Okay, fellow Women, what I am about to say may make some of you mad, but it needs saying..
While I recognize that there are huge amounts of deadbeat dads out there, there are good ones too.But these good ones feel slighted and abused by the system just as much as we do. The way that child support is set-up, gives way too much power to people that are just "doing their job" and really have no vested interest in a positive outcome for the family as a whole. Custodial parents are treated as though they should be happy with however little they are sent, non-custodial parents are expected to never EVER have any life changes within a 3 to 5 year period, and neither parent is held accountable when they resort to less than childlike behavior by using their children as weapons against each other.
VERY SAD. In the end, the children are the ones who suffer most.
I have a friend who is caught up in this whirlwind of similar mess. He was denied visitation of his daughter for 15 years, and resorted to the bad choice of paying as little child support as he could because he was angry that he was being denied his rights as a parent. The Mother even took his daughter out of state, which is kidnapping, and has NEVER spent ONE day in jail because of it. They fought over this forever in court, and of course, no one was injured more in my opinion than the little girl. However, my friend has never been afforded any recourse, and even though he was/is still quite angry at the situation, has become older and wiser over time and for years now, has worked hard to correct the situation. He voluntarily went in and asked for a MOD because his income was higher, and he wanted to make sure he was doing right by his child. He finally got to see his daughter for the first time since she was a baby when she became a teenager. As we all know though, the economy has since fell apart, and his income has since changed. Other situations have happened as well, like another divorce, and another beautiful little girl that he pays child support for faithfully (and thankfully gets to see), and as life would have it, he's behind on taxes and student loans.. Now, thats ALOT of change!!
He has been to court to try to rectify the situation, but in order to get a MOD again, he has to wait, or get an attorney. He cant afford an attorney. He works 50-60 hour weeks, and when the IRS, student loans and both child support payments come out of his check, there are times I have personally witnessed him get a $3.00 paycheck!! WHAT?? How can a person live? Now I do understand he made a bad choice long ago,but how is this right? He cant afford it. Then on top of all of this, he is expected to come up with 10% of his back child support payments or he goes to jail. Where does this leave his other child? How does putting this reformed Daddy (who is really trying, by the way) in jail, going to benefit either of his children or their mothers? He is angry, hurt, and depressed, and actually is technically homeless, because he has had to resort to living on his truck (he's a truck driver) in order to afford just to eat!I'm suprised he hasn't resorted to killing himself at times.
He goes back to court in two weeks, and at that time will either end up in jail for 6 months, or lose his license, which is how he makes his livelihood, and pays child support. Worse, he will not get to see his daughters!
So who will suffer? Oh, sure, he will, but even more, his daughters will, and his grandaughter will as well. When he does get out, he will be unemployed, and will have NO means to even attempt to support any of them.
This is UNFAIR, UNJUST, and just plain SLOPPY politics that these broken families are caught up in, and it DEMANDS to be corrected.
I am a 34 year old woman and the mother of 3 kids, and I would NEVER, after what I have seen my friends, both custodial, and non-custodial go through, allow the attorney general to play ANY part in the financial support of my children. ITS A JOKE.
Right is right, and wrong is wrong, I know. But Broken is Broken. Our system for caring for the welfare of our kids is a broken mess, and we need to demand that something be done.
We also all need to grow up, and stop allowing ourselves to use our kids to beat each other up, and get Government out of our families business.
There is a solution... love your kids enough to agree to be good parents, and lets tell the OAG that their way needs reform..NOW!!
Thanks-
A concerned friend, proud parent, and American citizen.
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I just have to say there are MANY women out there on a mission! To not only break the "good" fathers but stomp on them when they are down. There needs to be a change to the child support laws and it needs to be done now!! I am a woman who sees how much this devastates a "good" father. Using money as a means of parental rights is unfair in the biggest way. Money doesn't help a child, loving does. Money is for the greedy mother to buy the designer items needed to make her look good. I fear that the "good" fathers will not get justice.
