Once a Deadbeat, Always A Deadbeat

by Mary M.
(Phoenix, AZ)

I had my daughter when I was 17. For a few years, her dad and I stayed together, more because I felt like we had to, than because I wanted to be with him. While we were together, it was a struggle to get him to work, let alone pay for a pack of diapers. I was finishing my senior year of high school AND working 32+ hours a week to take care of my daughter. He spent six months in jail after her first birthday and when he got out, it was then that I decided I didn't need him, NOR want him. I had been doing it without him for the entire time already.

After splitting up, I tried college, but it was too hard with a baby and a full-time job. He wasn't working, so I thought the least he could do was watch her while I was. Even this was too much for him, he would put the burden on his mother.

I filed for child support through the state I live in and was ordered $207, plus $93 in arrears. I received one payment before he ended up in jail again for 2.5 years. It was during this time he wanted to be a dad. He sent his mother to my house with a packet of papers to fill it out so that my daughter could go visit him in prison. I never filled out the paperwork. It was my thinking that if he wanted to be her father, he would have been doing so all along. In the 2.5 years that he was in prison, I moved about 20 miles away. Once he got out, he made the valiant effort that all dead-beat dads make, he drove out two times to pick her up, then decided those 20 miles were too far.

Once when I checked to see how much money he owed me, it was well over $18,000... The story never changed, work, dont pay, get fired, don't pay.. When my daughter was 14, he called to wish her a happy birthday, but she refused to talk to him. He told her "Im your father!". Her response? You have had 14 years to be my dad, so now, if I want you as my dad, you will hear from me.." I was so proud of her, she had made that decision on her own! It is sad to think a child has to make that choice, but in the end, it was the one for her. It has been 2 years since that conversation, and she hasn't seen or spoken to him. In the end, my heart knows it is his loss. But mine hurts a little for those girls (and boys) out there who never were blessed with a good dad. My daughter has a father figure, she has many, but there is something about "daddy" that she has always missed out on.

As for child support, right now, he owes me upwards of $23,000. I receive $70 a week because he is on unemployment. Like so many, I get more money now that he isn't working than I ever got WHILE he was working. Dead-beat dads never change!

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Dec 09, 2010
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by: Anonymous

You never know what life will hand you. There's always a curve ball some damn where. My mother was 13 when she frist had hers so was my grandmother. I was 16 with an incest baby. So you tell me how in the hell do you get child support from shit like that? Answer is you don't. I had her and raised her to the best of my knowledge. My mother told me not to give her up for adoption.So I kept her for awhile then I put her in a foster home. Got her back after a few months just because she came from my body could not take it no more. I kept her and loved her. She turned on me at age 16 after I found out she was gay. Got her and my younger daugther taking away from me. She came crawling back to me at age 18. Now at age 34 she tries to makeup to me what she did those years ago. I hold no grudges. God do not like to much ugly, nor too much pretty.

Sep 24, 2010
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by: Anonymous

LET ME GUESS... You are a "father" who doesn't have custody of your child who doesn't feel like you should be paying the "mother's bills"? At the age of 14 a child IS mature enough to decide if she wants to continue to be let down by a man who wants to be a daddy when it's convenient. I have male friends who have children with some pretty nasty women. I don't always like what they do or say, but I always tell my friends to be a good father and one day your kids will know if you took care of your responsibilities. Yes there is a lot more to being a father than money, but did you not read the parts about him not seeing his daughter, or being able to keep his sorry a** out of jail? My ex-husband is the poster child for deadbeat dad. He cheated on me (the best thing that could've ever happened to me!)when my youngest was 10mths old. Since then he has only paid child support that was based on $8 an hr a total of 2yrs over the past 10yrs. I have never kept his children from him & always let them go extra because as long as he was good to them that was more important. I supported them by myself for 3yrs until I got married. My husband carries their health care coverage & cost. We still pay for everything & he still sees them & acts like he is the best dad ever. He has always bullied my kids & tried to make them do exactly like he wants. My 13yr old son quit playing park ball because he wanted to play for his school. His dad flat out said no. I of course told him that was his own decision to make. He has only came to one game! He tells my children that they can do whatever they want, but that only applies to things that he wants.My son has always loved his dad, but now he is starting to see him for the man that he is ON HIS OWN! As much as I hate this man, I have never wanted my kids to and have kept many things from them. I have a great father & can only imagine how that hurts. Kids do grow up. It's hard to pull the wool over a childs eyes when their father is 33yrs old, has had two more kids, unemployed, on food stamps, living with his sister, doesnt contribute to their needs in anyway, & treats their mother with zero respect. So if any of this sounds like you, do your child & YOURSELF a favor and grow up! I'm sorry but it does take money to raise a child, so why should that all fall on the mothers shoulders when she takes care of everything else? By the way, I'm sure she mentioned child support because this is a child support website dumba**!

Sep 13, 2010
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BE FOR REAL
by: Anonymous

I beleive your daughter made those decision with coxing from you. Because were would a child get that idea unless someone was putting that in her head. She would know no difernce about what child suppport was if you were not telling her that her dad is bad because he sends no money. Thats the problem with you costodial parent (women) you make father out to be nothing but money bags and that we don't love our kids because we don't send money theres more to life and loving a child then money. If you beleive for one sec that your child made that decision without your influence you need help! And its terrible that you would twist your child up in your personal problems with your ex don't make it the childs problem keep it your.

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