We do as much as we can for our girls we also have 1 of mine and 1 together living in our home. At the divorce we paid all car payments$548 insurance$120 loans$430 Two years later paid 20000 on loan payoff paid 12500 car payoff and she still wanting $900 week child support. How well 6 yrs later she got upset with him and now she wants 53000 in arrears and $900 a mth cs we pay all health vision dental ins and bills, we help pay for sports, camps,dance, we dive 95 miles there and back to get kids or go watch games or concerts. She let us have them 3 nights thru this whole last summer now Recovery people stepping in gonna take half our check and act like his a dead beat. She has downed him to the kids trying to get them against him and i need help!! Its driving me from my husband because i cant handle it and they'll be another child without a dad! Any Suggestions
Jun 28, 2011 Rating
As a new spouse of a non custodial parent. by: Anonymous
I am not sure if any one is still reading this but here is my two cents. First I would have no problems paying child support for any children that I might of had (I have chosen not to have any children for this very reason.
My new spouse is a NCP and I can not fathom how she is supposed to live on $500 a month. Her ex the CP is in a great job, lives in a low cost of living area, gets public aid and his new wife is on disability. to say that they are living the good life is an understatement. but when they go to several counties to claim more child support and actually get it I am wondering why the government will supply them with several attorneys to take more money but will not even take a phone call from us to find out how she owes more than was agreed.
Mar 08, 2010 Rating
Understood by: Anonymous
Yes, I definitely understand the amount of money that is dished out per week and yes it is not an easy task; however, my situation as everyone elses is different. I want my child more than the courts will allow. I want to pay my custody; however, I want to pay a fair amount. Over 50% of my income goes to my son. 50% and I don't get to claim him on taxes. I have joint custody of my son; I could never give that up but I don't have any rights as to where he goes to school, etc b/c the father is very spiteful. I still pay full amount of child support during the 6 weeks my son is with me. So my scenario is much different. I want fairness! I would like to see some justice. Some NCP are not only moneybags and the courts need to understand that.
Mar 04, 2010 Rating
another custodial parent by: Rhonda
Not all custodial parents are "in it for the money." I would LOVE to give my ex joint custody and split the expenses right down the middle. Unfortunately some of us CAN'T keep the courts out of it, or our ex's would never help financially with the kids. Do some of you even realize how much money the custodial parents shell out every month? I get tired of hearing people complain about child support. I didn't have my kids by myself and I pay 80% of their expenses and my ex pays barely 20% and he still complains about it. He recently quit his job to avoid payments, yet he hardly takes the kids. If I didn't have the courts involved, my ex would have NO accountability whatsoever!
Jan 28, 2010 Rating
Paying for it, with little relief by: Anonymous
I pay my ex-husband child support for my children. I have no complaints about that; I was medically misdiagnosed and lost my assets as a result. He kept our home, and it was important to me that the kids remain there.
I am so overwhelmed, however, that I have to still provide a safe and comfortable home for my two children when they are with me, yet I can't deduct the CS I pay nor can I count them as exemptions on my taxes.
I live below the poverty level, and if it were not for housing assistance from a beloved friend, my children and I would have no home at all.
I am not eligible for assistance, because I do not have them full-time with physical custody.
Jan 16, 2010 Rating
And another thing... by: Anonymous
You mentioned that CP get tax benefits, why is that? With joint custody of our child, and over half of my income goes to child support, I feel that alternate years should be granted. Why is it that custodial parents can only get the tax benefit? Is that the same for every state?
Jan 14, 2010 Rating
Second Families by: Anonymous
I am appalled at some of the comments regarding second families, or additional children.
The reality is the children are here. There should not be a hierarchy of children ie. the first set v second. They ALL need to be taken care of equally. When a parent in an "intact" family loses his/her job the reality is everyone makes sacrifices. Like another poster mentioned, the other parent (unfortunately) needs to pick up the slack in the interest of the family.
Tax benefits are given to custodial parents. Social services are denied when the gross income exceeds the limits (but fails to factor in monies that are never available to the NCP). The system is skewed.
