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Can't Anyone Help Us?

by Amy Smith
(Fort Worth, Texas, USA)


Six years ago, before we met, my husband dated this woman. He had a wonderful job, making a great salary. However, he was desperate. In two months time she found herself pregnant, trapping him. He thought it was odd that she was pregnant because not one of the two occasions went un-protected. He trusted her though, went along with everything. She attempted several times to self-abort the pregnancy but unwisely he stopped her. The kid was born (Hispanic) and to his surprise (ha ha) didn't look anything like him (Caucasian) or the mother (Caucasian). In his big heart he couldn't just deny the child so he made the biggest mistake ever, he signed the birth certificate. By that time they'd been split up for months, and few weeks later she married this guy who makes around $275,000(the child's actual father). So, her "attorney" drew up papers and my husband signed away what little rights he had, (after that he couldn't request a dna test). She never took it to court, or had it signed (of course). Now we have one year old triplets, and my six year old from a previous marriage. He was injured at work last year, and now he can't work. We have no money after the $1250 in child support. Yes, she takes what little I make working at Wal-mart, and Dillard's too. We are trapped. She didn't want the kid until it made her money. We've lost our income tax refund two years in a row and don't have the money to put gas in the car to get to work. This month we are to be evicted from our apartment. All while she drives a BMW, lives in a $300,000 home, and takes European trips twice a year. I can't sleep at night, my husband tried to commit suicide, and we can't feed our kids without help from my parents. She is only doing this for the love of seeing us suffer. To her it is a game. Why is there not a pro-choice option for men? If a woman has the right to terminate the pregnancy or put a child up for adoption, I think the man should have the same get out of jail free card. I have looked high and low for help. Everyone says that because he signed the cert. and then the relinquishment he is stuck until she has a judge signs it, or support is terminated when the kid is 18. Even legal aid turned us away when they found out it is her father who is the attorney representing her.

And for those out there who just think we are greedy or that my husband and I don't care... I let my daughter's biological father sign away his rights in order for my husband to adopt. I was getting $500 a month for her support and we believed a two parent household was an all around better life for her. My frustration is when the person receiving the support in no way needs or is even entitled to it, and the laws still allow it.

I'm writing on behalf of my husband and myself.
I'm truly sorry if I've made anyone upset or stepped on any toes. If you do have any advice please let us know.

Comments for
Can't Anyone Help Us?

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Feb 24, 2010
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BS
by: Anonymous

I have a story quiet the same and I really feel for your family..... My husbands x too got our tax returns for the last three years and they garnish his check for over 65% of the amount on the check and were left with nothing to feed and cloth our now three year old little girl.

Feb 12, 2010
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Horrible
by: Anonymous

the ohio child csea are the worst people to deal with. there procedures are horrible. my husband pays 1000 a month for 2 kids that he has with some girl. the woman is on welfare section 8 food stamps doesnt have any bill and they want to take 1000 from him every month when he only makes 1600 a month, we did a review in the begining on jan. and they said we have to wait till april, its crazy they dont help at all. on top of that, we have his other son which they wont take him off child support until we go through court to get custody so he is paying his other baby mama 350 a month and we have the child

Jan 22, 2010
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I know exactly how each nd every1 of u feel
by: Anonymous

My husband and I are going through the same problem.This is our third time trying to lower his payment and still nothing has happen. We have four kids but he has a son from an affair he had during our earlier time in our relationship. She knew we were together but she still pursue the relationship cause the stupid head told her that i wasn't able to have kids. Anyways to make a long story short, she decided to have his baby but was expecting him to leave me for her and the baby. WHen she didn't get her ways she filed for child support(that was her way of hurting him)it didn't faze him at all.His now paying 420 amonth for one child which I completely disagree with it.We fight about it here and there and I feel for him but he brought this on himself. So I totally agree with everyone on this pannel about women just making babies to either trap the men or make a living off collecting child support. We just have to be smart on how we do things when it comes to child support and try not to let us down.Everything we have is under my name. And my husband owes so much back pay that we can't even buy a house if we wanted too....Good luck to everyone on this pannel and hope that one day someone will seek justice for the men who are paying their child support.

