Custodial parents have the legal responsibility

I am infuriated at some of the comments made against custodial parents on this website. I take offense that the non-custodial parents do not look at the big picture. If a parent with physical custody does not financially and medically support their children in the manner dictated by society, they are considered negligent. There are penalties for parental neglect. The custodial parent is always under governmental and societal scrutiny, yet, if the non-custodial does not support, they are not equitably held to the same level of legal, moral, and ethical accountability. Courts have deemed over the course of time, it benefits the child to be with the natural mother. If men were forced to be the parent with physical custody and the responsibilities that are attached, they would fail at the task. What most men do not realize is the high-levels of responsibilities a mother has protecting the overall welfare, rights, and interests of their children. If child support is part and parcel to maintaining stability for the child and the household then it is their legal duty to see it occurs. If they did not pursue legal remedies they are considered negligent. Men on this website grip about the injustice that has been done to them in a court of law.

The same has happened to the custodial parents, time and time again. The law may not seem fair to those on the receiving end, but it is written for the protection of the child, not the parent. If everyone voluntarily did their part, new laws for enforcement would not be written. Until they are followed, there will be new and creative legal means to make citizens adhere to the laws of the land. In the end, this controversy is about the children and they should have their needs met, by whatever tactics it takes. I am of the full belief, if one parent chooses to neglect their responsibility, then they should suffer in a greater financial manner, than is experienced by child at issue. My heart goes out to every frustrated and financially tasked custodial parent on this website. You must advocate and educate yourself about the legal and administrative remedies awarded to you by law. Ignorance is not a defense.

If you feel you are not receiving the appropriate support and legal assistance by the CSE...go to your local state representative for assistance with your case. They are bound as public servants to make inquires and push the buttons. If you do not feel they are advocating in your behalf, take it to the next level of government. Do know that the person that raises the most **** gets the job done! Please research all federal and state laws regarding child support. Go get your money or get your pound of flesh...which ever comes first!

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Greedy CP is how I
by: Anonymous

My husband is NCP, I've been in court and have clearly heard the Atty General's advocate yell frustrated that the court doesnt see nothing but that child support be paid. We entered a brawl because of course child support is never enough. My husband unfortunately lost his job so while looking we offered to pick up the children everyday from school, feed them and help them with homework till their mother picked them up which many times it was 9pm or not at all so we would have to also take them to school. Over the summer we kept them all summer let her know she could come pick them up on weekends or whenever which only happened about 2-3 times because there was always an excuse. When the kids went back with her the problems arose. My husband had a job but it wasn't enough and she was demanding back child support. When we advise them about the situation we were told exactly that: " we don't care about what happened with the children no offense but we care what we see on paper and that's that you didn't pay for 10 months. " are you serious we were even told if we even wanted credit for that time frame we needed a hired attorney not an appointed one. Really we rather the money go to CS than an attorney why can't he just get the credit for having the kids! Of course the CP mom always has a problem and I'm sorry but if I can afford by myself to pay rent, bills, food and supply the necessity of my children and hers for 10 months making less than she makes I think she needs to reconsider some of her priorities. It's sad when I went to this court these CP mom were dressed more expensive clothes nails done jewelry knee high boots yeah I don't feel sorry for them I'm sorry my children come first.

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WTF is wrong with mothers that dont have jobs and lives off my childsupport?
by: Anonymous

So I have a bf that has a bm that is just milking his every penny. Why is it that she gets to sit on her lazy azz and do nothing but milk my bf money. He works hard for his daughter to make every penny he can for our family but its being taking because she cant get off her lazy butt and get a job and on top of that she gets section 8 help and no job so she just takes it for granted. Please someone help us out on this and let me know what can be done. She has 2 kids, one by another guy which she doesnt get anything for because hes in jail and then his daughter which he pays every two weeks comes directly out of his check and now she is pregnant with another guys baby. So basically he is supporting the whole family. How does anyone think that is fair? I cant believe that someone would do that. WTF is wrong with people these days? She doesnt have a job nor is even trying to look for one. Oh and then she has the odasity to tell him that he can claim his daughter this time on his taxes but he cant F her out of her money.... what in her right mind thinks that she gets any of that... he worked hard for that money... She uses her daughter as a meal ticket and we just want to be able to get full custody of her so then we dont have to worry about any of this... Can anyone help? We need someone thats in their RIGHT freaking mind to redo this CHILD support thing because I think that if you get child support that you need to atleast work a part time job and cant get section 8 housing or help...HELP, HELP!!!

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Not always true
by: Anonymous

I was the non-custodial parent with "visitation that had to pay child support, medical insurance and half of all expenses for my daughter. But when my daughters mom dropped her off with me over 5 years ago, she dropped child support and maintain health insurance and that was all. Tell me how this is fair! Yet she has the audacity to tell our daughter that it is her right to see her on the weekend! She would not let me have her during my court ordered time when she had her and not she automatically expects weekends and shared holidays! WTH is wrong with this picture!!!

