My Situation as a Non-Custodial Parent

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My Situation as a Non-Custodial Parent

(Cameron County, TX)

With the way today's world is, economical wise, it is difficult for anyone to find a decent paying job to be able to provide support for their children. I have one child in which I am paying court ordered child support, and have had a difficult time finding a job after I was terminated when my current wife was having difficulties with her pregnancy and had to go into emergency labor. So, I decided to go back to school at a University to obtain an education to be able to improve my chances of stability to support both of my children and continue paying child support for my child who doe not live with me. I am currently awaiting court for being behind on child support about $4,000 including $3,000 from back pay. My question is this. I am attending school to be able to have an education under my belt so that I will have better opportunities to be able to support my children and not have not be in this situation any more. I do not have a problem paying child support which is one of the reasons I am attending school to be able to provide for them. I am scheduled to graduate with my Associates Degree 04/2010, but if I am sent to jail for not paying, I will have dropped out of school and instead of just owing child support for $4,000, I will be owing about $18,000, $4,000 for CS and $14,000 to the government from financial aide for dropping out of school. Is this fair when I am trying to better myself to support my children and may possibly set me back further??

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My Situation as a Non-Custodial Parent

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Dec 18, 2011
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The Bottom line
by: James

As a fellow non-custodial parent and CS payer I have learned over the years that the bottom line is this: No matter what your personal financial situation is. No matter where you live, you are expected to make those payments on time. In the last year, I have lost 60% of my vision ( and losing more each day) and am on the verge of getting SSI disability I have recently been notified by the Ohio CSEA that once my case goes through, that ALL back payments owed to me by the SSA will be taken for CS and then a percentage of my monthly disability checks will be taken for support also. So it doesn't matter to the CSEA people if you are disabled, blind, homeless, or have no job skills and you work 4 part time jobs flipping burgers or whatever to make ends meet,you must make those payments.They don't take anything else into consideration. They don't care about you making rent or having food or the bills you have to pay, all they care about is getting that CS money out of each check. Its actually really sad and pathetic how heartless and cold the CS laws are. I mean, taking money from disabled people? Throwing homeless people in jail for non payment? Where do you draw the line? I have often times joked that the way the CS laws are set up, if you were walking down the street and found a nickle a CSEA worker would pop out from behind a bush and demand 2 1/2 cents of it....lol.

Jan 26, 2011
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women with children
by: A Smart woman

Everyone take a deep breath... I am not going to say that anyone is right or that anyone is wrong. For the Women with the children - maybe its time to look at things threw a new pare of eyes. It is safer and wiser to be self reliant. Accept that its you and the kids and you are a strong person you can do it on your own. This means you are not supprised when you don't get CS and if you do then you can do something for the children. Self reliance is a must for a sigle mom. There are countless assistance programs out there but if you are counting on CS then you are the fool. You will be a better and stronger parent to stand on your own two feet. You can only do things for your self and your children and to rely on others to do for you is not benifitial for you or the children.

Oct 13, 2010
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Take Responsiblity for your own actions!!!
by: WhAtEvEr

This is to all you women who keep on having children left and right. If you know the father is a deadbeat, why in the hell would you want to have children in the first place. I think it is SELFISH of yourself to continue to have children and bring them to this world. Children come with a lot of responsibility and it is the mother's as well as the father's financial responsibility. This goes to all the fathers too, quit making babies if you can't afford them, but you women can't blame all the men either. I don't feel bad for women that have three children from three different dads and are beggin for child support, close your legs to begin with and quit bringing more babies to this world. And for you fathers, if you are going to make kids, take full responsiblity for them. At the end the only ones that loses are the children.

May 12, 2010
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To Livid Single Mother
by: Stepmother of 3

You say i put all single mothers in the same category, well I am intitled to my opinon! First off 99.9% of the single mothers on this site categorize all men as dead beats. So it swings both ways. This man is trying to better his life, and I give him a thumbs up. I have freinds that are single mothers 1 whom receives $250.00 a month for 4 children which is horrible. She busts her ass to make sure her children don't go without. Now on the other hand I also know single mothers that don't work and make their ex husbands lives HELL every time they want more money they go crying to the AG and get the child support raised. They never pay their half of the medical, dental, or vision bill's. They send their children to their ex's in rags. They tell their ex's they a responsible for all the kids school supplies,school cloths... Hello what is the child support for!!!!
Second off I'm tired of women putting a man down, when they have came on hard times, or trying to better themselves. 99.9% of the men on this site want advise on how to pay their child support when they loss a job or try to better themselves,you say I'm contradicting myself, I feel this man is entitled to better himself and give his children a better life as well. It takes 2 to support a child it is not all the fathers responsiblity.

