Paying excessively and not seeing my son

by Mr wiz
(Missouri)

Been ordered to pay ex-wife $600 per month maintenance and $277 child support too. But, I am paying 7 months of retro active support and maintenance at $1854 monthly. This leaves me with $660 per month to live on. I also am custodial parent of my daughter.


Ex-wife has now disappeared with my son and I have not been able to see him for over a year now. The guardian ad litem told me she would give both children to me but since divided them. They are both siblings and adopted. The daughter has severe mental and behavior problems which I am trying to get her the help she needs. Ex-wife didn't want to deal with it and abused the daughter and DFS stepped in after a neighbor saw ex-wife beating 12 year old in front of house. Of course no charges ever filed on ex-wife.

But, I'm stuck paying excessively and can't feed my daughter or pay rent. Ex-wife is being payed ontime every two weeks thanks to a judge, who I feel is being influenced by ex-wifes friends connected to the system. Can't take much more. I feel justice would be a bullet in my head and the challenged child back to the ex-wife and no more funds to the ex-wife. Ex-wife earns the same amount as I do but she has a business and her taxable income is only $17,000 annually and judge based all figures from one tax return.

Ex-wife is living on an easy figure of $4,000 per month. judge gave me all marital debt which forced me into bankruptcy. Proved to the judge that ex-wife abused credit cards and kept secrets from me in the marriage. There was no wrong doing through out the marriage but I'm stuck with eating sh** sandwhiches everyday.

Extra employment is hard to find daughter needs continous care and my attention all the time. My lawyer did absoluetly nothing and told me I wouldn't have to pay child support or maintenance and the judge would give me dollar for dollar credit with marital assets. My lawyer also helped me lose $49,000 from my pension and my house went into foreclosure and I have to pay ex-wifes lawyers fees. I could have represented myself and saved lawyers fees.

I thought the system would have seen this monster was divorced 3 other times and is an abuser of prescription pain killers and was in contempt of court by not notifying me where she was living and the ex-parte order of protection her and her lawyer filed on me was so far fetched and an abused motion of the court.

I am still shocked. My lawyer lied to me, the opposing lawyer harassed me with restraining orders, the judge and his abuse of ordering unobtainable goals has got me really hating this judicial system and this country with the way I was treated. A friend of mine I had not seen in a few years went through a divorce with the same judge and opposing lawyer and he was screwed just like I was. I don't get how this can be gotten away with. This was in Missouri county of franklin.

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Married to the NCP
by: Anonymous

I am a female, writing to express that I don't feel Child Support amounts are fair AT ALL!! I have two children, my son is 13 and my ex-husband nor I pay child support to each other, we split visitation with our son 50/50. Granted this only works if you get along with your ex. I also have a daughter with my current husband who had two children with 2 different women during his "wild and free" days. I knew going into our relationship he paid a lot of child support but had no idea how much it would impact our lives. He pays $1400 a month (as much as our house payment). It always seems the moment we get caught up financially ourselves one of the baby momma's always takes my husband back for more. He had only seen his 13 year old son once and his 5 year old daughter for the first few months of her life. Neither mother will allow him to see either child because "hes the one that chose to leave them", so because they're hurt they child has to suffer?? It isn't right. My husband and I had to file bankruptcy and can barely make our house payment now. We only get a $125 credit for our daughter on his side of the child support... so let me get this straight...it takes $125 to raise our daughter, but over $650 for one and $750 for the other?? Who is creating this system?? One of the baby momma's has 3 children by 3 different guys and gets child support from all 3, however, my husband is the moneymaker so he's basically supporting all her kids and we can barely afford to support ours. So in short, I feel all our guys pain and something needs to be done. One idea I have is to load the child support directly onto a debit card like they use for food stamps and it can only be used for certain things, that way the NCP knows the money is being used on their child and not at the bar for baby momma to have a fun Saturday night! But there's no control over where it goes. My 13 year old said to me the other day (after we got another set of papers in the mail to raise support) he said to me "Mom, I'm 13 too and I know you don't spend $700 something a month on me, it seems like the older the kid gets the amount should go down." Words spoken by a 13 year old....maybe we should elect him into congress, he grasps it better than them!