Aug 29, 2009 Rating
Fathers Have No Rights by: Anonymous
I want to thank you for writing what you did, I pray that everyone understands the situation that non - custodial parent go through. My situation started back the day I received my divorce 2003 I am to pay the sum of $495.00 a month and at that time had arrears in the amount of $7000.00 I'm still trying to figure out where did CSS get that number, with that said I am to pay $147.08 every week until the arrears are paid in full.
I have no discord with my Ex I pray for her and my children to be well. Since 2003 I know all the mumble jumble that go's with court my ex has my 3 children to believe that I left there mother and didn't love them and my ex make my children call their step dad dad. She thinks that going to hurt my feelings. My children are bless to have two dad just think of all the holidays and birthdays they have. My decree states every other weekend etc... but my ex with all her hatred for me refuses me, my rights under our divorce decree she has moved more times then somebody in the armed services.
If you live in Georgia and you are a male you just better bend over and take it for GA. CCS does not care if you are homeless, Disabled, blind, they just want the money they don't care of your situation or you haven't seen you children and I though This state was the bible belt, Not! I think as long as these parasite are involved in family we as christians are doomed and if you ow and can't pay not because you don't want to but our economy has failed I was laid - off of work 2007 for a year and an half but child support put me in jail like that going to scare me I need a vacation anyway and if they think that's I'm going to get the money any faster they are dead wrong.... May God have mercey on us all.
May 01, 2009 Rating
Keep your head up by: Anonymous
I appreciate knowing that there are others like me. Sometimes I feel that I am the only person that goes through it with the courts and the Custodial parent. I as much as I pray that I get my son back I have acknowledged that it is in God's hands and for that I have acceptance. It was taken a long time for me to be okay with the situation but today I am. I just keep doing the next right thing as I am sure you do as well.
Good luck with your license issue and job. I know that it will all be better some day!
Apr 30, 2009 Rating
NC Mother by: Anonymous
Not all NCparents are the fathers. However being the NC mother I get major attitude like I must be such a terrible person that my ex has our son. I'm not a bad person just the one who would have to start over and had two older children from a previous marriage. Little did I know e was playing the sneeky woman type roll of using me for a child. The man treated me great until I had our son. He then turned very cold and emotionaly abusive towards me. However he was a good father, had millitary benefits and the house so I gave him main custody. He then turned around and stabbed me in the back sending court papers to the wrong address;I didn't get them and so not showing up in court he got full custody. Since then he has not let me see my son once and eventhough I have a job I can't afford a lawyer to take him to court. I recently had my license suspended due to unpaid support. Don't get me wrong I pay when I can, however I explained to the CS agency that I had had health problems and had been out of work. Still they took away my license. Now I am back able to work but it is hard without my license also hard to take my other children places. There is alot more to this story but I could write a book and this isn't for that. Many times I've asked were is my help in all of this and pretty much got spit on as if I were a second rate citezen. Also I want to know why in many places drunk drivers don't get their license taken away or if they do they can get a limited but if you're behind on support not only it gets taken away (making it harder to make money) but at least here I was told I could not get a limited license. Not all NC are dead beats or no good and people need to learn this.
Mar 29, 2009 Rating
Cases based on the case by: Anonymous
God, I wish that was the case. I would love to have a civil relationship with my ex. On top of that, I would like the courts to assist us (NC) with the issues that plague us. For instance, I get my son 6 weeks in the summer but I'm still obligated to pay the whole child support amount. What am I to do with my son? Daycare cost the same amount that's taken out of my check every two weeks. Or what about the education deviation that I pay for the private school my son goes to. Even during the summer, I'm still obligated to pay that...he's not even in school? I'm just trying to find a way to be with my son during the time that has been allotted to me. I think that the courts favor the Custodial parent and it's all about the money. Because it can't be about the kids. If that were the case, wouldn't the courts want both the parents to be involved in the child?s life? This goes back to my original question--is it all about the money?
I thank you for your story and wish that all families could be that way. I know if the tables were turned; I wouldn't even ask for support, just buy him clothes & shoes!
Thanks again!
