Ex Boyfriend accusing me of not "letting" him see his daughter.

by KK

My daughter is now 16 months old. He has not seen her since she was 3/4 months old. When he did see her it was illegally because we have a no contact order because he was abusive and i decided to call the police on him for it.

When she was 7 months old i decided to move in with my boyfriend and because she had no man in her life he took responsibility of being her father figure. Now, she is extremely attached to him. He plays with her, spends time with her and does all the things a FATHER should do.

A couple of months ago i decided to get prepared to file for soul custody just incase something did come up i was legally protected from him taking her from me since there was nothing set in stone yet. I made up my parenting plan (which involved her biological father being able to have visitation). But i hit a road block when the person designated to serve the papers to him could not find a last known address or anything so that had been on hold ever since

A couple of weeks ago he posted a link to this website (fathers rights questions) on my sisters (who is 17) facebook, and it had very clearly and repeatedly stated he didn't want to try and see her and tear her away from her daily routine ect.. and asked why is he paying for a child he does not get to see.

My confusion and fustration is, i did what was best for my daughter. first i got out of a relationship with him because he was abusive and controlling. i allowed her to have a normal life with 2 parents whether its her real dad or not and i cut all ties with him.

Why is he saying i am "keeping" her from him when if he is really so concerned he could take me to court for visitation &/or joint custody? I cannot legally contact him and he cannot legally contact me.

Am i doing the right thing?

Might i add.
He drinks alcohal, smokes pot, is unemployed and homeless (as far as i know).

Opinions would be greatly appreciated.

Thank you.

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Aug 18, 2011
no contact order
by: Anonymous

I've had a no contact order and usually they only hold up for a year then they are dropped often without notifying you. usually they have an effective date an include the duration or date the order expires. typically one year but there are permanent RO's but require severe and repetitive abuse resulting in prison time. my advice if he was abusive just stay away and don't file anything with the court unless you honestly feel he is going to try to do something bad. you will likely regret it when the judge doesn't agree with your parenting plan and orders his own. yuck!

Jun 12, 2011
Go for the soul custody. I would
by: Anonymous

He shouldn't have the right to have visitation if he is not fit to be around her. Supervised visits aren't well enforced. I have had the same issues with my ex. I think my daughter would be better off being fatherless, than to be subjected to the abuse she would experience from having him in her life.
I would like soul custody of my daughter as well, and have his parental rights stripped. It's not about denying him because I don't like him, it's about protecting my daughter from being abused by him the way I was.

Apr 15, 2011
by: Anonymous

Well technically he did harm her because he beat me when she was in my stomach. People are so dumb sometimes the only option i have is to go to court because 1.) he hasnt tried contacting me or anyone i know about her and 2.) hes a substance abuser.. do u actually think i want my daughter around someone like that?

Mar 22, 2011
In My Opinion...
by: Big Sal

Bottom line is this. HE IS THE FATHER. You've already acknowledged that. Now since you've acknowledged that granting him visitation should be in your child's best interest. Since you have a court order against him not being around you then you shouldn't be present for his visitation. You mentioned you have a 17 y/o sister. He could have supervised visitation with your sister, or your mother, or your boyfriend. If he ain't agreeable to that. Tell him to go file for visitation through the court. But then and only then would I ask him to involve the courts. The court system ain't the answer to all. They're a last resort.

Now as for you filing for "sole custody"... why go that far with it? You've stated he's harmed you, not your child. Think about it... would you want to be denied a relationship with your father because your mother died hating him? What I'm trying to say, is he's your EX, but he's your daughter's Father. You don't have to date him ever again, but he'll ALWAYS be your child's father. Therefore, he has a right to be in her life and help make decisions.

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