May 06, 2010
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Single moms should not have ALL the responsibilities....
by: Christy

I understand and appreciate your situation, that being said.....they are still your children!!! I am a single mother of 3, I work FULL time as well as attend school FULL time and rarely get child support. My ex is completely able bodied yet I guess flipping burgers or doing what you gotta do to support your kids is beneath him. But yet, I do EVERYTHING for my kids....and you should as well.

Now, lets observe the other side....I NEVER bad mouth my ex to my kids, but they know things are tight. They also know he doesnt help...so these kids are starting to resent their dad as well as getting older and they see whats going on. You dont want this to happen to you.

There are some fine dads out there who not only support their kids financially but emotionally as well, and there are also women who are not CS' and support their kids....KUDOS to them....but there are dead beats...both MEN and WOMEN out there. There IS a way to further your education while doing the RIGHT THING and supporting and loving your kids....I am not sure why this ALL falls on the custodial parent!!!

Feb 11, 2010
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Response to Stepmother of 3
by: Livid Single Mother

Your comments are absolutely idiotic. To put all single mothers in the same category is absurd. Child support is a touchy subject and even though every person has to go by the same child support guidelines, every case is different. There are non custodial parents who do everything in their power to provide for their child(ren), there are those who try to get by with the bare minimum and there are those who just don't do anything at all.

In this particular situation, the non custodial parent states that "it is difficult for anyone to find a decent paying job to be able to provide support for their children" - to this I say, when it comes to providing for your children, any job is better than no job. No where in the court order does it state that you have to have a "decent" paying job. If he is behind $3000-$4000, depending on the amount he pays each month, he has to have been out of a job and unable to pay for quite a while. In my opinion, he is obviously not TOO worried about going to jail or else he would be working somewhere that pays less than "decent" money - at least then he could pay SOMETHING and he wouldn't be in this situation. It is all about responsibility and prioritizing.

I am not putting him down because I am a "cry baby" nor am I lazy - I am a single mother who has NEVER gone a day in my life without a job and when you have children that is the way it's suppose to be. Not all of my jobs have been glamorous but I do whatever I need to pay the bills and support my children.

When you say that single mothers who don't work are lazy and irresponsible and then turn around and defend this non custodial parent who can't help support his child because he has no job - you are completely contradicting yourself. You said "don't listen to the low life gutter trash that think men need to be footing all the bills, they need to be just as responsible as you." - Just as responsible as him? How exactly is he being responsible? If he is behind in child support that means he is not footing ANY of the bills.

****I'm only correcting you because I'm so livid right now but FYI - a COLLAGE is a piece of art work (as in a collage of pictures)...COLLEGE is where people go to further their education****

Jan 10, 2010
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To all the men haters!!!!
by: Stepmother of 3

I give a thumbs up to this man and his wife. He is trying. To the women who are putting him down YOU ARE JUST A BUNCH OF CRY BABY'S WHO DIDN'T GET TO TRAP YOUR MEN BECAUSE YOU ARE LAZY!!!! I GIVE CREDIT TO ANYONE that betters themselves in the long run. It reminds me of the comment my husband'S ex said to him " you need to talk to your son and tell him he needs to go to collage" My husband told her "it is my son's choice, and why do you care I'm the one that will be paying for collage"!She said yeah YOU will be paying for collage! Just so she can be LAZY and not get a job for 4 more years after he graduates from High school. So the CS keeps rolling in! What a Load of BS!!!! WOMEN THAT HAVE CHILDREN AND DON'T WORK ARE LAZY AND IRRSPONSIBLE YOU MADE THAT CHILD TOO SO SHUT UP AND TAKE A GOOD LOOK IN THE MIRROR, IT IS NOT JUST THE MAN'S RESPONIBLITTY, IT IS YOURS TO!!!! SO TO YOU... finish school and try to get the support lowwered and don't listen to the low life gutter trash that think men need to be footing all the bills, they need to be just as responsible as you.

Nov 19, 2009
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Get a life - Annon from 11/17
by: Kim

I love how all you "Anonymous" people like to berate people. If you read the post as well as the follow-up post from his wife then you'd see that he lost his job and HE IS LOOKING for another job and in the meantime he is ALSO going to school to ensure he can obtain an even better job.

Nov 17, 2009
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work and school is the answer
by: Anonymous

i have to say ther are no excuses. I don't see how this is even an excuse. "i dont work, because i attend college..." and...? what that means your kids have to suffer? that's bull. get a night job at jack in the box. do something...who cares what it is. feed your kids!

Nov 16, 2009
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Jennifer...
by: Kim

Hi Jennifer,

I feel for you. I too have a husband who has obligations to a child from a previous relationship. My husband has a good job and we pay child support (and a lot of it). We have completely different issues so I won't get into it but I did want you to know that you're not alone.

I know what it feels like to be on the other side of the fence like you and it is amazing how quickly people are to jump down the throat of a man in regards to child support.

