IT HAPPENS TO NON CUSTODIAL MOMS, TOO.
by Hell hath no fury...
(Texas)
NC dads, you are not alone! My ex and I have joint custody and he has primary. Mind you, this was awarded to someone who ATTEMPTED SUICIDE. This was and still is, a VERY immature person who excessively smoked pot, drank, physically abused me with the kids around and sometimes even when they were in my arms, could never hold a job, sponged off his parents and as he has grown older, NONE of this has changed. The abuse and neglect turned to our kids over the years and mainly with our younger daughter, whom he smoked pot with when she was just 13.
Now she is 17 and after we went to court over a year ago to modify what I pay in child support, HE THEN AGREED TO SIGN HER OVER AND GIVE LEGAL GUARDIANSHIP to a neighbor and DIDN'T TELL ME. More importantly, she is stable and very happy and that's what matters. But what a sad example he showed our daughter. He signed her over AFTER an amount was decided on what I will pay HIM in arrears.
For all the reasons above, I have struggled for years paying this person "child support". BUT I HAVE ALWAYS BEEN INVOLVED IN MY KIDS' LIVES, and continue to do so. I just can't afford to pay him arrears, provide for them and raise their youngest sibling all at once. It's so sad when deadbeat parents don't pay. I thought of myself as one too, but realized I am doing what needs to be done for my kids. I'm just spiting myself legally when I don't pay him. That day in court I also learned, MONEY IS MONEY AND ALL THE REST IS A SEPARATE CASE. I showed up that morning with a letter from the high school. My younger daughter (daddy's pot smoking buddy) had marks and bruises on her from him. The school called CPS and I gave that letter to the judge, she looked at me and then at him (and I KNOW she was thinking, 'Oh my God, we made a big mistake here') and she said, "I'm so sorry, but this case is only about child support.
This is something separate you'll have to address with an attorney." My ex was standing next to me practically crapping himself, but ONCE AGAIN, HE ESCAPED. Only for now, that is. He even had the audacity to tell the judge, "She's a really good mom", after the payment amount was established.
Sometimes the courts make a mistake. Sometimes the kids don't go to the right parent. But that parent had better representation, more money, help from family, whatever. I'm still fighting this even though my girls are now 17 and 19, but no matter what, I owe him arrears, even though he has signed legal guardianship over to someone else. What's done is done and I owe that money and it's wrong. He won't be sharing it with our girls, either.
Oh, what I wouldn't give to spend just 1 hour alone with him in a locked room! His selfishness has caused A LOT OF PAIN FOR THOSE KIDS and for me. Knowing the "wrong parent" was given the gift of raising two wonderful kids is such a hard pill to swallow. But I am still fighting for them and I always will.
