Fair System?

I don't have the issue of my ex not letting me see my kids. My issue is I am Working 6 days a week 12-14 hrs a day so I can afford my child support along with my personal bills. This meaning I barely get to see my kids. My girlfriend and I we have a 2year old together, with my long hours it makes our lives and relationship very difficult. We have neerly separated several times. I don't understand how We as fathers are ordered to pay child support, thru a court system, and Mothers are not held accountable for where the money goes. My kids come over with Holy, stained clothing, and shoes. Every school year and winter I am forced to buy them clothing and shoes. If I don't they will get next to nothing. She now has a boyfriend that has 4 kids so there is his 4 kids and my 2 kids living in a 3 bedroom house. I think that it's a unfair system, don't get me wrong I don't mind taking care of my responsiblitie but lets make it more fair. If I am forced to work all these hours to make it, how is that benefiting my children? They still barely get to see me and when they do I am really tired from all the hours Im forced to put in. Also Why are mothers not held accountable for how the money is being spent. I think if you ask Most "Dead Beat" Dads Why they dont pay child support the top three reasons would be

1. Never get to see children.
2. Can't afford it
3. When its paid it don't go for children

My thought on the Child support system why dont they put 1/3 to 1/2 tworads a college fund, or some kind of CD that can't be touched till the child is 18. Then who cares where the other 1/2 goes you at least know that your child will get something helpful, something that will make there future more valuable.

I might be totaly off base but maybe im not. You tell me?




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I feel your pain
by: Anonymous

I am living what all of you are talking about. My ex-wife refueses to work and even though I have 50% custody I am forced to pay a ridiculous amount of child support for two children due to the income disparity. The money I pay is going towards many other things other than the children's needs. What incentive does she have to work when she can continue to collect more money from me? We can all bitch about it but what can we do about it to change things? This system needs to be modified.

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No One is Always Right
by: Anonymous

I agree with you all to a point. I have been on both sides of this issue. This is what I think...

Why should the custodial parent have to account for each dime they spend on the children? The child support should just reimburse what the parent has already spent.

As for the non working custodial parent. I did not always work when I recieved child support but I had a child with health care needs and I was a student. If the non custodial parent is not working then they should be productive. ie school, volunteering in the community or if the child has special needs (that is enough).

For men getting the short end of the stick. I agree. I have told my ex what to bring to court but he never listens and I always win. There are a lot of good men who want to be father's to their children. My boyfriend is one of them but then you have those like my ex who does not call, does not visit and does not want to send money.

My philosophy is I did not have to beg you to make the children so I should not have to beg you to help raise them. In all aspects with financial being the least of my concerns.

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You are right!
by: Stepmother of 3

I agree with both of you! The non custodial parents have to show the courts how much money they make to caculate child support as well as provide medical insurance. But what accountablity does the custodial parent have? They should be held accountable for every penny the non custodial parent pays to them and where it was spent on for the child. Because my husband and I both know his child support is supporting his Son his ex wife, and her other son from another man because the other boys father doesn't pay child support. It's very aggravatting that his ex wife won't get a job, to do her part! We provide everthing for his son while she sits on her ass and collects a check!

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OMG, I agree with you
by: Anonymous

I am the stepmother and let me tell you, I wish there were some accountability for the money spending. My husband also rarely gets to see his child because he works 60 hours a week and most weekends. We live 8 hours away from his son but still try to make monthly visits, and his ex won't even meet him half way so my husband typically spends 32 hours of the weekend on the road to go get his son and take him back. She claims "gas is too high". She doesn't keep him updated on the child's life events (his son broke his arm last summer and she didn't bother to call until several days later to tell him) and his kid shows up here with clothes that don't fit. We pay all the daycare costs (in cash to her) plus all the medical expenses and $590/mo in basic support. When my husband visits up there, she always needs more cash for something else. And when he visits here for birthdays or Christmas, gifts are totally our responsibility. The child spent Christmas with us this year and we did all of "Santa" and she didn't get him anything.

Custodial parents should be required to submit affidavits supporting what expenses are related to the child directly. Without a child they would still need a car and an apartment that they'd have to pay for by themselves. Contributing to extra groceries or rent is one thing when you know it's going to the child's welfare, but how can you know when they just get cash? Plus, it's ridiculous that child support can be used to get a car loan, apply for a credit card, or any other debt purposes.

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