Non-custodial parent

by Ricardo A. JImenez
(Fresno,Ca. USA)

My exwife has custody of our daughter. She disapeared after telling me she didn't want money from me. For 1 1/2 years I tryed to track her down because she would not go to child support so I couldn't fine her. In other words she hid from me and kept our child from me on purpose. She did this so I could not serve her with papers to change the custody. I filed a missing persons report with the Fresno Police department. I also went to Child Abduction DA to help me with this issue. After 1 1/2 years Child Abduction served her and we are in a on going battle. She has filed for child support and now Im in debt because of her actions. My question is, Is there any laws to protect the non-custodial parent from being traped on purpose by the costodial parent?



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Americans
by: Anonymous

In our history as Americans when we have been oppressed by ruling government, we have always grabbed a rifle an faught for Freedom. I have been exploited as my children have. I pay child support and the custodial parent receives welfare not child support. This will be the cause of my death.

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Mothers rights!
by: Ashley

so i have been in school and the father has kept me from my kids i got put on childsupport not a big deal but when this lazy man and must i say is not working and a piece of crap, denies me the address which i have to say the lady from the child support gave to me with out a number and address but neways he denies to give it to me and rejects my calls and text and wont have them call me but will only call for more money that he spentt in less than two weeks and the people at the child support say that they cant do nothing to talk to him really like he answeres yeah sure okay and then tells me to get a laywer,,wow what a damn system this is , i mean really they get what they want and what about us the . the ones that pay and call and text and were F**ed. what a damn system i mean really chid support system has to change this is unfair!!!

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playing games
by: Anonymous

I didn't read the endless comentary that followed the original post so I'm only responding to the original.

Although I'm on the side of chasing a deadbeat ... I can see he other side and understand that people play games. My opponent has quit his job and won't get another one ... working under the table .. he thinks his support obligations will be lower. But that won't work because I can show what he is capable of earning and what bills he is paying even though he allegedly has no income.

Anyway ... my response to the original post ... and any similar situations ... is to figure out how much you would owe. These days there are usually guidelines and/or calculators. Then open a bank account and deposit "child support" in that. Only use it for that purpose and never withdraw money.

Then when the game playing spouse re-appears and accuses you of being a deadbeat you not only have that money but can show some very good evidence that in fact you could not locate them ... or they wouldn't accept it or whatever.

It shoots down the "deadbeat" arguement and simultaneously supports your side of the story. Not to mention having funds available and at the ready to meet whatever obligations the court says you have.

Also ... any time you have any situation ... no matter what the issue is ... start a log... note dates, times, actions, statements they made.. etc.

A good contemporaneous log can go a long way.

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My mother took my child out of selfishness
by: Anonymous

I am a mother of four children, my oldest I had when I was 18 years old. I was a great mother, even at that age. I lived in the same city as of my parents and rigt down the street, up until my son was 11. I decided to move to anothe city, just 45 minutes away. I shortly recieved a document from a lawyer stateing that my mother was sueing me for custody of my son. My mother took me to court, in a city where she is well know, she knew the lawyers and was friends with the judge. The reason that they gave me for letting my mother take my son and seperate him from his other siblings, was that I was in college....huh? I thought parents lost their kids to using drugs or just being an unfit parent. Now I am ordered to pay child support, unemployed and with 3 other children. I still take care of my oldest child, he stays with me from time to time and I always buy him things. My mother has the power to go and talk to this judge and get it reversed for me, but will not, because she is money hungry and my oldest never see's the money, she spends it all on herself. The whole court situation was screwed from the beginning, what judge seperates a kids from his 3 siblings and mother, without any cause? And now I have to pay child support, when I am the one buying his 124.00 shoes, etc. every month? Isn't it even wrong for my mother to have been related too and friends with the attorneys and judge who awarded her custody?

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we need
by: Anonymous

we all need to rebel against thesystem. all us fathers. my ex took y son over three years ago and now he wants nothing to do with me. i have always paid y support on tie now she wants more. I already pay $750 a month. Its wrong and more and more fathers who actually care are getting screwed bad by these vindictive mothers. we need a movement to change all this in the entire us of a... any ideas?

