Help my Boyfriend with any suggestions

by Kimberly
(Ventura, California)

My Boyfriend of almost two years just went through a really bad divorce. We met at the beginning when he was separated and he was going through hell at the time. She wanted a open relationship and she moved out. The only thing is that he met someone while she was gone and she than wanted him back. It was too late than because we had fallen in love.


It was a very long and painful divorce leaving him with 50/50 custody of the kids who are triplets age 6 who live in California. She was very aggressive and angry during the whole divorce and felt that he owed her something. I must admit she is a bit nuts and often had fits of rage where she would jump on him in front of people. He said the marriage was bad for quite some time because she was very controlling. I don't always believe what I hear but many of their close friends that I have now met gave me the impression of how crazy she is.

My boyfriend is a really sweet and soft hearted man who wants to provide for his children. He has a advertising business where he advertises for local businesses in the area and he has done this for the past 10 years. Business has been slow in the area because of the economy so he is struggling to make ends meet. When he has the children he provides for them well. You should see him with the children it would make you cry, he loves them so much. He felt so bad for them during the divorce that he felt guilty about the divorce. She "the ex" called many times harassing him to shut down the magazine to get a real job so that he could pay her child support and stated that he was not a man. She would also tell the children that they were going to be homeless because of daddy.

He made the decision to try and give her something even though she made more than he did in salary because he felt as if that was what a man was supposed to do. Against my advice he signed a paper that stated that he would start to pay her around $300.00 a month and it would go up $50 each month until it reached $800.00 a month to give him time to make more money. He would only do this if on the paper it stated that he could change this agreement at anytime because of hardship. He managed to pay her $5000.00 in 2008 and had to stop because there was simply no money. She raged and has now sicked child support services on him. Before they finalized the divorce he went to the courthouse and took a class so he could have his payments modified according to both of their salaries. At the divorce hearing the judge said that he did not do reducing paperwork right and the agreement stood. This did not help him because he did what the court training class told him to do. He has finally after several months completed the right paperwork. But now child support services says he owes over $4000.00 to her.

Now you have to understand that he has just lost his house, they both had to file bankruptcy together, he had to pay for the mediator because she did not, and he had to pay to get their taxes done.

She now has hired a paralegal herself who has summoned him and demands that he shows all of his records for the past three years, all of his bank account records, any financial records, and any trade account records that he might have because he often did trade while they were married. He cannot hire a lawyer because he is broke and he is helpless not knowing what he can do. If they award her the past child support he does not have the money to pay her so what would happen?

Sorry this is so long but basically does anyone out there have any advice? It would be greatly appreciated.

Be Well

Kimberly



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Filing for downward modification
by: Anonymous

A non-custodial parent has the right to a downward modification due to "change of circumstance". Loss of income, change in economic status, warrants such a modification. Have your boyfriend represent himself, Pro Se, by filing a petition for a downward modification in the court with jurisdiction over the matter. He can get an example of the legal document he needs to file at a legal support services office. In his petition, he needs to request a modification due to his change in circumstance and current financial status. He needs to notice the court in the petiton "why" such a modification is warranted. With each assertion, he needs to provide exhibits ie, tax returns, payroll checks, divorce decree, written agreements, court deceisons, child support payment history,and bankruptcy papers as evidence to each assertion. This will take time, but in the end it may be worth it. Someone at the courthouse should assist him with the procedure for setting the case for hearing and giving legal notice to the custodial parent and the party representing her. This option is better than allowing the clock to run and getting into greater financial debt and legal trouble. At this time in our economic troubled society, I am sure, many non-custodial parents are going facing the same deceision to legally advocate for themselves over loss of jobs and lack of financial security. In essence, you can't get blood out of a turnip. He needs to show the court he is not going to financially abandon his children, but provide economically within his financial means according to his earnings and ability. Good luck.

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