I am a father of two beautiful daughters. I was married for about 12 years to a lady I wasn't in love with. We had two daughters. My first daughter was a surprise as I was told by my wife (my girlfriend back then)that she couldn't get pregnant. When My first daughter was born I had made the decision to "do the right thing" and married my wife.
I wasn't ready to have a child but who is, right? so, I decided to marry. I tried my best to do what I was supposed to do but I wasn't in love with my wife. I love my daughter so much so that I let go of the feeling of not being in a loving relationship with my wife and focused on me raising my daughter. Things went well but I lived a lie for a long time only to be with my daughter. I didn't want my first daughter to be alone so we worked on having another baby. I know what you are thinking but I thought to myself that I could do it as long as I love my kids I don't have to worry about a partner, my wife was essentially a partner in the household but not a soulmate as corny as it sounds. We were never compatible in anything so this left me with doing things with my daughters alone.
I was the one who did all the birthday parties, I was the one who took them to dance class, to school, to the sitter to all of the functions for them etc.
When it came to me and my wife, we were strangers. Then it struck me that the girls are going to grow up and I will be miserable with someone who I didn't love and probably didn't love me either. So I made the decision to separate and divorce. I know what you're thinking and NO, it wasn't someone else. I wanted to be with someone else but didn't want to get a divorce for that reason.
I was a very tough decision to make but I had to make it. We tried therapy, even the psychologist said you guys shouldn't be together.
Well the divorce wasn't easy at all, going to court felt like I was on trial for a murder. Not to mention my attorney was intimidated by her attorney, ooooh no. Bad mistake. I followed what he said and took the deal to end the divorce. The deal was that I would pay more than what is the scheduled payment and give up claiming taxes on at least one of them and some other stipulations. Needless to say I got a very bad deal.
I am now married again with someone I love and we have a son. I feel so inadequate because more than half of my check goes to child support and I barely have enough to contribute to our mortgage. I am totally lost and don't know where and what to do.