Non Custodial Grandparent

by Rose Brown
(Houston, Texas)

It amazes me how everything is talking about the custodial parent not getting child support. Why is it not realized that some noncustodial parents want to be involved in their childs life but the custodial parent uses the child as a pawn and make up lies and will not let the child come to his scheduled visitation changes schools and does not notify the custodial parent and the non-custodial parent even though paying child support monthly has to then get witnesses (three times) and then hire an attorney to get the custodial parent back in court only for the games to begin again once they leave court. I think child support and visitation should be tided together and maybe if the custodial parent knew they would not get the money if the non-custodial parent did not see the child then the games would stop.


Another case when a man is paying child support and the mother decided they don't want the money but want the father to go to jail and the Judge puts him in jail for 30 days then it ceases to be about money for the child support but rather revenge. Our laws definitely need to be changed.

Last case a man paying child support for a child that DNA has proven not to be his and he has had no contact with the child and still having to pay is outrageous.

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on both sides
by: Elizabeth

as a custodial parent who is owed over 20k in child support I do not agree with tying child support and visitation. I wanted my kids to have dad in their lives, I agreed to way less than guideline support, I agreed to keep the insurance on the kids and did not ask to be reimbursed for the premiums, and have asked for help with medical bills twice in over 10 years (and got turned down even though he's supposed to pay 50% of all uncovered expenses)

He's a dead beat, but the kids care about him...why should they be denied contact with him because he doesn't pay?

on the flip side, I'm a stepmom as well...married to a non custodial parent who has always paid his support on time. I carry the health insurance on my stepkids as well and in addition to child support and medical my husband has bought winter coats when asked, helped by for school clothes and supplies for his kids. His ex allows other plans to be more "important" than the kids seeing him (and he hasn't fought it as much as he should) but that doesn't mean the kids should suffer by not having the financial support they need from him

two wrongs never make a right

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really?
by: Anonymous

honestly its pretty simple....custodial parents use the money for the children and non custodial parents pay your support like you should to help. I am a custodial parent not getting what is needed for child support, although I don't believe in holding my child captive because of money. a child is a child who has parents, but the other parents should pay for insurance and child support for their children, because even child support for the child doesn't cover all costs. I don't understand how something so simple gets so messed up. I am an irritated Mom needing regular payments too, but it really upsets me that some women think it is okay to withhold their children for money. Thats just awful. but people who arent taking the responsibilty to financially support their children is pretty sad too.

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stupid parents
by: tired of the deadbeat

you are all nuts. Go to court and get it figured out. You are complaining of things that have a legality issue attached to them...get over it and get it taken care of. The kids are the ones that are doing great......the parents are the ones who need counseling....lol you are all unaccountable!!!

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Angry at antiquated justice system
by: Anonymous

Let me start by saying I do believe that children need to be supported financially by BOTH parents.
I am the wife of a non-custodial parent and my husband and I have been together five years.I love my step-daughter as if she were my own.
I don't think it's fair that my husband has to send the mother of his child a certified letter everytime he changes jobs or moves or changes his cell number and she can do whatever she wants and doesn't have to tell him a thing. I think that BOTH parents should share in the cost of health care for the child, I don't think it should be put primarily on the non-custodial parent, it is very expensive. I do feel the custodial parent does needs to be accountable where the money is going and to show a budget of how the money is used toward the child each year and presented to the court.
I agree with the Grandparent, things do need to change and child support and visitation does need to be tied together. My husband had to take the mother of his child back to court because she refused to let him excercise his visitation rights and he is paying for insurance, she was supposed to carry it and let it lapse, in all there were 27 motions to enforce. All that happened is my husband's child support was increased again and she got her hands slapped and she promised not to do it again. This ended up costing a lot of money that we simply do not have. In my opinion these laws will take a lot of jumping up and down by a lot of voting citizens for these kinds of issues to be addressed and resolved because this is BIG money to the attorneys and court system. I had a family law attorney tell me one time that he loves it when two ex spouses are fighting that means a big payday because they charge by the hour. In my experience some custodial parents use visitation as a money making device and the child is the one who suffers because they don't get to see their mom or dad (which ever the non-custodial parent is).

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Custodial Parent
by: Shannon

I understand what you are saying, however in my case my son's father owes me $13K. We have gone before a judge and nothing has happened. He gets his son on his normal visistations however he doesn't buy him clothes, toothbrush, shoes or anything. So he doesn't provide for him when he has him...My husband now has 2 kids who stay at our house 5 days out of 7 and he pays $1000 a month in child support and we buy them clothes, shoes, and pay for all their extra curricular activities. I wouldn't say I was using my son to get back at his father and trust me his ex does not hassle us about anything. It really eats my husband up that his father does not provide for him or go to any of his functions when he lives 15 minutes away. He is perfectly capable of working instead he chooses to sit on his mother's couch and not go to work. So I can honestly say that my son's father is a DEADBEAT DAD and it would make me so happy to see him go to jail.

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More like You
by: Anonymous

We need more people like you who have seen the light and realize that this child support laws have been turned into a revenge tactic, father screwing, child abusing, retirement setting tool for the costodial parent. In my case I beleive my daughter was abused because of the fact that the mom refused the child support and disappeared with my daughter for 13 years. My daughter did not get to live the life she could have had the child support been there. I finally find my daughter and my ex wants back child support for all the year she had disappeared. keep in mind I continued paying child support until the child support division and the courts closed the case in 2000, now in April 2010 I was court order to pay back child support plus 10% interest for the past 10 years. WTF! My daughter is 20 years old now with her own daughter, WTF!! I did what I was suppose to do, but she didn't and now they are rewarding her for what she has done and my daughter and I are the ones who have realy suffered. The courts said it was to pay her back for all the years there was no child support, well that was not my fault either that was her choice to disappear but now I have to pay for her dicission at the expence of my 4 children (1, 7, 11, 16). When the courts and child support told me I owed nothing "0" I beleived that to be true and I went on about my life understand that debt was paid in full, over, done with. If you can't beleive the courts and the child support division, then who can you beleive??? They have turned my families life upside down with this crap they call justice. People have lost the sense of whats right and wrong they only beleive in the ol' mighty dollar. No wonder why this country is going the way it is. Weres our morals (lost to money), weres our sense of right and wrong (lost to money), weres the best interest for the children (lost to money). We need to fight to have these unfair, unmoral, unconstitutional laws changed to go after the real dead beat dads not the one trying to be a part of the childs life. Keep the fight up join your closet Fathers Rights, write your congressmen/govener, etc. otherwise it will never change.

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