Men need a hand - LETS DO SOMETHING!!

by Chantale
(Wyoming - kids in UT)

Great daddy - he misses his baby!!

Great daddy - he misses his baby!!

My husband is going though a similar situation with his exes. Last year he was unemployed due to a knee injury and surgery. He has not been able to find a job since he has healed. We have 3 children living with us, one of which is disabled. I am the only one working at the moment and it is difficult if not impossible to make ends meet at times. He tried to get a review done. He was told that being unemployed the support amount will stay at what it was when he was last employed, regardless of his financial situation. He even got a letter in the mail that said weather He is unemployed or not it is his responsibility to come up with $1000 a month in child support or there will be further legal action. We also tried to get them to take into account the children that we have living with us and got a letter in the mail asking how much money I make.

We did not fill that out because a friend of ours (who has been through all of this before) said that he did the same thing to try and get it lowered for his kids. He ended up having to pay almost twice as much. Because they don?t lower the amount if you are unemployed, but if they know there is any other income in the house they will make it go up substantially. We cant afford what they are asking now, There is no way we could pay more. I find it highly unjust. He is more than willing to take care of my children and he understands the need for child support. He is a very loving and responsible father. It is unfair that the child support office feels that the children who are not living with us are so much more important than the ones that do. And what?s worse is he has not seen any of his kids for about 2 years now.

The youngest he has not even met because she took off when she was pregnant. He only found out because child support called him saying they were going to take more money. And the mother outright refuses to let him see them, ever. We are on the verge of becoming homeless, the only way we make it is from my working, and when he asks for help all they want to do is take more and more away from us. I do see a reason to pay for the children it is his responsibility. However, the children that live with us are MORE of a responsibility. We have to do everything for them, and the ones that live with their mothers have a support to fall back on them The mother of my kids lives with her mother and does not pay rent or utilities or anything. She has a cell phone payment and that is it. Her mother even pays her car insurance (I know this because they lived together at her mothers).

He spoke to the worker on the phone to ask her what we could do about this situation. And all he got is called a deadbeat dad. Now that is cruel and completely out of line. He is a wonderful father and he trys with all of his might. Also- We are not the only people in this country **especially with the current economy** who has fallen on hard times. But none of that seems to matter. He was (in not so many words) told that it is ok if he and the children in our current home go live on the street and eat out of garbage cans, so long as ORS gets THEIR money. How is that even legal? I don?t personally understand any of this and have lost almost any will to try.

Why should he go out and try to better his life when no matter what he does ORS will be there pushing him down and taking away everything we ever try to earn in this life. We have no help, no one to turn to, and no way out. We are stuck paying money we don?t have and trying to find a way to explain to our children that we have to go live on the street because daddy?s other kids are more important than they are.

My husband and I talked about it for a long time and we want to get something together. I am sure that with enough effort we could find at least 1,000,000 men who have gone through similar situations. We want to form some sort of union on this and get the laws changed. We will take it to Washington, organize marches, create petitions to be signed, ect? It can be done, we just need to seek out anyone who is willing. I know it will not be a fast situation, but nothing worthwhile is ever easy. Please let me know if you are interested in helping out our cause. Also- Please forward this to anyone you know that would be willing to support the cause.
Thank you so much for your support!!

Comments for Men need a hand - LETS DO SOMETHING!!

Average Rating starstarstarstarstar

Click here to add your own comments

Rating
starstarstarstarstar
Rg April 20th comment.....
by: Anonymous

wow do you know these people? any idea what the ex is like? NOPE didn't think so...HOW dare you call them bad parents. So would it be right for me to call you a money hungry baby machine? I understand there is dead beats out there BUT there are also women that abuse the system. I am the wife of a man that deals with a crazy ex that is all about the money ( thankfully I have a good paying Job that she can't touch) so do you ASSUME that my husband and I are "BAD" parents to our son because he had a ex take him to the cleaners? My husbands ex makes way more than my husband and I do, as well as living off the system AND takeing charty. When she needs more money she goes out finds a baby daddy gets knocked up and takes him for all he is worth, she is on baby 6 and father 6 right now. And to top it off she wont even let my husband see the child even though it's court order, So tell me do I discust you because I don't agree with the way the court system works? Does this make me a bad person because I had a baby with a man that got screwd over? Am I a bad parent because my husband cannot afford to give this women another penny? you need to think about some of the gold digging money hungry baby mommas out there before you point fingers at all these fed up fathers and label them "dead beats" and "bad parents" Give your head a shake not all men are bad just like not all women are like the ex that my husband deals with

Rating
starstarstarstarstar
Women Sucking Support
by: Anonymous

Women who think they can have kids to get a man or keep one are the same ones who cry to the child support agencies and don't care what lie they tell to try to get a man in jail. It is a civil matter not criminal and our system is waking up to that matter. Support mommies who use kids to sit their ass at home are all over this country and the Child Support Agencies are full of fat, overweight bitches willing to twist the law and get over on men. It's never about the children it's always been ABOUT THE MONEY!!