Nov 01, 2009 Rating
Reform for Child Support by: Jacqueline
I agree something needs to be done. I do not want my ex-husband or any of the other deadbeat parent to go to jail. I feel like if I struggle hard and sometimes fall trying to take care of my children and have to go to the welfare system for help. I do not want my hard earned tax money to go toward the care and support of the deadbeats in jail or prison. I would like to see some kind of restitution centers to be opened and they have to live there until the back child support is paid. It does not matter what their profession is, and if they have moved on and have another family divide the monies between both households, since (he) has obligations in both places. Yes our children suffer the most, that is why the deadbeat parent should not be stripped of their licenses but put a monitor on them and keep them locked away from their freedom to move about and elude child support for the ones they left behind.
Sep 08, 2009 Rating
Your absolutely right. by: Sumthin special
My brother is in jail for not being able to find a job and his girl being ignorant by calling his probation officer to tell on him for it. Its very sad that the kids are being used in this situation. This girl has no job and lives off the government, which my brother has to repay. She had a choice to use protection and make the decision not to have a child, just as much as a man has to use condoms for protection. I am a woman and I hate how they are treating the men that are really trying to pay their support. Some men cant find decent jobs to pay for two kids. When they do get a job, it will pay for the child support and the fathers left with nothing!!! I feel that its time for the dads to take a stand. There has to be some hard working men out there that are getting tired of this system. Either you pay or you go to jail. Or you have an "evil girlfriend or wife" that will call the cops on you. I will be praying for those guys who really love their kids and really trying to keep up with child support. I am for you guys. I have a son and I raised him by myself and I knew that his dad didnt have a job to support him so I didnt go to the government because I gave him a chance to get on his feet. Besides it took two of us to make this child, so I was responsible as well. Only when I knew that he had the money to help me, I would go get it and he would give it to me without getting the system involved. Its wrong to put a man down when he is already down. We need to help them and give them time to find a job. Mothers if you are working try to do your best and take out some money, but not use the system, just because... work and support your children as well...it takes two.. Mothers are just as responsible as men.
Take Care
Aug 11, 2009 Rating
The System Needs An Overhaul!! by: Anonymous
Thanks for pointing this out. I think a lot of people believe that just because a Father gets sacked with child support, it meant that he ditched his family or that he did not provide for them.
It needs to be pointed out, as well, that there are a significant number of women out there who have children (be it in or out of wedlock), either create a condition where the Father has to leave or the women themselves leave, and then six months later everyone's in court. What's worse, once the mother gets that pretty much guaranteed court decision or award of child support, she then uses the child as a weapon against the father to make matters worse (such as not being available for visitation, making decisions for the child while intentionally not seeking input from the father who wants to be involved, etc.).
The worst part about child support proceedings is that the process is more or less criminalized for the non-custodial parent (usually the Father). There certainly needs to be an overhaul in the system in how child support proceedings are handled, and more stringent review of the CUSTODIAL parent's management of monies received for the child or children in question. Too often the non-custodial parent has to prove income, expenses, etc., while the custodial parent more often than not gets away with simply verbal testimony and assurances.
Less gavel pounding, more family support is my personal stance.
Aug 02, 2009 Rating
Amen by: Salavtore O.
I want to say thank you for your understanding to what I call a nonsense of dirty politics where these parasite found an easy whey to make money.
I am also going through some of the same! only problem I'm having is the state of GA. is a women state the only whey the father get custody is the mother has to be found using drugs etc... Child support recovery has to make a fee I'm trying to figure out when did the monies become more important then the relationship with the children. I pray for my ex and her family to be well God does not like ugly I miss my children it's been {3 years} since I've seen them, I've also just been released from jail over my back {CS} after spending 3 months and still ow the money when in fact my state of GA. back in the late 60s if you went to jail over CS [12 months] and your debt is cleared. Now CS found a hoop-hole in the system and they use it to their favor. I move here from N.Y.C to have a better life and raise a family, as of now I have been in a relationship with a christian women and she has (5)girls one is in college Oklahoma state. my divorce was finalized back in 2003 and I have been fighting this battle since.