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More fairness
by: Great Missouri Dad

I have posted before that I believe the custodial parent should be audited, and if not, I should be able to claim the child support on my taxes but I doubt that will ever happen. Anyway, got some more fun news, if my ex has more children its going to drive my child support up. If I get remarried, they can use my new wifes income sending my child support up and it doesnt work the other way, if she gets married they dont use his income. I have no problem with paying cp but it annoys me when I dont see a whole lot of financial effort put fourth by the other side, what I do see is a new house, 4th new car in 5 years, never the outfit twice, and everytime I turn around they are taking someone elses kid or kids on vacation. Again, I dont mind paying cp but it sure seems like Im paying for a whole lot more. $7000 a year for 1 kid, and that should be half of what it costs to raise a child they say. $7000 CP, $2500 Tax Return child credit, and her supposed half would be $7000, thats 16,500, no one with a shred of intelligence will ever convince it costs that much to raise a child. Next I have to listen to my ex complain about how hard it is, how she cant deal with a pre-teen attutude, and how light I have it since she thinks I party every night like a rock star. I told her fine, I will take custody and she had a hemmorage and freaked out, we live 2 miles apart so its not like Im taking the child far away leaving only the money to be an issue. Child Support is a necessary part of life when your divorced, but the child support system is very corrupt. Try this sometime, go to an online child support calculator for your state, make the incomes the same on both sides and then fluctuate the medical and dental daycare or whatever else by a few dollars here and there and try to make sense of the numbers that seem to come out randomly.

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WOW
by: Anonymous

I have been reading a lot of these stories and all I say is WOW Omg :) Well anyway to make a long story short I have 2 sons, first born 19yrs old now his father owes me all of 19 yrs of child support or at least 18 years worth, ok I'm not mad my first born is grown and doing his thang ok. Now the 2nd born is 6yrs old now, I have taken care of my family with a part time job for more than 5 years with no help from the state or anything so my youngest sons father takes me to court now he wants to play daddy and guess what the courts gave us joint custody and I now I have to pay this pimp child support. He has 2 houses and a shit load of cars and he has a lawn service and he makes extra cash on the side but guess what he's on SSI/disability what kind of crap is this. I am behind right now 1030 buck and at the last court date his lawyer tells me if I don't look for a full time job then I will be looking at some jail time WTF. I am not a dead beat mother I will do anything for my children. I do have a plan to get caught up and pay the PIMP but you can rest a sure only God can fix this mess. It is really sad how the system is because of the almighty dollar what ever happened to what is best for the child. I really feel no matter where the child lives, in one or both homes, both parents need to help take care of the seed that they brought into this cruel cold world without all the court crap, and just work it out some kind of way, but I know that is to much like right. I have been trying to find a lawyer but every one I have called wants 1500 or more up front once again back to that almighty dollar. I know that nothing is free but in these days and times sh*t is hard and if I had 1500 or more just sitting around the house I wouldn't be leaving this comment. His lawyer fixed that paper work some kind of way to make me have more money than him so that is why I feel I am the one paying the pimp and they say pimp'n aint easy what ever. I will continue to do what I must do and I just pray that the pimp and the lawyer and this screwed up court system will reap what they have sowed. So people please keep your heads up the sun will shine one day soon :)

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Custodial Parents Have No Rights To Protect Them
by: Anonymous

I'm a custodial parent in NC. My childs dead beat dad gets away with not paying his child support for months and never goes to jail because his wife pays it for him before we have to meet the judge or on the court date. They don't even address the 90-120 days that he has not paid anything. As long as he pays something towards it they allow him to go free. He was given visitation rights and will not buy clothing for the child while he is at his mothers home where he and his wife live. They expect me to provide everything for him even though I get child support once every three or four months. The court system does nothing about it. They will not communicate with me about there where abouts when my child has to spend a month with them in the summer, saying its not my f*%$*!@ business. His wife picks my child up when I drop him off and the dad is nowhere to be found. They both abuse prescription drugs and the judge will not drug test them. This guy does not provide health insurance for the child because there are clauses in NC laws that protect him. He can not show up on scheduled visitation times and nothing is done about it. But if I'm not there to drop the child off, I will go to jail for not abiding by the court order. What is that all about? He harrasses and threatens me over the phone, the judge knows about it and does nothing. I only call him when necessary and thats only a couple times a year. I don't ask for extra money or time. I wish the law did more to protect our children and custodial parents from this type of abuse. My child is also being left alone with a 70 yr old woman who has many health issues and is not capable of looking after him. No one sees a problem with that either. Before there was a court order in place, this guy had not made an effort to see the child in four years. The judge didn't care that the child felt uncomfortable going around strangers alone and said he would get over it. Being a custodial parent is hard and we get abused and mistreated often and no one cares about it. I've been to court, spent money I didn't have to protect my child and he is still in the hands of a criminal/drug addict that never gets caught doing his dirt.