Jan 11, 2010
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HelP!!!
by: Anonymous

Back in 1981 I was married and had a son , because of my life style the mother and I divoriced and I was to pay child support , she would not let me see my son , we agreed at if I stay out of my Sons life I would not have to pay her C.S. a couple years later the son was adopted . and now I apply for a passport and was refused because of nopayment , they say I owe 25,000 how do I owe this when the child was adpoted ? no one will listen to me

Nov 01, 2009
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D.A.D.S
by: D.A.D.S

Hello dads my name is scott and I'm founder of D.A.D.S we have been stepped on,disrespected,treated like second class citizens.for every dad out there that's tired of crying,being denied your child,and having to loose everything while she takes your child,your money,and your future.please contact me at 404-3994693 or email me at futurestars@tmail.com.and remember,stay focused don't get mad and never give up your child loves u and they need the love of there D.A.D

Oct 20, 2009
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child support laws need to change
by: Anonymous

I really think they need to reconsider the way child support is paid. yeah if you have married for 5 years or whatever and now divorcing they should consider the NCP to pay but only for the child not for the custodial parent to sit on their butt and live off the NCP's money. There are to many girls out there that get pregnant either to trap someone or on accident then take off with the baby because they dont get their way has the baby calling someone else daddy and then when things dont go her way she goes after child support but do really think it for the child (hell no) I was a single mother and raised my daughter on my own because her dad left the state,it was hard and I did struggle and I thought about going after him. but then I decided it was my daughters choice when she turned 18 if she wanted to go after him well she is now 19 and she has found her birth dad and she talks o him she calls him by his first name and she calls the man that raised her since she was 6 almost 7 years old dad. This man and I are going thru a divorce and he still considers her his daughter and he has dealt with his own issues of child support like us having custody due to neglect and he still payed arrears while sh enever paid a dime. come on people wake up. if a girl decides to keep the baby knowing the father does not want child then he shouldnt be held responsible because if it was they other way around and she didnt want the baby and had an abortion could he get her for murder..yea like taht would ever happen ...

Jun 08, 2009
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my son /child support
by: Anonymous

My son is 33 years old was with this woman at a young age (17) to be exact she got pregant a son was born then 3 years later they had a set of twins.They never married lived together for about six years then she started to run around do drugs so they split. Children now 13 and 11 years old. He has always taken his kids every other weekend and weeks at time in the summer . She would come to pick them up with one guy and drop them off with another guy. The problem is child support has been set and his arrearage combined is so much that he cant afford to live. They came out to pick him up abuot 3 months ago found out he was working and we his stepdad and me paid 1500.00 to keep him from going to jail so he didnt lose his job and could keep paying. The detective told us there was a new program here in Michigan, and to contact this man at F.O.C. so my son did he went through all the procedures and all he was told to do and they denied him from the program because they said he had to many assests. He lives with us and doesnt even own a vehicle. He cant afford his own place and cant afford a car, this woman lives with her boyfriend the house is in his name she pays 700.00 a month for this trailer drives a brand new car, always has the best of clothes,her hair is always done and her nails she works in a high society bar/resterant makes 100.00-150.00 in tips most nights collects a cash grant and food stamps from the FIA. my sons food stamps got cut to almost nothing. We need someone to HELP US. My son has tried to commit suicide we dont know where to turn he has Deep Depression is Bipolar , Type 1 Diabetic, has chronic shoulder dislocatin and has had knee surergy none of this matters to the courts or FOC.

May 14, 2009
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Hope this helps
by: Anonymous

My husband is in a similar situation. I love my husband and we have a good life inspite the custodial mother trying to get gold before the child reaches 18. Hear's some advice to all non-custodial dads. 1) never sign anything you're not sure of 2) if for some reason you lose your job you must petition the court immediately to adjust the payment to prevent arrears from sky rocketing. The court will adjust from the date you filed for adjustment. 3) to prevent your income tax from being taken for arrears (back support) file separately. Keep your finances separate, put the cars in the other spouses name,
have the father take his money out of his account because they will send an order to take what you owe in past due support.
I know the system is not fair toward men. The women can only get even in court. So men be wise. Chose your woman wisely because babies cost. I will tell my son not to fall prey. I learned how to file all the papers and gained knowledge after my husband lost his job and could not afford an attorney. Try to forgive and move on. Women if you are reading this comment, one day the child will need the father for more than just money. Word to the wise...

