NO SYMPATHY FOR THE MEN

by MsACJ
(Cleveland, Ohio)

I am a female who works for a living, is engaged to someone who owes over $30,000.00 in Child Support (Arrears) for 2 grown children most of which is Interest and He's collecting Disability. First of all I will say to these women out here, STOP ALL OF YOUR WHINING AND LIVE YOUR LIVES AND STOP BEING SO DAMN JEALOUS!!! A lot of women Re-open child support cases after they find out what their Ex-Husbands are doing then they feel like Holy Shit...now he's going to live better than me so they march their Green-Ugly insides down to the child support office like the Woman Scored and plead their case.

My situation is kind of unique, my Fiances Ex-Wife waited almost 20years then decided to reopen a child support case. She was already getting his Income Tax refund payments, then onto the Stimulus Checks, and now his Disability Check is being Garnished. Also his ex-wife has been married a couple of times while the children were growing up so what about the man that was in the childrens lives when they were younger, and right in the household with them. Is he responsbile for anything, I mean after all there were 2 other dads in the childrens lives besides the biological dad.

Now I'm asking this because my Fiance has also paid for 2 children that were not his AT ALL by means of them getting checks through him being disabled. What kind of shit is this world coming to??? There's always a place for Women to go, a place for them to get assistance, someone's shoulder for them to cry on, but NEVER TOO MANY PLACES FOR THE MAN TO PLEAD HIS CASE. Even attorneys are mainly hired/retained and geared towards assisting the Female to Collect her money, and to hell with the man. I think I feel this way because the man DID NOT PLANT THAT SEED BY HIMSELF, THE WOMAN HAD TO BE THERE TOO, and there is such a thing as A DEAD BEAT MOM WHO'S MILKING A MANS POCKETS FOR CHILD SUPPORT. It should be TOTALLY ILLEGAL FOR CHILD SUPPORT PAYMENTS TO BE COLLECTED FROM A DISABILITY CHECK.

Also the laws make it damn near impossible to get rid of money thats not even owed which is INTEREST...INTEREST IS NOT OWED, IT IS ACCRUED, MEANING...A MAN WHO OWES 30,000.00 IN ARREARS, PROBABLY ONLY OWES $12,000,00 IN THE ACTUAL CHILD SUPPORT. SO WHERE IS THAT OTHER MONEY GOING..IS IT GOING TO THE DEAD BEAT MOM WHO'S CRYING OUT FOR HELP, IS IT GOING TO THE STATE, where the hell is it going. I just want to say, I really do feel for all the MEN WHO HAVE TO GO THROUGH THIS SITUATION because it's not all about taking care of the children, especially when the children are GROWN, SOME OF THIS SHIT IS ABOUT A SCORNED ASS WOMAN WHO CANNOT GET THE MAN BACK, DOESNT WANT HIM TO HAVE A DAMN THING, AND MAD BECAUSE HE MAY BE TRYING TO LIVE A BETTER LIFE THAN HE HAD WHEN HE WAS WITH HER. Sincerely, from someone who's VERY CONCERNED ABOUT WHAT HAPPENS TO THE MEN!!

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dads need to support their kids!!!
by: Anonymous

My ex was in jail most of my kids childhoods and I remarried, my husband and I did what we had to do to take care the kids without any help from bio-dad. He is now out of jail, the kids are grown, and he thought he wouldn't owe arrears but CS is making him pay he even went back to jail when he stopped paying. I have never heard of interest on CS payments! At one time he owed me over 17K, and there was never interest added to it! So that sounds like a load of bull! I feel like the kids are raised, the money is spent...he owes me!! And this guy owes his ex as well. Any woman who thinks her man shouldn't pay CS for his kids has obviously never been a single mom! Now that I am getting this long over due CS, I am starting to think I should give the money to the kids, they did without for years because their dad didn't do his part, any thoughts on this one???

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2 Sides To Every Story.
by: Anonymous

As a father to a wonderful son, I agree that there are a lot of Deadbeat dads in the world. Not just here in Arizona. But the Court System works toward the Mother, I have spoken to 2 different Lawyers about reopening my Child Support Case as the mother had changed the Worksheet only minutes before the Hearing, (Proof is time stamped on the paperwork). So being a first time dad and divorcee, I was to believe the Judge had modified the worksheet when he read the figures out at the Dissillusion of Marriage. I was not notified of the Child Support Hearing as it happened 8 minutes after there was an amendment by the childs mother. The paperwork from this hearing was never delivered to me as it was mailed to her mothers office, (Where my mail was going after the mother kicked me out, breaking our original agreement). So my wages were being garnished and Support got behind because I was hit by a drunk driver and off work for 3 months. Support had not been withheld for that time.

