How the system can work against you.

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How the system can work against you.

by Angie
(Maryland, US)

I had my first son the year of 9/11. I was in an abusive and controlling relationship for 6 years in which I was co-dependent. My boyfriend cheated on me while I was pregnant and I tried to get him involved with the pregnancy but he did not want the child. When my son was finally born-which was traumatic enough almost being induced on September 11 from hypertension while the pentagon was bombed, I realized I needed to give my son the best life and it was not with an abusive boyfriend. I forced him to leave and asked to work it out amicably for our child. He decided to get a lawyer behind my back and go after our son as revenge. He married a single mom within six months and used the child in every means necessary to hurt me, falling behind on child support when he saw fit, then taking the child for weeks at a time without me knowing where he was.

I kept filing for contempt but the court system worked against me as a single mom, eventually taking my son away from me. He looked better on paper with a marriage and a home, I had just met my soon to be husband and was settling down. I had my second son with my husband in 2005 and in 2006, my house mysteriously burned down. My ex-boyfriend's wife consistently sends me threats and has been a cyber-bully for years. Our van has been keyed. My son comes crying to my house about how his stepmom calls me a fat b@tch in front of him and other names. I just tell him we are not like that in my home, we don't talk about them whatsoever. I have asked the court for custody given back to me several times because he has wanted to live with me but it is impossible to get when already decided by the courts.

While on vacation last summer, my ex-boyfriend filed for child support against me after years of not having done so as a revenge against us. Despite being a stay at home mom with my second son diagnosed with ADHD and speech problems, the court awarded him child support. And my husband works at the same company as my ex-boyfriend so is constantly dealing with sabotage at work. I am currently pregnant, disabled and owe a years worth of child support.

And all these years I have supported my son by never giving up my visitation or anything my son has ever needed or wanted from me, even though my son is forced to call his stepmom, "MOM", even though the system has taken away my license so we can't go to the doctor, even though my husband can't get a raise because my ex is buddy buddy with the boss, and even though my ex still contacts child support to come after me every couple months, even though I could not get a protective order against the cyberbully(ex's wife)whom hacked into my husband's email accounts, even though I have been mentally traumatized constantly by these hateful people that have used the system to their advantage, not because they NEED the money.

My husband works at the same company, my ex makes almost 6 figures a year even in this economy and my husband makes half of that-an average of $50,000 a year. I could be a deadbeat and just leave but do you know why I don't? Because I love my son and if I leave him for good, my ex will win! That is what my ex wants, for me to be out of my own child's life so he can tell my son whatever he wants about me. So send the pregnant disabled woman to jail for owing child support! Can I really blame some fathers for what they do?

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How the system can work against you.

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Sep 05, 2011
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i lost my kids to an abuser
by: Aussie

My australian justice system is failing me. I was with my ex for 5 years, copped mental and physical abuse, infront of my kids or in public. i left him after 5 years living in NSW away from my family and my friends. i ran witb the kids to my mother in qld for 7 months and i was happy. After 7 months of harrassment and promises that he would change i went back to try make our little family work, after a month and a half he went back to how he used to be. i lasted another 6 months with him like this. i went to my friends place two streets down as i had no where else to run. he kept my children not allowing them to come with me. after 2 days he gave them to me, begging me to come back.. after he realised i wasnt coming back he took the kids from daycare and refused to allow me to have them alone (in the chance id run again). He had the kids in his care and he still constantly drove past the house numerous times a day, or he would stop in and want to "talk" i filed for legal aid to get a recovery and a relocation order back home. i found out my mother was gravely ill and they thought she was having a stroke. so i immediately flew out home. after a week of being there, the day before i was due to go back to nsw. he found out i had filed for legal help. he went ballistic. his mother was also not happy. i knew i wasnt safe down there. his friends and family turned against me thinking that i was lying about the abuse i had copped from him. well i say severe anxiety and depression doesnt come from no wherE. The worst is i was always to scared to call the police. I also had hope that he would be the man he promised to be. After the ordeal of figuring out i had one friend to stand by me against him, his family and his mates..i decided i had to stay in qld with my family. i never have gone through a custody battle and dont know any one of my circumstance that has been through it to get advice. Now its been nearly 7 months i havent seen my children. I have been forced to sign temp custody orders to this mental case of a man just so i can see my kids 4 times a year until it all goes through court. in australia without paying a lawyer, court can take up to 2 years. it took legal aid 6 months to get me to mediation where in it i just had to agree to everything he offered until the courts decide. I raised my kids, i did everything for them. My autistic son asks me to come to qld nearly everytime i talk to him on the phone. i call them every night. My little girl seen me on skype and cried for me all the next day. so he decided i couldnt skype them anymore. I am telling my story for any australian women out there... if you are in this circumstance. Call the Police! do not let them fear you if you do so. Leave with your kids and dont look back, dont make my mistake... He stripped me of my soul and my dignity for 5 years and now he took away my heart. Dont be stupid like i was. losing your babies isnt worth it.

