I Can't Afford My Child Support


(Cheyenne, WY.)

I make $12.50 an hour. My employee does not allow me to work overtime or anything like that.


When the child was 9 years old we, my fiancé and I, found out that I could possibly be the father. A test proved that was and I am to pay $400 a month and an extra $100 a month in back child support.

I'm not bringing home enough to pay my bills anymore. I wasn't to begin with. Is there any way that I can get this reduced to a lower payment?

I do not see the child because the mother said that it would be too much for him and that it would hurt him mentally. The mother also gave me a letter one-day asking if I had children. Then asking if he could change his last name to that of the guy he calls "dad".

I never responded to any of this because she had the boy write it and meaning she didn't want me to be in contact with him I found it inappropriate to respond. (The above was a phone response to her about me having children.) I then found out that this guy he calls "dad" does visitations with him and has him about half the year. Now why am I paying a full year of child support if she doesn't even have him?

Please help! Being in the "equality state" isn't easy as a man. I can't find anyone to give me any information and having to do side jobs and not seeing MY family is getting hard.

Comments for I Can't Afford My Child Support

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Angry woman
by: Anonymous

I understand where these men are coming from. I have a husband, and we have a child together. He also has a child with another woman. She is the scum of the earth. I think she feels its her mission in life to make our lives miserable. She keeps taking us to court for more and more money and says she does not have enough. Why does she have 3 huge dogs and a cat if she can't afford anything? She barely has their child. She has her mother take care of her, and she has had her take care of her since the little girl was born. The court system would still side with her even if we took her to court and stated she lives with her grandmother because she's the mother. She gets her 3 days a week,and she has told people its because she works. Bull if she worked so much she wouldn't be taking him to court so much. She doesn't like the responsibility of having a child she just likes the money she gets from it. She would refuse to ever give us custody because that little girl is her financial security. She cares little about her daughter and more about ruining our lives. She gets money from the government to pay for her groceries, medical, and utilities. Her boyfriend is on disability and all they do is take us to court. For all those women who dedicate their lives to going to the courts to take more and more money GET AN EDUCATION. You would have more money if you took the time to educate and better yourself. Quit worrying about how to make everyone pay for you and do it for yourself. Don't get me wrong men should pay child support and he does, but every year she want to take us to court because she thinks one year she'll be able to get taxes or school supplies anything she can think of to get more money for herself and not for that child. 26 court dates in the past 3 years for nonsensical bull. GET A LIFE!!!

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For all the women out there paying too.
by: Anonymous

I don't feel that anyone on this site is trying to dismiss there responsibilities as a parent by wanting there child support reduced!!
You have absolutely no idea what its like to have the government reach its greedy hand into your pocket and pull out any amount they deem fit. This leaves the already disadvantaged even more so, and even if they want a chance to build a life for their child they can't afford to.
And guess what? Men are NOT the only ones who pay child support, women many times have to pay it too. I pay child support for 3 children and have to cover 100% percent of their medical costs each month, that's over $600.00 per month just for the medical alone. My ex doesn't have to work because of how much I pay in child support, and when he does he works for cash so that it doesn't effect the amount that I pay him. Also, he married a woman with 4 kids of her own and who collects 3 child support checks from all of her kids fathers. They literally live off of child support checks, infact they just finished bragging to me about a month ago that they BOUGHT A BAR.
Does that sound to you like he is desperately trying to survive and take care of my child? PAH!!! They're living high on the hog right now, while I'm frantically trying to figure out how to pay my rent somehow after the government gets done screwing me every month with no lube.