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abusing court system
by: Anonymous

I have been in both situations as a custodial parent & non- custodial parent. It saddens me that the system will put drivers license on hold due to someone owing child support. I feel that people need a license to drive to work to pay for child support & things need to change, for those whom are paying but just behind due to lay-offs & part-time job. When I was a custodial parent & when I did receive any money & which was rarely, it all went on my son & didnt want anything to do with that money because again it's child support & supposed to go to supporting the child. Now that my ex got custody by lying to court & I was once told by my ex that I would be paying him child support too one day .My ex is a drug dealer & a drug user along w/the spouse. I feel my child deserves the best & as well as any child out there does & it saddens me that I see my son sad & not dressed nice like I had him in name brand clothes & shoes & was well cared for. He lost alot of weight & doesnt talk much & all well his dad & his wife always are dressed nice but yet lost there home in which they paid less than $200 a month & now I have no way of knowing where my child is living & havent spoke with him in weeks & worried. I dont know why the court system cant see past people such as my ex & grant them custody & they abuse our court system. But again our court system needs the money & needs us to keep going back because thats how they get paid of course. its a sad thing that this causes the children to suffer & while some not all custodial parents take advantage of the whole situation

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Some Non custodial parents have a right to be upset!
by: Anonymous

People say the law is written for the best interest of the child. But what I see is a mainstream law that benefits some and not others. The laws are soooo easy for a custodial parent to manipulate. Perfect example is my husband's ex wife. Every chance she gets she asks for more money. And guess what! She is taking care of 2 horses, married an E7 in the Army and just got her degree to make tons more money than we do, yet she still asks for more money. How does that work? And guess what? Nobody bothers to check to make sure she isnt taking advantage of him. She is just allowed to maintain her High standard of living, while my son and husband and I struggle to make ends meet time and time again. So to the person who is complaining about non custodial parents, "DADS" they need to step outside of the box a little and see it from another stand point!

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World of greed
by: Anonymous

First of all, how many times are we going to hear "you owe the custodial parent such-n-such dollars of support"? The non-custodial parent doesn't owe the custodial parent one red cent! The non-custodial parent owes the CHILD child support. So why do people think that you can't request an itemized list of whats being spent? My father did just such a thing and not only did he have the amount reduced, SHE had to pay HIM the "unused" amount back! That, my friends, is a fact because at the end of the day, support is only for a PORTION of the rent and the rest is meant for the child. Not for purses, tv's, shoes or anything else.

You want to talk about whats fair? What is child support supposed to be for? The child correct? What is SUPPOSED to be the reason for child support? To ensure the non-custodial parent pays his/her part to ensure the well being of the child. Why, if the cost of living for child A is the same as the cost of living for child B, does the child support amount differ, even in the same town? It's because the belief is that your child should be given the life you can afford to give them (which is why it is based on salary and not a set amount). So if your financial situation changes, your child support should change. So those of you who say that having a second child shouldn't change your financial obligation, your plum dumb!

I wish more people would save their comments unless they have facts to go along with them. It is not true that you cannot have support payment lowered after judgement. I know this for a fact because I've been through it. Anybody who has questions should really just talk to a lawyer and not listen to all the crap posted on websites. Visitation lowers court ordered support. If the custodial parent CAN work and doesn't, that can lower support. In many states, you can file hardships when you have another child. That lowers support.

Those who think it's wrong to have support lowered, look in the mirror and tell yourself it's not wrong to sit on your ass and demand more money. If your so worried about your child receiving everything it needs, get off your ass and help out. You helped make the child, help pay for it. Too many custodial parents (not all of them) sit back and wait for the free check because they are bitter. My owe wife's mother was this way. She stopped working when the first child was born (my wife) and never worked again. She spent the next 34 years (the time it took her youngest of 3 to turn 18) sitting on her ass complaining about more child support while receiving handouts for her parents and support/alimony for her ex. Blood sucker!

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They will make you PAY while they reap all the benefits.
by: Missouri MOM

I am a mother who gets no child support for relocating 2 1/2 hours away from the dad. He made 60,000 and I was a stay at home mom. He was abusive so I left. Remarried and My new husband got a new job with more pay and more medical benefits. Just to be difficult On the 30th day he did a motion to prohibit relocation. we could not afford 2 places till court so we had to goahead and move. We 5 months later had a court date. In order not to loose my kids because of the relocation they used my child support as a negotiation. I lost all support, had to do the driving and he got more visitations than he had before we moved. After that mess My new husband's X Wife moved from missouri to oklahoma We did not fight her we are not that way. 1 1/2 years after she moved she filed false charges of child abuse in oklahoma so she would not have to drive anymore. and it got stuck in the system and did not see his daughter for 10 months. she had before tried to get him to give up his parantal rights. She did the same thing to a previous marriage of hers by getting him to do that and my husband adopted her other 2 girls. Investigation showed it was not true and while she did that she also went to Child support and we have fought it out in court for 3 1/2 years. It ends up we go from 300.00 a month which was paid faithfully, to 527 and then 75 for arrears that build up during the court battle that was retroactivated, 50.00 a month for medicalthat was also a lie. Our lawyer was crap. So To sum it up, I have 2 children and I get NO Support from a man who makes 60,000 & My Current husband pays 650.00 for one child and we have lost our house to forclosure during this whole court battle, a car repoed and my husband just had spinal surgery and off work temporarly and I also 2 weeks before that had surgery and Now she informs us that she is going to put braces on her daughter... It never ends. The state, the lawyers, the judges, child support is all for the Mother and Dads get the raw end of the stick most of the time and are pretty much railroaded. The system is so messed up when it comes to figuring out child support... The best I can do is endure till the child is of age or the rapture of the church :o) God knows and sees all and in the bible it says a man who will not work for his family is worse than an infidel... and when God speaks of man in general that means WOMAN also. Unemployed/LAZY/LIVING off the SYSTEM Woman are very good at draining the man and his other family, and very good at manipulating the system and looking innocent and as though they cannot work and on dissability, social security and everything else they can get... Not all woman are that way and I know a lot of you should have a medal for what you do... but to those that get handouts from the goverment, and x's and thats how you live... SHAME ON YOU... God see's it all.

