give her an additinal 200 a month to buy food and dipers. i dont know where her money is going but i dont mind spendin the extra money as long as my kids are able to eat. the sad part is they spend all day with me. i work at night. monday through sunday, the kids are at my house. so where does all the money and food at her house go? idk. but im getting tired of her using the kids to get extra money from me. i work har for it and im putting my school on hold in order to take care of my kids. what should i do? by the way she spends about 4 hours a day with the kids only.

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IT GOES BOTH WAYS
by: Anonymous

When i was 19 yrs old 8 days before my 20th bday i found out i was pregnant with my first son. i thought that i was going to have this happily ever after with my boyfriend boys was i wrong. Still worked and went to college until i was told that i had to be put on bed rest and when that happened i found out that he was taking long trips i didnt know why until i was in until i was in my 7th month and i came home to him having sex with a girl that was 5 1/2 months pregnant (it was his) so when i was packing my stuff to move back in with my parents i came acrossed all of the post-abortion care instructions with different dates and names on them and found out that he was having unprotected sex and they were getting pregnant and he would take them for abortions. there shortly after i moved home with my parents he broke down the door and threatened to shoot me in the stomach if i was to go after child support when the cops arrested him they said that he was in a riod rage and was high cocane and pot so i went into preterm labor and had to have emergency c-section because of it. my son was born 5 weeks early and then when i came home 10 days later that night he was banging on my window saying no baby no child support that i would find him in the bottom of the river. He isnt on the birth certificate and i moved to another state and i went to school, raised my son, and worked and i am a medical assistant now. a few years ago i meet my husband he just got home after a deployment and got a divorce when he found out while he was overseas she had gotten pregnant and got an abortion. when we pcs'd here we werent here for 10 days when she called and told us that she didnt want her 6 yr old living with her anymore bc he was too much to handle and when we got there to pick him up we found out that she had hired a babysitter for the weekend for my stepdaughter and had his grandmother pick him up from daycare so she could go to the base were my husband used to be to date afew soldiers that weekend she didnt even say goodbye to him much less tell him what was going on. we fought her tooth and nail to get the child support lowered bc we had custody of the 6 yr old it took a year of dealing with it to get it done and when we got him we had just had a blizzard and it was freezing she packed spring clothes that were to small and there were only 7 outfits. and yes i want to know what she is using the child support it is only fair because she is supposed to be taking care of my stepdaughter and i was a single mom and i know how hard it can be bc i was a working single mom with a child that has autism and if i am having to send her clothes bc her mom is telling me she out grew them and she doesnt have any money left then show me why there isnt any money left. so i have been on both sides of the line dead beat dads and dead beat moms...

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Mothers with good jobs taking you off child support but trying to get government assistance for insurance to reactivate child support
by: Terrance Dunn Sr.

My ex-wife and I had a rocky marriage breakup, and she divorced me wanting to put me on child support and also pregnant with another man's baby. Once child support was put on me which was $475 mo and back in 1999 I wasn't nearly making much money at all but I told her as long as she is taking care of my son I wouldn't fight it. Well my wages where garnished and I was struggling trying to keep a roof over my head so my son could have a place to come and spend time with me and when I finally got a chance to go back to court, the judge didn't take my situation in consideration but stated you still paying the same amount. Being the man I am, I kept paying and years later, my ex stated to me she wanted to take me off, and when she said that I told her we can come to a conclusion where I pay you a certain amount and go half with whatever my son needs for school, sports etc. Everything was going good, and she was was working making good money being a general manager for a restaurant and I started picking things back up. All of a sudden one day I get a letter in the mail 04/2011 from child support saying my support has been reactivated. I called my caseworker to ask why and she told me that my ex tried to get government insurance, which is what reactivated it. She new that would reactivate it but I have always had medical insurance on my son since we divorced so why pull this now. My son told me that he asked her to take me back off and she told him ohh the money he give me not enough, Keep in mind she got a new man with no job and she trying to pay all the bills with no help, and she told my son once he get a job she may take me off, but she never talked to me about what was going on and me and my wife helped her get another general manager position at the same company my wife work for. I've texted her left messages still no callback. How can a parent apply for government insurance and they not see that the child who is getting support already has insurance by his other parent unless there is some fraud going on. My son is now 16 and will be 17 later this year but is upset about this situation because he feels she only did that to get more money because she is not getting any help at home on bills. How can the system allow women to play these games. I feel once you say you want to take a person off child support it should be Over with totally not giving a chance for a woman to play these games with someone.

