Not about rights...it's about the child

by bkl
(Houston, Texas)

I am a father that deeply loves his child and pays for his child support. I do not have a problem with paying for the child support, it's the fact or issue of what the x wife does with the money. My child is 10 years old, he runs around with shoes from that are torn and clothes that are too tight. His mom complains of him going through his clothes too fast and having to buy him new clothes...


Here is my issue..I pay $1000 a month for child support. NONE of this (well ok maybe $150 INCLUDING FOOD FOR LUNCH goes to him.) What happens to the other $850...let's see...

- She does not work
- She just had 2 children over the past 24 months
- Her husband makes less than I do (30%)

Yet she:

- Spends $150+ on her nails / hair a month
- Has a new (3 year old car)
- Has a house payment that is 2X mine
- Does not save for ANY of these children's education

DON'T YOU THINK SOMETHING IS WRONG WITH THIS SITUATION????

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A mother of 3
by: Anonymous

well i have a 5yr old a 3 yr old and a 5 month old. Guess what my husband left me. So to all of your comments i have to say i dont believe in divorce or separation i didnt ask for it and dont want it. so if thats what the father has done then so be it, he chose this life and if thats what happens to the men who leave, well then they deserve it. i dont care what anyone says you never give up on your family be a man and work it out. see a counslor or go to church, but make it work for your children's sake. Read the bible. I dont know everyones situtaion but every couple should work hard on their marriage and take it seriously. Just remember its the choices you make in life that get you where you are today.

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myopinion
by: Anonymous

I have read alot of these stories on here. They all in one way or another deal with the same thing. Who should have to do what. There is more than one way to look at all the situations. I read alot of "I can't support my new family because my first family gets all the money." Do you think that just because you don't live with the first family you are no longer responsible for them? If you can't support your first family then don't take on a second! Next,I agree that many men do get the bum deal!I became a soon to be step-mom when I was 16 and my fiance was 20. I was the one who mailed the check every week and pushed him to see and call his kids. His x was one that would not let him see them without a fight. She always had new clothes, jewlery, nails, car the whole ten yards. To top it off the kids lived with her mother 90% of the time. I finaly asked a lawyer if it mattered what she spent the money on. Unfortunatly as longed as the kids are being taken care of and not neglected she could spend the money anyway SHE seen fit. S I understand that part.

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about PRICELESS's comment
by: Anonymous

The person who wrote PRICELESS must be a mom who claims to have a dead beat dad in the picture. Here is what the mom's who get custody forget...
The dad also needs food on the table, a roof over his head, hot water, clothes, etc... AND at least in our situation, we also have to pay for his daughters clothes for our house, shoes, jackets, accessories, we help contribute to her dance which is not expected in child support, we get her school supplied and are there for her more than her mother by far. She hates her mom and doesn't want to live there because her mom only cares about her new husband and their 2 children, but yet she won't give us primary custody because she wants a check every month. So we continue to struggle every single month of our life, live in a home that is falling apart, get ridiculed for everything new thing we get by the ex (I am lucky to get shampoo without her complaining that the money should go to her), and we pay child support as well as support the child in our own home. She has a nice home with new things all the time. New vehilces every other year, new clothes on the kids, they go out to eat (5 people) nearly everyday, and she has only worked 2 days a week and every other weekend for the last 10 years. We both work full time, go to school full time to better our lives and make more money to support our kids so they can have a better future, and struggle all the time. We have gone into debt trying to afford the child support amount, that we have maxed out every credit card we own just so we could pay the bills each month. Oh, did I mention that we also pay all of the medical bills. The point is, that MOM is suppose to get a free ride, and dad is suppose to struggle and support the child at both homes, not to mention mom too. SO PRICELESS, what do you have to say about that??? Fathers always get the short end. And we've tried to get her here where she wants to be. Its the PRINCLPLE. Not everyone is a dead beat. Some truly truly truly try and still get screwed.

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PRICELESS
by: Anonymous

YEA. WHAT ABOUT THE ROOF OVER THE CHILD'S HEAD. THE WATER FOR BATHS .THE LIGHT TO DO HOMEWORK.SOMEWHERE TO SIT, LAYDOWN , TOO MUCH TO MENTION. BEEN THERE EMOTIONALLY (PRICELESS).STOP COMPLAINING AND DO THE RIGHT THING..

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I feel your pain
by: Anonymous

I am married and my husband and I took in his 2 daughters when their mom decided to go to California and work. We were only suppose to have them for 6 months. That turned into three years. That woman has some how managed with her boyfriend to get 2 tanning salons, drive a BMW, a Mercedes, get her hair and nails done every other week. Yet could not afford to pay us one bit of child support. Finally she decided to take the girls back and now wants a $1000.00 a month in Child support. We are expecting twins in 3 months and I will not be working soon, how the hell does she think we will make ends meet. She has a job but doesn't pay taxes, she is now getting free medical and food stamps. She lives with her parents so she pays no rent. Yet we have to pay her a $1000.00 a month. We see the girls from Friday after school until Sunday night around 8. They spend more time with us, then her, we have them 12 days out of the month. And the Department of child support could care less. The system is as bad as the woman who abuse it. She is using her children to get what she wants, so we can pay her Mercedes bill and help her buy a 5 Bedroom home. All the mean while we live in a rental and struggle to make ends meet.

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same here
by: Anonymous

YUP..........sounds familiar.......my ex doesn't work either. ANd yet has two brand new vehicles while me and my wife have 2 cars with over 150,000 miles on them. I think as a father who pays child support, we should be able to request reciepts from what the money is used for

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you r soo right
by: Anonymous

YUP! thats the way it is! something needs to change. I found out that you can go back to court and request that you pay your child..not her. for instance...you give your child lunch money. YOU take your child out every month and buy him clothing. You pay for all school supplys, sports, activities, band equipments ect. Let the courts know that not a single expence will come out of the mothers pocket. If it does you will re pay her the money. Let the courts know you will be saving money in a locked bank account for college, car ect. i know may fathers who do this.
Ibet a lot of fathers wouldnt mind paying support knowing every dime i going to the child. I believe the laws need to change and be set in. I believe it should be up to the father to make that request in only paying the child

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