Mar 29, 2009 Rating
MY 2 cents....each situation should be judged on ALL the facts! by: Abby
I am a divorced custodial mother of two teenage children. We have been divorced for 7 years. My ex and I have a good divorce and we work together on child support and issues with the kids. I wish all divorced families could learn from our experience. WE KEEP THE COURTS and child support system OUT OF OUR LIVES because IT is better that way for both the kids and ourselves. It isn't always easy, and sometimes I've had to pay more than more "fair" share to support the kids as I always earned more than my ex husband and he had two lay offs since we divorced (not his fault). But IF we had stayed together, it would've been the same way...if financial issues hurt one or both of us...one of us would have had to take on more, that's life and life isn't always fair.
I initiated the divorce, NOT HIM, thus I believed it was MY responsibility to ensure my children were taken care both FINANCIALLY AND EMOTIONALLY after the divorce AND that it wasn't fair to him to "sock it to him", I wanted him to be able to get on with his life AND have a long lasting relationship with our children. That can't happen when the custodial parent is constantly fighting with the non custodial parent over money. It sends the wrong message to the children!
Is only fair and right that I had to make sacrifices, as it was MY CHOICE to divorce, thus I have to suffer the consequences, not the kids, not him...but ME. Custodial parents (usually women) who elect to divorce because of selfish reasons (such as need to find themselves, unhappiness with their spouse or life, etc.) NEED to be responsible for THEIR decisions.
Now it is different where issues of abuse or neglect or adultery are concerned, HOWEVER, that is not the case with every divorce. Sometimes the woman and the custodial parent was the adulterer or abuser and that person initiated the divorce against the other party for selfish reasons.
In those cases the NON CUSTODIAL parent (usually the husband in these cases) was the innocent victim and our system does not recognize that fact. Yes, the children are innocent victims, too. However, sometimes so was the non-custodial parent and these cases need to be judged on their individual circumstances and NOT based on generalities.
Mar 04, 2009 Rating
FRAUD!! by: Anonymous
My daughter will turn 21 in July. meanwhile she has been kicked out of her home. she is on her own with a full time job. yet my ex is still getting her child support that comes out of my pay. she claims its easier because it all ends in july. My daughter is rooming with a family member but has changed her address. Yet still the ex gets the money. she claims she will forward monies to the daughters new address but the daughter has only recieved in the 1 1/2 months shes been kick out a 75.oo payment out of a 226.00 support still coming out of my pay. The mother (my ex) has lost her job and i fear she is paying her bills with my money. i can find no support for my questions. and when contacting my child support offices they are extremely bitter with me.I just need to know MY leagal rights.i feel like my ex is getting away with fraud
Mar 03, 2009 Rating
Sorry by: Renee
I wish there were more fathers in this world who had half the compassion you seem to have. Unfortunately my ex husband is just a "pay check" to my children. He is ordered to pay $250 a month plus $120 in back support. He only pays the bare minimum. He lives 9 hours away and hasn't seen the children in a little over 3 years. His new wife calls me all the time asking me if I will sign papers so he doesn't have to pay support anymore. I tend to laugh a little at that. But I do agree with you, there should be something or someone out there who is willing to help the fathers that actually care, see their children, and are struggling due to unfair laws passed by some pissed of ex wife who needs to just get the stick outta her ass and deal with the situation she was dealt. I hope things start looking better for you soon!
Jan 31, 2009 Rating
Get educated by: Anonymous
Stop complaining about being a sperm donor. If you want a better life, get educated and get a better job. You made the choice, just like she did. You really didn't know who this woman was before you married her? Sounds like poor judgment - everyone shows their colors in the 2-3 years before you marry them - nothing should be a surprise. Dont blame her for not wanting to abort the child because you arent educated or skilled enough to make more than $10 per hour. That isn't her fault either. If you could not support a family, you should not have asked her to marry you. personal responsibilty - none of you on this post even have a clue what that is... Still whining about the choices that YOU made...just because things didnt work out does not mean you are no longer responsible... Responsibillity is not a darn choice - it doesnt come and go. You see it through to its end. Marriage, kids, jobs, whatever...you make the choice and you need to live up to its consequences just like you reap the benefits. Life is not about being happy or having more money than your ex. Do you really think that you would have MORE money if you were still togetherr with a mortgage, clothing, food, etc? believe me, she pays out more of her paycheck than you ever will you worthless sperm donor.