After finding out the mother had been working, I kept asking her for her wage & employer information which she kept responding, I will give it to you when you take me to court. Then when I was injured on the job in 2010 & out of work again for 3 months (No Child Support withheld from Workman's Compensation), I was then terminated and out of work for another 3 months. So now we have 9 months of being out of work and no CS Payments withheld, arrears building up. Now it was truly time to take the ex to court for Modification of Support. I asked the Judge to reopen the case from day one due to the information discovery from the modified decree. The Judge told me point blank, "I am not going to reopen a case that is 5 years old and the Original Presiding Judge has since passed away". With all the figures involved myself and 2 friends both female worked out that I had overpaid Support by $13,850.00.

So I ask you, where is the Justice for the Father who is trying his hardest to make sure his son gets what is owed and not being taken advantage of from the Child's mother and The Arizona Court System. Oh I forgot to mention, half those arrears I mentioned earlier ($8,400.00) were in Interest. The mother refused to travel to drop off or pick up child during visitation time. As for being $100,000.00 in arrears, those fathers need to be penalised.

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Had Enough Baby Mama Sob Stories
by: Anonymous

Women end up in this position because: A) They never got the child's father to put a ring on it before she got pregnant, basically setting themselves up for single motherhood or B) Most of the time, it's the woman's idea to get pregnant in the first place! Assuming it's a planned pregnancy, 90% of the time it's the WOMAN who wants to have a baby, who pressures the husband/boyfriend into having a baby, dreams of being a mom/having a child together etc. Yes the husband/boyfriend agrees most of the time or will be convinced/pressured into it, but 9 times out of 10 it's the woman's idea to have a baby and the men are just along for the ride. If you didn't want to end up in a position where the men aren't really committed to having a child or raising a child alone, you should have WAITED to get pregnant until you knew for a fact he was really on board, committed 110%. Men who are pressured into fatherhood are not going to be responsible parents. DUH!!

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Bullcrap-----Too bad!
by: Anonymous

I don't have any sympathy for you or him. I think your motive is to have more money in your p***y pocket. If he didn't pay all those years, he deserves what is coming.Do u think his children can live off air?
My x-husband avoided the DA for 5 years. When they did catch up to him in 1995 to make a court order, he said he was unemployed.(under table earner)I received an order for $270 a month.(ca).PEANUTS for 2 kids.He still refused and did everything possible to avoid paying for years.We have been in and out of court for 20 years. He been convicted of contempt 3 times for willfully not paying his support.His arrears over $100,000.His present bail--10 million. (yes 10 million)We were in court for the arrears in Jan. this year. Again he tried to get out of paying the arrears(300 a month) by saying--"I got bad debt and I'm mental and disabled."Then he in court said he was going on disability.(case continued)I just called the DA and informed of his planning on collecting disability. The DA sent a letter to SSDI to verify the benefits.It was confirmed,and I was just notified they are taking action against him. After all these years, he thought by going on disability he would not have to pay back anything! SURPRISE! All these years I raised my kids on my own. There were times i had to tell my children--sorry can't afford that. My x-husband did not help with all the other things that it takes to raise his kids(doctor,dentist,sports,school,ect)If he had I would probably wipe some of the arrears away!But, he chose to play hard ball. Now the ball is in the other court.Now he gets to find out how it is to live on a small budget!I don't feel on bit of sympathy for him, because he will continue to work under the table.(he has a business that is advertised on the web) But the court next month have all his wages he earned during this last years from SS info.All his lies have now caught up to him. He also has another 40 days jail time coming too! This should be very interesting in court next month! I forgot to mention, he had another child he is not supporting and is in arrears over $35,000.
SO DON'T GIVE UP ON YOUR CASE! In CA there is no statue of limitation! As for the woman complaining--SHUT THE HELL UP--from us fed up mommies!

