Incarcerated Father

[?] Subscribe To This Site

Incarcerated Father

by A Concerned Friend
(Sandy Ridge, NC )

I am the friend of an incarcerated father. He went to prison for things he did in his past . He was on probation and had a good job then the economy failed he lost his job and his girlfriend became pregnant. He was able to draw unemployment for a short period of time & was making his payments so he could stay out of prison, then the unemployment ran out and they revoked his probation. Now his girlfriend has had his son and she has taken him to visit his father twice in 3 months. But now she is dating someone else and refuses to take his son to see him and will not allow anyone else to take him even his mother. She told him that if he wasn't with her she wouldn't let him see his son while he's there or when he gets out. His mother doesn't really want to be involved in a custody issue. All he wants is to be able to connect with his son and let him know that he loves & cares for him and will do whatever it takes to be in his life. I don't know what to tell him. I've never been in this situation before. What rights does he have has an incarcerated father??

Comments for
Incarcerated Father

Average Rating

Click here to add your own comments

Dec 10, 2011
Rating

On the other side
by: Anonymous

Ok, for the mother below who is in pain over her grandchild and blaming the mother for her son robbing.... Please oh please do not blame someone else for what your own son does in robbery. Thats absurd and your son made his own choices. And for all of those men going to jail for child support....wow. My ex hasn't paid in a year, is going to jail NOT for support, but for stealing over 100k and he hasn't received one contempt yet on child support. I guess my lawyer really stinks. Its not a business and child support is about responsibility. Im disappointed for any father that thinks their child doesn't need money for food and shelter. I get it that maybe some mother's use it as a game for with holding visits, but there are a lot of moms that just wish the father's of their children were normal upstanding citizens who are actually around for their kids. And visiting them at a jail would scare the kids half to death. I hate to say it, but consequences are needed and those who are incarcerated need to pity only the kids and those left behind. Stop taking it out on the parent who was responsible enough to not get incarecerated and raise a child all on their own. Hopefully in the future for everyone serving time can make it up to their kids someday without damaging them too much as if they haven't already by being away in jail. Sucks for the children!

Nov 23, 2011
Rating

Unbelievable
by: Anonymous

Wear a condom! Use multiple forms of contraception, get a tubal or vasectomy or use some self-control. These whining stories of people who can't be responsible for themselves, much less raising and educating a child are a joke. It is the CHILD who suffers. Don't make them if you can't feed them. Free Birth Control. Free Sterilization. Free Abortions. Maybe we should pay people to NOT have children. Then we can save law-abiding, working, tax-paying citizens a lot of money and poor children from the pain and poverty of being raised in this mangled, fractured bowel of our society!...and don't whine that her/she trapped someone or accidentally got pregnant. Use Birth Control...2kinds, 3kinds...whatever it takes or don't have sex!!!

Oct 01, 2011
Rating

THE SYSTEM AND WOMEN
by: Anonymous

people fail to understand the system is designed to have people lose EVERYTHING THEY HAVE WORKED FOR!!! i understand child support but child support now is not about the kids anymore it's a business so i advise my friends precautions before they have kids and the system how negative it is for fathers and you see it is about money because they enforce child support but not visitation i think its all a cycle because statistics show most criminals grew up in fatherless homes and if the system can create more single parent homes then they can create more criminals and once you become a criminal your a customer!!!!! and i don't see the point of locking someone up for not paying child support and a lot of women do things out of spite just to ruin the lives of men and good fathers so to be a man you have to protect yourself from women and the system women are hostess to get in the system thats why a man can go to court against a women he will have to pay something even if the charges are dropped!!!!!

