Mother who has no clue of a good dad when she sees one..

by chris
(fitchburg mass)

I'm a disabled 25 year old single father who just had a son born in may of 2010. My issue is, the mother is young, immature, un appreicative and clearly has mental issues she denies and refuses to get checked. One minute things were fine, then somewere in this so called as my baby mama says "group effort", im no longer included in mother daughter or family talks, any issue with me or what i did or did not do, was NEVER brought to my attention, yet a bunch of slander, and bashing was done instead.

2 weeks after my son was born, his mother ends it with me for no reason except she can't admit shes wrong, or even care about my side in my sons life.

her dad never cared, never was around, and her and her mother had to suffer through this which i do agree is screwed up. But now, im the new pos target cause i don;t have tons of cash saved, a car, license, and my own place. I do have my own place but with a roomie in a HOUSE. not apartment or condo like she is in with her mother. Pretty much the story is, before he was born she wanted to be with me, wanted to work together, her mom was all for it. then after my son is born, not even a week after hes home, i hear i don't care or try to take care of him, hold him, feed him ect. When she always said she had it, she got it, and i can't force her to give over my son. So i trusted her, then she weaves lies how im a pos, total opposite of what she was telling me.

tells everybody she wants to marry me then just as soon, im a dead beat. I offer to help, she says she doesn't need my help. I buy my son things, but i don;t see anything i buy on him or used. She is bi polar yet won;t get it documented. She bashes on me cause im disabled and on ssi and ssdi, for my heart. Yet has no problem collecting welfare, food stamps, and try to get ssi for my son behind my back, to help HER. not to say hey, if the father got his own place he could apply for them and help raise our son. Total mom and daughter vs dad bashing sense day one. She threatens me with restraining orders, yet never comes through.

She says i never chip in, although i already spent well over $1k for my son sense he was born, mind you I'm on ssdi, that si pretty hard to achieve. I have not been able to get a lawyer to call me back yet and ive made many calls here in mass for one to represent me, so i could go get joint custody. Yes, i do not know alot. yes, i have alot to learn, but she doesn't care nor sees a reason to depend on me at all. yet she is a new mother, and her family and her mom, show her what to do. Never even try to help me, im on the side then out the door. fathers day, my first fathers day, i was assaulted by the daughter and the mother did nothing.

im basiclly dealing with a pos mother who is spoiled, her mom takes care of her, yet she gets welfare she wastes on drinking at bars and parting, ciggs, ect. I try to make a good ideal plan and schedule to see my son yet she doesn;t want to go with it. as with any other thing i suggest. she knows all, dad knows nothing hes just a sperm doner, ect. So i ask you, im disabled and im pretty sure bashing on ones disabilities is not smiled upon, and then slander about my fathering skills without even getting facts or even giving me a chance, is also bad. Yet she can si tat home do nothing bu tmeet strange men online, bring them home to do whatever, around my son, yet im unfit? she can not try to get a permit when she had 2 months time to do so, (excuse is her mom is never around yet 2 months she had medical leave to help her, and her daughter did not even study for the permit test or get driving time for the license road test), she has her GED already, i am currently getting it. She has more benefits and medical, as well as day care and other help through my ssi and welfare.

She can only get welfare if she agrees to child support. as welfare comes after me for it. i know my rights are being violated here, but im waiting for a lawyer to talk to before i go head first into what could turn into a full custody battle. i just want joint legal custody until im in my own place. as its hard to do things without ANY help from ur own fam, and friends. And her, she has everybody giving her money, help, rides, ect. shes only 21, and yeah shes young. but she is the type of person to manipulate to get what she wants and doesn't care who she hurts including myself. I feel i was manipulated by her, her mom, and her best friend to get me to be there for her at the birth, but right after nobody even congragulated me, or wished us well. then, the love and cuddling stopped all together.

figured it was new its baby time so i gave her space. but she used that to say i didn't care. so i KNOW i was pretty much manipulated and no matter how i tried to talk to her or her mom, it was no stress ur ok, ur doing fine. then im a pos when my baby mama feels im a pos. nobody bothers to talk to me address anything, they all pretty much showed their real colors. ect. i guess what im asking is, do i have more rights a s a disabled father? and if so what r they? also, is what she is doing more then just violation of rights, maybe conspiring?

my family is not really around or cares. my son is the only one left in my bloodline on my side of the family. only person i got in my corner is my brother. her family NEVER even tried contacting my family. never talked to them ignored all e-mails. i asked at times me and my baby mama couldn;t get along, if her mother would talk to her for me, also ignored and refused. I feel the family used me to be there fo rher, then just shut me out. i don;t see how its fair, the mother can slander, manipulate, lie, and cheat me out of my own sons life. then collect welfare, foodstamps, and large amounts of child support, when she wastes the money on her own needs and wants, and lets her fam buy stuff for her son when the money is suppose to be for my son and helping with other costs.

her mom makes too much for her to get foodstamps so she must have lied, idk. i don't mind helping my son, but to use these services to do so, then dog me on how im a pos, yet im on my own i pay my own bills, i keep my appointments, i try to get information for my sons medical but cannot due to the fact i was never introduced, let alone giving the name and number o fhis pediatrician. so i have no clue who to call to find out. as i said, im new to this learning as i go. realizing alot of this is violation to my rights. and my rents rights as grandparents.

in mass, i don't see why its fair a father is MADE a dead beat by the services made to help low income families, yet make the father even more financially unfit to take care of his son, then use that as a reason why he can't support his own son. makes no sense! i pay child support, i make an attempt, i do what i can with what i have, i am bettering myself regardless what is ideal to the mother, yet because of mass having %87 pos fathers, i am automaticly a DEAD BEAT in the courts eyes. How is that fair if i am trying and i do everything im expected, yet she can go and miss apointments for wic and welfare, take so long that finally now, she got the ball rolling.

what can i do, and what should i expect if this gets bad? can i use AIM logs as proof of her mental abuse? slander, and lies pertaining to me supossibly not helping? one minute to me she says im great im a great father, then lies in voice to others. can i use them to prove my points and if so, should i be weary of anything i may have said in return that may incriminate me? if i cannot use these logs, how do i prove my side of rights violated? its a pretty messed up situation were a good father who tires and wants to learn and spend time with his son, is made to look like a worthless uneducated pos. anybody else have this happen to them?

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I could have written this myself...
by: Chris from MA

Hi Chris,
I don't have time to write much right now, and I know you're looking for answers that I don't have, but I needed to tell you that what you described in your post is EXACTLY, detail for detail what I'm going through. Hang in there brother, you're not alone.
There's no doubt that you are a good father, so have faith that the law is designed to do what's in the best interest of the child, even if the mother is a selfish, spoiled brat.
Let me know if you ever get an answer to your questions; I'd love to know what people have to say.

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