Rating
starstarstarstarstar
Stop crying!!!!!!!
by: Anonymous

You and your husband are disgusting!!! How can you expect him to put your children ahead of his other kids? If it's so expensive then you shouldn't have had kids with him. How is it logical to chose to have children with someone who is barely able to support the kids they already have??? You put yourself in this position!! And if he is not the father of your children then why would you expect the court to take your children into consideration, where is the father of your kids why can't he take care of them??
You are so selfish. Why should the mothers have to do everything for the child. He is supposed to be their father which requires money he knew that when he was getting people pregnant. And they include the mothers income when calculating payments so it's not like she's getting a free pass. Why should she have find a way to make enough money to cover not only her responsibilities to the child but your husbands as well and still raise the child? Unless she is a robot I don't see how this is possible. I'm not sure about your husbands level of education or his childrens mothers education but unless she has a bachelors and more realistically a masters degree she will not likely be able to make a family wage. Furthermore if she has to work a minimum wage job it will be impossible for her to take care of her child daycare alone is at least 200/week, mine is 275/week. And I'm sure all of these factors were taken in consideration when the child support order was placed. You people on here are so selfish, you obviously don't want what is in the childs best interest otherwise you would quit complaining. It is no secret that across the board men make more money than women so a working mom has to work harder to make the same amout of money as a working father which will mean the child will have to stay in daycare longer. Then she is also expected to come home cook and then care for the child. The only thng fathers are expected to do is work and you to sit and cry about that?!?please grow up welcome to the real world. Both you and your husband should have been more realistic when planning your family you knew these children exsisted and knew the child support required for the children and still you guys felt it would be a good idea to bring more kids into the picture. That was very selfish of both of you. You cant blame the system or the mother because no one forced you to have kids with him that was your choice so pay up!! You don't get to sit and abandon your responsibilites, maybe next time you will think before your decide to bring children into an already stressful situation. Shame on both of you I feel so sorry for the children they have to have irresponsible parents like yourself!!!!

Rating
starstarstarstarstar
I know how you feel
by: Anonymous

Child support services just left mine and my husbands bank account 2700.00 in the hole. They took my income and my tax returns and are about to put me and our infant twins out on the street. The worst part is that my husband is sitting in jail due to my ex and his dad manipulating the justice system.

Rating
starstarstarstarstar
my reply
by: Chantale- original poster

I've read sevral comments on here. Now let me reiddreate the fact that He and I do both FULLY believe that it is important to support his children. He does have a court order for visitation, she still denys him. She said-and I quote "I dont care what the judge said, I dont agree with him. No! You cannot come get them, stop calling!" Every time he tries to take this back to court, the judge/lawyers say the same thing. "if she keeps doing it, then we will do something" IT HAS BEEN 2 YEARS!! When do they plan on "doing something"? As for finding a job, he has been looking! If you read the beginning of the original post I stated that. It has been months now since the original post and still nothing. The problem is we live in a town with the population of about 3500 people. This leaves little opporotunity for ANYONE to find work. He has applied at McDonalds 4 times in the last 6 months. They always say the same thing "we are not hiring right now, but we will keep your application on file" Its not that he doesnt care or is unsympathetic. Yes, he does want to pay for the children he has, but he doesnt want to have to live on the street to do it. With an income of roughly $2500 a month, child support wants $1000 a week. DOES THAT ADD UP?!?!?!?! Every time he asks for help, they say "it is your responsibility you find a way to pay it" Are they asking for him to do something illegal? That's not what anyone wants- but child support seems to. How is he supposed to live with a family of 5, one of which is a DISABLED CHILD with no income? Think about this before you criticize. He would love to pay for his children, at a REASONABLE AMMOUNT! supporting a family of 5 on my income of $2500 monthly with support for his 3 other children should be somehwere around $700 a MONTH not $1000 a WEEK! -Also- in reply to the person who said that I am bitter & living in the past. Yes, I am bitter. The children who do not live with us shoud get ALL the money, and the children that do should get none and be homeless. Yeah, that makes me a little bitter. Why is one child more important than the other? Shouldnt he support ALL of his children? Not just the ones that dont live with him? And living in the past?it's not the past. We are dealing with this today, it is the present. I do however, agree that the ones getting hurt by this are the children. The relationship between their mother and father did not work out. The only thing they should know is that no matter what daddy and mommy will always love them. However, mommy feels that since daddy doesnt want to be with her, then he should have no right to them. I disagree, he disagrees, the courts dont care. Something DOES need to be done about this. One child should not matter more than the other. Each child is important, each child has the right to support, and each child has the right to LOVE!