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two sides
by: Scott

There are women who are victims. There are men who are victims. It's unfair to lump all men inti the "deadbeat" category. And it's unfair to lump all women into the "greedy" category. There are terrible things happening on both sides, and that's sad. So to the men who refuse to pay, and the women who don't work, this message is not for you, it's for the rest of us:

all I want to know is, how can I afford a place to live and food for my kids on the weeks I have them, when child support is so high?
I would gladly raise my children alone, and I wouldn't expect their mother to pay me anything. Ironically, if I had full custody I could afford to raise my kids on my own, but since child support is so high (which I pay in full each month) I got kicked out of my apartment (paid child support instead of rent), and can't find anywhere to live that I can afford.
I'm legally supposed to have two bedrooms since I have a boy & girl from different mothers (nobody gets into a relationship expecting it to fail), but I can't even afford a studio.
How am I suppose to have the same living environment for my children (as is expected) as their mother, but with half of my paycheck? I also pay half of medical, school, etc, on top of the child support.

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Just another atrocity
by: Anonymous

Once you agree to the concept that it is somehow okay to stick a gun in someones face and demand money you open the door to everything else. There is no good way to enforce "child support" especially since what you are enforcing isn't supporting children. You are demanding money be forcibly taken from one adult and given to another adult. BUT BUT BUT ITS FOR THE FOR THE CHILDREN!

Providing for children is giving them a home, love, and food it is NOT cutting a monthly check. By turning fatherhood into money good fathers suddenly become "bad" the second they lose a job or can't pay some arbitrary amount decided by people in black robes who get a nice cut of the take. Child support as a concept needs to end. Yes couples who split should be able to work out arrangements themselves but any entrance of government into the equation makes it evil instantly. It is wrong and needs to cease.

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The system will not change.
by: Anonymous

If you can't afford it. Don't commit suicide. Just leave the country.

The system isn't for you, the mother or child. Its for the biggest money maker here. And they ain't going to change it.

Too many high paid persons get their cut off this business called "divorce". Its sponsored for sure. Its advertised everywhere. TV, Phonebooks, web. US has the highest divorce rates because that is what they want. Its money pouring in from another avenue.

I will never legally marry in this country. Its a scam. Why do you need to legally get married? You don't. You can love, have a family, and be happy without a third party getting involved. Inviting Uncle Sam in, will me you will pay up buddy!

Good luck to you all.

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child support
by: Thomas

after reading this and a father who pays child support and cant see my child. i feel very hurt by our country because they have the tools to fix this but rather spend it fucking over other countries for their personal gain. i work at jack n the box and i make $8.50 an hour. my support was based off when i was a truck driver. i ended up losing my apartment and 2 cars and also my job because of child support. i was making about 1500 a week driving my truck. i was paying $550 a week in support. now working at jack n the box, they are taking half my check and 200 after half for behind (3500). witch leaves me with 100 to 150 give or take every 2 weeks. i dont get to see my daughter at all the mom told me she changed her number because i call to much to talk to my 4 year old daughter, i was told i cant see her anymore or go to her bday party but i still had to buy her something for her bday. out of pocket. (via facebook). i found out that many females and kids are dieing due to child support. because the dad dont want to lose his life to fee the mother the child the new boyfriend his kids and pay her bills. im at wits end as of now because of the support. i cant get married because my gf said i dont want to pay your support but i still love you. i cant get a good paying job because i have a STAY on my licence. so im reduced to working low paying jobs because the more you make the more they take. im better off leaving this country. they need a system to see what the mother is spending the money on. i dont like it one bit. i understand its my chils TOO but if the mother wont let me see or talk to the child and the system is slow or wont do anything about, im not sure whats going to happen next.

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i am a baby mama i guess you can say
by: Anonymous

I believe in equal rights for the fathers. I have 2 girls and neither of them see their dad....one said its not mine and the other stopped picking her up.....three years ago...my first is 7 and the youngest 4. I do not get support from either of them for my girls and I am FINE with it. I have them 100 % to myself and can care less about the money. But that's me. If a man wants to support them ladies, you also have to not be so greedy...it is also you that has to support them too. I have a step daughter that child support is paid for and baby mama is never satisfied. She believes it isn't her responsibility to buy her daughter clothes....its a shame.....but im with you guys that actually try.....there are some woman that don't try to squeeze the bone marrow out of you. I am what we call independent

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Give the guys a break
by: Anonymous

Wow! Reading these posts really show how incensitive and tunneled vision some people are.Some people are batching others for expressing their short coming with paying child their child support. Most people are not complaining about making the payments but the astronomical amount of money they pay into child support; hoping for a relief. I am like most of them. I'm not against providing child support for my children, but I would like to have a little more money at the end of the month to satisfy my obligation to myself.

