Never had a chance

by Jamahl
(Columbus, OH, U.S.)

I first started having children at age 17. My firstborn was a boy, so I had a son. Me and my baby mama didn't even wait the whole 6 weeks to start having sex and she wound up getting pregnant, with my first little girl. It was an accidental pregnancy, but we dealt with it. Right after that we broke up for about a year. I was very immature at the time and I didn't take care of my responsibilities.

Right around that time I had a nervous breakdown and I moved 40 miles away to go live with my sister to try and start my life over. My sister took it upon herself to call up my baby's mother and got her to come over to her 1 bedroom apartment where I was trying to recuperate, and so she came and one thing lead to another and she got pregnant again.

The thing is I was trying to stay away from her and everyone else and she hunted me down just to wind up pregnant again. I wanted her to get an abortion, but she claimed that she didn't believe in abortions, so here came baby number 3 which was still not too much a big deal. We wound up breaking up again, and that's when the state forced her to put me on child support.

I was delinquent on child support payments and had a court date that I wound up missing, I eventually went to court around the time we had got back together, and the court temporarily dismissed the contempt and order of child support. Well once again she wound up pregnant a fourth time, with twin girls, which does not run in my family, so I doubt the paternity for that fact and for the fact that they don't look like me at all. My point is is that the first two kids is all me, but the last 3 I would have aborted with no issue at all, but I'm being forced to deal with because as a man I have no rights or say so about anything.

Before you try to judge me, during the 3rd pregnancy my baby moms claimed she was on some type of birth control, so she blatantly lied about that. And the 4th pregnancy the twins were being put up for adoption because her and I both knew we couldn't take care of 5 children financially or emotionally and at the last minute she backed out of the adoption procedure (the twins were already placed with foster parents, and the agency had found them a good decent home which the new parents had agreed to keep us posted on the girls development and even agreed visitation on occasion) because some slick church members and preacher claimed they were going to help us, which they never did, thats a whole story in itself.

I need feedback on this situation, please tell me what you think. I love my kids and they love me, I just had too many at too young. P.S. I had 2 more girls with another woman, and have 1 more girl on the way with the woman I'm with now.

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Jan 23, 2013
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Your screwed
by: Anonymous

You lost me when you said you has 2 other kids with anouther woman and anouther with the one you are with! You have good advice from other people who commented. But there is a solution. Depending what state you are in look at the suppoert guidelines. Its based on percentage. The more kids you have the les percentage for each kid till you hit a max. Sounds like you did not have a lawyer represent your interests. But you still can rectify it, just hire a lawyer. But you still are screwed paying child support for the first 5......

Jul 11, 2010
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Just confused
by: Anonymous

I was kinda sorta with you up until I have 2 other kids and 1 with the woman i am with now, if i am doing the math right that is 8 DAMN KIDS! You are screwed, and there is just no way around it. Child support for one kid can be anywhere for 300-1000 dollars depending on your income, and you got EIGHT! Lets say this current baby momma sticks around you got 7 kids still to pay for. That is a MINIMUM of 2200 a month working at minimum wage 40 hours a week. Another words you are looking at 2 full time jobs to support your kids and attempt to live. I am never one to judge a person for their mistakes but you repeatedly made the same mistake with the same woman 5 times and then with another woman twice. And then AGAIN with your current girlfriend. Bad choices lead to bad repercussions Your ONLY option is to try to get split custody or full custody over one of these kids. Some states offer leniency if you visit the child often, take out insurance on the children with your place of employment ect. But Man, I got to say that is just a really crappy situation to be in. You got little options but to work like a dog for the next 18-25 years. And if you don't you will go to jail for it.

Jul 10, 2010
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WHAT ARE YOU THINKIN
by: Anonymous

ever heard of protection there is noone to blame but yourself if you can't support a child then don't have one , I can understand it just happened but you keep doing the same thing over and over what kind of life do you think you will have after child support gets a hold on you answer none sorry no sympathy here your children are the ones who will be affected the most by your poor decisions

Jul 08, 2010
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We Men need to stop this mess
by: Anonymous

Basiclly the government and the courts have allow women to become sluts and irresponsible for the own actions. They make it the mens fault no matter what the case is. They say its in the interests of the child when in reality it isn't, it's just a way to set up the mother what a great amount of money. In my case my exgirlfriend filed for child support from me and got it. She then disappeared with my daughter for 13 years. The courts and chils support closed my child support case quished any and all wage assignments and told me I owed nothing (that was in 2000), they told me my daughter had either been adopted or passed away. Well needless to say I found my daughter in 2008 and now my ex wants back child support. Well I just finished a year and a half of court hearings just to find out I have to pay here 10 years worth of child support plus 10 years of 10% interest ($48,000) my daughter is now 20 years old with her own child. Our court system dealing with child support are so one sided you will never win. We men need to stand together and put a stop to this unfair, unjust, child support laws. Because any women can set a man up for child support by lieing about birth control, or sabitaging condoms or lezbians wanting a baby so they go out and get pregnant with no regard to the man other then child support and soooooooo many more situations were we as men are intrapped by women, which intrappment is against the law but you will never be able to prove that. There are so many storys about thing just like what you and I are going through and it needs to stop but most men are not think about it until it happens to them. We need to stop it before it gets any worse. And the big question why can't we guys take our children and take care of them? Apparently we can finacially, why not phisically? Why do the women always get them? I would have taken care of my daughter in a heart beat with no child support need from her. YOU NOTICE THAT YOU DON'T HEAR TO MUCH ABOUT DEAD BEAT MOMS OR WOMEN GOIONG TO JAIL FOR NOT PAYING CHILD SUPPORT OR WOMEN PAYING CHILD SUPPORT AT ALL!! This unfair pratice needs to stop. The courts are distroying children and there relationships with there fathers and are allowing the mothers to control our (the mens)lives weather we are together with them or not. We men need to wake up and smell the coffee before things get any worse because we are not doing anything to stop it. When it comes to the children it is all one sided, for the womens. For all those men married, or with girlfriend, happy or unhappy they need to be aware these thing can happen to them if anything goes wrong in there relationships. The government doesn't want to fork out wellfare anymore to these women that don't want to work so they put the burdon on us men and make it all our faults while once again the women get to sit around doing nothing. Good Luck with your ordeal you are fighting an uphill battle.

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