Rating
starstarstarstarstar
Its not about the kids,MOMs on SELFISH reasons
by: Anonymous

I would love to fight and help change the laws on child support. It is unjustice how fathers who try to care and be there for their kids,are kept away and ordered to pay or go to jail,all because the mothers feel if he's not with me then he want see his kids,and I'm going to make life hard for him and whom ever he's with.

Rating
starstarstarstarstar
child suppport from 3 different fathers
by: Anonymous

Does anyone know the answer to this question? Does the state support system take into account 2 other fathers support income paid to my ex? Thank you for any comments you might have.

Rating
starstarstarstarstar
where do we start?
by: ssuess

You hit the nail on the head when you said, "He was (in not so many words) told that it is ok if he and the children in our current home go live on the street and eat out of garbage cans, so long as ORS gets THEIR money. How is that even legal? I don?t personally understand any of this and have lost almost any will to try." I am right there with you!!! Currently my fiance's weekly gross income is $1,000 and between (2) support obligations + taxes it totals $1,093 because when he tried to file for a decrease the order said that he had failed to provide a paystub from his current employer, although we have a copy of the paystub stamped RECEIVED by the court on July 24, 2009 at 2:35 pm. I want to lobby to make a change , but I don't know where to start. I don't know whether to write a petition, get signatures and send it to my congressman, or just write to my congressman, or both, or what. There is so much wrong with the system right now that the problems need to be changed one at a time. Where do we start?

Rating
starstarstarstarstar
woman that are bashing on hard working families
by: a father that cares for kids not dead beat moms that collect

we all understand that the fathers need to pay childsupport, im tired of hearing from other ppl , U HAVE RESPONSIBILITIES , well the mother as well have responsibilities. what makes it ok that a mother can sit on her ass, and colloct the fathers hard earn money and benifts from the state. i am in the army , i have three kids from a prior relationship, they want me to pay 1000 a month i only make 1500 , that leaves me with 500 dollors to pay bills , forget that the hard working father has to survive. NO. if a mother cant help support the children , then u should not have them . if i have the money to support the kids then they should be living with the father. the point of calling it childsupport IS FOR THE CHILDREN. not for mother to take that money and get her nails did. so for the mothers out there that dont have a job, u need to put your kids first not your nails , if u know u cant help support YOUR kids as well then give them to the one that can , LIKE the father PAYING EVRYMONTH of childsupport .

Rating
starstarstarstarstar
Support SUCKS!
by: Anonymous

I feel for you.. My boyfriend has a son and was a good dad until his ex left him for someoone else and took him for CS. I think it's crap! I definitely believe in taking care of your kids but the way they go about it is Bullsh*t! If it weren't for me my fiance would have been living on the street by now. All because he had a child! Come on now, the courts put a curse on your life for what should be a happy and a good thing, being a parent! Just because two people weren't meant to be together doesnt mean that one should live like a bum while the other collects. As they say IT TAKES TWO!! A mother upon departure of a relationship with a child should have to work just as much and produce reciepts to show the child is taken care of. My boyfriends childs mother now has 3 kids, 2 to the other guy, and she has told me that the other guy she lives with has no job and hasn't the whole time they've been together! She has a job working two hours a day (she told me this I did not assume) at a family members hair salon two or 3 days a week! So two adults and 3 kids and only one adult working 6 hours a week... Hmmm! Who's paying thier bills? My boyfriend who works more than 40 hrs a week and after CS and taxes comes home with 150 bucks for two weeks. If it weren't for me, how could he pay rent or bills on that these days? Thats also a big strain on me. Im left paying all of the bills and rent in our place. I know it's not my boyfriends fault, he works as much as possible but for nothing! Plus we take his son every weekend so the days we are not working we have him. And we have had to buy him clothes, shoes, etc for our house too. The best part about it is, If we want to take his son somewhere fun like a museum or the zoo I have to pay for it because my boyfriend cant afford to. So how are the courts promoting good parenting by making you so broke you cant even afford to do things with your kid when you do see him/her.. Because your paying for the other parent to get to do those things. I don't think it's fair! Nowadays if I were a guy I would be petrified to have children!! It's like a death sentence! Your wife or childs mother can leave you and you're the bad one! And you've got no chance at a normal living after that! I would love to join a petition party for something to get changed! They need to quit stepping on the dads and promote EQUAL parenting finacially as well.