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Well Maybe the mother
by: Anonymous

Should get a job just like the father and it should be split even. I only bring home 2400/month and the amount I get after child support is equal to 700/month. Let me see you try to live off 700/month and that includes getting and seeing your kids. I can't even afford to feed my mouth because rent isn't free, food isn't free, gas isn't free...I'd like to see you try it. I'm tired of not being able to eat because I pay out more than I bring home.

My last paycheck was 427.00 and the deductions (CHILD SUPPORT ONLY) was 575.00. That's ridiculous.

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I can't afford my child support
by: Anonymous

I hear a lot of ladies, Man-Up. Most men I know want to pay their support and spend time with their kids. It's the ladies who to hold the men hostage through their kids. I have two kids, two different mothers. My first, I pay $950.00 monthly. The second, I give her money, $450.00 per month. I'm involved in both of their lives. For the second child, I go to his school when the teacher e-mails me, teach him - Yes Sir | No Sir, (something missing these days). I teach him his responsibilies of being a man, he's only four. Nevertheless, I'll always have a issue with his mom, until she is able to get $950.00 a month. Regardless of what I do, I'm not man enough because she isn't getting $950.00 too. But, I'am in his life, OR AT LEAST I WAS. I lot of the mom's would rather have money than a father to be in their kids lives.

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so called greedy mothers
by: Anonymous

i ama single mother whos partner left when i was 4 months pregnant...knowing he was my childs father he tried EVERYTHING to get out of paying child support..even voicing his idea on get her put into state care so he didnt have to pay. These men are disgusting, if you dont want children, use contraception...even if the lady in question is on it too. Cover your own backs instead of blaming women for a joint venture. Men seem to be able to run and avoid all responsibilities for raising children...how do they think the kids feel when they know their dad has ran off and left them. Men are selfish when it comes to raising children, and most of them dont even know how much it actually costs to raise a child. I do my part in working and providing, so seeing as he's the other half who made her why shouldnt he??

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NO GOOD BABY MAMA
by: Anonymous

I'm a father of three great children. The question have if I'm on child support for two of my kids do the courts in Florida does that matter when igo to court for my other child.

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more money
by: Anonymous

yes some of the stories just break your hearts ,but let me tell you one about a friend of mine she gave birth to a daughter 13 years ago an has been fighting for her daughters child support every since. the man owns 2 bussiness in ft. smith ar. and his wife is a doctor they live in a million dollar home, thats right 1,000,000.00 home an have three kids now she has to beg him to help with everything from his half of the doctor bills to his child support which is only 129.00 a month by the way she found out by his tax return that they gave over 4000.00 dollars to the church for their tithes last year. He has managed to get an accountant to hide the fact that he is doing so well. what would you people tell this woman. oh by the way when she was in the hospital giving birth he was telling her how much he loved her an a few day later ask for a diviorce it seem he had been seeing this woman for months an was pregnant herself by this man so good luck people im in the same boat most men are but what can we do but grin an bendover

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Fairness is needed in support and custody
by: Anonymous

Read titled "Greedy Women" on Nov 9 in this blog. Lady you are right on. It would make for much more peace in the world if Mom's and Dad's felt they had a fair deal in the child's life and support situation.
I would hope that all who believe in fairness would get to the politicians that can do something to correct the laws to help get more fairness in child support and custody situation.

