Mr. Roger Murray

by Roger Murray
(Tulsa, Ok, USA)

I'm a 36 year-old college educated insurance agent and father of 4 awesome girls, 3 of whom were from a horrible 5-year marriage that included severe drug abuse and infidelity on the part of my ex-wife, who dropped out of school in the 7th grade. I was 25 years old and she was 18 when we met. She was very attractive, and I was not unlike most young men that age when I "hooked-up" with her, knowing absolutely nothing about her other than she looked good naked.

After purposely getting pregnant within 3 months by not taking her birth control (and lying about it), I decided marriage was the best solution given my beliefs and the way I was raised.

I tried everything to make the marriage work for over 4 years, even after she would disappear on me and our 3 children (by this time) on more than 1 occasion for weeks at a time with no warning. Every time I'd finally get enough of the insanity and file for a divorce or separate, she'd end up pregnant claiming the child was mine. After having yet another serious disagreement involving her recent drug abuse/infidelity in April 2004, I left the home and filed for divorce the following Monday morning.

She and I had made an agreement before I left to be amicable and share custody of the children, and that I would leave her the house (paid for), the nicer/newer of the two vehicles (paid for), and everything on the property with the exception of my pickup truck, motorcycle, and my personal belongings including clothing, tools, etc. That lasted all of about 7 nanno seconds I'm guessing.

I left the home at 7pm Thursday night, April 1, 2004. By Sunday night, April 4, 2004 I was wanted by Wagoner County, OK for spousal abuse and child molestation charges she had levied against me in a county neither of us even resided in...ever! Evidentially she cited some cuts/scrapes she had gotten on her hands/knees while working/cleaning the property the previous week! That was enough to start a full-fledged DHS investigation of me, turning a simple, amicable divorce into the beginning of a surrealistic nightmare! After spending thousands of dollars in attorney fees, interviewing over a dozen
friends/family/witnesses, and more than 6 months in and out of courtrooms in 3 different counties (Tulsa, Mayes, Wagoner), DHS finally stated that there was no proof whatsoever that there had been any abuse. However, it was not until May 2005 that I would be able to once again see my darling children, missing nearly a year of their lives for no reason whatsoever while paying my child-support of $676/month! Did my ex-wife get charged with any crime for reporting false abuse charges you might ask? Well, you know the answer is...of course not.

I was told she could levy all the false charges she wanted without consequence because the system doesn't want to discourage women from reporting real abuses! After spending thousands more dollars and days wasted in a Mayes County, OK courtroom, I was told in April, 2006 that I would have to drop the 4 counts of contempt we had her dead to rights on if I wanted to get divorced, so again I made a stupid mistake and dropped the charges just to stop the madness. Well, things went ok for about a year or so, until she realized, after trying numerous times to coax me back into a relationship with her, that I wasn't having that. That's when she flipped out on me, at my house in Tulsa nonetheless, while on dope in April '07, in the presence of the kids and on video tape! Tulsa County DHS as well as a Tulsa County judge awarded me temporary custody through a protective order on behalf of the kids. Upon returning to the Tulsa County court in May '07, the judge stated that even though she was alarmed by what she'd seen and heard in the courtroom that day, (including my ex-wife showing up with no hair (yes, just like Brittany Spears), looking as thin as a WWII holocaust survivor, and testimony from a DHS investigator) she couldn't award me permanent custody because she had no jurisdiction to do so.

However, she (the judge) did call the Mayes County judge and express what she termed "extreme" concerns about the safety and well-being of my children asking that Mayes County DHS investigate.

I was forced to hand them over to my ex-wife and her toothless, jobless husband right then and there outside the courthouse. That would be the last time I saw my children for over a year and a half until November, 2008! No Amber alert, no help from the courts in finding my children, no way of finding/serving her to enforce my parental rights, no help from DHS locating them even though I was expected to continue paying my child support...nothing! With no more resources left, I had to quit paying my child support in August 2007 in order to save up enough money to hire another attorney and private investigator to find my kids.

After having not received their money for about 10 months, the Oklahoma Department of Humans Services, the entity responsible for collecting child support, was finally able to track her and the children down. Again, was she arrested for what she had done? No, but I was...for being behind on my child support payments! All they cared about was the $, because that's what's important to the system, not the safety/well-being/whereabouts of my kids for over 18 months! My understanding is that it is now profitable for local county DA's to collect child support $, in that they get paid federal matching $ for every dollar they collect on behalf of the "kids".

Well, now I'm being forced to pay $1,566/month child support (including the past due amt) on an income of less than $36k/yr, and my ex-wife who kidnapped my kids and apparently even left the state of Oklahoma after being under investigation herself for child neglect/abuse has never suffered a single fine or day in jail! Oh, and as for my kids, who are now 9, 7, and 6 years old. When they finally did get to see me again, they stated that they were scared and forced on more than one occasion to sleep in the cab of a 1977 Ford F-100 pickup truck while their mom was passed out on alcohol/drugs. Sound like an unbelievable story? Well, it's all true and I'm still dealing with it to this day. In fact, my own attorney recently stated that it'd be a lot easier on me and the kids if I just "went back home" to her (my ex). Yea, I'm sure that would fix all the problems!


Click here to post comments

Return to CT Child Support Enforcement.