Custodial Parents Are Often the Dead Beat Parents

by Christina Heisler
(Lakeside, AZ, US)

My husband has 2 kids from a previous relationship. His ex has never had a job, refuses to get one, her boyfriend supports her and not only is she on DES medical, and food stamp assistance but she is also 8 mos pregnant with her boyfriends kid. My husband pays $454.00 a month for support. Since his ex doesnt work, his support his higher. Since she lives off the system, he pays an additional $100.00 a month for "cash medical support" which does not count as medical expenses on the child support worksheet, it is simply an additional amount added onto his support for a total of $554.00. We have 3 other kids that we support. Both of us work full time, we are on nor have we ever been on any state assistance.


To rub salt into the wound, his ex is supposed to meet us halfway every other weekend (we live 4 hrs apart) but she always has an exuse as to why she cant go the full distance and most of the time we drive an additional 2 hrs round trip to pick up and drop off the kids. So our total monthly expenses far exceed what is already taken out of his check. Yet......she still doestn work and our tax dollars pay for her to keep breeding and multiplying so the problem only gets worse. Did you know that when she has this baby, even though it is from another guy....my husbands child support will increase? That is because her expenses go up but she has no income (because she wont get a job) which means that she is being rewarded once again.

If you ask me, their are ALOT of dead beat CUSTODIAL parents!! What law in AZ protects them???? The answer is NONE, ZERO, ZILCH. Wake up Arizona - we are in economic crisis and these types of people are milking us for millions and millions every year!

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I'm with you
by: Anonymous

My husband's ex does not work claiming that her job is to be a mother. She teaches her kids nothing. They have no clue how to act around other people, so I say she should be fired from her "job". My step-son is somewhere on the Autism Spectrum, very mild, but he gets SSI. That money should go to his special needs, however it goes to pay for her cigarettes and Rockstar Energy Drinks. She won't get him a tutor to help him with school because it's "too expensive". When we offered to pay for one, she said "just give me the money and I'll take care of it". She has a live in boyfriend who she cliams doesn't live there, but he's there every time we are there and the kids say he lives there. He has had his license suspended for not paying his child support from a previous marriage. So, both the children's mother and her boyfriend are voluntarily unemployed living off of her disabled child's social security income and the $800 a month my husband and I pay for child support. The children are hungry at the end of the month once food stamps are gone, they wear only donated clothing which never fits, and my step-daughter says she gets made fun of for her weird clothes. We've sent clothes home with them, but rather than doing laundry, she just goes and get more donated clothing. She doesn't take her daughter to the doctor because she would have to pay the co-insurance (her son qualifies for medicare, so his visits are free). Her live in boyfriend is a violent convicted felon, so they are defrauding the food stamp office, which we've reported and they won't do anything about it. Our case has been in the court for almost a year now. It keeps getting lost in the system. My husband literally calls 2 times a week. We are trying to get a CFI appointed because of her neglect, but apparently if you are a custodial parent, you are above all law. We've contacted Child Protective Services, who also won't do anything because there is an open court case. She leaves her 5 and 9 year old children home alone, she gives them unrestricted access to the internet and my step-son has blown up the microwave at her apartment after watching something on youtube. I can't understand why a non-custodial parent could possibly be sent to jail for not working (that is not a concern we face as my husband has had the same job for 4 years and has never missed a child support payment), and the custodial parent has no accountability. Why should the children be forced to live in poverty with her, when they could live with 2 adults who work full time, keep jobs, pay our bills, don't need government assistance, etc? This is why our economy is failing. Why in the world would we allow children to stay with a parent who has to use public assistance to take care of them when the other parent is more fit in a parenting sense and a financial sense? We need to stop assuming custodial parents have it hard. Yes, many do, but not all do.

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I agree custodial parents abuse the system
by: Nickster

I'm a 28 male , married almost 3 years with an ex who thinks child support is a paycheck. Ever since she has been getting it, she has Gucci bags, the newest phone, new car, etc. I was working at a coffe shop making close to minimal wage and the economy took a dump and was getting 20 hours or less a week. My child support was 550 a month because she lied and also got an imediate back support of 2.5 g's. You can tell she is a gold digger because she took me strictly for child support, didn't even establish the parenting time, I had to do that, and when I did she lied, saying I was abusing her, saying I left bruises and everything in the book. She even went as far as calling cps on me and a lady came over asking me questions, like really lady??? U think I would hit my kids??? Cmon I don't even do drugs and I'm the most laid back person too. That's the first sign the other parent is a money sucking low life. But its ok because the bible teaches that liars will not inherit the kindom of God, which means she will goto Hell unless she changes her additude. I'm using my current situation to get the child support where it needs to be, now I owe zero child support, got my backpay squashed, and on top of that got her to pay me child support, but I made it so she didn't owe me anything because I'm not on her money hungry level even though I'm struggling bad. I even had to convice her not to get an abortion because her mom told her to get one and I didn't believe in them, if it were not for that my child would not be here today. There are a lot of dads who want to be a part of their childrens lifes but simply get put in a bad situation because they lost a job, can't get one at the moment, or something legit....its sad the courts could care less about the dads and make money the driving factor for everything. DES is the worse scam yet, if ur going to establish child support at least take all things into consideration, dads have to survise and eat to, or they can't generate money for their kids. Enough said.