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cust parent
by: Anonymous

I'm a custodial parent. I work two jobs git to school full-time etc. My sons dad and I were fine when I put him on child support because we needed financial help to pay for child care. He could never keep a job and that's why I worked two jobs so I could support our family. He was always angry abusiveto both me and my son and I choose to deal with it cus I loved him . On Dec.25 2010 he left me for somelse. We were together for five years. He didn't even try to see his son until the other girl wanted to meet him and now he wants to be around him all the time. He doesn't help me pay daycare. All my sons clothes toys whatever I have bought since he was a baby. I have never really had any help from him but I ntever cared cus I loved him. But after all the shut he said and put me through I will make sure I get all his money now and make his life a living hell. Its not fair that these men can do what they want come in and out of there kids life and we as the women are supposed to deal with it and move on. No that's not right he wanted my son so he needs to be responsible . Yes I am angry and bitter but he needs to know that life aint just about having fun and doing whatever with whomever his son should come first but unfortunately its not tht way

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what is the responsibility of the custodial parent?
by: Anonymous

Why should anyone be forced to deal with a mistake, most mistakes are fixed or forgiven but the government is ruining many lives with this issue. Both parties have it hard this is true but honestly when i look around and see that most of the custodial parents are sitting on their behinds with a few other kids and a man laying up in the house recieving all the government assistance afforded to them i get so pissed off. I am on both sides of this madness and its ridiculous that because they have the kid in the home with them that the non custodial parent is being hindered from making a living because the government has capitalized on encouraging madness. If they provid food, medical, cash, grants, transportation, and even phone service, why is child support payments so high and it definitely isnt equal because where the child is the government helps and the non custodial parent is left to figure it out, barely living. i mean half my income, this is ridiculous!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Update on Chump change
by: Anonymous

I sent a comment in April on chump change but have great news. We went to court to modify support. first time we have talked in years. Support was increased but the good news is we actually got along and made plans for him to visit our teenage son. He did visit, took him for the weekend and my son said he was honest and took resposibilty for not being in his life due to drug life. I feel no ill will toward him, he is now happily married and plans on taking him for Spring Break and summer. I now see it was not about the money, it was about being left with all the responsibility. Now I am very happy for my son and him. I hope they create and maintain a bond that my son needs in a father that I could not provide as a woman. It was nice to here from his father that I had done a good job. Miracles do happen, hang in there.

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im a single father of 3..
by: the childsupport systems atm and a bitter mother's chew toy

i am a single father of 3 kids my wife died 2weeks after my 3 year old son was born and with God on my side and my love for my kids i handle their live's i do it with all the power in my being now a man might not do the task? the same way a woman would we were not made to do what women do but i know this a man can bring up his kids yes it is hard and i do miss her but i am still raising my kids so dont knock a single father and i dont look at me kids as task? they are little people my wife use to say its a job but the way i see it u go to a jobsite clock in to complete a task to get paid i dont look at my kids this way when i look into their eye's i see another life that
needs leading to adult-hood

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SCROLL DOWN TO "GET A LIFE"
by: MARISSA

Well anyway....I wrote that...so that tells you that I am a custodial parent AND married to a non custodial.... and by the way... I DO have a right to comment and bitch AAANND... say whatever the fuck I want about those mothers who sit on their azzz all day... and what!!! IF THE SHOE FITS,,,PUT IT ON....Ha! Anyways...the money Is for the child, I agree with that.. and oh well, we gotta do what we gotta do... I have two jobs, take care of my four kids,, which of course, their dad only sees them 2 or 3 times a year... but who cares i ain't gonna bitch and whine about that.. screw him.. it's his loss. I still think these women are just ready for the handout...and will still never be happy or satisfied.....and by the way... MY RESPECTS TO THE MOMMAS WHO HANDLE THEIR OWN!!

