My daughter has fallen through the system's cracks

by Sarah
(Spokane, WA, USA)

My 9 year old child and I both live in Washington State. The father did too for his entire life, until 7 years ago he moved to New York state.


I went and re-opened my child support case today here in Washington...the state the child and I have always resided in.

I explained my situation that the father has never given me so much as a penny, and the last time the child support case was open for 2 years and the father never received the Order of Child Support because DCS (Division of Child Support) would only send the docs via Certified Mail .... and he's way smarter than that.

The front counter guy at DCS today was intrigued at this point, and looked up my child support case on their computer. He confirmed they tried serving the father via Certified Mail, but it went unclaimed (NO SURPRISE TO ME)

He also said DCS tried to put a trace on the PO Box to get a physical address attached to it and there was none.

Isn't there some Homeland Security law where you have to have a physical address to rent a PO Box?

I know the father has to be on the grid somewhere even though he does his best to avoid anything being in his name from debts to housing, however, he has a valid NY driver license, and has even had a DUI in New York, and multiple tickets for driving while suspended because of a fraudelent Unemployment Claim in Washington when he was working in New York state. He is a scam artist.

Anyway, the guy at the child support office said Washington State does not have long arm jurisdiction and all I can do is re-open the case, and wait for New York to decide what to do.

Is this really true?
We all were born and lived in washington state, why should New York take jurisdiction. I have never even been there in my whole entire life.

The original support order established a few years ago was a whopping backsupport award of $75 and a monthly amount of $25, but it doesn't go into effect unless the father is served the documents. Unfortunately, DCS believes he has been supporting me this whole time, hence the meager $75 backsupport award for all these years.

I sent the father a text message today saying I was re-opening for child support, and he responded that had I ever asked he would have helped and then blasted me on how hard his life is right now, why ask him for money when he doesn't have it...and so on and so on.

Child Support won't accept his text messages to me as evidence that he has never financially provided for his child, so the $25 per month and the backsupport award of $75 will most likely be what I am awarded.....IF they EVER serve him.

I am so angry, sad, confused. I just want him to be responsible.

How can I get his physical address when he has nothing in his name?

Thanks for reading this.

Comments for My daughter has fallen through the system's cracks

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Mar 10, 2011
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douchebag dads
by: Anonymous

No that sounds like teenage trouble moron!! And please before you start bashing mothers please learn how to make complete sentences that others can understand. It sounds like you have had a little bit too much to drink. My daughter's father pays me 70 dollars every 2 weeks, only take his daughter one day a week from 9am-7pm. He also refuses to watch his daughter on Saturday so I can work my 10-12 hour shift (which supports his daughter) You don't think that is a dead beat dad. He had the nerve to ask me if he could claim her on his taxes this year!! What makes him think he has the right to claim her when he does only does the absolute minimum for her? I wake up with her every morning, get her ready for daycare, work full time, and come home and take care of her. I love every minute of it don't get me wrong but it would be nice if I got a little help from her father, instead I get "Oh I can't take her I have plans", or "I need to catch up on sleep so ask my mom." Must be nice right... grow up and get a clue!!!

Jan 21, 2011
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dead beat dads
by: Anonymous

there are just as many dead beat mothers all this dad crap is b.s. i currently have custody of my daughter and the mother has custody of our son i before did pay and when my daughter moved in after a year of still paying i got it finalized and now put the money that i never had in an account for the kids! i hear crap like (milk strong kids strong mothers) mother this mother that bunch of crap! now my daughter is driving and me and my new wife got her a truck i pay gas,insurence ect. the other week im at school and the daughter not doing her chores i asked her to stay home till i could call her back but she got mad and jumped in her truck and ran to her mothers so i say fine let her cool down little did i know but the reason the daughter left is cause she broke the law by having kids in the truck (here kids licenses till off probation can't have other kids with them) anyway come tuesday i go to get her now the mom is not making her come with me. i told the daughter that she is grounded for a month for leaving and took the truck away. now the daughter with help from mother trying to tell me if i take the truck away she not coming home! so i say is this a case of dead beat mom? i think it is!

