Other side of the Coin

I see a lot of stories on here from the father complaining that they got behind on childsupport and are angry they still have to pay the balance due, even after the kids are 18. Currently my eldest just started school this year, and my ex (well, soon to be) and I have been seperated for almost 2 years. He actually filed on me, took the kids, emptied my home and our checking acct and served me with papers on a friday afternoon. I didn't even know where my 1 and 4yr old childen *were* for 4 days until I could get a lawyer. Despite the fact the attached sheet to the divorce says "in this county, don't do these 20 things" and he did almost all of them.

Didn't matter.

He was ordered to pay half of my daycare expenses, which he did....always late, always partial payments, I was always bugged by the daycare and worried they would refuse to watch my kids because of the issues with him paying his part.

After a year we went to mediation (march of 09) and he was ordered to pay child support in lieu of daycare. daycare had been 600-900/wk for his portion. 1st, 3rd, and 5th weeks. 300/wk.
His child support is 530/mth. He is living with his family, they are paying for the kid's clothes and food and toys and diapers. he doesn't pay for a thing. They are paying for his lawyer who keeps taking me to court and trying to run me out of money.

Meanwhile, 7 months later, I haven't received a dime, paying 1300/mth in daycare, carrying the mortgage of our home alone, my 10yr old car broke down and was worth about 400 in the blue book and not worth fixing, so now I have a car payment for a modest car, my water main burst and cost 1K to fix....

I can't afford to go see a dentist, buy pants that fit, eat out, buy my kids toys, etc. most days I feed my kids a healthy dinner and end up eating pb&j or ramen after they are asleep. I only eat 1x a day.

True, when they are of school age I will no longer have 1300/mth in daycare expenses, or once they turn 18..... at the same time, I'm working my butt off to make ends meet and I make 3x what he makes. I have no family to help me, I'm paying for legal fees (20K to date I believe) that are nonsense because he likes taking me to court, I'm stuck paying for this house that I don't want, and barely able to feed my kids many times.
I make just enough to pay my bills, but any additional expense puts me over the edge. So the 5K in legal fees, water main breaking, etc... keep putting me back into the negative.
Meanwhile my 350lb ex goes out to lunch every day, buys new clothes, new video games, takes the kids out for $$ activities, new glasses....

True, after the kids turn 18 the mother may not be supporting them (as much, I doubt most moms could turn a blind eye because a child turns 18) or the cost of supporting them may change, but that doesn't negate the financial responsibility of the father.

If you owe your ex wife 30K after your kids are 18, thats 30K of food, clothing, entertainment, etc that your ex wife was unable to give to the children, or more than likely gave up basic needs she had to pay for the children.

I spend the 4K a month I make on just bills I have for me and the children. We don't spend a lot, the daycare and mortgage are more than half. a good percentage has been legal fees because my ex wants to be a jerk.

If I have to eat ramen for 10 years to make sure my kids are taken care of, then he should too.....even if that happens after the kids are 18.

if the tables were turned, it's doubtful as many women would complain and refuse to pay child support. I know I certainly wouldn't be refusing to pay my ex for 7 months.

I work very hard and I have a very skilled job to make as much as I do. if my ex has a issue with me making more money than him and having to pay child support, I say get off your butt and get a better job. Being as he complained for 10 years that he hated his job, and spent every night "applying" for jobs (ie, playing video games) and used it as a excuse for everything wrong in his life....I don't see that ever happening. I shouldn't have to suffer for his apathetic attitude towards life, nor should my kids.

Comments for Other side of the Coin

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Be Fair
by: Anonymous

Am Man needs to cover his part.
With that said. In my situation I am a bank for my X-Wife and have been for a long time. I pay 20% on 6 figures and I cover all medical and a life ins. in case I die to cover her.

And I pay stuff she says she does not have to like
Having metal put in his mouth, School football fees, Any and all out of school activities, school band, Shoes because she does not see anything wrong with the shoes he has. ect.
Need I go on?