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Like I said!! my husband pays, ummm i don't ask for shit....and they still sit on their azzzzz!!!
by: Marissa

I am a custodial parent of four from my first marriage... and i don't ask their father for shit! yea he wanted them too and so what screw him he's a loser and it's his loss! I'm not gonna kiss hiss azz and bitch and whine about him not seeing his kids, (which is also about 2 or 3 times per year..so what?)...I still stand by my comment about the women who ask for the hand-out.. which by the way is for the child not for u and ur man's azzz....cuz she's still sittin on her azzz... if the shoe fits... put it on.. my man still pays every month..on time...and oh well we gotta do what we gotta do..so C/S quit bitchin and whinin bout the system.. and by the way... i wrote GET A LIFE....so i a am a Spouse AND a CUSTODIAL PARENT...OF FOOOUURRR....and I don't bitch about wantin the money...i bitch about the bitch bitchin for it while she and her man sit on their azzzz! I have 2 jobs..and we pay all our bills together...including the Handout...and by the way..MY RESPECTS TO THE WOMEN WHO HANDLE THEIR OWN

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Custodial Parent Greedy
by: Anonymous

I am a noncustodial parent. I pay my child support on time and do my court appointed visitations. My ex abuses the system and tries to get as much money as she can. I was to take the tax exemption on my daughter this year and she refused to sign the Release Form even though I paid my child support in full. She abuses the court appointed order. Has an apartment with all new furniture. She was awarded both sole physical and legal custody. My daughter comes to me dirty - her personal hygiene sucks. I cut her hair, her fingernails and toenails, clean her ears and basically have to scrub her up every time I get her. She has been to the emergency room a number of times for huge bruises, a sprained ankle, dehydration and is only 2 years old. I have reported her to Child Protective Services a number of times. I have spoken with her caseworker who says they can't do anything just because she is dirty. My ex fails to communicate with me and can never explain what happened if there is a new bruise. I have asked to receive her more but her answer to me is "but then I wouldn't get as much money". To her it is all the money - she knows how to work the system. "GREED, GREED, GREED." I skimp from month to month to provide for my daughter. She buys new furniture, a flat screen TV, blackberry phone, a new car. Who is benefiting from my child support - my daughter or my ex? She doesn't care about our daughter just the "money". But no one seems to care. I will never give up - I love my daughter dearly and some day I hope to get joint custody of my daughter. I thought the court system looked at what was in the best interests of the child. but in my opinion the mother receives everything and the father (and I understand there are deadbeat fathers out there that need to be dealt with) gets a slap in the face.

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Really?
by: Anonymous

I resent some of the comments made about CP's on here and agree with the person who made the origional comment. I was with an abusive man that hurt his child, I had proof and still the court allowed him visitation, this was after He took Me to court. I was more than happy to let him be! He is allowed 2 1/2 hrs. of supervised visitation EVERY Week, despite the Physical Abuse of my child and I and his proven drug use. I feel that the Court System has Let My Child Down a great deal by even allowing him the chance to see her! He has NOT seen her in over a year (on his OWN accord) and does NOT pay his child support on a regular basis. This is BS and anyone who says other wise is full of it!! I don't care if I "sit on my azz all day" or not!! I do have a job btw and support 3 people as well as myself and not only am I Happy to do so I have NO sympathy for him and others like him. If he can't take care of this child, he should NOT be having children with others, this should serve as a Warning to other women, it's all fine and dandy to sit there and complain about your man having to pay CS but when you find yourself in the same spot you Will be Eating those words!! It is his RESPONSIBILITY to take care of his child A Responsibility that HE WANTED. Just as it any Man OR Woman who is a ncp! If the NCP DOENS'T want to have the HONOR of Paying CS to help Provide for Their Child, and being a part of the child's life on a DAILY or Regular basis, then Sign Over Your Rights and Quit B****ing. Enough is Enough!!


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OH PLEASE!!!!
by: Marissa

I am sick of the child support system screwing men over!! Come on cust female parents!! Get a life already!! Some of you lazy bitches get drunk, don't care who u screw and then you're wondering who to pin the kid on!! My Bf dishes out 700.00 cuz this loser sits on her azz all day getting fatter and fatter, with her lazy azz husband who doesn't work.. while we are struggling with our bills, house payment and four children by my first marriage which by the way... that other loser as well doesn't help out at all!!! But as soon as our hours get cut and income is reduced by almost 50% the state doesn't give a shit and says our bills don't count..yet this lazy bitch continues sitting on her azz demanding medical coverage!! There goes the payment modification... what?? that's also bullshit..no such thing!! It's not about the kids!! Not their fault... it's their mothers that are still just waiting for that handout..and quit bitchin and whinning!!!!!

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Chump change child support vs. parent that is responsible for everything
by: Anonymous

I am sorry, but the chump change of $160.00 per month in child support does not even come close to the sacrifices I have made for my child. I am one of those on public support because when I had great employment I had to take off for monthly ortho appointments, doctors appointments with ADHD child, school conferences due to ADHD problems, calls from school. Needless to say most employers no matter how much they care need you there to work. I tried to find employment with flex hours, there are non that I know of without a degree. If I had a degree I could afford a nanny to take care of my son while I put everything into my job. BTW, he has no degree either, but married an older woman to take care of him. Dad goes to Hawaii, has several brand new cars, was given a company by his wife, that he prides himself on having employees, I consider her his number 1 employee. But her income cannot be considered in child support, so they low ball his. The court orders were to pay on the first day of the month every month. The TEXAS AG does not recognize these orders and allows 4 months to pass before they take action, he knows this and pays one payment in the nick of time and so it goes. It is a game. I love my son, he is a teen, and I have had more hard times with him then I ever thought possible. If I thought his father would really care for him I would hand him custody and pay the $160.00 per month. Then he would see how easy his life has been and I might be able to get gainful employment because I can be present every day, no family problems to tend to. So all non-custodial parents and spouses that play the game are getting off easy!!! Parenting would interfere with their fun loving, cruise filled, bar hopping lives. BTW, dad had plenty of chances to visit and would make a promise to be there, chose not to show up. Spouses of nc parents have no right to even comment, who are you to me and my child?