Sep 03, 2011
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Social System Fools
by: For the Mothers

You're a very naive and fooliswh person "I Don't Think So" Social workers just lie to the courts to take whatever children will make the most profit for families and give them to whoever makes them look the best. My first three were taken away and given to child molesters in their foster care system. My daughter had to go to court for a year while being molested all that time to get away. Do you know why my naive and foolish little social worker? Because the social workers on her case didn't want to look bad about their total ineptness. I took a look at the public records and photgraphed some of the garbage the social workers wrote about me; then I asked my children which I found years later after they could no longer interfere, and guess what? They all said they were forced in closed doors to sign papers that I said and did things that never happened. My daughter wantes to write a book about her horror stories just to enlighten people about how crooked and ineffective the foster care system is. All my children say they wouldn't be this messed up now if it wasn't for the system you work in. Do you think you are helping someone? Your intentions may be good, or you may be just one of the cruds that work there to exploit the kids. But the system does not work at all. They can prove you unfit. But most of the time it is just social worker lies. Remember that before you go off on any good will tangents for the children. You may be making the worst mistake of your life and be ruining an entire family.

Mar 26, 2011
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you de not have to be proven unfit!!!!
by: Anonymous

The system has taken advantage of my economic background and hardships to continue collecting money having hearings without my knowledge, and many more injustices. I had two children by my first husband, who cheated on me, and I left, we were wealthy, and he got everything, had the lawyers, and took my children. I was raped, had a third child, and continued to pay full support for my children from the first marraige, and raise my new child on my own. I got married again to an abusive man this time, and had two more girls. So now I was paying half of everthing I made, and all my income tax returns to child support for the first two, while raising my other three, alone, on the other half, worked two jobs and went to school. My second husband tried to kill me, they took my daughter away and gave her to the rapist, I now paid child support for three kids, half of my income, and continued to raise the other two, alone. I have never had one income tax return, always had two or three jobs, had cancer, and have always paid half my income to child support, and raised my last two alone. At the age of 15 my oldest child moved back in with me, I had no money to get a lawyer, so they made me pay his father the child support anyway, my son and my other two children lived with me, I raised them alone, keep in mind my two youngest father was in prison, no support to me there, and my son's father was not paying, I was paying him, current and back. Now all three older kids are 18, still no support from my youngest two's father, I just paid all my tax return, 6,000 dollars, and all my back unemployment, of 2700 dollars. now my unemployment from being injured, is 260 a week, and they take all but 120 dollars, thats what my other daughters and I live off of. I am taking 24 hours, to graduate this semester, I am determined to fight the system, my younger two daughters live in poverty, while the other three are grown and out of the house. My ex husband and his wife,take cruises with the child support and brag about it, and we live in a small town where I am a Pastor now, and still raising my other two. I have always had constant contact with my children minus the five years I had to leave the state to avoid my crazy ex husband, who still wanted to kill me. And even then, I drove home and risked our lives, to see them at least once a month, every holiday and Birthdays, and talked to them on the phone a lot. I kept them four weeks every summer. This is wrong, how the system just takes what they want, there are court orders being entered

Feb 14, 2011
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I dont think so
by: Anonymous

sorry.. no offense, your story is sad.. but I work for social services and in child custody. There is no way they would just "give" your son away. To take a child away from their mother, you would have to have been proven unfit.

Oct 05, 2010
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young single mom
by: nessa

damn that is messed up. im 19 about to have my first son and me and my baby father not together either, im scared that if i file for child support he will try to take my son or make me move back to ny. and his wife that he married after i got pregnant and after we found out about each other, i had to get an order of protection from her because of her harrassment and telling me my son will never have a father. if i have to force him im not letting him just walk away like that. i understand you fully and its a shame whats going on. just never give up. my mom and grandma was in custody battle over me all my life and my mom was able to have me back without harrassment for 2yrs now. i know you dont want it to be that long but trust me from experience hold on and dont give up, it might not take that long and if it does your son will love you even more and will still be your baby. soon when he gets a certain age they can ask him where he wants to live, i dont know if they do that there but you should check that out. good luck and i will pray for you

Jul 30, 2010
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there is hope hang in there
by: Anonymous

From what I know of child support if you are disabled you don't have to pay cause you can not work to make the payments, but that does not mean you can not care for your child, you yourself can also request a review of the custody and child support order they can not deny you that, you as well as the father can request one every four years, if you wanted to. Then at the hearing ask for the judge to speak with your child if the child is unhappy with the father the child has a right to tell the judge that he is not happy and request that he live with you. Even though the final choice is the judges it never hurts to try then after trying so much maybe the judge will finally see that the child just maybe better off with you.

until child support laws are changed the parents that should not have all favors given to them will continue to get them and is is not right.

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How the system can work against you.

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