Jan 31, 2009 Rating
Fairness by: Mark Wright
I was married for barely two years before my wife decided she no longer wanted to be married. She told me on more than one occassion that the only reason she married me to begin with is to have another baby. Now I am stuck with child support payments that leave me living below the poverty level. I have no rights with respect to this. I was merely a sperm donor with an obligation to pay for the next 18 years. This is crap. The legal system is crap. If I get another job to live better, my child support goes up. I have no social life.
Jan 02, 2009 Rating
Thank you for your comment by: Anonymous
I still get upset when I read the comments from the other writer! I appreciate knowing that others are having some of the same issues as my family is having. However, i am blessed to know that all things are going to be okay I just have to beleive! You are right to be upset regarding this situation. It's amazing how bitter ex's can be and have spiteful they can become. Over time, I just continue to do the right thing and know that one day this will all be over. More like in 11 years but hey whose counting!
Happy New Year!
Jan 01, 2009 Rating
Do not judge by: Anonymous
You cannot judge unless you are in the situation. I agree that all children need to be taken care of but in my situation the ex does not work lives on disability and chose to have another child and refuses to go after that baby daddy becuz she does not want him in her life. Instead she decides to go after my husband for more money. We have paid for the past 10 years above guidelines to keep my stepdaughter in a good situation and now we just had another baby and are having diffuculty financially due to the economy and all she wants is more money...I understand my stepdaughter was here first but after 10 years of paying over guidelines why SHOULDNT my kids be taken into consideration at an adjustement, just because all of you are bitter dont you see you are hurting other children as well not just the first kid...What because you got divorced you shouldnt be allowed another family ever again and be allowed to have the money to live? Why shouldnt she be forced to get a job or make the other guy pay...Remember do not judge lest you be judged....
Dec 09, 2008 Rating
r u serious? by: Anonymous
Calm down about what? One more time... YOU were the one who decided to go an procreate AGAIN.
The fact is, YOU made that choice, to spread your money to yet ANOTHER child and family.
YOU are the one who is not taking your choices seriously.
Now that your NEW family is suffering, you want to bag on the fact that you have to pay for your first family?
Please. This has nothing to do with me.. it is about YOU and your apparent contempt that you don't have enough money for your NEW family (your choice) because you have to pay money to your old family (FIRST).
Why does your first family deserve to suffer because you made that selfish choice to bring even MORE mouths to feed into the world.
You need to snap out of it. Just because your circumstances have changed due to your choices does not affect the choices you made FIRST. Period. All you ever talked about was the system and how now you have no money for your new family.
You should not have had more children and possibly not a new husband either if you can't afford him either - it is that simple. You keep clouding the issue.
Dec 08, 2008 Rating
Calm down by: Anonymous
Its amazing how people tend to judge one based on their issues. I can only respond to your comment with an amusement and a little frustration due to your lack of understanding. Unfortunately, you will not see my point unless you walk in my shoes and that you will not do. I am using this media as a means for me to express my displeasure with the system. I pay my support no matter what. It pains me that you are bitter to those that try the best they can to assist financially with children that do not physically reside in their homes, for whatever reason. As for my family, I am blessed and have been blessed with a new baby. Circumstances being what they are, I do deal with it like everyone else in this world. As far as my ex, we have both moved on thus my child has many people who love him. So, calm yourself down and realize that not all NC?s are bad individuals who don?t pay their support. Obviously there are issues present that upset you regarding my statement. That's life you're not going to agree with everyone!
Dec 05, 2008 Rating
come on! by: Anonymous
Excuse me, but YOU made the decision to go and have another family. Your FIRST child(ren) come FIRST. They did not ask to be abandoned while you went off and started your own life. Are you serious with your complaints? Custodial parents are usually the ones (95% of the time) with the issues you are talking about. Welcome to multiple family life. You bought the ticket, now you pay the price. Just like all us single mothers that get no child support - do we abandon the kids cus there isnt any money from the ex? NO! We suck it up and live in poverty while the ex lives with new cars, new wives, and new children living it up without sending us a dime. I don't see your point of view as valid. There is a set amount of raising a child - 1/2 is given to one parent and 1/2 to the other. You are only paying 1/2. Period. If your ex conserves on some things and splurges on others, that is not your business. Their finances are their business, not yours. Don't populate the earth with more than one family if you cannot afford it. Sheesh. Were you raised by wolves or in a barn? Take some pride & responsibility for yourself.