May 07, 2009
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FEELING THE PAIN
by: John Smith

I met a woman, we dated a short time and I found out she was formerly a meth head. She is absolutely brain dead in many regards. We broke up and I hadn't seen her in a year but found out she was pregnant from AFTER we had seperated. She some how got the state to name me as the father without a dna test and they are garnishing 80 percent of my wages and added her to my health insurance without my knowlege. I was formerly working for the railroad here in Iowa but got laid off since december. Thru Union agreements I get $800 a month. The state takes $600 of it and gives it to her.

I have been looking for other work but it is difficult and my truck is about to get reposessed. I have no money for a lawyer and the legal aide lawyers are backed up so far they really cant help. She has and is ruining my life and I am powerless. THE LAWS ARE ABSOLUTELY HELL BENT AGAINST FATHERS and this current administration is working to make it even worse. I wish ya'll the best of luck.

Apr 15, 2009
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Selfish Money hungry Mothers Carma will get u in the end
by: Anonymous

Good Fathers always get the shaft.... My husband got divorce in Nevada and 1month after the divorce was final his ex moved his kids half way accross the United States with out concent from him. He had know money since she took the house, furnishings and car, so he couldnt stopper her. They came to a verbal agreement that he would not pay child support during the month he had his kids. This went on for 4 years and when she found out he was in a new relationship she opened a case for child support and said he didnt pay although the made and agreement. Well verbal means nothing. He has only seen his kids for 8hours total since Aug 2005. He now lives in Utah and she is back in Nevada. She denied us the right to see his kids when we went to Nevada strictly out of jealousy because we got married. i know the courts dont care because he is expected to take his kids for 8 weeks during the summers and still pay her. Thats not going to happen the way we feel is as long as she is being payed to support these kids she will support them. What she doesnt realize is she is only hurting the kids by not cooperating. She has brain washed the kids and convinced them that he doesnt support them at all. The only good thing that has come from going back to court is the original divorce decree stated he had to cover the insurance and be 100% responsible for whats not cover and now he is not required to cover them on insurance unless it covers the kids in Nevada and she is reponsible for 1/2 of whats not covered. Ive always strongly believed in carma....and feel strongly that when his kids are of age they will want to see there dad and at that point we will show them we did support them. Then maybe their anger will be direct at there selfish money hungry mother for taking there dad from them. Its not that he doesnt want to see his kids but cant afford to support them and pay there mother support. If she cared about her kids at all she would do what ever it takes for them to see there father even if it to reimburse him for the child support during that time. As far as Im concerned I wish he would get fired from his job and stay home. He has already been stamped a bad dad why not be a bad dad. She will get whats coming to her because normal when a person depends on such a large amount of money every month for several years then it stops over night they cant pay there bills anymore and the true will show. I hope that she uses this money for her own benefit and her house goes into forclosure once the kids are of age. Me and my Husband may struggle for few years but it will effect her in the long run.

Mar 12, 2009
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The law screws fathers!
by: Anonymous

The law doesn't care if the father has to live in a cardboard box as long as the child is paid for. My ex lives a lavish lifestyle and don't work because she claims to have all these medical problems at the ripe old age of 30. It's BS and I think the whole system needs to be changed.

Jan 30, 2009
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How!!!
by: Anonymous

Can anyone tell me how to get your name and social security number changed because i have an issue with identity theft and child support!!!

