Just Wish He Would Give Up His Rights

by Amy
(Iowa)

I am a single mom of a 3 year old girl. Her biological father left when she was six months old. Altogether he has 4 kids and just one with me. Four kids, four different mothers to his children. He owes 30,000 to his first child and yet the courts still give him all these rights. He was nothing to do with any of his kids. My daughter is very smart she knows the alphabet, count to 30, knows all shapes and colors, sings numerous songs, can read a little bit, and so much more. She has asthma which has caused her to be in and out of the hospital a lot since she was born, especially during the winter time. This year already she been to the hospital 3 times for getting sick and it affecting her asthma and I do everything I can think of possibly to stop her from getting sick. He has not seen my daughter well over a year and since he has left he seen her maybe 5 times. One day I needed diapers so I called, she was about 8-9 months old and come to find out from his own sister that he chose to buy drugs instead of buying his newborn diapers.

Than the Christmas where she was two years old he bought her a coat that was size 6-9 months now how is that going to fit her. I have primary custody care of her and the only way he can see her is through DHS or supervised visits. I tried to different people for visitation and two people that were mutual to us accept the first one he got stupid with and messed that up and I chose a person that I knew got along with both of us and he just did not want make time for her. He was mad because I would not let him take her by himself, I did that once and an hour after I left he called and said you need to come back and get her she won't stop crying and also he got violent with me because he tried to get back with me and he cheated on me with someone who had Herpes and I did not want to bring that to me or my daughter so I refused and I had to put a restraining order against him.

Since I refuse to budge with supervised visits until he can prove he can watch her by himself he refuses to have anything to do with her. I tried to go for abandonment but courts said no, I asked if we could enforce him to give up his rights, courts said no I have to find another man, marry him, and have him adopt her. Why do I need to find a new man when I am doing it all on my own just fine. I am finally now receiving child support after waiting since she was a little over a year old. I started receiving child support about two months ago and it was court ordered in 2008 and I got granted 50.00 a month. How will that help in raising a child. Right now I am letting the money build up because this spring I am getting her a brand new bike to ride outside when it does start getting nice out.

What I call her father is a sperm donar because 4 kids, 4 different mothers, and has nothing to do with any of them. That is just so sad for the kids. I do have a nice man I do talk to but he resides in Chicago but he talks to her from time to time and he was the one who first taught her the alphabet. If he lived closer to us, which we reside in Iowa that would be nice but not easy when everything costs and both us are struggling financially. Other than that I am raising her on my own with some help from few family members on my side. Nobody on the father's side has anything to do with her. The whole family on father's side is that way with all kids and that is just sad. I feel it is better this way because he was involved in drugs and had unprotected sex more than once with a person who had herpes and nothing against anybody who has a STD, but I know I do not want it. So there is my story.

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giving up rights
by: Anonymous

I do not know the law in your state but I know in mine if the father (or mother )has not paid or seen the child for 1 year he has automatically given up his rights. He still has to pay the child support (or shall I say is obligated to) until the child is adopted by a step parent. Just check into it with your child support office.

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Unjust is not always the way we see it
by: Donna

I am sorry for your sitution . Yes their are really bad fathers and MOTHERS out thier . However I think the Fathers are abused by the system. That the fathers dont want to pay and i could not blame them . I am not saying your sitution is that. But I also know a lot of mothers that are not as caring as yourself . Buhave and continue to abuse the system. When our system begins to reconize abuse to fathers. I believe you will see a differnt in most situtions. Mind you thier will still be no good mothers and fathers out thier . you will neve change that.

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