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Are you serious?!?!?
by: Anonymous

At the time I got pregnant my oldest and only son was 17 years old. I was very hesitant to have another child and my ex begged me to continue with the pregnancy. Against my better judgement I did, foolish me, believing that he was going to actually follow through with all his promises. When it started to become apparent that he was full of crap I started to question him on what was going on. The next thing I know I am 7 1/2 months pregnant and he waited for me to go to work and came back to the house and moved EVERYTHING out. I cam home from work and there was nothing there except a typed letter explaining how I was such a horrible person. I had no choice but to move me pregnant and my 17 year old son to a place I could barely afford on my income. I worked day and night through my entire pregnancy 60+ hours a week till the day I had him. My ex has not spoken to me and when I filed for child support he denied paternity (just to make it take longer) Now my newborn is 3 months old I have completely depleated my savings paying for childcare at a whopping $300 a week. I was sent a letter 3 weeks ago stating that he has to pay $1600 a month and that the order was "sent for service". I dont think $1600 is even close to enough considering $1295 a month goes to child care, not to mention formula at $14 a can x 2 a week, diapers, clothes, dr. copays, toys, etc. I wont even mention the cost just to actually have the baby. This jerk gets to just sit back now for months and not pay anything?!?! It will take me years to recouperate from the financial mess he has created. The simple fact is that it costs money to raise children! If daddy isnt paying his child support then guess who is? Your mother, sister, brother, and everyother hard working tax paying citizen. I feel no sympathy for this jerk and I hope he has to eat ramen noodles for the next 18 years! The facts are that if you don't want to take care of your children then you should have worn a condem. Having a child is not like getting a puppy, you cant take then to the pound when your tired of dealing with them.

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Mom's are too protected
by: Anonymous

When my daughter's mother and I broke up, she was 18, I was 19, and our daughter was 1. After she got pregnant (in high school), she quit school stating it was too hard to continue. I began working 60 hours per week and only making $1600/month to support both of them. She did not work at this time. Later me moved closer to my family for additional support. Our relationship worsened and we broke up.
In the state of South Dakota, a mother to a child born out of wedlock is automatically granted sole custody of the child. I was ordered to pay $250/month, supply health insurance, and cover travel costs. Guess who still wasn't working.

Fast forward 10 years. I am now a recent college graduate and make $43K per year. I put myself through college and managed to pay full C/S AND never skipped making the drive to see my daughter.... My daughter's mom, makes $7.50/hr and works on average under 30 hours per week while working from home. She's now married and has a 1 year old son. Recently she's requested the child support obligation to go from $300/month to $620 per month citing that "things are more expensive". My daughter rides the bus to school, her husband's job pays for their house and vehicles (they live on a farm), and she doesn't meet me for visitation. We live 140 miles apart and I make the drive every other weekend, as I've done for the past 10 years. Where is my money going?

She simply ran to the courts after I graduated knowing full well that my income increased. I've been a good father to my daughter and the justice system (if you can call it that)has failed me. I cannot believe the state doesn't take into account living expenses when analyzing new support amounts. Why is ok for her not to work full time? How can this be? What if she married a millionaire and didn't work at all? I'd still be ordered to pay, in my opinion, a large sum of money because she's "entitled" to it. My opinion is she asked for extra money because of her new son, why not make this poor bastard pay for two kids right? Legally she's in the right, guess I can't argue that huh?
I consulted a lawyer on this topic and he informed me that it would be very difficult to have a judge agree to order the mother to justify or show where my money is going. There would have to be "extenuating circumstances" I say my money because I worked my ass off the last ten years to get it. She makes 12K a year sitting on her ass, I pay her $7500 in child support and she doesn't have to account for any of it

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Greedy moms
by: xXx

I hate the child support system! I cannot believe how someone can go into the child support office and ask for child support to be put on the father and there's no investigation involved!

I am a mother and will never put child support on my son's father if he was wanting to see him or even supporting him. I do agree, if the father is a dead beat dad who wants nothing to do with the kid(s), don't want to spend time with the kid(s) or don't support the kid(s) financially then I'm all for child support being put on him!
It's so sad to see the good dads out there struggling because they have half of their paychecks being taken from them. How is a person suppose to survive?