Dec 27, 2008
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no need for fake accounts
by: Anonymous

you shouldn't even have to open up a fake account in his name. Just don't put his name on anything you own, including checking and savings accounts. Texas wanted to know if my husband owned anything of value over $750 that they could take away. That way they can only take from what he owns. If he is working they will probably garnish his wages, but your money will be safe. If she is using your social security number then she is violating the law. As long as his social security number isn't on anything joint with you. File your taxes separately too or it will be harder. you'll have to file an injured spouse form just to get your share if you don't file separately and it takes longer to get your refund back.

Texas has a 4 year limit too for requesting a dna test. my hsband requested one, but he couldn' tdo it in person and we didnt have a lawyear so we got screwed at first. thank God for the appointed lawyer helping him. The mother watned his rights signed away so she could have the child adopted which means he doesn't have to pay child support anymore since she wants the case dropped too. we think she is afraid of welfare fraud charges since tha'ts what started it all. she signed up for afdc and nmed him as father to get it. then found out i wasn't worth all the hassel but the repercussions are still there. also, if the mother has your husband's kid adopted out he won't be responsible anymore.

Dec 27, 2008
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THE CHILDS MOTHER HAS OTHER KIDS
by: Anonymous

MY HUSANDS PAYS CHILDSUPPORT AND HIS SONS MOTHER HAS OTHER KIDS BY ANOTHER MAN AND THE MAN HAS CUSTODY OF THE OTHER KIDS AND SHE DOESN'T PAY A DIME HOW CAN SHE GET AWAY WITH AND THE STATE MAKES MY HUSBAND PAY

Dec 27, 2008
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DON'T BUY ANYTHING EXTRA
by: Anonymous

WHEN THE MOTHER ACTUALLY HAS TO TAKE A MAN TO COURT AND IT IS BITTER THEN ALL SHE WANTS IS THE MONEY AND ANYTHING EXTRA SHOULD GO TO THE CHILD SUPPORT

Oct 28, 2008
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In response to 'can't anyone help us
by: Anonymous

We are going through a similar situation with my husband's so called child. they never gave him a DNA test even though he asked and he was declared father by default because he couldn't make the origional court hearing since he lived in another state and was not given enough notice. Since going through this with my husband I have often wondered how many "dead beat dads" are really dead beat and just simply can't afford to pay. it's unfortunate, but how can they be expected to pay when they can't even afford their own basic necessities for the family they know are their own? Thankfully, my husbnad had an attorney appointed to him at his last court date and the mother is willing to relinquish his rights and drop all back pay we couldn't afford. The only problem is that the state still wants their high interest paid.

Oct 09, 2008
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Amy Smith here to update
by: Amy Smith

She had used my SSN with a private support agency and that was how she was able to get my income. I had to have that changed. I sued her for identity theft and I'm waiting on those results. My parents paid for one of those home dna tests. It was without a doubt, NEGATIVE! We spoke to a new attorney and he told us that it didn't matter what a dna test said that we were past the point of denial which is like 3 or 4 years. So, we had the support order adjusted and now pay what they consider the min at $250. I took the advice of many of you wonderful folks. We opened up a seperate "fake" account in his name, quit my old jobs and started back at the hospital(I was a nurse before we got married). I've been cashing my check and have started buying gold for our savings(try monex they're great to work with). We are doing much better. My husband is expected to be out of the wheelchair before Christmas, and we will try getting an apartment soon. I would want for everyone to watch themselfs. You cannot be too careful. Walk softly and keep your faith. Support for one child cannot be more than 1/5 of your income. Find other deductions if possible. We used our kids and the fact he is disabled. We will be praying for all of you that are in our situation.

Sincerely, Amy Smith

Sep 24, 2008
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Join the rest of us
by: Loren

Well, like always good PPL get the Shaft no matter what the court's do. You need to get the DNA test done if ur paying Child Support then you still have some right to the Child in Question.

Sep 14, 2008
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Heres how I see it
by: Anonymous

first of all if they are taking support depending on the state he can request a DNA test, ending that battle, however if you are in a state that doesnot allow this then he still shouldnt pay for a child that he has no rights too (you said he singed away all rights right) and last thing is that if he is paying support your wages shouldnt even be getting touched i would open a seperate bank account with out your husbands name on it and it wont be considered "his" because his name is no where on the account..that is how shes getting your money and she shoulnt be touching it!..keep me posted if this helps at all..oh yea one more thing if he is paying support he needs visitation so that he can be in this kids life since hes paying into it.

