Look at an example of positivity

by Kelli
(Oklahoma)

My husband was married previously for 11 yrs. The had a 1 daughter. At the time of their divorce he was only ordered to pay $400.00..did he? No! Instead he has been paying $600 from the get go. WHy? Because he knows that if he goes bare minimum because he can it is his daughter that will suffer in the long run. After my husband and his ex-wife discussed monthly expenses that's what he decided he could afford comfortably to help his daughter out. Being dismissive of the mother (or father) just because you two are no longer together is a H-U-G-E indication you probably aren't mature enough to breed to begin with. If she uses that child support to pay her car payment, but uses her paycheck to cover mortgage, electricity, h2o, etc...who the hell cares?? Look at the fundamentals...is she fed? Is she clothed properly? Is she in a good home in a descent neighborhood (as much as finances will allow)? Does her mom have reliable transportation to get to work to help support her daughter..and take care of childhood needs (school, Dr. appts, etc)? My husband is in the Army and we don't live near, so for visitation we have to fly his daughter in. By the decree he is responsible for that--however, her mom always pays for 1/2 the plane ticket? WHy? Because she is thankful for him helping out the rest of the time. Just because it's the decree shouldn't rule out a common goal to help each other for the sake of the child.


In 2007 my husband and I had a baby. Shortly after his daughter needed braces. Even though he is financially responsible, his ex is mature and gracious enough to know that having a new baby is expensive (and I have 1 12 yr old that I receive no help at all for). So after they discussed it they decided to each pay for 1/2 of the braces so no one person bared an unwarranted work load.

I hate hearing & seeing people hate and trying to dig in the other person for nothing more than being the person they CHOSE to be their child's parent. It's sad and shows the best interest of the child not being a priority. I understand there are some exceptions.....but more often than not they're excuses for jealous fits. Any parent that could sit back and allow the custodial parent to suffer or vice versa if temp. down on their luck.....should not be called a parent at all and should dare not talk about their children's priorities coming 1st! You don't have to be rich to be civil...just some common courtesies 9/10 of the time go further than any court order ever could!

If anyone was to be jealous it could easily be me, I have a daughter 7 mths younger than his and I have never received a dime in child support for her. However, I could not imagine in a million years inflicting my pain on another person, never-mind child. I have made due and will continue just fine.

Sorry for the long rant, I just feel it's important to let people know it is possible to get along after a divorce/split, it can only turn ugly if YOU allow it too. It's heartbreaking for the children stuck in the middle of this mess.

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THOUGHTS
by: Anonymous

turn ugly if i choose it too what?I didn't choose to have the one I loved leave me and my child, I didn't chose to make this situation ugly ugly was given to me and I had to deal with it, im glad you live in a perfect world where previous relationship can cooperate i'm happy for you but there is a large percentage of people who get shafted when it comes to being able to stay in their kids life ,why should a parent with 50/50 custody have to pay support huh, if the ex leaves you and child you after three years get 50/50 custody and im supposed to pay for her new house, new car, new man, what?,if ex chose to leave fine don't extort the other parent for money it happens every day wake up, damn right i have a right to know where the money being spent that money should be for the child not so ex can start over with new life that's garbage, ever wonder why so many women have two three baby daddy's with that much comin in she can stay home all day and live off someone's else hard labor ohh don't forget get behind you become a criminal so not are you not only limited to seeing your baby but can lose job, lose license and then go to jail i'm glad your situation is what it is in an ideal world peace can be made and the child doesn't have to in the middle or suffer but open your eyes and realize this system isn't set up for that and to avoid the courts is ideal, but your situation is rare

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hmm..
by: Anonymous

what about the parents that have 50/50 custody but for some reason the father has to pay 1,000 dollars a month for "child support"? please give me an answer to that! and not everyone was divorsed or split. Not all the fathers live far away from the mothers and not all the fathers only see their daughters once a month. what about the ones that see their children HALF the time and still have to pay child support!!!!!!!!
what about the fathers that have a morgage, car payment and the mothers that have NO expencise? please give me an answer to that. these courts have you tkae the time to fill out an "expence" report but then in court NOTHING ever gets brough up!

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WOW I wish my ex was her
by: Larry

I can say I wish she was my ex. Everything you said in yourpost was sooooooooooo exactly right. My ex's jealousy distroyed my oppertunity to be a part of my daughters life. She disappeared with my daughter for 13 years. I continued to pay my child support for all those years until the courts and child support division Quashed and closed my case in 2000. I was told by the state of Arizona that my daughter had been adopted or passed away, that owed nothing anymore and I had a zero balance. I never stopped looking for my daughter and found her in 2006, and beleive it or not on MySpace. She was 17 at the time and within 2 months she was living with us. She stayed with us until she was just about 18 when she went back to live with her mom. She is now 20 years old lives on her own with her on child. Now my ex wants back child support and I told her I don't owe you anything the court quashed the case and child support closed the case and you took off with my daughter for over 13 years. Well needless to say she took me to court and the court said "oops" we made a mistake the case should not have been closed. Now I have to pay her over 45,000 plus 10% interest sense 2000 when they closed the case. My ex is still jealous after all these years because I remarried have 3 children and 1 on the way and have been happy for 16 years. I wish my ex could grow up like your husbands ex but those kind of people are far and few. The costodial parent almost always uses the children as a weapon. I hope people can learn from your experience. I wish I was in your shoes I would not have lost my daughters childhood.

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Good Comment, But...
by: Anonymous

There are also those who choose to create conflict instead of being civil. There are also those who do not spend the child support on their car payment while their paycheck supports everything else.
What I am talking about are those (custodial and non-custodial) parents who choose to sit around in their parents' home, NOT work, and hang out with their friends all day. It's not all cut and dry in terms of why people are vocal of how the system is broken.

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