I know of some fathers that don't have a custody agreement and switch on and off with the kid(s) mother and supports them, and they still have to pay a high amount of child support. When he goes to court, he tells the judge he supports his kids half or most of the time and requests a lower amount but the stupid ass judge denies it!

My heart goes out to all the great dads out there still strong from having to pay child support and all the mom does is spends it on herself.

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dead beat mothers
by: matthew christman

i love how its always the "FATHER" WHO IS THE DEAD BEAT DAD. Well what about the mothers who lost custody of their children.for 14 years i had to pay child support for my son. I paid well in exceses of 46,000 dollars to his mother. In september of 2009 i was awarded custody(sole at that) of my son, due to her being crazy in the head. she was diagnosed with bipolar schysofrenia(if thats how you spell it).I waitied 9 months to charge this woman with support. Just to say she refuses to pay what the court order says of 80.00 weekly. She will make a payment once a month some payments are 6 dollars others are 100 dollars. in the time ive had my son from sept 09 till now she has only paid a total of 496 dollars. Where is that just?? new york needs to change their laws especially when i have 2 violations in court cause she is 2704.00 in arrears.
Ms. Fisher i think its time to pay up!!

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Just my opinion...
by: Anonymous

I have no children. My husband has no children from previous relationships. The bottom line for single mothers to remember is this: Men aren't always the culprit. Yes, there are PLENTY of dead beat dads.... but there are ALSO plenty of dead beat mothers as well.

I think it is completely okay to know where the money YOU earn is going... remember you are the one handing it over. You should have that right. With that said, my sister and her husband of almost 18 years finalized their divorce two weeks ago. They had 2 children together. He had not seen either son since Christmas. So from the end of December to the beginning of March... he hadn't seen them once. He was (and still is) very much behind on child support, and the judge told him this was his last chance. If he didn't make the payments on time, he would be sitting in jail for 90 days. He missed the first one after the court hearing. So guess where he's going?

They had two children together. My sister receives $120/week for child support for both children. A total of $480/month. Obviously that money doesn't stretch too far. I can only say what SHE spends HER child support on, as some women obviously don't buy squat for their children with this money. My sister uses their support for: housing, utilities, food, gas for the vehicle to get them to and from school, prescriptions (they both have asthma and wear contacts), school supplies/book rental fees, lunch money, tickets for their school dances/prom/sporting events/field trips, clothing, her kids' cell phones, etc. None of the money she receives goes into HER pocket for her enjoyment, that's for sure.

But, you are also paying more than this, I'm sure. It's great that you and your ex can stay civil with one another for the children. I'm hoping my sister and her ex can one day get to that point for their kids.

In the end, I think it's perfectly acceptable to ask her what she spends the child support money on. If it seems legit and you can and WANT to, then I'd say you could contribute to things she mentions that will only benefit your children. But remember... you are NOT required to do so. You are only required to provide what has been ordered by the court. :)

I'm glad to see such a stand-up guy. It's nice to see that there are many men out there that don't fit the 'dead beat dad' image. :) Way to go!

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Child support
by: Anonymous

to the crazy chick who is a "single" mom... dad works hard for his money..so what if dad lost that job making 60k a year and made what you make of 12dollars an hour? your child support would be even lower..you said if he doesnt want to pay then he should have been careful well sweets it takes 2 to tango...be thankful your getting money at all and that he gets his children...some parents moms and dads receive nothing and the parent has nothing to do with the kids..People like you need a serious reality check..what if something happens to dad and he is unable to pay at all..death or illness..what then. I am a wife of a man who pays his child support monthly of 1300, we have a baby on the way were married and work as well. Not always is it the mans idea to divorce, its the womans but the man is forced to pay. i think the justice system is absolutly ludacris and needs a serious review. His ex sits at home collects unemployment voluntarily, gets paid under the table by her live in boyfriend who pays some of the bills, and receives our monthly check. Money is the only thing on her mind..and its sad that the kids are being raised to see that its ok to be a free loader.

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Accountability
by: From The Sidelines

All parents receiving child support should have to account for how the money is spent, case closed.

It should be spelled out clearly to the child support payment recipient exactly what the state requires/expects in terms of how this money is used for the children. Too many people who receive support treat the money as their own when, instead, they are basically the trustee/guardian responsible for the distribution of the support.