Dec 07, 2010
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DONT GIVE UP!
by: TERRI

NY STATE IS HARD ON DEAD BEAT PARENTS IT JUST TAKES TIME. THEY TAKE ALOT FROM PARENTS WHO DONT PAY AND WILL EVEN SEND THEM TO JAIL FOR THE MAX OF 6 MONTHS.. CONTACT THE CHILDSUPPORT UNIT AND TELL THEM YOU WANT THE CASE MOVED TO NY SO THAT THEY CAN SERVE HIM AND HOLD HIM ACCOUNTABLE...YOU DIDNT MAKE THAT CHILD ON YOUR OWN YOU SHOULDNT HAVE TO SUPPORT THAT CHILD ON YOUR OWN.KEEP YOUR HEAD UP IT TAKES ALOT OF TIME IVE BEEN DEALING WITH THIS FOR 8 YRS AND I LIVE IN NY BUT THE FATHER UP AND MOVED ALMOST A YEAR AGO. JUST KEEP AT IT AND KEEP PUSHING IN TIME IT WILL WORK OUT. DOES HE HAVE FAMILY IN NY? WHERE IN NY IS HE LIVING THAT YOU KNOW OF? IF I CAN HELP IN ANYWAY I WILL I LIVE IN NY AND KNOWS HOW IT CAN BE TO FEEL HELPLESS WITH CHILD SUPPORT ISSUES

Jun 06, 2010
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seriously people
by: Anonymous

I read the comments here and really, seriously people you don't have to talk like this to each other, there are dead beat parents everywhere, mothers and fathers, every case is different and unless you know the in's and out's of the case you can only take what people write on here so far, some maybe telling the entire story detail for detail and it's all true, and some maybe are not telling the true story.
Instead of fighting against one another lets work together to change the laws so they are fair and the same across the U.S. so that way each state can not have their own rules and jurisdiction is available no matter where the "non-custodial" parent maybe.
Personal situations change cause life changes it should be open jurisdiction.
I also think that if the courts have been pursuing a "non custodial" parent for years and have not been able to make contact or get anything out of the parent then after a while give it up cause why waist your time chasing after something that you will never catch.
A parent can still get assistance regardless if the "non-custodial" parent is paying child support or not.
I say to the single parents out there yeah! for you, being strong and doing what needs to be done and taking care of the child with out the other parent you are a role model for other single parents and keep up the hard work and dedication.
I will be a single parent soon I know this but I have accepted it, but I will be going to have a court hearing to have joint custody and then neither one of us will pay this stupid child support, the reason I am doing it this way is so if the father decides he does not want to be part of our daughters life then I wont have to be attached to him because of child support, if he doesn't want to be in her life I don't want to be apart of his and waist my time going to court hearing after court hearing trying to get something out of nothing.
I know that he will do what he can to be there for her though cause he loves her and just because he and I no longer care for each other that does not mean he stops loving her. I will not take her and keep them from each other I feel any parent that does that is just plain ignorant, heartless, and selfish. Child Support is a joke. Children are not pawns in the game of life they have feelings to.

Jun 05, 2010
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DEAD BEATS DADS ARE EVERYWHERE
by: Anonymous

wow !!! all of the guys that responded really sound like dead beats... they should be castrated.. cant take of your child then dont make them, and leave them for the woman to take care of... GO AFTER THEM GIRLS EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM.

May 22, 2010
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What We Do Know About You
by: FailSpotter

Rather quick to throw around the term "dead beat" there...

You must be......

Another Gold Digger Mom..........

May 21, 2010
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What do you know about me.
by: Anonymous

Don't make assumptions about me.

You don't know me.

From the sound of it, you must be....another dead beat dad.


May 20, 2010
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I say move on.
by: Anonymous

I say move on with out it I know that maybe hard to accept, but if he is evading you or the system then let him run. If he is as good as you make it sound that he can stay under the child support enforcement radar then give it up they will never find him.
It is sad that parents have to play this game with each other no one is actually thinking about the children that are involved, they are just more concerned with get money or getting back at each other using the children as pawns. Children need support but with love not money. Until the laws are changed to address each case on an individual basis then this vicious cycle will continue and you will not be able to do a damn thing about it.
Regardless the CSE Agency can not locate the father you will not be denied assistance, so if you are in need of help there are programs out there that can help you through the state you live in.
Yes there are guidelines to qualify but if you do not qualify then you do the best you can to support your child with what you do have, cause like I said before a child needs love not money and if you are doing what you can and you are providing for your child as good as you can then that is all they need if you give them guidance and acceptance and treat them well they will survive and love you no matter what you could or could not give them.
Plus it is just a waist of time, consuming your time with trying to locate him, you are not spending that time with your child(ren). That is no fare to the children that you are not focused on them when there is a brick wall in your way and you can not jump it until someone can locate him.

May 20, 2010
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Get a grip
by: Anonymous

Lady if he does not want to support . Leave him alone your child does not need him. However maybe you are not interested in your child . Maybae you are looking for your self. Women like you are why men in this country try to evade child support they never get a break in this country . Men are abused more often by the system than most people know . Because the politian and servants of the law want to look good and they favor the women . They never look at the men side. Now if that is not your case . I am sorry, but for the most part men get a raw deal.

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