May 06, 2011
Rating

Hurting Mother
by: Nicole

I know i'm late in this conversation because i just found this site. But, I know just how u and ur friend feel. My son is in County Jail awaiting to go to trial which will result going to Prison. He will probably be given a sentence of no less than 30 yrs. He committed his crime when he was 18. Just moved his g/f down here with us because she was pregnant. 2 months pregnant at that! I have been there for her thru Thick and Thin! I have been to every Ultrasound, because the baby had to be kept an eye on. I have used my vacation days to do all these thing for her. And she always posted how much she loves her unborn baby and the baby's daddy and she is hanging in there for him. Well, now the baby is here. And, it has been nothin but HELL with her. Oh, now its "F" this and "F" that. And "my baby needs a "DADDY"! She barely even talks to him when he calls. She is still in school. I try to help her as much as i can. And now she wants to move back home to Oklahoma. This baby was born in Texas. She can't take him out without my sons consent. And she has told me that she does not want this baby to see my son when he gets sent to prison nor does she want me to take him to see my son. And my son just flipped and told her that she just needs to go ahead and go bak to OK. but without the baby. He wants me and my husband to raise him. But, I don't know if that is even possibly legal. And it really hurts for ME as the Grandparent and it really hurts MY SON as the Father. And the crime he committed was robbery and it was bcuz she was stressing him out about having money!!!

Sep 14, 2010
Rating

RETARDED PEOPLE
by: Anonymous

Some of these people have to be the NEW girlfriend or wife. i get the same STUPID comments from my ex's girlfriend. I have been separated from my sons father for 8yrs. My oldest son is 16 and my youngest is 10. I have raised my boys by myself even before we got divorced. Their father stays in jail for different charges and NOT FOR CHILD SUPPORT. He just got 15 years and will be getting out soon on probation. I just got him served child support papers 2yrs ago and the prison system lets him sign a paper stating he is not responsible for payment until he get released. Meanwhile I have to struggle everyday to supply my childrens every need. I have never kept my boys from their father and even allow their grandmother to take them to see him in prison which is also hard on a child!!! I divorced him to get my sons out of that lifestyle and now Im supposed to send my boys back into that life without me??? He is still the same drug addict/dealer hes always been and now he has a girlfriend who is worse than he is. I was trying to look up how to take his rights away and found this page which really pissed me off!!!

Jul 12, 2010
Rating

THE TRUTH
by: Anonymous

SOMETHING HAS TO CHANGE I PAY CHILD SUPPORT ALWAYS CURRENT I HAVE NO JAIL RECORD ... I LOST MY JOB DURYING RECESSION I STILL FIND A WAY TO STAY CURRENT WITH FOUR KIDS ....MY CHILD MOTHER WONT LET ME BE IN THIER LIVES . THE COURTS WONT NEITHER.. CHILD SUPPORT EVEN TOOK MONEY OUT MY ACCOUNT I DID NOT OWE .. THEN TRIED TO LOCK ME UP FOR NOT SENDING IN MONEY FOR THAT MONTH ...WHEN THEY TOOK ENOUGH FOR SIX MONTHS..THEY TOLD ME I SHOULD HAVE SENT IN A DOLLAR ITS THE RULE..POINT BEING THEY SHOULD HAVE THOUGHT ABOUT HARD TIMES BEFORE MAKING IT A FELONY ...YOU HAVE GOOD FATHERS DYING IN PRISON..WE PAY ..WE STILL LABELED BAD...THEY FORCE US AWAY WITH THE LAW ....LABEL US BAD...REAL CRIMINALS GET MORE RIGHTS LESS TIME

Jan 27, 2010
Rating

Similar Situation
by: Anonymous

My son's father became incarcerated when my son was 2 weeks old. He got out of lock up when my son was 8.5 months old. Now, he's 11 months old. I took him to see his father when he was locked up twice a week, bought prepaid phone cards, and put money on his books. That was nice for him but sucked for us. I had to pay for the gas and maintenance on my car to get us there (which was an hour each way), not including gas throughout the week for work. It put a strain on me, his and our son's relationship, and my finances. Now that he's out, he wants to be this big, happy family. But, I don't look at him the same. I let him be a father to our son but I've disconnected myself from a relationship with him and me. I say all of that to get to this point. Your friend may have good intentions, but his choice (just like my child's father) put him in a situation where he lost his freedom and time with his child that he can never get back. That's his fault! If I could do it all over again, I'd NEVER drive an hour each way to take my son in a dirty ass jail to sit for up to 3 hours just for a 30 minute visit, which isn't guaranteed! So don't pity him. Embrace the reality that she's in the right and that he laying in the bed that he made...