As it stands now the non-custodial parent paying child support gets NO tax deduction for this monthly outlay while the custodial parent gets to claim the full deduction on their taxes.

Courts really need to get a much better system to ensure fairness and accountability by all parties, for the benefit of the children involved.

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From a woman about Gold digging women.
by: Anonymous

From 2 comments above: I think you really went over the line and are trying to make the gentleman asking an honest question "look bad." It sounds like he's done a great job provding for his kids. He pays child support and goes above and beyond what he is "told" to do by giving extra cash out of his pocket to help give more for his kid when certain factors call for it. This is called a dad stepping up to the plate. Just because it sounds like your relationship soured, your x wants to have nice things in life (woopie, he buys a boat.....men do this)and there is "no one by your side,"; this doesn't mean all men are like your x and your shouldn't "hate" on other men because of this. Men always get a bad wrap and I hate that it is like this. For some of you out there, I pity you for even having to deal with some of these horrid money sucking women. But, the good news is that you only have 18 years of this mess and then you will be realeased from the fangs of the money suckers.
I am a woman and I see first hand what the system does to favor the mother. My husband has a baby from a relationship 10 years ago. People need to get real. Men don't pay child support to pay for boob jobs, trips, and the latest fashions of the season. Its for education, clothes, food and basic living. Child support should never be more than this becasue when it is, it ups the "other's" standard of living and thats when the situation is no longer "fair."

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Wanna know for real?!
by: Anonymous

I am a single mother of three children. I spend the monthly child support on helping to pay cost of keeping the roof of their heads in which keep them warm during the winter, and cool during the summer, provides them from all outside elements! Electric, water, cable/Internet, clothes, shoes, coats/jackets, haircuts, food @ home and eating out, vacations, movies/renting, school supplies, lunches @ school, birthday parties gifts, Christmas gifts, Etc! Need I say more? It takes the income of both parents to cover all the same cost whether you are together or not! Nothing changes, nor should it! Men "NEVER" want to pay child support and "GIVE" their money away as they see it to a X, but what is failed to be realized by these men is this! You divorce the women, but not you're children & their needs & wants! Their life style should not change to to the divorce either! I, myself got screwed badly and was receiving $1200.00 for my three children, But then when I moved he asked for a reduction to cover the cost of driving, however, he has only driven all the way 4 times in 24 months, I've met him every other time! So now I get $900.00 per month which is nothing coming from someone who makes $60 thousand a year and just bought himself a boat with his childrens child support money that he has saved in not paying what he should! It cost money to raise & care for the children, and monopoly money does not count! A good pair of shoes cost anywhere between $30.00 to $100.00, clothes for three children a year cost a fortune, but my children have gone without due to his selfishness, I myself, only make $12.00 where he makes $24.00 an hour, and I have no one else standing by my side to help! If you didn't want to have to pay child support then you should of been more careful! How anyone can place a price of the care of thier children is beyond me! How men have no problem with how things were ran in the home at one point with their wives & children can change to when their divorced is crazy, but seriously just think of it all then, and only then will you get your answer!

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Concentration camps for men, white males
by: Anonymous

Child support laws are getting worse! Soon white males owing child support will be rounded up and sent to Liberal Concentration camps!

And it's going to be done based on the color of your skin and gender.

We are living in a Marxist/Hitler socialist era where the politicians are going to stomp on our faces with their big black boots of HATE!!

Liberal democrats in the U.S. HATE white males!

Just like Adolf Hitler HATED the Jew! There is no difference in this liberal democrat government and Adolf Hitler's Germany!

They both love big government, restriction, regulation and Nationalization of everything.

The U.S. government knows what it's doing to men and father's. They are doing it on purpose. Child Support was never meant to be paid off. It's slavery, bondage, Oppession over your life.

Your life is over and you don't have Constitutional rights! Don't you dare tell me you have rights!

U.S. Politicians are not going to help men! Nobody in the U.S. is going to help you! Men in the U.S. don't deserve help!

Men, father's don't stand up for themselves! You deserve to live in Oppression under a government of Tyranny.

Won't be long now the U.S. will gass and mass murder everyone of you! And it's coming as you as you live!!

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Can i ask my kid's Mom how the monthly child support been spent ? A breakdown of the check I give?

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Can i ask my kid's Mom how the monthly child support been spent ? A breakdown of the check I give?