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Seeking costitutional help
by: Anonymous

Fellas i feel your pain like no other. I was 20 when i had my first son ( in which i didnt see until he was 8 months old) my girlfriend at the time stuck it out with me and stated nothing can come between us. oh but it did. We married in 2008 and had my other son the next yr. We had both of our incomes coming in and still we were living above our means. I told my wife that we needed to down grade and gave many options of doing so. She had the big head since she was working for a NBA team and felt as if she had to live a lavish lifestyle. I cared for our son while she worked late nights. ( dont get me wrong going to all home nba games was nice ). But we got into it and she begged me to leave the house. She stopped with her wifely duties and we didnt talk to each other for 3 months straight. Long story short she filed for divorce, i live in an apartment, she sold our marital house and left me with nothing but a bed room set. I havent been able to see my so and she feels like she is virgin marry and had him all by herself. We went in front of a referee and he gave her everything she asked for. $1,100 a month in child support ( 78% of my gross income) due to the fact that she was laid off and let go. She stated that she was not looking for work and was not going to work. stated that my son should stay in daycare to keep up his routine and so she can lay in every morning while i work 10 to 14 hours a day. They even had the audacity to make me put her under my insurance and pay her attorney fees. well I am only 26 and not strong enough to fatham how this could be. So i quit my job ( where i was making over $65,000 and had benefits for me and my 2 boys) 5 yrs of retail management experience and 1 yr of logistic managment all because a woman can get what she wants just for asking for it. Now i live back home with my parents. no job. no insurance. no life. I look for cans on the side of the rd for cash and do odd and ends just to adhere to the $215 support order. Its just a shame how the system is so corrupt that this can happen. IN AMERICA. God Bless!!!!!!!!!!

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Well done
by: Darrell

In the comments just below mine, this gentleman should be proud of how well he has handled himself. So many of us NCPs are dragged through the mud in "family court" and ordered to pay excessive amounts with the ill-feelings that come with being forced to do something against our will. The feelings of depression, anger, guilt and hopelessness are what we NCPs are left with. This is such an incredible episode of emotions and we are left this way unless or until we can get the custodial parent to see us as a human being and not as a limitless financial windfall for them. Personally, I have been through the "family court" system now twice. I have two sons born out of wedlock, with them being 11 years difference in age. My oldest has lived with me full-time since the summer of 2000. At one point in time, we had it all. Due to my inability to see past the physical attractiveness of his sitter, I am now left with very little money each month to care for my son who lives with me. She has three children out of wedlock who are less than 5 years apart in age. The grandfather of her first is a prominent attorney in the town where we had our case heard. His son pays a pitifully small amount compared to what I am ordered to pay. The father of her third pays nothing. So, it is basically my responsibility to assist her in raising all of her children. She has had my son referred to as a friend of the court, so it makes it incredibly difficult to even have the court give him so much as my last name. I have been ignored each time I ask for so much as visitation. But I keep paying through the nose as I cannot afford to go to jail nor can I afford an attorney with the pitifull amount I am left with each month to care for my teenage son and myself. I have never asked for support for my son who lives with me and never will. That is just not how I was raised. A child should never be used for financial gain...ever. I try my best to keep in mind that both of my boys will one day be grown men and that their mothers will be the ones to live with their shame forever. The mother of my son who lives with me has done her best to keep our differences away from our son and I will forever respect her for that. The mother of my youngest son sees him simply as a financial windfall for her. I know that he will grow to see what she has done and how she has used him as simply a cash cow. She is married and will most likely have more chidren with her husband. How shameful.

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Feeling Your Pain, Dads!
by: Anonymous

I was Never married and have 2 children from 2 different women. Im now a year away from 40 years old, my earlier Philandering has come, and Gone.
I work solely on my Own Personal Development, learning that Everything that happens in my life(and what Has happened) is 100% MY responsibility, and How I act towards the Mothers.NO MATTER WHAT THEY DO.
My older sons Mom, an Irrational Brasilian Woman, does Not allow me to see my son on holidays until SHE STATES "I find someone to be with..I wont spend Holidays Alone" She dosent take Our sons best interest, only HER OWN, selfish behavior.
Im deeply scared for my little boy. But again, these were the type of women I had superficial fun with, so..Ya know.
Im not a Big Government fan, so going to the courts, esp. after 7 years , is a Scary experience for me. Men dont win these case$. Lets be Real.
I read some previous messages, and suggest Listening to personal Development Cd's ie.. Napolean Hill, Jim Rohn..because SHE will pay for what shes doing to you and your children, through other ways, other means. Sometimes through Forces unknown in the universe. Keep the "Bullit in My Head" talk in the Garbage can. You will get through this. Over time, I also realized that Money woes meant NOTHING compared to doing the Right thing by my children. Peace Guys. Your NOT alone in this!

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Say Again!
by: Anonymous

Question..Why put the bullet in your head?..just remember to cover your tracks!

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Agreed
by: Brandon

I also am going through your turmoils! I am Active Duty military and don't make a lot of money. I was given an order to pay $2311/mnth and I only get paid $2200. I don't understand how people can order judgement's against other's like this and still be able to sleep at night. All it has done for me is keep me in the negative and has slowly deteriated my marriage. Which needs to explanations as to why. I am at whits end and have no light at the end of the tunnel to look forward to. Good luck and I hope everything works out for you.

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