Guys Pay up, Ladies just be fair after all it is call "Child Support"

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Women are dead beats too
by: Anonymous

I'm a Father with full custody of my 3 kids. In my case the Mom is the one thats the Dead Beat. She is behind on child support and doesn't see the kids and currently not working. So please stop with the Dead Beat Dad it's DEAD BEAT PARENT!!!!! I love having my kids here with me everyday and yes its a struggle working with the OAG to get Child support and be a single parent at the same time but you know what I wouldnt trade a thing. My life is fulfilled knowing the kids are happy, getting to see them everyday, tell them I love them, hear about there problem's. If I never recieve another penny from the dead beat parent I will die knowing I did the right thing and it was worth it.

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Think before you leap
by: Karen

Meet someone, see if you like them, get to know them, get engaged, get married THEN get pregnant or get them pregnant. Also make sure you have job training or school BEFORE you have the child so you can take care of things on your own if something bad happens. Only consider dating and having sexual relations with people who are not alcoholics, don't do drugs, don't have criinal records, have jobs and seem to behave responsibly about other things in their life. If not, move on sto omeone who is It doesn't guarantee but it would improve the odds for all involved.

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only when he works
by: Anonymous

i have been divorced for 3 yrs and in that time i have recieved 5 checks. my ex will not pay because his beer and drugs are more important. our daughter is 14 with downs syndrome and the last time she went over there he wasnt watching her and she burned herself so the story goes. sure i have insurance but i still had to pay he co pay and the gas to take her to the burn clinic 100 miles from home. she is too afraid to go back over there and i will not force her to go.he has to pay indefinitly because of her downs. he told my dad that i am responsible for her not him. and he only has to pay the minimum amout because he was in jail when we had our hearing. my daughter has always been scared of him because of his drinking and i am at the point to where i am thinking about just moving out of texas to get away from it all...we barely get by but her dad says oh well he knows all it is going to do is ruin his credit so im jacked over any way in this mess..

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enforcement and justice
by: Anonymous

Your right, My case was transferred to UIFSA and the support Officer stated that they were looking into the parent location department. My ex- spouse has been in this parent location department twice and still nothing. I asked if the were going to referr the case for suspension of his license and they stated that they have to give him a notice. I told her that I have 2 children and both with child medical issue, I recieve notice very day for medical bills and court actions. The support getting further behind in arrearages. My question is when will justice be served? How long is this individual going to avert the law by moving around and avoiding the court order. I feel for the mothers and fathers trying to do right for there children and always hitting a wall in the road because of the lack of funds.
sorry from Ohio

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You tell them!
by: Anonymous

You are right on! I am so tired of hearing men complaining about having to pay their part in support. Face it boys, babies cost money! A lot of it! After rent and daycare, my money is gone! I work hard and should never have to feel guilty about asking for a fair share of my daughters expenses! I go months on end receiving nothing in support. I work full time, am in school, and go weeks without so my daughter won't. My childs father makes 5 times what I do and thinks it's "funny" to not send me a dime. He galavants in fancy cars, spends $100's of dollars on expensive dinners and $100's on clothes for himself a month! Meanwhile, refuses to help with his daughters expenses. Man up, boys! Stop complaining! There are more single moms who suffer (a lot more) than any father. If you can't afford a child, maybe you should have made other choices.

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I am with you
by: Anonymous

I am in pretty much the same situation.
Child support finnaly started (small amount) then after 6 weeks ex chnaged jobs yet again.He owes 2 months currently. It is taking forever to get another order served to the new employer beacuse of cutback in the Sheriffs dept. I faxed over info to the employer today. I hope it goes through now. Meanwhile the ex gets to have visiatation. He is already married another woman. They each got new vehicles. He lives in a place owned by her parents. I am stuck with bills that are supposed to be shared and a house paymnet. I have been in that house for 12 years. I want to move . I need to oay down the 2nd mort and do some repairs to sell the house.
Why does the law keep protecting him. If I wan the 2 monts owed I have to take him abck to court. I do not have any more money for a lawyer. I am glad I make good money. He asked if we can remove them from daycare thinking that would negate his obligations. Even though the child care costs keep me on a very tight budget, I can not let him and the new wife take care of them daily. I feal for you. I wish we could make the enforcement process easier. I think they should have to prove that payments are being made to have visitation.

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soo tru
by: Anonymous

your right I agree.

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