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Jacked
by: Anonymous

I have joint custody of my daughter with my ex and have not seen her since she was 6. At that time my ex also informed me that because I was in relatioship with someone els that my daughter was dead to me. I pay her child supprot and every time I want to takle her back to court child supprt tells me that I may have to pay more. I already pay her $550.00 a month. What rights do I have as a fathjer NONE

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to a mothers view
by: Anonymous

your got what you deserve cuz all these broads think they are so cute with child support and welfare. Just wait when someone changes the laws. The responsible one will end up on top

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Paying Too Much Child Support
by: Anonymous

I HAVE BEEN MARRIED TO A MAN WITH A CHILD BY HIS EX FOR 4 YRS. AND IT IS AWFUL HOW HIS EX CAN GET SO MUCH CHILD SUPPORT WHEN THE CHILD IS WITH US EVERY WEEKEND AND ALL THE TIME SHE SPENDS THRU THE SUMMER....HIS EX DOES NOT ALLOW HIM TO BE INVOLVED IN NONE OF HIS CHILDS SCHOOLING (UNLESS HE FINDS OUT THRU GRAPEVINE)
SHE REMARRIED AND HAS CHOSEN TO CUT HER WORK HOURS AND OF COURSE THAT MAKES MY HUSBAND HAVE TO PAY MORE CHILD SUPPORT BECAUSE,SHE REFUSES TO WORK WHEN SHE IS MORE THAN CAPIABLE OF WORKING A FULL TIME JOB JUST LIKE HE DOES SO,I FEEL LIKE MY HUSBAND IS TAKING CARE OF HIS EX NOT HIS CHILD.
I DONT FEEL THAT ANYMAN SHOULD HAVE TO BE RESPONSIBLE OF SUPPORTING THE CHILD MORE THAN HIS EX WHEN IT TOOK BOTH OF THEM TO MAKE THAT CHILD........I WISH THE LAWS WOULD SOME HOW BE CHANGED TO MAKE THINGS MORE FAIR FOR THE FATHER AS WELL.

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A Mother's View
by: Anonymous

I lost custody of my three children in my divorce. I had been a stay at home mom for 21 years. I was ordered to pay child support to my ex., difficult when I had no job experience and not even a job. I have paid support for 3 1/2 years now. I pay about 25% of my income. Please tell me how it's always the mother's who come out ahead. In the state I live in, there is no alimony, so after serving the family for over 20 years, I got the bad end of the deal, don't you think?

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Painful support
by: Anonymous

I am married to a man who has to pay child support. He has 2 exes. Two children with one, and one with the other. The first (with two) decided that when they split up that he could have nothing to do with the children. She got a protective order and no trespassing warrent on him so that he cannot go over to her house, and then tells him the only way to see them is to go to her house *foolishly he once made the mistake of going over there to visit, he left after 5 minutes in handcuffs, the kids watched it all*. He got with the second girl a while later, and she promised him that their son would always be in his life. Well, as things sometimes do the relationship did not work out. She left, and took the boy. She dissapeared for 2 years with nothing, and left him with nowhere to look. After 2 years, she shows back up saying she has health problems and will die soon (good riddens I say). Meanwhile this whole fiasco is going on, both mothers are collecting child support.

the dissapeared one is using her mothers address. When my husband spoke to the child support office to report the fraudulant address, they used it against him. They took his address and phone number to "contact him with any news about the fraud" and two weeks later was served with garnishment papers. He was unemployed last year due to a knee injury and surgery. Fatal attempts at finding a job since the surgery has left him in erras (with both mothers) of around $10,000.00 The only way that we get by now is on state assistance and food stamps. We have 3 children living with us full time, and one of them is disabled. But does child support care about this? NO! They could care less if the children he has WITH him go to live on the street, so long as they get what they want. How is that fair? Why are the other three kids SO much more important than the ones he has with me? Because I am not vindictive and take them from him? Last night, my husband cried in my arms.

