How i wish my ex was one of the "good fathers"

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How i wish my ex was one of the "good fathers"

by Teressa
(Oklahoma City, OK)

As a mother, I have complete sympathy for you father who faithfully pay your child support and yearn to see your children yet are denied the right to see them. I have seen many many cases where the women not only wants child support but they want more and more. Unfortunetaly, I am a mother who has a dead beat father to deal with. Our children are 9 and 10. We seperated when our oldest was 3. I decided to go thru DHS when they were 5 and 6 because he wouldn't pay his child support. I stopped visitation when they were 8 and 9. He is over $22,000 behind and refuses to pay.

All in all I stopped letting him see his kids for many reasons. Reasons like, he literally had different women living with him. To the point that every other weekend that the kids went over there was a new girlfriend. He was driving to get women from other states that he met online and would bring them down the weekends he had his kids. Why not do that on the weekends you don't have your kids? What about their safety? On several occassions when he had the kids pure violence would occur in front of the kids. He and his girlfriends(many of them) don't think it's important for him to pay child support becuase their kids dads don't. His drugs. His alcohol. He didn't care if the kids were there. I could go on and on.

We made a verbal agreement when we first seperated so many years ago. That was that he payed his child support and only his child support and he got his kids every other weekend. I stuck to that agreement til

1 1/2 years ago. I had enough of the excuses of why he couldn't get the kids or why he was going to be extremely late or have to bring them home early. I heard every excuse in the book. It was never a problem not seeing the kids until i took them from him.

I stopped lying for him to the kids 3 years ago. I started telling them why he wouldn't be showing up. Thats if he called at all.

To this day i still get hate calls because he isn't allowed to see his kids. His girlfriends are fast to support his lack of support in all areas.

He gets food stamps and yet the DHS can't "find him" to collect child support. I can't get child support from his tax returns because he owes the irs thousands. He owes the state because he claimed unemployment and worked at the same time. They can't suspent his license because it's already suspended because of warrants.

His response, "why should i pay if i can't see my kids". My response, "why should i continue to let you see your kids when i don't get child support, you abuse drugs and alcohol in front of them, you only pick them up when you feel like it. etc. etc.

I agree things have to change. There should be laws that protect good fathers and mothers and there should be laws that punish dead beat fathers and mothers.

I wish my ex was a good father. If he was he wouldn't have to complain about his rights to see his kids.

What happend to the best interest of the child?

Get Your Child Support-Get The Child Support That you and your Child/Children Deserve.

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How i wish my ex was one of the "good fathers"

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Jan 08, 2010
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FATHER IN SUPPORT
by: Anonymous

glad to hear from a mother who admits the problems with our systems from the mothers to the fathers, i am a single father and to this day pay my support and have half custody of our child but it took many years and to this day am still picking up the pieces of the things I lost to be able to prove my self as a father just wanting to be part of my childs life so your not alone the system is far from just and needs to change for the best interest of the child not for the manipulative parents who use the system for their own financial gain

Jan 07, 2010
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Children Suffer
by: Anonymous

I feel the same way. I am sorry to hear about your situation. You are right when you say that the kids suffer. It's not about the money it's about them. I too am divorced and my kids Dad pays child support by allotment since he is military and I had it that way in our Child Agreement. He does not make the most of the time he is alloted to spend with the kids, and even though we are 10 hrs. away from him, there is always a phone. He too does not think of the kids and how things affect them. Unless I have to I do not talk to him, just email things about the kids and allow him or the kids to make contact. The life that I give them now since the divorce is what matters. I have lied before to them about their Dad to protect them, and now I know that the truth is what they need to know. I allow them to make their own opinion about their dad and what goes on. Now we live our lives without him in it unless he decides to be a part of their lives every now and then, at least this way they know they are loved by me and other family members in their lives and not worry about whether or not their Dad wants to spend time with them, or cares about them the way others do that love them. He is missing out, and for my kids I hate that, but I know they are fine with the stable life I give them.

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Jan 07, 2010
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Submitted by: Anonymous

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I feel the same way. I am sorry to hear about your situation. You are right when you say that the kids suffer. It's not about the money it's about them. I too am divorced and my kids Dad pays child support by allotment since he is military and I had it that way in our Child Agreement. He does not make the most of the time he is alloted to spend with the kids, and even though we are 10 hrs. away from him, there is always a phone. He too does not think of the kids and how things affect them. Unless I have to I do not talk to him, just email things about the kids and allow him or the kids to make contact. The life that I give them now since the divorce is what matters. I have lied before to them about their Dad to protect them, and now I know that the truth is what they need to know. I allow them to make their own opinion about their dad and what goes on. Now we live our lives without him in it unless he decides to be a part of their lives every now and then, at least this way they know they are loved by me and other family members in their lives and not worry about whether or not their Dad wants to spend time with them, or cares about them the way others do that love them. He is missing out, and for my kids I hate that, but I know they are fine with the stable life I give them.

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How i wish my ex was one of the "good fathers"

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How i wish my ex was one of the "good fathers"