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Ignorance
by: Anonymous

I am offended by your ignorant blanket statement that all father's would fail at raising their children if they were given custody. I am one such father, and I am raising my children just fine. Their mother rarely sees them, even though she has rights too see them 3 times a month. I have given all of myself to my children, so you can take your ignorance and shove it. You're part of the problem.

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This is one reason divorce attorneys make so much
by: Great Missouri Dad

Dear Whiny Custodial Self Righteous Parent
I have a rather large issue with the statement that I would fail if I tried to raise my child on my own. In my travels I have met and known several divorced people and a very high majority of the time the mothers are more concerned with being the child's friend instead of being a parent. I had my daughter almost all summer and we got along very well, I maintain a high level of discipline in my house and the rules are accepted. My daughter calls me at least once a week from her mothers to see if she can stay here during the week on different nights along with her weekend stays, its almost never a problem, we do homework, cook and clean up, then we have couch time. I have had a lady friend for about 3 years and she and my daughter adore each other. My ex on the other hand averages a new lover every 2 months or so, most of them are missing either a car, a job, a drug free lifestyle, a home or a general sense of being useful to this world, some are missing all of these traits. My ex has moved some of these clowns in and when I ask questions about them it is always none of my business even though my daughter lives there. My ex has mood swings and her definition of healthy eating would not be found in any nutrition book. So yes I take offense to the age old myth that all Dads are dead beats and crummy parents.
The Child Support system is the most corrupt formula I have found in my lifetime, use any calculator you can find, insert all your earnings and then fluctuate the medical payed out by both parents a few dollars here and there. You will not find a dollar for dollar swing, instead what you will find is jumps in the support owed for no real rhyme or reason. As far as custodial parents being under the microscope, I wish they were, she didn't cost us nearly this much when we were together and I cant see why she is so expensive just because my ex wanted to move on. In my mind since I have to provide financial statements and so would my significant other if we get married then why does she not have to show an itemized receipt for what I am paying for, remember custodial parents, the money we send you should only about half of what it actually costs to raise children since you are supposed to be responsible for the other half. On a final note, I have paid taxes on all the money I send for support and she gets this money tax free, why is the non custodial parent is not allowed to claim anything on the child, we are paying for half I think we should deserve half the break. All in all, I make 55k and my ex makes 45k a year, after child support, medical, dental daycare and the tax credit, she makes more than me and I have my daughter 43% of the time she is not in school or daycare. This is real and no one will ever convince me its fair even though the courts deem it fair, because the government once again has a firm grip on reality.

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To upset custodial!
by: Stepmother of 3

You have no right to make a comment on women you don't know anything about, you said and I quote " But some people on here (mostly wives to men that pay child support) have the nerve to disrespect the custodial mother. the only reason those people are pissed is because they don't like that they aren't getting any money even though that money is to help support the child! You can have my child support if you can tell me how to legally cut out a sperm donor that only sees my son when it's convenient or when he wants to impress a new tramp!" First off I'm not a tramp, Second off I'm glad that my husband pay's his child support, I also made him change what he claims on income tax to get a bigger refund to pay his back child support, I have every right to talk about my husbands ex because of how she treats my stepson ( not feeding him, drinking and druging in front of him having sex while the child is present, you name it she has done it.) I've wanted to call CPS numerous time's, because of her behavor, but was told not to by my stepson who was worried about what would happen to his brother from another man if CPS got envolved. I feel for you, your ex is a peice of shit and he should be assamed of himself, but not all women that have husbands paying childsupport worry about the money... My consern is the welfare of the child who lives with a deatbeat mother.

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upset custodial
by:

I can't believe half of what I'm reading. I'm 25 years old. My ex fiance and I had a son who is now 2. Over the past 2 years, he has had 6 women behind my back and has told 3 of them that our son isn't even his. I work full time, I go to school online and I take care of our son on my own. I'm not on welfare or any government help. I pay my own bills. The father hasn't seen our son in 5 months. I'd be happy to let that bastard keep his money, if it meant he didn't have the right to walk in and out of MY sons life whenever he feels like it. But some people on here (mostly wives to men that pay child support) have the nerve to disrespect the custodial mother. the only reason those peopl are pissed is because they don't like that they aren't getting any money even though that money is to help support the child! You can have my child support if you can tell me how to legally cut out a sperm donor that only sees my son when it's convenient or when he wants to impress a new tramp!

