Mother Unidenified!!

I am a mother of two at least leagaly that is. I have given birth to two handsome young men and one of them has been given his wings and gone home with our father up above. I still have one young but almost grown seed here on earth and he doesn't know if I am dead or alive and I'm quite sure his father has not made it clear to him if I am around or not, but that is not whats important. My childs well being,health and happiness is the only thing that I am truly concerned with. I have seen pictures of him through family members and he is the spitting image of me but, he doesn't know me and I don't really know him. I have been paying childsupport and it is all from I know because his punk ass father had it happen at the time when he went for assistance from the state but that is all good. I had always taken care of my children yet along with taken care of both there fathers (they had different fathers). I can't dwell on the past but we had gone to court and the judge granted JOINT CUSTODY between us and yet I have not seen nor talked my son since he was 2yrs old. He is now 18yrs old and considerded and adult but that still doesn't chang anything. I know that this child support may be hanging over my head and I just want to know if it really is.