Dec 04, 2008 Rating
Standing Strong by: Anonymous
No I don't think I am a rarity I want to do for my child; however, my family is feeling the brunt of this. For instance, we cannot afford the same amenities that my son has--that I am assisting payment for. That is the unfair part. It is also unfair that when my son is with me during the summer, I have to continue to pay support and pay for his summer camp. It's unfair that I have to pay for an educational deviation while my son is not attending school in the summer. Those are the issues that I am gripping with and that I feel is unfair to my family. My story goes beyond just support, I want to do more and in any case, I would not ask for child support if and when my son returns to my home. Why should I. I roof over our head has to be paid anyway, the utilities have to be paid anyway, and food has to be bought anyway. An extra head would not make a difference. Maybe help with clothing would be the only thing that I would need assistance on. It's not about growing up, I have done that. It's about being able to provide my daughter similar amenities that my son has. It's about being a part of my son's life on more than just a financial basis. That's what's it about for me. Oh believe me, I have grown up, this whole experience has taught me a thing or two but that doesn?t' make it fun. That doesn't help me to accept it. Only knowing that I can pay the support helps me go to sleep at night.
Thanks for your comments though?
Dec 04, 2008 Rating
Grow up by: Anonymous
I have to agree... suck it up NCP.
The states guidelines for support are less than what it costs to raise a child. Your ex is paying more than you do, trust me, to support YOUR kids.
Grow up.
Nov 08, 2008 Rating
Calculating child support by:
Child support amount is calculated that the parent who is supposed to pay (which in most cases doesn't happen)would still be able to afford a reasonable living. Most cases do not even get adjust with cost of living increase but yet most adults get pay raise from their employers which the child usually never benefits from. It's not fair that one parent should have the majority burden of financial responsibility (usually the custodial parent) while the ncp gets to get off with a fraction of the actual amount it actually cost to raise a child. It usually takes the custodial parent to do the leg work to find out where the ncp works so support can be collected before they quit their job to avoid paying support the state only seems to be able to locate a ncp if the custodial parent is on assistance. My ex was able to avoid paying support for 17 years before the state was able to get him to pay and he only chose to pay to avoid jail. With a lousy 190 a month with no increase ever yet it cost a whole lot more than that to raise our kids. Insurance and daycare was 10 times that amount. Sorry not to feel sorry about ncp payments but it the kids who end up getting the short end of the stick. If you are one of the few ncp who actually pays an adequate amount of child support to help support your child good for you but you would be a rarity.
Oct 30, 2008 Rating
Thanks by: Anonymous
I appreciate your feedback. I understand that I am not alone and even being the mother doesn't mean that the state gives breaks to us. That is why I want to create awareness for the issues that NCP go through. I didn't know that child support could be so demanding of one's attention and so expensive (legally). What can be done? What can I write to? How do I start?
Any suggestions???
Oct 29, 2008 Rating
NCP by: David
Trust me when I say you are not alone. However, as a non-custodial woman; you are an exception. In most cases, the father is usually the NCP. The bottom line is that the federal government enacted laws that allow states to agressively go after non-custodial parents for support. The purpose was to minimize the amount of custodial parents who seek welfare. Yes, it saves the tax-payers money, but often creates more hardship between families than good. What motivates these agencies the most is the federal funding they receive for every dollar collected. Plain and simple; they are just debt collectors to which a working person can never hide. I am not suggesting that people shouldn't pay to care for their children, but the terms should be more amicable between the parents. Most states have a calculted system that determines how much should be paid based on the NCP's net income. If the amount is less than what it takes to raise children, the custodial parent will have to make up the difference by obatining a job or seeking aid. If the amount awarded is more than what's required (in my case), then the custodial parent enjoys the additional fruit. The state agencies would rather cases mirror mine because they get more funding---that's what motivates them. Don't think they act soley for the interests of the child. It only ends when you are paid in full, or spend countless dollars trying to gain custody.