Nov 10, 2009
Rating

Thank you
by: Anonymous

Thank you for all the comments. But let me make something clear my friend did not go to prison for non- support for his child, his girlfriend had just found out when he went to prison. Now she's whining & saying that it's all his fault she's a single mother.When in fact she & her mother wanted her to carry on a family tradition of her a having a baby before she turned 20, SOME TRADITION!, she told him she was using birth control. I know he should have been responsible aswell,but a beautiful boy is here & needs to know his father. I myself had a child when I was young but I never complained nor did I receive child support & the "donor" as I call him has never seen her.I Thank God for her ALWAYS!! I worked 3 jobs most of the time to support us, and I met a wonderful man when she was still very young and we had a son a few years later, he is the most wonderful DADDY any child could ask for. He told me when we met " that he felt very lucky because it's not often that God lets you see what your daughter will look like before she's born, but I did"..that's the kind of father my friend wants to be if only given the chance.

Nov 03, 2009
Rating

fathers rights
by: Anonymous

my husband is incarcerated wright now doing 90 days for a child that dont have his last name anymore and he has only seen his daughter once and that was to find out if it was his or not the mother took him to court to have the childs last name changed to her married name. and he still has to pay childsupport and she wont let him see her because of who he is married to i just fill that that is just not wright i just wish he would sign over all rights because he cant see the chid anyway so way pay childsupport on a kid that u cant see

Oct 04, 2009
Rating

SOMETHING IS BETTER THAN NOTHING!
by: Anonymous

I actually am very familiar with va Child support system on both sides. So i will say this, yes there are females that are vengeful but there is also a responsibility by the father. Yes i agree that a mother should be out there working also no matter but whether they are on assistance or working he still should had a responsibility for paying. No knowing the system he had to go several months without payments before being incarcerated. So my comment on that is Mcdonalds is always hiring and they do hire people with a record. My motto to people who dont pay or behind on child support is "SOMETHING IS BETTER THAN NOTHING". If a judge sees you trying make an effort to pay even if it is not the full amount, i truly believe that they wont lock you up. See during those months that a mother doesnt receive any money at all (before getting locked up)the father is still living. Look at it this way. If a mother goes without feeding her child she would be charged with child neglect, just because the child doesnt live with the father he is failing to feed the child if he pays nothing at all! Now what is really bad is if someone is locked up and has a little order. Meaning $65 mnth to even $300 mnth. You cant raise a kid on that. Child support is not just for clothes or shoes. It is for clothes, food, medicine, portion towards a house payment, portion towards the car payment, for gas, electric, water, sewer...so on so forth.
My sons father is currently incarcerated for non-payment. my son just turned 5 and he is over $25,000 behind. he has chosen to not be a part of his life, which is his choice. I work 2 jobs and take care of him but it is still his responsibility to financially support that child regardless if he sees him or not. I didn't lay by myself.
No people taking advantage of the system...that is another chapter. people should not be allowed to have any more kids if they are receiving assistance.

Sep 08, 2009
Rating

My brother is in jail for nonpayment of child support
by: VA girl

My brother was incarcerated because he lost his job and couldnt pay child support. His ex-girlfriend called his probation officer on him and he was violated because of it. The girl is not working and is receiving welfare and all the benefits that the government offers. I know its hard raising a kid by yourself, but how will my brother be able to pay child support locked up. While he is locked up, the child support will accumulate, so it defeats the purpose by getting him locked up, because shes still not getting any money. I think some girls do this out of vengence and some are just lazy and want to depend on the government. Its very sad that brothers are in there over "some girls" being spiteful. I feel that women should be accountable for not using protection. If they cant afford a child, dont have a job, why sleep around and have children. Its just as much fault to the women as it is the men that are going to jail. If you dont want any kids get on child support. If you dont have a job, don think about having a child. You should use common sense.