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I am going through that
by: Anonymous

I can understand completely! I had custody and my ex never payed medical for them, quit his job and didn't pay child support at all for a year. Later he gained custody, was forgiven of past child support and now I have to 90% of my income plus drive 6 hours one way to get them for visitation. I have to live with my parents at the moment and he takes vacations here and there and buys outrageous stuff but doesn't even get his kids the things they need, that my money is supposed to be helping pay for. He is a dead beat custodial parent!!!!!!! I feel for you it seems the low lives get away with so much and the people who try to do the right thing get burned.

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Not always women
by: Anonymous

I definitely agree that the custodial parents can be the deadbeat parents. I have four children by my first husband. He sued for sole custody so that he would not have to pay child support. After a two year battle where I lost my home, job and car, I finally gave up. It ended so that I had to pay child support starting two and a half years after the divorce was final. His lawyer made a typo, causing it to be a year and a half after, just as the economy tanked, and so he started pursuing court action to get me sent to jail. Fast forward a couple more years, after I got married and had another child by my second husband, and suddenly my ex has decided that he cannot provide health insurance for the child that he was ordered to do, and my husband has to provide it. He continuously tries to "impute" my income level based on incomes that I have never made so that he can raise my child support. He cannot keep a job for more than 6 months at a time. This story sounds so outrageous you would hope that it's fiction, but I couldn't come up with a story like this if I tried. In the meantime, I am paying my child support faithfully, and he is still trying to find ways to get me thrown in jail, from accusing me of welfare fraud to accusing me out outright fraud on other things.

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NICE.
by: Anonymous

SOUNDS LIKE A LIE TO ME. GET OVER YOURSELF.

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Kay and Anonymous
by: RavenScorpion

There are probably more deadbeat custodial parents out there than you think. My ex-wife is one of them. They are the one who don't remind the children to call on Father's Day, Mother's day or on Birthdays. They are jealous of the new spouse. They give permission to the children to disrupt the new family by all means possible. They don't care if your ten weeks ahead in child support when it overlaps between two different jobs. They constantly call non-custodial parent's work asking were their child support is even though it is automatically deducted from their paycheck. They don't follow the parenting plan. They cancel the day before visitation the turn it around and make it like the non-custodial parent canceled, also the children are always busy doing something on weekends. Now here is my favorite one: They go to Child Support Office complaining their child support is taking to long to get it. So they drop the case and the NCP agrees to pay out of pocket for two years not missing one payment. Four years later they decide to go back with a sob story saying the NCP has NOT payed for the two years and one of the Femi-Nazi Case Workers buys the story and then guess who has to pay back child support? Now maybe if they fire all the Femi-Nazi Case Workers and make the Child Support totally Federal, I'm pretty sure your Baby-Dada and all the rest of the deadbeat DNA doners will pay up if the Feds are looking for them. Until you have been through all that like I have, shut the hell up!

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Same here.
by: Anonymous

I'm in the same boat.

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you are just bitter,find ur self a man that can support u
by: Anonymous

As far as I am concerned if she can find someone to support her (her boyfriend) then so be it. You are just sore because you were not as smart as her, u found someone that can not support u or your children therefore you have to work. So go find someone who can support u and your kids. Then you will not be so bitter. Its not like she is getting cash assistance from the state, or houseing from the state. There are plenty that are getting food stamps, cash, medical, housing. There is nothing wrong with what she is doing, her income is $500 a month from her ex and the state takes that into account when she gets her amount of food stamps.

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Losers are losers
by: RaisedMineByMyself

I do not disagree with you at all about the dead beat custodial parents. It seems some women breed as an excuse not to work and be responsible. Dropping a pup gives them a way to escape being responsible for themselves by riding on the baby gravy train. The can put it off as wanting to raise the baby the right way but the reality is many of these females got pregnant with out getting consent from the father. Now I realize that it takes two to tango and that a guy is responsible for his actions but come on guys, who is really making the choices here? The bottom line is a guy must become more responsible every single time he engages in an act that can produce a life that he will be required to support. If you married a female but you are still not ready for children you need to take an active roll in getting her to swallow her pills. Sound crazy? Not as crazy as 20 years of shelling out money to a person that spit out a pup so she didn't have to work for 20 years on your dollar. Men must take responsibility to not get a femail pregnant if paying for years to a loser that is probabally not allocating the funds to the child the way you would if you were doing the shopping. I am a female and I think men are nuts when they find they are paying to someone that wont work. A loser is a loser and this person didn't just wake up one day and get sorry, she was that way when he met and married her. BE MORE CAREFUL they can ruin your life without your consent.

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Get a Lawyer
by: Anonymous

Get a good lawyer and call and email or write everyweek if necessary to your state rep and sentor. good luck I think it will help. Men are abused in this country by the system.

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your comment regarding Custodial Parent
by: Kay

I find it very offensive to your comment! NOT EVERY CUSTODIAL PARENT is a deadbeat!!!! I am a single mother of a toddler, getting ready to graduate college. Her father hasn't paid child support in over a year. He makes 10K a month!!! Who's the deadbeat?

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