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She sounds stupid!
by: Anonymous

I am so glad to hear all the comments everyone here is saying. This woman is saying the most ignorant things I have ever heard. If her man was a real man he would have taken care of his responsibilities where there would have been no scorned ex-wife, baby mother whatever. I cant believe she started to talk about the current man who is obviously doing a better job than the biological dad because he is contributing to kids that are not his and if she feels that he should be liable to contribute then she should be liable once married to contribute to the back payments. Men think that they can just keep working under the table, quitting their jobs and depending on dumb sugar moma's, hiding their income etc. and they would just get away but all they are doing is setting themselves up for failure. Child support is getting more expensive as the economy is. Racking up interest that neither the child or he benefits from. Like I always tell my dead beat ex-husband one day he would want to get a job and when child support starts knocking on his door for back payments don't call me for nothing! Deal with it! no sympathy!

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You might want to take a good look.....
by: Anonymous

Listen, it sounds like your "loving man" has really been telling you the "mommy dearest" stories and the "wicked ex-wife" crap.

I have tWo kids and he tells a good story too-- the former girlfriend was very much like YOU.....oh, you know all ex-wives are "getting rich" off that big money we get for child support.....kids don't need to eat, wear clothes, go out, have birthdays, school monies or want anything. Do they?

"Step mommy dearest" ......

Personally I could give a crap if my ex would have married that poor dumb concubine like you ----it would have served him right.

She much like you did not know what she was talking about when "her poor man" cried on her shoulder---but, she sure did when she found out her "beloved" was lying to her, taking HER money and sneaking around behind her back.

What she should have done was take a good hard look before she moved in with him.....tigers don't change neither do deatbeats.

For being the nasty "green with envy" one that you are I can only hope prince charming plays well with you down the line---because somewhere----some "wicked exwife" put food on the table, had to say "no" many times, sold her own items to give they children what "your prince" WOULD not.

All I can say is YOU GO GIRL HE IS ALL YOURS AND YOU DESERVE HIM.

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You have no clue!
by: Terri

I agree with everyone here. Your man owes because he didn't pay at the time he was supposed to pay. If the non-custodial parent would pay their support on time then they would not owe after the children turn 18. It's as simple as that!! My ex (CHARLES TAYLOR JR IN MA)owes $59,674.61! It has nothing to do with hard times or a bad economy, but everything to do with running every time the law caught up with him. The youngest of 3 just graduated last week. Suddenly my support stops. Of course I have not been able to talk to the child support office to find out what is going on. I just figured that since so much is owed, I would be getting payments for awhile you know. I do not feel bad for dead beat dads. Not all parents who owe child support are dead beats. Dead beats are those who show by their actions that they could care less about the children...AND THE LAW!

So yeah, you shouldn't judge all women the same, just like all men shouldn't be judged the same. Most moms are the only ones that their children know. They did not suddenly be pregnant all by themselves. The father is responsible too. And if you are going to be with this man, you should do the right thing and encourage him to start making payments. And if he is on disability, there is a big possibility that he received a big check, he should have sent most of it to his child.

So if you don't like the problem, then run!

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Are you Nuts?
by: Anonymous

Lady, what kind of stuff is this loser giving you? It must be good. If you feel so sorry for him, why don't you pay the jerk's child support? Why can't people get it through their head that child support is to help support the child. Yes the mother is responsible for 50% and so is the father (if you don't understand, it cost a heck of a lot more than child support to raise children). But also, the custodial parent takes the responsibility of raising the children to be good Americans, not dead beats!What is the price on that?

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intrest?
by: Anonymous

I agree with you about the intrest? Who the hell is getting it? The state doesn't pay the arrers for you so there is no money exchaning hands. My husband wouldnt be in arrers if the support was reasonable! My husband has lost his buisness due to the poor economy and had gotten a job as a used car salsman making less than half of what he used to make. He just went back on Friday to try to have it modified and the judge wouldnt even listen to him. He has been ordered to continue to pay 1,500. a month which is 86% of his net pay! How the hell are we to get by, my paycheck only covers the mortgage and electric. I need help supporting our two babies! Why should his 1st child get 86% and we have 14% of his pay left to support TWO children? This system is INSANE!

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Excuse Me??
by: Anonymous

You don't find it disgusting that the man you are about to marry, abandoned his kids by not being financially responsible for them? The childrens mother had to take care of them all alone and speaking from experience this is not easy!! I am the parent of a 12 yr old daughter and her dad does not help financially! To be 30,000 behind tells me he didn't pay for a very long time! Even though the kids are grown he owes it! The other men in the childrens life are not responsible! These are not their children! Your dead beat fiance is! Lady get off your high horse!