I had to nearly talk him down from suicide. He feels worthless, and like by being around all he is doing is hurting us. If child support keeps going the way they are (and no doubt they will) we will be homeless by the end of the year. And yet, again they do not care.

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Protecting me from my fiance's ex-wife.
by: Anonymous

I am soon marrying a man who has two twin boys by his ex-wife. He is up-to date on his child support payments, but she continues to threaten to take him for more pending our marriage. What can I do to protect my self and my income from this?

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my sympathies
by: alexa

I am now the wife of a non-custodial dad. his x dissapeared 14 years ago without a word to another state with his 8 year old daughter. he searched for her for a while but, without alot of cash noone wanted to help. He went into a depression and ended up addicted to prescription meds. all the while a court order for support was still in place. he never had it modified when she dissappeared. after 10 years his sister in law found her living in north carolina. of course after 10 years of brain washing she wanted nothing to do with him. he was told she had been adopted when she was 12 by her new husband. she seemed happy and her new dad had alot of money so he let her go. now she is 23 and last month he was served with an arrest warrant for child support 14 years worth. 87,000.00.apparently she lied about the adoption and just changed her last name. he went to court and was ordered to pay 1000.00 or go to jail so he was taken out in hand cuffs and shackles. we are both disabled i collect ssdi and he is pending ssi. what kind of a world do we live in when you can steal a child hide out till they are 18.lie about adoption wait for him to have gotten his life together and remarried and demand 87,000.00. and the fabulous state of massachusetts throws you in jail.

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this needs to change
by: Bob Walker

I agree with Mike on this one. I contact Child Support Services because my order is completely wrong. After four attempts at getting someone on the phone, I write a letter and finally get a call back. The worker runs all of the number with the proof I gove f payments made and my income. Her answer is "you got screwed by the judge". In the judges order he even states that the mother is lying about the wages she claims I make (which I don't) yet does nothing to change the order. Now I am forced to live on $100 per week. When does this stop? I can't even afford to hire an attorney to help.
In the meantime, the mother is being very successful in her alienation tactics and does well hiding the kids. I thought that people were supposed to tell the truth under oath. I guess it should be only non-custodial parents need to take the oath but it doesn't matter what proof you have or what you say, the mother is always right.

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Judge gives custody to abusive father
by: Nebraska is unfair

Judge gives custody to abusive father. I have three children, 17, 15, 7, father who is an ATTORNEY, and did not acknowledge the first child, never wanted to marry until the third child was born. Been married for 6 years, hated the marriage, husband attorney, finally shows interest in the children during the last two years of the marriage, then as an ATTORNEY, has the children sign an affidavit after I filed, they want to live with their dad, because he has the money. I LOOSE THE CHILDREN! I have always been the primary parent with everything, the worse thing I have against me is a speeding ticket, and now I am punished and loose all custodial rights - How did this happen? Thanks Nebraska for screwing up a family!

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non-custodial parent
by: Anonymous

i have twins i think they mine not sure.by my ex girl friend i was there when they was born and still am.now they n state custody.they told her for her to get them back is to put me on child support.we went to court.her mother told alot of lie's on me.and i'm on my ex girl friend foodstamp case she put me on there cause they told her if i'm on her foodstamp case i would have child support takeing out on me.and when we went to court her mother did all the talking.she just sat there.her mother been tell lie's on me i was with her and still tell lie's on me.even when the boys was born.she told me the only way for the babies to leave the hospital if i sign the birth papers ,i din't know so i did.and her mother is trying her best to get me in jail. why is her mother there when it between me and my ex girlfriend.what should i do?