Rating
starstarstarstarstar
can relate
by: Anonymous

Chantel I understand what your going through, clearly the last poster had never been in our vote. I understand the father has a right to support his child/children BUT how are you supossed to pay support on an Income that no longer exists? The guy did not quit his job he got hurt. My husband just lost his job too and we are sturggling to pay child support and just waiting for our Oct 6 court date to get support lowered ( keeping our fingers crossed) but she has NO RIGHT to deny you access, I would be bring that back to court

Rating
starstarstarstarstar
YOUR STILL BITTER
by: Anonymous

Lady its not your lack of care or empathy that amazes me its that your bitterness. This woman is living the life she is describing, and your living in the past or atleast hating in it.I think the only thing any of us can agree on is it's not fair to the kids on either side.

Rating
starstarstarstarstar
BEEN THERE DONE THAT!
by: BILL

WELL, WHERE DO I BEGIN? I AM A DIVORCED FATHER OF NOW 3 GROWN CHILDREN FROM 2 DIFFERENT MARRIAGES.I HAVE A BLOG ON THIS SITE ABOUT AN EX WIFE MOVING OUT OF STATE, THUS EXTINGUISHING VISITATION RIGHTS' BUT NEVER FAILING TO CASH MY CHECK EVERY WEEK. SEE, MOVING OUT OF STATE CREATED AN ESTRANGEMENT FROM THE DISTANCE AND A HARDSHIP OF LONG DISTANCE TRAVEL AND EXPENCES TO BOOT.OH, BY THE WAY, I HAD FULL CUSTODY OF MY OTHER SON WITHOUT EVER RECEIVING A DIME FROM MY FIRST EX,AND I RAISED A TOTAL OF 6 STEP CHILDREN.THE PROBLEM I AM COMMENTING ON, IS THERE IS A TOTALLY DIFFERENT SET OF RULES AND STANDARDS FOR A DIVORCED FATHER, HE'S NOT ALLOWED TO HAVE A SLOW WEEK AT WORK AND POSSIBLY HAVE THE CHOICE OF FEEDING HIS FAMILY BOLOGNA OR PB&J IF THAT'S WHAT IT TAKES TO MAKE ENDS MEET. NO, HE HAS TO MAKE A COURT ORDERED PAYMENT, REPEAT COURT ORDERED PAYMENT THROUGH A DISBUSEMENT UNIT WHICH TAKES FEES, WHICH I'M SURE SHOULD GO TO THE CHILDREN, BUT DON'T GET ME STARTED I'VE BEEN PAYING SUPPORT AND RAISING CHILDREN, AND NOW GRANDKIDS FOR 27 YEARS NOW! THE SYSTEM SUCKS IN GENERAL, IT'S DESIGNED TO BENEFIT THE MINOR CHILD WHO CANNOT HELP HIMSELF,GRANTED, BUT IT'S TURNING HARD WORKING FATHERS INTO CRIMINALS JUST BECAUSE HE GETS LAID OFF FROM WORK, AND THE COURTS HAVE THE AUDACITY TO PUT A MAN IN JAIL, WHICH IS ABOUT AS F----NG STUPID AS PUTTING AN ELEPHANT ON THE MOON. FIRST OFF, HOW IS HE GOING TO PAY? AND WHAT PART OF TAX PAYERS, PAYING FOR THE MAN BEHIND BARS DON'T WE UNDERSTAND? AND FOR THE WOMAN WHO COMMENTED ON HAVING A MAN WORK AT MCDONALDS, GOOD LUCK, IN MY TOWN THEY ARE NOT EVEN TAKING APPLICATIONS, BECAUSE THINGS ARE SO BAD. BUT THEN AGAIN IF HE IS LUCKY ENOUGH TO GET THE JOB, HE COULD WORK FOR 3 TO 4 MONTHS AND PETITION THE COURTS FOR A REDUCTION IN CHILD SUPPORT, AND WIN ON TRUE INCOME! I WOULD NEVER CONDONE NOT SUPPORTING A CHILD WHO IS PROVEN TO BE BIOLOGICALLY MINE, BUT HAVING A COURT ORDER FOR VISITATION, AND THE MOTHER DISOBEYING, BY NOT RENDERING, OR HIDING THE CHILD OR BETTER YET, LYING ABOUT ABUSE,THE COURTS WILL STOP VISITATION IN A HEART BEAT, JUST ON A VERBAL ACCUSATION, LEAVING THE FATHER TO PAY PAY PAY!!! WITH NO CONSEQUENCE TO THE MOTHER. IN CLOSING, IT'S A FACT IF THE FATHER IS IN THE CHILD'S LIFE, THE FATHER IS TWICE AS LIKELY TO PAY. SO LADIES IF YOU THINK IT'S WISE TO KEEP THE KIDS FROM DAD , THINK AGAIN, IT WILL HURT THE KIDS IN THE END. CHILD SUPPORT DOES NOT ALWAYS GO TO IT'S INTENDED SOURCE,FATHERS ARE ALLOWED AN ACCOUNTING OF WHERE THE MONEY GOES, AND THERE SHOULD BE AN ACCOUNTING WITH RECEIPTS,AT LEAST QUARTERLY, AT LEAST TO KEEP THE CUSTODIAL PARENT HONEST AND TRACK THE NEEDS OF THE CHILD'. NOT THE MOTHER'S (RECIPIENT).

