Deadbeat father quits another job

by Betty
(New Mexico)

my girls

my girls

Again the father of my girls has quit his job. He worked for maybe five months, quit and ran back to his mom. As far as I know he is still there, living off his mother. He told CSED that he is moving to NV to find a new job. So what keeping him. He has not paid child support since Sept 1, 2010, this my not seem so long. But he is over 18,0000.00 in arrears, why because he works for a short time, quits, and starts work again.

This has been going on since 2007, after the first modification has been done. Who provides for the girls during this time, my husband and I do. My husband goes out and makes extra money to make sure my girls get the things they need. He is upset because, he took care of his obligation to his children until the end. And to watch someone take advantage of the system, and get away with not paying.

I have asked my case worker to procede to do what is needed, if it means their father going to jail; then so be it. If his mother want to take care of a grown man, then she can pay his way out. I was told that his bond would be the whole about of his arrears and nothing less. Why should he sit comfortably, and do as he pleases, he can do that very well in jail. He tells stories to make everyone feel sorry for him. He has quit good jobs, just to keep from paying. He has asked for modifications, and denied because he quits. The man is almost forty, and has worked part-time jobs and had his now almost ex-wife support him. Now he is back with his mom, not working, and his mom is supporting him.

I am not a mom who has keep him from seeing the girls. He does have very strict rules on visitation, but that is his fault not mine. The girls are not upset if they do not she him, they stay very busy being teenage girls. They are lucky to see him once a year. He moved far away when they were very young, and they did not see him very much. My husband has helped me raise them for the last eight years.

Why should the children suffer because the father is a Deadbeat? The money is for the care of the children. We have provided a nice home, and good vehicle, and all the things they need. We do not spend frevolously.

One of my children was diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes, the other child has learning disabilities. The child with Diabetes, I have to take her out of town to see her specialists at least 4 - 6 times a year. I work, and do my part plus more, and my husband helps me. He takes care of them like they are his own children.

Why is it so hard for men and some women to understand that it the children they are hurting. What do you say to a child, when they ask, "why can't I have this?", or "how come I can't have my allowance anymore?" When they know that they are getting money from their biological father for their support. They want and need just the same as any other child. Money does buy love, it only helps provide what is needed. Not every custodial parent goes out and spends the money unwisely. I do indeed use it to care for my children.

YOU can't run from your obligations, they will always catch up with you. It is also sad to think, that your children do not mean that much to you. My children have always been very important to me. I will always do everything I can to protect and provide for them.

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Welfare Dad
by: Anonymous

My sons father purposely went on welfare and lives with mom and dad to avoid paying child sup for our 3 sons. i have to buy him out of the family home and give him his share yet i dont get a penny in child support. The system stinks. I am so stressed I cry all the time and struggle to make ends meet but the boys always want more and i am doing what i can. Dad is confortable drives a nice car that was bought in his parents name so welfare wont know. Welfare does not even investigate him even though i have called fraud about it. Its like they care more about helping the deadbeat dad then they do the innocent kids.

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Typical story, crappy gov't help
by: Anonymous

I don't want to ramble, as I could on my own story. All I have to say is that I identify well with your story almost to the "T". Additionally, I'm glad our government works so very hard to help out those in need...sarcastic...

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Theres not much you can do
by: Sorry to have to say

I would say to the other two women that the only thing I can recomend is one thing that you can hopefully actually do, and that is to get him initially served through child support enforcement. Not through a civil court like I did when I was also getting a permanant injunction against him along with other things attatched including child support. These are two different systems. I was only able to serve him this one time by chance and have never been able to locate him nor has child support enforcement for 5 1/2 years. In fact they have dropped my case before do to their innability to locate the father but have to pick it back up since we receive medicaid. Since c s e has never served him he is still not being held accountable through child support enforcement. When I got the civil case granted it didn't do anything really as far as child support except show a history of him not following through with court order and to protect me civilly. Since child support only goes back a certain ammount of time from the time they were served "in the c s e jurisdiction" I will have to take him to civil court to collect anything that c s e doesn't get handled. This by the way is hard to collect on.
So if you want a chance at possibly getting some support or at least having him held accountable use whatever means you need to find him and get him served through child enforcement.

Through all these 8 1/2 years (from pregnancy to now)I have been through a lot of emotions about this child support issue and have just had realize there really isn't much I can do. I can't make him pay, be responsible, or do the right thing. I just have to do the best that I can and put one foot in front of the other day after day for my son and I. I also realize now that I should have never expected anything, and I should really stop crying over it on occasions. Why should I feel so bad over it all if he just isn't going to do what he should. He never did.

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Theres really nothing you can do
by: Sad to have to say

This is in regards first to the person who wrote "Deadbeat father quits another job, and stops paying child support". I feel your pain although in my position I have never received a single dime from my ex. It really sux that we can't really do anything with them switching jobs and working under the table but just so you know I just want to tell you a few things to maybe help. You are so lucky that you have this newer man in your life helping you so much with all your struggles and your girls. Many women including myself don't have that. You have been blessed so much and I hope you see that even though you struggle because this "man" won't grow up and pay his support and help give your girls an even better life, that you have been able to make it. I have been recently diagnosed with a primary immune disorder and can hardly leave my home without risking getting ill, so I have no income now, no child support. I have had to move in with my parents again at 27 and raise my child in a home with a grandmother who should not be around a child this often due to her mental abuse on others. I swore to be a great mother with no abuse around my children and have had to not only live continuously around my childhood tourment, continue being abused again, but also have my child around it. I try to shelter him as much as I can from it. But I still have to say I hate it for him. The only income I get is from food stamps each month. I haven't received disability and have been trying for a couple years now. But it is a tricky system. I feel sad that not only can I not financially take care of him, and he does go with out, but that his father found out and still wont help me financially. What a piece of crap. All in all you are a blessed women and I hope you count your blessings.


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help
by: Anonymous

I have a question: I am going to be in the same type of situation that you are currently in. I became pregnant while on birth control april of this year. i am not due until jan. 1, 2011....however, the father of my baby has never had a "real" job, ever! his mom enables him and he has no need to grow up or supply on his own. he is 24, soon to be 25 in a few months. he already has a 5yo son from a previous relationship, no child support requested from his baby's mother. i need help from him! he has not been around since i became pregnant and doesnt have a steady stable home. i have no way to get a hold of him or even know where he is at....if i file for child support, since he doesnt have a stable home, doesn't work, doesnt drive, he is basically untracable. how will they enforce child support? and if he never works ever, there wont be a way to garnish his checks....he has no bank acnt....i feel like im basically at a loss. what law protects me?

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Loser
by: Anonymous

My ex husban just told our daughter that he was laid off his job. Its been over 5 years that he has not paid child support. We went to court and was told he would have to pay about $800.00. A week later he was out of a job!!! My husband and I struggle to make ends meet with our daughter and my 2 from my ex. He wants everyone to feel sorry for him. He has strict visitation, because of a previous drug problem and jail time. He wanted me to give him a break because he is starting his new life with his girlfriend o 6 months who also was in rehab. He gets all the breaks, he will probably get paid under the table,because he was working for his girlfriends father. He has a new car, he is living with his soon to be in-laws. What can be done to get this guy to meet his responsibilities?

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So familiar
by: Anonymous

I have pretty much the same situation. Except my child's father at leasts spemnds time with his wifes children three of whom are not his. All you can do is try to get an order enfornced and then call every month to make sure other options are being dealt with. See if your states suspends licenses or tags. If he can't feed his kids who cares if he can afford to feed himself.

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