Mothers Pay Too

by AvaSkott
(Western NY)

Wow! When I was struggling in college, on welfare, taking advantage of programs that assisted me in completing classes allowing me to still be a parent, I had no idea that one day I would be paying 508.00 a month in child support! I thought I was making all the right sacrifices to provide my child with the material things I went without.


I'd have a better schedule at work with an education; I'd have more time with him. What went wrong? A family court system corrupt with back door deals between child lawyers who had known each other from college and didn't care that ‘their one had washing of the other’ effected the lives of others, or I suppose it was bad karma from another lifetime.

I mean this whole thing started with a nasty break up...then a grace period...then the new girlfriend turned fiancé turned ex wife # 1. And somehow I lost my son and 508.00 a month. Initially, I felt shame telling people that I paid child support. I cared what they thought of me...the mom who lost her child in court; you had to be a terrible mother for the courts to take your child, a drunk, a drug addict, a harlot, and no decent woman loses her child, ever! I remember the shocked looks on the faces of women who stated that they didn’t receive that much for 3 children, gasps from men who would whine about being the fall guy and being punished by their ex, men who ran from the responsibility of child support by not working.

Miserably married men who believed it was cheaper to keep her and cheat than to divorce and have no control over upward of 24% of their income until their children where 21 years old. Most people don’t believe child support is about supporting children, it’s about people hurting people who don’t love them anymore. Its about trying to make someone as miserable as you are when you feel that you’ve invested time and energy into someone and it doesn’t work. I wasn’t a fan of this school of thought, but If it was about the children, why are there so many parents emotionally alienated from their child by the other parent? Why do you have the Joy of Paying, yet not the Joy of Bonding?

But I endured the pain. I accepted the facts of the circumstance many years later, and I remembered how the bible states that the Lord would make your enemies your footstool. Translation: that which doesn't kill you, builds character. This experience has taught me patience and to trust in the unseen, to have faith that all things work out for the good. There are so many ironies with the story, I lose my son and pay his new family child support...I raise my daughter and love her daily and her dad doesn’t pay child support. I didn't receive a pay raise for three years, yet the COLA on child support went up...the unfairness of it all. The courts can't force the child to visit...but they take the money every month...the nightmares my daughter has every few months about missing her brother and not knowing him...she's too young to understand the idea of understanding , too young to understand patience, so she copes the best way she knows..By crying violently every few months...while I have looked my demons in the face, thought it over a hundred times, what could I done differently? Dropped out of college and just taken a job, as my mother suggested? I am still believing in something that I can’t see and I don’t know when I’ll see my son or any justice but what I do know is that if it doesn’t kill you it will make you stronger!



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Finally
by: Anonymous

A place to go and find some real answers without calling the attorney @ $250 an hour. The blog gives us a chance to feel that we're not alone in this daunting task of maintaining sanity as we do our very best to raise our children in a safe loving environment.

Thank you,
M

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