Rating
starstarstarstarstar
men need to be men
by: Anonymous

Men need to be men. Caretakers by being providers.... do whatever it takes to secure the future of thier children. Just because he had knee surgery doesn't mean he can't work. He has the perfect enabeler to make excuses for him...you. If he can say "Welcome to McDonalds" then boot him out the door and put him to work.

Rating
starstarstarstarstar
Similar Situation - Pay Huge Support and No Visitation
by: Michael Houghton

My ex took (stole) my three children to Colorado. Located them and Colorado Authorities refused to honor my Texas Decree / Visitation. Ex has continually faked "fear and afraid of me" so she gets routine Protective Orders from Judge Smith in Sterling, Co. I've attempted to see my children but ex rarely complies w/ court order and often I'm attempting to get ride of PO and fake charges of harassment.

Rating
starstarstarstarstar
DADDY WE MISS YOU
by: WIFE AND KIDS

I have been with my husband for five years,, we don't have any child with him but his are my love too.i lost my job and at the same time they throw him in jail for two years for child support. We have one of his kids living with us The other kids come every other.. My house is empty now the kids are sad. We use to have fun and play and do things all the time with the kids,,, I have to stay to a list with the money.. Me and kids are lonely now! The laughter in home has fading now to cries for daddy! Now my bed is full of kids because our protection is not here.lights are on every where in the house kids are different. I think they knew he would take care of us. We get ten min phone calls a hello and bye. daddy we miss you

Rating
starstarstarstarstar
lost husband
by: Anonymous

my husband is in jail for child support they gave him a year and half,,,,i lost my job around the same time and i get unemp check,, i have one of his kids living with me ,, i i don't know how i'm making ends meet? i do,,, it's hard. i try and hold my own with the kids,, and they miss him and i love to see him again we need him and court system don't care..... the woman with a lost husband

Rating
starstarstarstarstar
going through the same situation but as the other parent
by: Anonymous

I don't think it matters one way or the other whether or not he is employed...he had these children and has to pay for their well being...just because he is living with you and taking care of your children does not exclude him from his other responsibilities....he knew what he was doing when he got the other one pregnant so tuffen up and take care of your responsibilities...his other childrens bills and clothing, food, etc don't come for free nor can the mother call the stores or anything and ask for a discount because times are tuff and he can't help pay!! He needs to help one way or the other until those children are 18...and you as a mother should know this...because if he left you...you would be going to court and doing the same thing regarding support because then you would realize how difficult it is when the other parent doesn't help....as far as visitation....he should go to court and get visitation...it is not all on the other mother to do everything....I have NO respect for fathers like this or new wives like yourself who cry and are babies because they can't pay support....well then keep it in your pants and stop making children that you can't afford.....and as far as you go.....you have no say in this....this is between him and the other woman....you would do the same thing if it happened to you.....so don't cry your tears please.....just pay for your children and don't expect everyone else to...it's pathetic.

Click here to add your own comments

Join in and write your own page! It's easy to do. How? Simply click here to return to Fathers Rights.