In the whole off the get go

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In the whole off the get go

by Matthew M.
(Phoenix, AZ,)

I have two children one 17 one now 14 from two different mothers. My daughter (my first child) her mother and I have worked together since the get go on child support and keeping it reasonable and giving me visitation whenever I want to see my daughter.

My son on the other hand his mother played me like a fiddle. WE spent a couple years together, said all the right things did all the right things. I bought her a ring, made plans we had our son then 6 am one morning an hour after getting home from my overnight shift she has the police serve me with a restraining order! I had 10 minutes to grab what clothes I could and get out taking me downt he street to a conveineance store to get dumped off like a bag of trash. I lost hunders of hours of video tape of my friends and I goofing off (long before her) family photos of mine, and so on.

I went and contacted the child support enforecement here in Phoenix a week later. I was given the run around for over two years as I treid to get payments started so i wouldn't be labled a dead beat dad. I was told there was nothing they could do because she was not coming after me for payments and my name was not on the birth certificate. That's when I found out she had lied to me about her divorce and all the time it was pending. She had only left her ex husband, not actually filed the papers till sometime after our son was born!

Her ex kept dodging getting served papers about the child support fearing he was introuble for something or another until they finally caught up to him. By this time over 3 years has passed since my son was born. He denied he was the father and once he did the courts came directly after me!!!

Her and I hadn't seen one another since that dreadful morning. As we both sat int he hall waiting to see the judge she flat out admitted she had no intentinos of staying with me and had only used me to get a child because her ex couldn't get her pregnant. She had purposely left me off the birth certificate and gave him her last name and not mine.

I tried to explain this to the judge when we finally got intot he court room but was shut down instantly. I was told I was reckless for not getting payments to her in anyway (mind you she had moved out of state as well with someone else) and for not trying to be a part of my sons life I was ordered to pay 350 a month plus an additional 100 to back support payments. They started me off at 10,000 dollars in the whole with 10% interest added on at the end of every year. The ONLY thing in my favor was being allowed to claim him every other year.

Now between the two kids I pay 850 a month, well am suppose to be paying that much. I was laid off of work 15 months ago and still can not find work. I've lost my apartment, my wife, my car. If it was not for my aunt I would be living on the streets right now. I get 300+ a week for unemployment but only see 209 of it from child support payments being taken out. I get enough for gas and assisting buying food for my aunt and I. I drive illegally int he beater car I have now because I can not afford to get car insurance and get it registered. I've recently lost my life insurance because I couldn't afford the payments anymore.

Is there nothing that can be done? my credit is ruined because I can't make pamynets anymore. My credit cards have all been closed out by the banks, I've close to 40,000 in the negative with bills and support payments. I tried my damndest to get payments started so long ago, whenver I changed an employer or a home address I notified the child support office immediately. Why does it seem to be deemed so needed to treat fathers like we are pieces of scum and be punished for being a parent or trying to be a parent? I haven't even been allowed to see my son since he was 6 months old. He's 14 now!

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In the whole off the get go

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Oct 28, 2009
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NON-CUSTODIAL PARENTS(Treated unfairly.....not just fathers, but mothers too)
by: K1974

Why does everyone assume that the non-custodial parent is always the father?The system don't treat MEN like scums..they just treat NON-CUSTODIAL PARENTS like scums...no matter what their sex.I am a non-custodial mother who's daughter is in the custody of MY mother. I always comply with the order. I pay consistantly by wage attachment. Well, I had lost my job last year and am now on unemployment making half of what I used to make AND paying the SAME amount of child support. Well, I found this very difficult so, I asked to get it lowered. Ok so, I get this letter in the mail from Unemployment stating that they received an order from Child Support to stop garnishing my wages. Ok? Well, they must have a reason. Maybe I have been overpaying after all right? WRONG. So, when the conference took place, I asked the mediator why they stopped attaching the wages. He said he wasn't sure why. I told him that I wanted them to start them back up immediately. Well, they didn't. So now, months later, I am found in contempt for not following the order? They are figuring that I am in contempt for an amount of about $800. I just received this call today.......reminding me about a hearing that I have in two days. I knew nothing about it. They had sent it to me and it was returned. I have not received ANYTHING on this hearing. So, then she proceeds to tell me that I had been notified by phone. Which is untrue. So, they are trying to point the responsibility on me yet again. It took them a month and a phone call from me to get them to send the attachment again. THEY are the ones that consistantly drop the ball. And when you're on the phone with them, whatever you say doesn't matter at all. None of THEIR mistakes matter at all. They just have the knack in being able to make YOU irrisponsible. As if that isn't enough, also during this same conversation with her today, the Officer said that they are only taking $400 a month and that the order is $412. So who's fault is it that THEY are not taking out what they are supposed to? Mine? I think not. I asked her so if the order is $412, take $412. I don't have a say in the wage attachment, they do. Her reply was "well, we can only take so much from your money". UH, so, she really thinks that by increasing each wage attachment by only $6....that's going to throw it over the almighty threashold she speaks of? I may be the NON-CUSTODIAL parent, but I wasn't born yesterday. So, I suppose I was supposed to mail in a money order when they had the power all along to attach it? Well, I assume that's what it is because she tried throwing that responsibility on to me as well.THE PROBLEM WITH THE CHILD SUPPORT SYSTEM IS THAT IT'S MADE UP OF SENSELESS PEOPLE WHO DROP THE BALL CONSTANTLY AND THEN SEEKS THE SCAPEGOAT........THE INFAMOUS NON-CUSTODIAL PARENT. I so did not need this today. But I'm glad I got the chance to vent about it. Thanks for reading.

Oct 08, 2009
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I feel for us Fathers
by: Larry of Tucson AZ

I feel for you I am going through somewhat of the same thing. Except my ex disappeared for 13 years with my daughter. I paid child support until I was directed by the child support division to stop paying and the courts quashed my wage assignment in 2002. For 8 years now the child support and courts has refussed my child support payments. I have sence found my daughter in Nov. of 2007 she was 16 almost 17. She came to live with my wife and I for almost a year when she went back to her mothers is when my ex decided she wanted back child support for all those years she had disappeared (13 plus years) and the state I found her in says she gets it (16,000 plus 13 years of interest almost 100,000). My court order was out of Arizona and I have a zero balance with Atlas and the child support division and the courts. I am going to court on the 16th to fight this but from everything I have been reading I have no chance. We all need to get together and fight this unfair law/system. I am sorry to say but at this time you are probable pretty screw like myself. I have all the paperwork proving everything I said but almost all the attorneys I have spoken to have pretty much said I am screwed because the law is so unfair to the non-custodial parent (father). And in your case I can see that she was just another devius female looking for a free ride. I have noticed in my readings that women are held to a diferent standard then the men, if the tables were turned the courts will not and do not treat them the same (like going to jail for not paying, garnishments, life standards, etc.) Why are we pushed so hard to pay child support but the custodial parent doesn't have to do almost anything? Why are we held more responsible for getting a female pregnent then the female heself, she is the one holding the right to say yes or no, it isn't like we are raping them. Why are we the dogs we didn't make them do it. They are just as responsible as we are. ANd if they can't finacially take care of the child then the father should have the right to take his child and raise them, now that, is looking out for the best interests of the child not the mother. Why are women held as a better parent then the fathers? Is it because they gave the birth? Thats Bullsh**, I can do just as good a job if not better. Well just wanted to say good luck and don't stop fighting. Sooner or later the court system will catch up if we keep fighting the issues.

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In the whole off the get go

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In the whole off the get go