Aug 23, 2009
Rating

!
by: Anonymous

I CANT STAND WHEN WOMEN ARE ON HERE BAD MOUTHING THE FATHERS OF THEIR CHILDREN BECAUSE THEY DONT PAY CHILD SUPPORT! I HAVE READ ON HERE-- WOMAN GETTING MAD BECAUSE THEY CANT PAY THEIR CAR PAYMENT OR HOUSE PAYMENT! GET OUT AND GET A JOB OR AN EDUCATION. YOU BE THE BETTER ROLE MODEL TO YOUR KIDS. DADS TOO. DONT DEPEND ON SOMEONE ELSE TO RAISE YOUR KIDS. WHY WOULD YOU WANT SOMEONE TO "HAVE" TO PAY FOR YOUR KIDS OR BETTER YET "HAVE" TO CALL THEM WHEN THEY REALLY DONT WANT TO. WHY WOULD YOU WANT SOMEONE TO "HAVE" TO BE APART OF YOUR KIDS LIFE! I AM AN EDUCATOR HERE IN THE STATE OF TEXAS. I STRUGGLED. I HAVE A 9 YEAR OLD. HER DAD ONLY SAW HER ONE TIME AFTER SHE WAS BORN. I WENT TO SCHOOL WITH HIM. I TOLD HIM IF HE DID NOT WANT THIS RESPONSIBILITY THEN LEAVE. HE DID. BEST DECISION EVER. I HAVE NEVER RECEIVED CHILD SUPPORT. I NEVER WANTED IT. BECAUSE I MADE THAT DECISION TO HAVE SEX. I DID NOT SAY NO. IT TAKES TWO TO HAVE A BABY, BUT IT TAKES ONE TO SAY NO. I LIVED WITH MY PARENTS FOR AWHILE. I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR 6 YEARS. I APPLIED FOR FINANCIAL AID AND RECEIVED IT. I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR FREE. PLUS THEY HAD DAYCARE! SHOW YOUR KIDS THAT IT IS NOT OKAY TO HAVE TO DEPEND ON SOMEONE ELSE TO MAKE A HAPPIER BETTER PLACE FOR THEM. MOST OF THESE WOMAN ON HERE ARE FULL OF CRAP. ALL YOU TALK ABOUT IS WHAT BILLS ARE NOT BEING PAID, HOW SAD YOU ARE, WHAT YOU HAVE TAKEN FROM YOUR EXES ETC... I JUST DONT GET IT! YES THE KIDS ARE INNOCENT.....( A WOMAN WROTE THAT TO ME TELLING ME I WAS BEING NEGATIVE AND TO GO GET A HEART)..... IM NOT NEGATIVE IM HONEST! TELL ME THIS... WHY WOULD YOU WANT TO PUT YOUR INNOCENT CHILDREN IN THIS SITUATION. INSTEAD OF ALWAYS BLAMING THE DAD, BLAME YOURSELF. MOST OF THESE WOMAN PROBABLY DONT EVEN HAVE JOBS. I HATE SEEING YOU AND YOUR KIDS IN LINE AT THE WAL MART GETTING READY TO CASH YOUR WELL FAIR CHECKS AS IM GETTING GROCERIES. ALL BECAUSE YOU DONT WANT TO TAKE RESPONSIBILITIES FOR YOUR OWN ACTIONS AND BECAUSE YOU WANT SOMEONE ELSE TO PAY YOUR WAY.... WEAK WEAK WEAK. YOUR CHILDREN LEARN FROM YOU!

Aug 20, 2009
Rating

Technicalities
by: Anonymous

Technically, he has no rights if he is currently incarcerated. When he gets out, that will be a different story.

Click here to add your own comments

SBI!

Incarcerated Father

Comments for Incarcerated Father

Comments for
Incarcerated Father