Sep 12, 2008
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File
by: Anonymous

File for DNA test. When it's ordered she will be ordered to produce the child and have it done. She can be held in contempt if she doesn't produce the child.
T

Aug 28, 2008
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Help
by: Anonymous

Maybe he should file for paternity a DNA test will be ordered. And then they will know if the child is his or not. No one should ever sign a birth certificate if they do not believe the child is theres. I do not agree with what she is doing but I do agree that the custodial parent should pay child support if the child is actually his no mater what the other persons new spouse makes. It should be based on his income not yours and in most states the new wife/husbands income does not come into play. You should check into that. IF the child is his he should have to pay no mater what her husband makes it would be his child. But get the DNA test. You can request it.

Aug 18, 2008
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Spousal $$
by: Anonymous

In Texas the courts cannot consider your income as his income, what you make has NO affect on what CS she gets. We are going back for a modification (she wants more.. when we make less) anyway I was wondering if our LLC can be looked at as for what we make.. ANYONE know?

Jul 27, 2008
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us too!
by: Anonymous

SAME THING WITH ME. SHE LIED ON THE SUPPORT ORDER SAYING HE WASN'T MARRIED AND HAD NO MORE KIDS. HOWEVER, I'M HIS WIFE AND WE HAVE A SON TOGETHER. so we're screwed too.

Jun 19, 2008
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Can't Anyone Help Us
by: Anonymous

Use a fake social security number,that is easily done with a black ink pen. Register a LLC business and open a checking account in that name. Quit Walmart and start a business (LLC) and become your own employee paying yourself a very, very small salary. Then buy gold for your retirement needs and keep it locked away in a safe that is not in your home. Don't use a safety deposit box. You can also buy an anuity, that's considered an insurance policy and not an investment.

Jun 14, 2008
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me TOO!!
by: concerned8(

OMG the same thing is happening to me accept we aren't married yet and his ex trapped him with a little blond haired blue eyed girl and they both have brown hair and brown eyes!! he was and is getting screwed!! They have joint custody and he still has to pay child support. I dont think thats right!! because she works at the bar and she is only 19 is there something i can do to stop this?? thank God he only works @ walmart too, so his salary is not that much thats why were not married because im a nurse and im afraid that she will go after what I make because what is mine is his too. So help me out please shannon6291@hotmail.com

Jun 11, 2008
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This may be a silly comment
by: Anonymous

But just file for Paternity. The Court will order a DNA and then he is done. Good Luck

Sep 21, 2008
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WE KNOW HOW YOU FEEL
by: CINDY LONG

FATHER'S DON'T SEEM TO HAVE ANY RIGHTS WHAT SO EVER, EXCEPT TO PAY CHILD SUPPORT. MY HUSBAND AND I HAVE BEEN FIGHTING IOWA AND MISSISSIPPI FOR YEARS. I AM RAISING A WOMAN'S HANDICAPPED SON, AND HAVE BEEN FOR OVER 10 YEARS. SHE HAS NEVER PAID ONE TIME IN SUPPORT. YET, SHE WENT AFTER MY HUSBAND AND WE HAVE BEEN PAYING FOR YEARS. HE HASN'T SEEN HIS DAUGHTWER IN OVER 9 YEARS AND HAS NO SAY ON WHAT THE CHILD DOES. SHE WILL SOON BE 19 AND MOVED OUT OF HER MOM'S HOME 2 WEEKS BEFORE HER 18 BIRTHDAY, YET IOWA DOESN'T CONSIDER HER EMMANCIPATED. WE ARE PAYING HIS EX- WIFE'S BILLS. HIS DAUGHTER DOESN'T EVEN GET THE MONEY. LEGAL AIDE WON'T HELP US, WE ARE OUT OF THEIR DISTRICT. IT IS A MESS AND A THORN THAT HAS BEEN IN OUR LIFE FOR YEARS.

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