I believe we all need to support our children, but fairly. The non-custodial parent should not be put in the situation where they are not left with much to live on. For example 2 children@ 17% = 34% support then pay income taxes and it is hard for a lower income person to survive..then tack on 12% interest on past unpaid support(it should be more in line with current cd rates) and then felony charges for not paying in 120 days...then what do you tell the child when the parent goes to jail?..lie but how long? Tell the child and they see their parent as a bad person, that makes them feel bad and possibly more vunerable to hang with a bad crowd when they grow up.. It is a vicious cycle.
The current system also can make the non-custodial parent not want to excel in their work as more $ just goes out. There should be a limit on child support payment amounts based upon the area the child lives in cost of raising a child divided in half and that's it. Currently the system does not take into consideration the custodial parent's income vs the non-custodials.
Also, women have the right to give up a child for adoption, but the man does not if the mother chooses to raise the child. The situation I am referring to is the mother was told by a Dr she could not get PG, but did...then the father is forced to pay her support. Some may be fine, if the mother can not fully support.. but couldn't there be some limit on it?
If you see injustice please talk to your politicians.

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Fairness is OK.
by: Anonymous

I see no problem with paying what is fair in terms of money for ones responsibilities, but when that money is going not to the child or for the child but to enhance the life of the mother, ie.. new clothes, new car, etc etc...then some line should be drawn. If mother, child and myself were still together it would not cost as much, I do not see why I have to house and feed her as well when I also have my own responsibilities and mouths to feed and shelter.

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greedy women
by: Anonymous

I have a real problem with women and child support, and I am a women and I get support. I chose an amount that I felt was fair for my ex to pay, based on what it actually cost to raise a child each month, and no I did not include rent or housing because they way I look at it I would have to pay rent somewhere whether I had a child or not, I looked at extra food, clothes, a little higher utilities due to extra baths laundry etc. I do not feel that a man should have to pay for the women to put a roof over her head. I also think if the man is a good father he should automatically get joint custody and no support should be paid to either party. If a women can't afford to take care of her child by providing half the support and only recieving half from the ex then the ex should get the child. I may seem like a heartless person but I am so sick of seeing women live the high life off child support and never work a day in their lives, it is just wrong, and many do work but I feel there is too many that don't, they just sit back and collect. I wish my childs father wanted joint custody but he doesn't want the responsibility, but there are many out there who do but don't have a chance in hell with all the judges pro mother. I also disagree with a man having to pay back support for a child that he didn't know he had, had a friend this happened to, it is so wrong, I think the mother should be punished for keeping the father from the child. Well I am going to end as I am just getting more pissed the more I think about the unfair rights for fathers so I will be signing off.

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our government sponcors DIVORSE
by: Anonymous

One day the people in America will wake up. The Government makes money when people get divorced and by collecting child support. When the middle class stands up, things will change. When life gets so impossible for enough people, all at the same time, then we will see common sense play a bigger role in our lives. It is absolutlely worth working it out for the kids sake, even though the media in every direction you turn says, " hire me, life is to short, we will make him( or her) pay...Its a really simple solution.
So simple people dont beieve it is possible.

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reply
by: Anonymous

oh i was talking to the people being mean to him. I know that pain all to well.

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tried being nice & thinking about his new family
by: Anonymous

I have seen both sides of this. my ex-husband has always paid on time and helped his ex out at the end of the month when shes broke, has paid bills for her etc. he has always done right by our child also so i agreed to an amount lower then he would have to. now i'm trying to go after my other childs father for support. he paid for a year and a half to me, we never had the system involved then. then he stopped paying & seeing her now the child is 13 & I struggled a lot over the past 11 years to make it. she wanted to meet him so I made it happen & she has been with him every other weekend. now that i'm going after him he wants a deal & I was trying to work with him so he wouldn't be broke with a new family. now hes retained a lawyer to get him off the hook for any past. Now I'm the bad person!