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dead beat custodian
by: Anonymous

I understand that there may be some dead beat fathers as well as there are dead beat mothers. When my ex and I was married we both were employed, we had two sons, I never ask her about the bills, I only gave her the money to pay them,but when I got notice that we were 3 months behind on mortage, I question her, to make a long story short, she ruined our marriage because of finances, I felt I was the provider and the protector as well at times teaching my kids to do the right thing, I never wanted my kids to feel that even though daddy isn't in the household that i'm not there in anyway shape or form if they need me. After I started paying child support I still paid the house note, 7 hundred dollars on top of the child support for two years, to help her get finanical situated and clear her depts, but she couldn't manage still after what I was paying, so women aren't always the best choice to get the kids in a court decision, some mothers aren't fit to raise kids but they'll fight for that paycheck There's alot of fathers like me out there that deserve the children but Texas laws makes it hard on the man as if he was the cause for the divorce in the first place, so mothers please don't think that just because you carried our child 9 months, still that doesn't make you a qualified custodian. Parents should find common ground when it comes to their children, they deserve it, our love, understanding and patients with each other which will best benefit the children untill they have grown or can make it on their own.

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I'm the second Wife
by: Anonymous

I tell you what, I long for the day that my husband's firt wife's child support ends in three years. He'll no longer be her indentured servant, and we can get on with our lives. She has used him in the dirtiest ways and gotten a pass by the law to do so. My child by him and I have done without, so that she could have. She plays the game so well, that she's now had a child by a married man that she'll collect off of for the next 18 years. When that one's grown, well I guess her 2 daughters will be playing the child support lottery to the same tune that she taught them.

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child support
by: Teacher from Missouri

Well I am an educated woman with a Master's Degree who can take care of herself and child. It doesn't matter whether the woman is working or not. What matters is there is a court order for child support and money is to be paid to the custodial parent. I do agree that everyone needs to help themselves. I have an interesting situation. My ex came to my husband I last spring and was homeless and had no money. We paid for him to get into a house and for utilities. We also helped him get a job. We ended up paying out over 1,000 dollars to set him up in a house. I did not want my daughter to see her father homeless and the shape he was in. Well, the deal was he could work off the money he owed us during is off days. Well that didn't happen. He sucked us dry, took off, and about 3 months into being her didn't have anything to do with his daughter. We lived 3 blocks from him. So now he has taken off, no child support since Sept of last year and wants to sign his rights over to my husband now so he does not have to pay child support. He also wants me to sign a waiver that he does not owe any back child support. Several years ago when we were still married he owed over 22,000 on two other children. He has never been put in jail or any consequences for doing this. Now, I pay child support on my two sons. When I was finishing my student teaching they were going to throw me in jail for not paying on child support for 3 months. My ex husband had to call them and fill out a bunch a paperwork so I could finish my student teaching and get my better paying job. To this day I do not owe any back child support and keep up with my payments on a regular basis. Now they were going to throw me in jail and I am a woman, but my ex who is a male gets away with it. My question is what is wrong with this picture. The point is we bring these children into the world. When parents divorce someone has to take care of them whether it be the father or mother. If you do not live in that household with that child then you need to contribute something.

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get real
by: Anonymous

I don't understand a cust. parent that thinks that there life style should be the same as when they were married. How can a person get on with their lives if they are paying everything extra they make to the cust. parent. I have been a cust. parent that is owed thousands of dollars. I am now married to a non cust. parent that pays his support regularly. Not only has cust parent brain washed the girls that they don't need to visit their Dad but she feels the need to even go through my financial records. She presented by husband with 2 years of back medical bills not long after we got married. I guess she figured he was just rolling in the $$ since he married me. At the same time we heard she was buying a motorcycle with her new BF. So he decided to pay her $10 more a week to nick away at this medical bill. Since then I have been layed off from my job and my husband has had his hours cut severely. So we had to hire a lawyer to get child support reduced We were lucky we had a little left in savings to pay for this. What is a non cust. parent to do if he can't afford a lawyer? They can file the claim on his own but is then left without representation. You go to the family court in our county and all I see is the lawyers getting richer. My husbands lawyer was laughing with his ex's atty. I was quite disgusted with their demeanor and lack of professionalism. My husband sat up to shake a atty's hand that he knew and was told he was interrupting the court by the judge. At the same time, all the atty's were talking and laughing like we were in a social club. We also had to submit to the ex's atty all our financial records for the last 2 yrs. They even asked for mine before I was even married to him. I initially refused but was told it would just cost more in atty's fees. At the same time we cannot look at her records.
I think it is all very funny since she is also paying an atty to find out that we don't have some huge pile of $$ in the bank. He has already paid most of the medical bills. All he wanted to do in court was reduce child support which happened. She is spending quite a bit on her atty to get about $300 more in medical bills. But since she feels that she has all these rights it makes me happy that she is paying her atty more than she will ever get from my husband. I never went after my ex for back child support. He owes me at least $20,000. I just worked my but off to pay my bills and always encouraged my kids to see their Dad. My husband's ex is encouraging her kids that Dad is not important and finds any excuse for them not to come over. When we asked our atty about getting custody of one of the kids we were told it could cost up to $10,000. I think the lawyers are the real crooks. There should be flat fees for these situations with caps and not billing hours. Greedy cust parents and lawyers should be shot.