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non custodial parent
by: Anonymous

I am in a similar situation. i moved over 1000 miles away with her agreement that that the move would not effect my court order visitation. We agreed without a attorney to save money. once i moved she changed her phone number the moved out of state and i could not finder her or even talk to my daughter. I finally found her in New York and contacted her. Once again she changed her phone number and address. I located my daughter on line with myspace, but that got shut down. THen i located my daughter on facebook but that was shut down. But before that was shut down i got my daughter cell number. Today i found out that the new home number was disconnected as well as my daughter cell phone. My ex has also no informed New York ( her new state) of her new address and domestci relation will do nothing to inforce there own rules on living in the state but will go after me for being 250 dollars behide in payments. how fair is that. Pa cannot find her but will not do anything, and they can find me and enforce all the rules to the fullest extent of their power. that does not make any sence at all!

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Be Cautious dealing with CSD
by: Mike

I was in a similar situation. I had heard horror stories about fathers being slammed with back support. I paid her what I could with checks and money orders. A couple of years later she filed and was awarded child support through wage garnishment. That was fine, but the state on NM suspended my license and claimed I owed over 10K in back support. I was in a desperate situation and needed my license. I ignorantly signed an agreement to get my license back because the CSD case worker told me I could reverse it when I presented proof of prior payments. That was the worst thing I could of done. I gathered my proof and tried to set an appointment and the case worker would not meet with me. It took me 3-months to reverse this mess. I was so frustrated and appalled at the way she treated me and tried to bury me even when I presented her with my documents. This is just one story of mine; from my experience, fathers are treated like scum in this situation regardless.

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LOSE, LOSE
by: Anonymous

WHEN MY SON WAS BORN I WAS ACTIVE IN HIS LIFE, I SAW HIS BIRTH, SPENT TIME WITH HIM, MY JOY. THEN WHEN HE WAS ABOUT 6 MONTHS OLD HIS MOTHER OUT OF NOWHERE TELLS ME, HE ISN'T MINE. I ASKED FOR A PATERNITY TEST AND SHE REFUSED, EVEN HER FAMILY REFUSED, I WAS HEARTBROKEN THINKING HE DIDN'T BELONG TO ME. SEVERAL YEARS LATER SHE WANTS CHILD SUPPORT SO NATURALLY I REQUESTED A PATERNITY TEST. TURNED OUT HE IS MINE. I LOST A LOT OF YEARS OF HIS LIFE, YEARS I'LL NEVER GET BACK. C.S.E.D. GOT RETROACTIVE AND DIDN'T CONSIDER MY LOSS AND MY OTHER KIDS. SEVERAL YEARS LATER, SHE DECIDED TO CLOSE THE CASE AGAINST ME, CSED TOLD HER 60 DAYS TO PROCESS THE PAPERWORK WE'RE GOING ON 6 MONTHS CSED REFUSES TO, THEY'VE TAKEN MY DRIVERS LICENSE, GRANSHED MY CHECKS, IT'S A LOSE LOSE SITUATION IN THE STATE OF NEW MEXICO. A NEW AND FAIR GOVERNMENT IS WHAT WE NEED.

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Fathers Rights
by: Jan

I feel great sympathy for you. My son is just starting to go through this. The mother of his child is preventing him from seeing the child. She wants the money but is making up lies and telling the court that he is harming the child and therefore he should not be allowed to see the child. Unfortunately, it seems that the fathers don't have rights.

I would think that the courts should not make you pay retroactively for the child when you did not know where she was.

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When will they see the the light
by: captpalumbo

iworked offshore in the oilfield in the gullf of mexoco .i workd 28 days on and 14 days off at around $350.00 a day Wi came back from a trip when i got to airport that credit card was no good so i called the bank to find out that she took me to the cleaners over 50.000 and in the red with the bank .I have 1 son with her when i tried to tell the court about the money she took from my account with only my name on they tell oh well that is joint money .well I dident get myhalf the cort orderd me to pay her suppout of 1477.00 a month after two months i get layd off from work and they still want 1400 amonth my unemployment is only 430.00 a week that only leves me 200 dollars i cant pay rent i lost my car im in the reears 3000 they pulled my lic how do i get them to see that i dont have the amount they want .they say its combind income well if i make only 5000 and she makkes 30.000at 40% witch i have to pay is 16,000 how does that work.about redy to go postel....

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