He pays support, but that doesn't make him a father.

by Kristine Grunst
(Windom, MN)

I left my son's father before my son turned 1, (he is now 4) because he was violent and abusive (verbally, physically, and sexually) towards me, and neglectful of our son. I would work overnight (the only job I could find) from 10pm to 7am, come home and have to stay up with our son until 4:30pm when he finally got home from work, because he "didn't want to get up so early" in the morning. I finally found a job that went from 7:30am to 3:30pm, and would come home to find that he had only fed our child a small handful of Cheerios all day and had left him in dirty clothes and a dirty diaper. He would drink heavily and hit me, throw things at me, and choke me...among other things. I filed a police report on one occasion. When I finally left him, he got drunk, came and kicked in two of my car windows, and broke through the door of my new residence and proceeded to stab himself THROUGH his hand 4 times with a pair of kitchen scissors in front of myself and my son before police finally arrived.

Afterwards, he filed with the courts to have custody of our son. While he didn't get custody, he DID receive visitation rights. He gets him unsupervised for 3 hours every week, and from 4pm Friday to 4pm Sunday every other weekend. In order to get visitation, he was to complete an anger management course (which doesn't work, but he didn't complete anyway) and is to remain drug and alcohol free (which he doesn't). I'm both hurt and appalled that the judge would be so cruel as to require my son to be sent there...and there's nothing I can do about it because he pays his child support. My son's father's home is NOT a healthy environment for him and is NOT a safe environment for him. I'm absolutely disgusted with the justice system at this point.

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Oct 27, 2011
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SMH
by: Anonymous

Your title caught my eye.. Pays child support but isn't a father. My NCP pays me child support and is constantly complaining about how much it is, refinancing it, ect ect.. But he hasn't seen his daughter in 4 months. Didn't take the DNA test until she was a year old (had been trying nicely to do it without involving court) then didn't even attempt to see her until she was a year and ahalf. He took ME to court to get visitation and has only seen her a handful of times between getting visitation and her 2nd birthday (4 months ago).... Yet I have to get PErMISsiON from HIM if I want to move or anything... I would rather he keep his money so my husband can adopt her... Of course he only sees his rights and now every time we talk she is "his daughter and only his daughter".. He's selfish and spiteful and she deserves better for her life.. Yours is a mega-ultra douchebag tho, and I'm sincerely sorry for that!

Jun 01, 2011
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help
by: Anonymous

i normally don't support moms but in your case you do have options which is go back to court they have program that will teach you how to file proper paperworks, in california if your concerns are valid in my case they can appoint an attorney for free which is your childs attorney and if the child explain situtation to his lawyer you will get custody and he will have to prove the right to be a father which is finish counseling and stay drug free i flip side ex accused me of being alcohlic and violent false but after kept filing for my rights took three years i went thru the hoops and proved i just wanted to be part of my babies life and it worked i have half custody my baby has her own court appointed attorney which keeps my ex in lline which was free so look into it you can get custody if safety is concern you just can't give up

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