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hum
by: Anonymous

Here I am a non custodial parent, I have 3 children. So she decides for devorce. and to keep the children. I give up our household, after 23 years of being married. So now I have to pay 32 percent of net to her plus added med insurance costs, including co pay's and meds deductables. and still have to pay for all of my own new household. I need to be able to provide a place for my children to stay of the seven days of fourteen that the aggrement states. Plus I must pay half of her added medical cost and half of the copay's and deductables including half of the cost of med's. I had been working hard to do all this. begging and working for all the hours I could get. To end it all. If ILL. law says 32 percent of net is what I am obligated to pay. Then that should be the maximum. I also need to have a place to live that is suitable for my children to stay when they are with me. No added exspencies, is that not what the 32 percent was meant to do? I have been driven to bankruptcy just to satisfy the juducial system so far concerning these matters. I can no longer get extra hours. I strongly feel that any hours I feel that over the normal hours of over fourty should be mine. We ye have been on 32 all year so far. So they give Her 32 percent of plus the added cost of family coverage plus the added cost of co pay's. How in the world am I to live and pay for all that. I can provide the med coverage, her's is better. Up to one year or so before the divorce I provided the insursnce' so I guess it is now her turn to provide the this half of the parental responsibilty of health insurance including the co pays and deductables. So the argument is 32 percent of net should be all I should have to provide ( for three children, in ILL which is too much ). I also have to have to provide for a second home now whith all the added stuff. I think the best soultion is that judges should push for true joint custody of the children as possible. To possibly relive the capable non custodial as much as posible.

a non dead beat Dad

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Wow.. touchy subject??
by: Anonymous

I don't think it is fair to make any of the comments that I have seen on this page yet. Who cares which has it harder??? Both sides have rough patches to them. Shame on anyone who slams the other party, because raising a child is difficult, whether it be through financial help or physical help.

To the spouses, yes it sucks.. but that is why you got married in the first place.. to support each other. The rewards will pay off later.. when your child is an adult. Have faith in what you are doing and be the adult in not complaining.

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How stupid are you??
by: Texas Dad

For ANYONE to make a blanket statement that ALL MEN would fail at raising their children shows that you are an uneducated nincompoop who really should keep your statements to FACT and not YOUR OWN IGNORANT OPINIONS!!!!! Texas Dad

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WAKE UP!
by: Stepmother of 3

WAKE UP AND SMELL THE COFFEE!!!! 99.9% OF THE NON CUSTIODIAL PARENTS ON THIS SITE ARE PAYING THEIR CHILD SUPPORT TO GREEDY UNEMPLOYED, BLOOD SUCKING WOMEN. SO NOT ONLY ARE THEY SUPPORTING THERE CHILD(REN) BUT THE CUSTODIAL PARENT AS WELL, AND IF IT IS BROUGHT TO THE ATTENTION OF THE COURT THAT THE JUDGE JUST STATES THAT WE ARE INVADING THE MOTHERS RIGHTS. I'M SO SICK TO DEATH TIRED OF PEOPLE LIKE YOU, YOU HAVE NO CLUE! MY HUSBAND DOES EVERY THING FOR HIS CHILDREN AND WHEN HE ASKED THE MOTHER TO PAY HER 50% OF MEDICAL EXPENCES SHE SAYS SHE DON'T HAVE THE MONEY AND SHE CAN'T TAKE THE OLDEST BOY TO THE DENIST. SO WE TAKE HIM TO THE DENIST AND PAY WHAT INS DON'T COVER WHILE SHE GOES OUT AND PARTYS ON THE CHILD SUPPORT! IF YOU SAY THAT CUSTODIAL PARENTS ARE PUT UNDER A MICOSCOPE THEN PROVE IT! I'M CALLING YOUR BLUFF!!!! CHILD SUPPORT IS TO SUPPORT THE CHILD AND NOT THE GREEDY UNEMPLOYED WOMEN!!!! I THINK YOU SOULD REREAD THE BLOGS ON THIS SITE BECAUSE YOU HAVE NO CLUE!!!! ALSO GET OF YOUR BUTT AND GET A JOB IF YOU AREN'T GETING CHILD SUPPORT BECAUSE YOU MADE YOUR CHILD(REN) AS WELL SO DO YOUR PART!!!!

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GET A LIFE!!!
by: Anonymous

Most custodial parents are clingy, greedy bloodsuckers who show no independence and will never be satisfied or happy with whatever they do receive!!! To top it off, they depend on the state, the system and what will they do once their children are of legal age? Apply for shelters?? OOOPPPs! They're free! Get a life!
In case you wonder, I am a single, independent female, mother of four and rely on no HANDOUTS!

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WOW!
by: Anonymous

Is there anyone with an education on this site??? The grammar and spelling stinks of T.T.

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