Nightmare dad seriously need help

by Mary
(Murfreesboro, TN)

My niece has a nightmare "father". He's basically a sperm donor. My sister and he started dating in 2000 when they were teenagers. In 2001 they broke up and dated other people and got back together sometime in 2005.


He was in Iraq and my sister decided to have a friend's boyfriend take some photos of her to send to him. they were not nude but they were sexy photos. Biggest mistake of her life. So he concocts a story that she had a threesome with her friend and her boyfriend that took the photos. Yes he's in iraq and he invents things in his mind that happen and apparently if they happen in his mind they truly happened. He says God lets him see things that happen. He told us to go see the movie Jarhead. In it a marine is sent a movie on video his girlfriend taped for them. She wanted all of his friends to gather he put it on and it was of her having sex with another man. He goes out of the building where they are watching the "movie" and kills himself. Fast forward a few years and now he uses scenes in that movie as his "army stories". The movie is about a group of marines.

So I guess he tells his CO that he's so depressed over his invented story about his girlfriend cheating on him that he can no longer do his job. So he gets a job driving around with high ranking officers instead of the job he was sent there to do.

They decided to move in together in 2008. During the year they lived together he was employed for 8 weeks of that year by four different places. He'd work a job for 2 weeks and either quit or was fired. He has anger issues and says he has PTSD. I overheard him say he knows he doesn't have it he told VA that he does in order to get more money each month.

He was overheard on the phone with his mom and his mom basically told him since my sister has a good job to not work and my sister would pay the bills.

He moved out of state in 2009. And moved back in spring 2010.

He really hasn't had a steady job since he was in the army and that ended in 2006.

My sister got pregnant in 2011, the baby was born in 2012 and he's been stupid and abusive.

He's been in a ton of schools, non of which has made the way to a job where he could be providing for his child.

My grandparent was dying the month the baby was conceived. My grandparent lived with me so my sister was over often. He would call and keep her on the phone. I'd look over and she wouldn't be saying anything I'd ask her later why and she says he calls but he doesn't say anything (Yes I know CRAZY)

Unfortunatly when our grandparent was at the end of their battle we had to send them to the hospice center for care we couldn't provide at home.

He accompanied her several times. Not to show support but he was always outside mainly on his computer or reading.

He did show support once our grandparent died. That was good. He's not all bad there is that 5% in him that's ok. I guess.

Flashforward to my sister's babyshower. His wacked out mom was told to be at my sister's house promptly at 4 to be at the babyshower sometime afterward. Since she lived quite a distance from the shower my sister was going to drive her from my sister's house to the shower. She called just when she was supposed to arrive at my sister's house she called to ask when the shower was..... So then she acted like it was my sister's fault that she couldn't come because she wasn't told what time the shower was.


So my sister arrived in tears. Sperm donor boy was acting all daddy greatest and everything. they'd ask him if he was going to be in the delivery room. Well He said I wouldn't miss it.


2 weeks later my sister's water broke. Without thinking the idiot drove her to the hospital in his truck (the one without a place for a car seat) we followed behind. We didn't think either because we wanted to make sure she was alright with him so we took my mom's car to the hospital.


He was thinking he'd take the baby and her home from the hospital in the truck that has no room for a car seat...

Once the baby was born he was acting like Mr. proud dad. Posing for photos, holding the baby. etc.

the worst part came when he spent the next couple of days going out and telling the nurses he wanted a dna test. They kept telling him that they do not do that there.

Once my sister was released from the hospital and being so sore and tired and having nursing issues he demanded they go to the office building that does the dna testing there.

My sister had to have surgery a few weeks later and with my mom in the hospital as well it was up to me to take care of my sister and the baby.

He stayed in his room and came out once to look at the baby. He left and went to his friends house.


He doesn't work, doesn't try to get a job and in the 2 years since the child's birth he's not been employed nor tried to get a job.


He grabbed my sisters neck while he was holding the baby and pushed her on the bed. He's always telling my sister what a bad mom she is. He pays for nothing. She works her but off AND goes to school and is the primary caregiver (then it's me and my parents) and she's a bad mom? rolling my eyes.

His mom makes up crazy stories like he does.

They married sometime after the baby was born and now we're told we're stuck with this guy in our lives.

I totally agree a great dad should have visitation/rights. This guy is not a great dad and is abusive to every woman except for his mom. He's been abusive to me and my mother.

He won't mow his and my sister's yard but will mow his mom's.

I sometimes want to ask him if he and his mom have a sick thing going on together.

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