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Unfair
by: Anonymous

I am a mother of 2, I have a son of 6 yrs and his father bolted when i was 4mos. pregnant. I never see any child support because he never has a job or anything. Now I am with a man who never gets to see his children because his ex is just rotten. We have just had another child 2 months ago. Everything is wonderful, kinda of tight financially but tolerable. Now he is getting his wages garnished for ADDITIONAL support for his prior children. We are unable to pay bills, unable to buy groceries, and unable to pay daycare to continue working. I have NEVER been so frightened in my life. My oldest son has even lost so much wieght and my baby is eating cereal in order to cut down on formula use and keep him full longer, which his little 2 month old belly isn't quite ready to handle. I think too many women get away with way too much and this country really doesn't care. It acts like it cares for kids but what about the children on the other end? Isn't there a more fair way to handle this like adults and not a childish game of tug of war? Scary when your own country and government are twisted and no one will help you, isn't it?

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I Can't Afford My Child Support
by: Anonymous

I can't believe the nastiness of some of these comments. I can't believe but they were made by very hateful ex's. I am a single mother. Raised 2 kids, with an ex who unhappily paid his minimal support, wouldn't see his kids. He lived off his new wife & she condoned it. Won't pay his half medical. He & his wife are scum. But I recognize there are 2 sides to every story. I think it horrible that woman have kids & don't tell the Dad until the Mom needs money. They are the evil ones. Child support arrears should not start until the woman starts the process to notify the father. Every father, barring violence, has the right to be a Dad. I think the mother in this case is dead WRONG! I don't think she should get anything. She managed for 9 years. Didn't give him the choice to be a father. What she lose the latest man she was using to support her child so had to go running to the Dad?

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Be nice to the man
by: Anonymous

My husband is in the same situation. He didnt find out until his daughter was four. It isnt fair to the man if they dont find out until they are already that old. You are in the arrears no matter what. And when you have a family it makes it harder. She was obviously doing fine for 9 years. She didnt need his help. Why does everyone have to hard on the men. There are way more men out there that are bigger dead beats. At least he pays his support. It makes it harder when you live paycheck to paycheck. I am not biased either because I receive child support. He never said that he didnt want to not pay his support he just wants it lowered so he can afford to live. Nobody understands until it happens to them. I hate when people comment on stuff and dont understand they just wanna make the dad feel like crap for wanting to support his family!!!!!

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Ignore the comments from the peanut gallery
by: John M

Your problem is typical of many child support cases where the non custodial parent is seen as little more than a wallet and not treated much better. Have you seen if you can file a modification? All states have a requirement that the child support order be reviewed every number of years (typically three or four) or under a substantial change in circumstances. Find out if there is pro bono legal service in your county and seek it out. But don't ignore this until you're living as an anchor dad, where one financial short fall is going to send you under.
One thing I would not advise you to do is what the first poster said and take a second job. The CS courts will merely see that as additional income and jack up your child support even higher. If you are working 40 hours you are doing what millions of _married_ parents do and are not penalized for.

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Be a Man
by: Anonymous

You seriously need to grow up and take financial responsibility for those lives in which you biologically helped start. You don't need a reduction in monthly support, you need to take another job or jobs and be a MAN about it. You'll never get out of the arrearages and judicial interest you are no doubt already piling up, they are nationwide. Overseas won't help you as you need a passport. They'll even be taken out of your social security, so get started and pay off. Did YOUR dad do this to you? Think about your children, their needs and your significant other that carried them to term for you. Stop being so selfish (possibly lazy) and greedy. Someone else is also watching you and will appropriately discipline you in the permanent afterlife whether you believe one exists or not - GOD.

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boo hoo
by: Anonymous

I feel so sorry for you . What about the mother who has your child and can not afford to pay for the things your child needs but finds a way cause it is her responability alone, cause you have shirked your duties as a "man". What about her not being able to pay her bills? You say what about YOUR family, well the other child is YOUR family!

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