Some men are really just deadbeats, I will not deny that but the FACT of the matter is that some women do think they can keep men by getting pregnant. Some women DO tell men they are using birth control when they're not, and for all you folks reading, lets keep the "men need to wear condoms comments" to a minimum. That goes without saying but EVERY situation is different and unless we're in bed with someone that we're commenting on then we don't know the full truth to the situation.

When an unwanted pregnancy occurs, women have plenty of options... they can keep the baby and their misguided thoughts that it will also keep the man, they can have an abortion, they can give the baby up for adoption, heck... they can even drop the baby off at a baby safe haven... all without being financially responsible in any manner.

Men, on the other hand, have absolutely no choice in the matter. They can stay with a woman they don't love to help her remain in fairytale land for the sake of the child (which we all know never works)or they can get hammered financially for 18+ years.

The whole thing is ridiculously one-sided. So Jennifer, you're not alone and I feel for both you and your husband.

For everyone else reading this, take a deep breath and two steps back before you begin to berate or badger me for my comments as they are all FACTS whether you like it or not and regardless of something bad happening to you. Ask me about my story before you pass judgment...I guarantee you'll see things differently.

Nov 15, 2009
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Amazing
by: Dan

I find these post amazing, especially coming from custodial parents. I pay child support and always have, yet I am going to have it raised again. I will now barely be able to afford my mortgage payment and my ex wife could care less. Lets see...her statement was; "the more you make, the more I will take" She is remarried and makes twice as much as I do. Yet, I could possible loose my house, that is for my little one as well. Think she cares, ha!!! The Texas child support code is out dated and a complete violation of non custodial parents civil rights. It is ok that as single, non custodial parent that I live pay check to pay check, not being able to take my son out to a movie, because I am flat broke! Who pays for my loved one with he is with me????? I do!! Both parents should be able to live happy and free from enforced poverty by the state. There is no way my ex wife will spend close to $700 per month on my 6 year old. It is criminal what Texas does to men. All you women that complain and moan about these so called dead beat dads, why did you sleep with them? I have never once missed a child support payment, health care payment nor any time with my son. There comes a time when as a civilized state we need to review what is needed verses what is requested.

Nov 10, 2009
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His wife
by: Jennifer Campbell

I am the wife of the person who posted this comment. Some of you are right my spouse should have thought before he brought a child into this world in fact he has brought a second one, mine. But i knew what i got myself into, an i work to provide my family an going threw this child support process i would never take him for child support, its too much of a hassel. I decieded to have this child so i will raise my child. I knew i was having a child with a man who made no money an could not offer me a dime this is on my shoulders an before women bring children into this world they should also think of who they are laying down with as well. My spouse never stated all he wanted to do is finsih school. I want you all to know he looks for work every day an attends school every day that doesnt mean just cause you look you can find an just cause you find doesnt mean they will hire you. Its hard an as his wife i see the stress every day of this man trying to find a way to provide for his family an his other child.

Nov 06, 2009
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you can go to school and work....
by: Anonymous

Why is it that you think you can only go to school? I am working full time and going to school. It is difficult, especially when raising a child, but it is possible.
Your responsibilities do not end simply because you decided to improve your education. Children still need to eat and they cannot wait until 2010 to do so. They still need clothes, housing, medical care and all the other necessities of life. It cannot be put on hold simply because you want to go to school.
Get a job to pay for the support and go to school at the same time.

Oct 23, 2009
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No Excuses
by: Anonymous

Coming from a single mother who is lucky to EVER receive child support...you have an obligation as a father to support your children. There are no excuses...especially not working, and instead, going to school to better YOUR education. Sorry, but you should have thought about that before you had kids. Furthermore, while you are bettering YOURSELF...you're children are being neglected by not getting the support from you. I, as a parent, could not go to school everyday knowing that I should be working and supporting my kids rather than trying to make MY life better. I was almost disgusted reading your post because it was the most selfish thing I have read in a long time. The bad economy is no excuse either...there are jobs out there that you could get. In my opinion, you just don't want to work somewhere that you feel is beneath you. I would rather clean toilets for a living and sleep outside in a cardboard box and KNOW that I am helping support my children to the best of my ability than to just put my kids on "hold" to better my education. I think you seriously need to reorganize your priorities in life. If you want to go to school to better your education and to make more money in the long run for your kids, then kudos to you...however, not paying in the meantime is a FULL lack of responsibility that is inexcusable.

Oct 17, 2009
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Ammended...
by: Kim

Hi there,

I don't know Texas law too much but I would assume that "the basics" are the same in all states.

Your original child support order had to be based on something... most likely your income at the time.

Well, your circumstances have changed so I would file to have your child support order amended (even if only temporarily).

The courts do normally take into account a change of circumstance much like yours.

Good luck!

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My Situation as a Non-Custodial Parent

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My Situation as a Non-Custodial Parent