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haaha
by: Anonymous

lady u are a loser

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WTF!! Shut Up and Pay Up
by: Proud BabyMama

I'm a single parent and it doesn't matter the age of the child if you owe support pay it. Good fathers pay child support but your dumb ass will marry someone who gets behind on his payments....hope he never leaves you. I have a daughter who is only two and her dad is already skipping payments. I have a new man, make my own money, very happy but "HELL NO" He still needs to help with the support of "HIS" child. I would like to say thank you to all the fathers who do their part and the single parents who make it happen. But for you insecure, petty, just plain stupid women who hate to see babymama's and ex-wives get your mans money start paying half if you feel that sorry for the "MEN"!!!

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women who refuse to do dna testing
by: Anonymous

there are some men who the state says the owe but yet wont do anything to the woman if she refuses to do a DNA a test to proof if child is his as in FL they asked my fiancee if i worked and how much i mad as if it was up to me to pay for his child support they child we don't even know if it is his, how in the hell can they expect a wife or wife to be to pay for a mans child support and why will they not hold her in contempment for refusing to do child support i agree there is no sympathy for the men and i too am very sick of it.

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Foolish, Disgusting and Ignorant
by: T-

I have to say, "Shut-Up, you Ignorant Besom!".
I am the single mother of a darling, wonderful one year old little girl... When I was 6 months pregnant, my daughter?s father left me for someone that he had met on the internet..... he spun his web of lies to this woman, and anyone who would listen.... I gave birth to my daughter April 30th, 2008, alone. He is now over $6000 in arrears. I am raising my daughter on my own, I cover all of her expenses, I put her to bed at night, I take off work when she is ill... I am her mother, and her father.

Please explain to me... how is this in any way "Jealous, unfair, or Scorned-Ass Woman " issue. It is injustice that I am held 100% financially responsible, while he buys a new car. It is injustice that he is "sing-song" allowed to go about his life, with no thought to the daughter that he left behind. What is not injustice..... I get the most wonderful smiles.... I found out what love without depth is.... and I have the most amazing little person in my life. In this I am so very blessed.
A posting like this, affirms the belief of men like him, that this behavior is acceptable. The lack of social repercussion, allows them to walk away from responsibility with a clear conscience. You should be ashamed that you have given an open door for Deadbeat Dads to walk through, holding their heads high.....

You are the disgusting type of woman that condones this moral low, you are the reason that "this world is going to shit" as you so crudely stated. This has nothing to do with you, has nothing to do with we mothers wanting the deadbeats back.... Let me tell you, we certainly don't. We are more than willing to let you take them! I have to say, have you, in all of your ignorance, paused for a moment to think about the fact that your deadbeat fiancee is $30,000 in arrears! Your fiancee made a child, do you think that it is the mother's sole responsibility to provide for that child? Or for that matter another man that was decent enough to take the emotional, role of Father. Why should this man, who did not father the child, be financially responsible for another man's progeny? Goodness you silly woman! What kind of Koolaide are you drinking!

You call us "Dead-Beat Mom's" and accuse us for crying out for help... Let's see... a "dead-beat" implies that we do not take care of our children. If we are crying out for help, it is because we are shouldering the burden of TAKING CARE OF OUR CHILDREN ALONE. Slight contradiction there sweetheart. In the future, rather than pulling foolishness, and lies out of the air, I suggest that you do a little research. Look at the guidelines, and facts. You may just find that the "prize" that you landed, isn't quite as wonderful as you thought. I'm guessing that he has fed you quite a line, and pity-party. Point blank, he owes his ex a debt. Nothing personal, pay her and move on with your life, I seriously doubt that she wants anything to do with either of you.

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you are sick of the women who want child support for their children..you must not have kids.
by: Anonymous

That's the biggest problem with people they think that the mothers of these kids are jealous and want revenge. If you have kids you will know how much money it takes to raise a child, we don't want the sorry men that won't help pay to take care of their children, we want the support key word support to help raise the children they had part in making. My childs father has gotten married and uses his new wife to recieve his income tax refund so he never has to give anything to his children that is 8 children by 8 different women. Now you tell me who are the ones to suffer? I don't need his money I have and will continue to take care of my child, but all these men keep making children and don't help take care of them... perfect example the woman that posted her husband owes 30,000.00 that is because he never helped take care of his children he should be in jail for abandoning his responsibilities.

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i liv eon both side of this fence.
by: Anonymous

okay just like i told my ex.it is nobodys fault both the one that is suppose to pay the child supports fault he/she has got so far behide.it is not her/his fault he/she did not step up and do the right thing.step parents are that spet parents.they are not resposble for the kids they did not reproduce.they do it because they love the kids or mother/father.i was working three jobs at one time and still needed help from other people to get what my kids needed.that was with no help from my ex.i have two kids he helped make when we were young and did not know anything.he agreed to pay with he is suppose to but does not.again so what if the lady had two marriages.she needed help and that might be how she got it.you need to step in and help your hubson get his crap together.because by no means iam i green with envy of his life.he makes more then my hubson does and cannot even send his own kids 30.00 a month for shoes or girl scouts.what ever else they would like to do.my hubson makes 863.00 before taxes every two weeks and we still pay his child support (250.00 month).it is hard?yes it is.but we now his son can get what he needs.so before you start felling sorry for all the men out there you may need to wided your frame of mind.

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I AGREE
by: Anonymous

My husband owes arrears in AZ for grown children. The back support is almost paid but with the interest he actually owes more now than he did 2 1/2 yrs ago. It's like beating your head against a wall. Mean time, he is a laid off construction worker and she gets half his unemployment. His grown son has lived with us for a yr and a half. Others daughters haven't called since he's laid off and we can't "help" them out like we had been doing. I forgot to mention his son hasn't lived with his mom since he was 15. He went to live with his Dad. Frustrating is All I can say.

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Products Like YOU is what this world is coming too!!!!!!!
by: Lisa

NOTE: I absolutely agree with Stephanie's comment as well.

You have no kids, and if you do, I feel sorry for them. You have no heart. You have no kindness. You are the epitomy of this world and its ridiculous men out here, who father children, then do absolutely NOTHING. $30,000 behind?? Are You crazy??? Are you just Stupid ???? What do you think she has had to go thru, raising these 2 children. What is it any of your business, how many men she had living with her in 20 yr timeframe, and in what part of "your" world makes you think that one of those men should be responsible for your fiance fathering these children. You are helping him run from his responsibility with all of your "Green Hatred", Let's get to core of this post, You are the jealous one. It show's throughout your words. This man, whether on disability or not, had these two children and needs to step up to the plate. This woman deserves the money she is owed. Pay Up Slacker *******

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YOU GOTTA READ THIS COMMENT
by: Stephanie

I have no sympathy for the man you are marrying. He needs to step up his loser self and help pay for his kids...30,000...are you crazy for marrying someone like that? Must be his deeds, cause he sure dont have a dime in his name. You probably dont have any kids cause you cant seem to look and view others problems/situations other than your own you selfish BITCH! Children are the gifts of life, once your grown, you need to support them,..no questions asked!

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DEADBEAT DAD
by: Anonymous

I am sorry about your situation but some situations are quite different. I was never married to my ex and had 2 kids with him. I kicked him out when I found out that he was using drugs and was a single mom for a while. I worked hard and tried to make it without any help from anyone else. Then finally as bad as I hated to I filed the paperwork for child support. It has been 8 years now and he is over $25,000 behind. I am married now and my husband has been with me and helped me raise my kids from the time my youngest one was only 8 months old. He loves both my children and would die for them while in the meantime their own father could care less. He has made statements to the court why should he have to pay child support when I am married now and my husband should be the one to support them. I just wish that he would give up his rights to them. He never has cared about anyone but himself and my kids would be better off without their DEADBEAT father.

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well true BUT
by: Anonymous

well i do feel bad for your man, some are true dead beats, an the courts are geared to help trhe woman, I'm a dad who has his children while there moms lives with another man they earn over 3000.00 a month, an she doesn't send them a dime, well i have seen the system work toward her, in north Carolina for two children 49% of the parents income goes to the children, but when i went to talk to when, that isn't the way it works, seem they take all over time an other pay out an then whatever is left, is the amount she would pay, while texas is only 25& but they count overtime an other moneys earned, but since i am in NC she is in Texas. Texas had to take her to court an they can take they sweet time like they always do, as we all know, Texans aren't in a rush to do anything, well if she doesn't pay my girls the money she owes I'll have her fat ass in jail, along with that dead beat druggie boyfriend of hers, she got back 7600.00 from income taxes the girl got 3000. but she got 4400.00 child credit so she owes the girls 1400.00 an child support back pay from jan 09 til todays date,

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