Punished for being a father

by Marcus B. Nash
(N. Hollywood)

Me, my daughter's Netta and Destiny along with my mom at their graduatuions june 2009

Me, my daughter's Netta and Destiny along with my mom at their graduatuions june 2009

My name is Marcus Nash. I am the father of 2, but only 1 biologically. I will explain. I had a 3 year old daughter name Destiny when I was notified that I would become a dad for the second time. I was 24, attending college, and an aspiring actor.


I was working for the city of LA in the park sercices department as a recreation assistant. I was also a volunteer youth basketball coach as well. In the spring of 2000 when my second daughter Netta was 1yrs old, I recieved a letter from my mother stating that I owe the county nearly $27,000 dollars. I was very surprised to learn that. I contacted the agency that provided the letter for an explanation. They said that my kids mother had been recieving welfare for the past 3 years and that I would be responsible for repaying the money SHE recieved.

I was astounded. I got Martha,(the kids mom) on the phone and alerted her of the letter and she denied ever being on welfare. We were separated and from my knowledge, she had a job. I payed her every 2 weeks, 150 (CASH) dollars, because I was only a part time employee and a full time student. Eventually, we went to court and sure enough, the documents indicated that she indeed was recieving welfare. I was asked to provide reciepts in which I had all reciepts of everything I bought for the kids. I also had a character letter from the city. I was told that the reciepts would not be admitted unless they were payment reciepts to her.

I gave her cash. she denied it and I could'nt prove it. I was giving a payment plan that was excessive considering I was a part timer. I got nailed. My sisters and mom then began to bring to my attention that my second daughter didn't resemble me much. I didn't want to hear that and I would often get upset about it. After a couple of years when she was 4, I took a blood test. This caused Martha to become furious. I loved my daughter and I trully hoping the teast would indicate she was mine, but the results proved otherwise. I was devastaed and have not gotten over it as of yet. I cried and was emotionally distraught and unprepared for that kind of news. It was like learning of a death in your family. I decided to continue being her father.

I couldn't accept it. the courts didn't seem to have any empathy for me at all. I still provide for her. She is my daughter regardless of those test results. It is 2009, 9 years later and I owe $18,000. They have been garnishing me all these years. My taxes, my job, my unemployment and even my second job. I became homeless, depressed and overwhelmed. I am a model citizen with no prior criminal history. I am a non drinker and non drug user. I have volunteered for the city of LA for 18 years as a youth basketball coach inspiring over 2000 kids over the years and being a role model but yet, they take everything from me. 50% of my wages and 25% of unemployment is taken as if im being held up at gun point. It's like everytime they deduct from me the amount increases instead of decreasing. This is basically a form of robbery. How am I suppose to make it.

I still get the kids what they need but yet i'm responsible for paying back money I never recieved let alone had any knowledge of. I am still homeless and hopeless with no desire to go forward. This has absolutely devastated my life and the state doesn't appear to care for another human struggling in this corrupted system designed to punish men simply for having kids. How could this happen to a person that pledges allegiance to a country that is built on greed. I feel nobody cares. My email is marcusnash32@yahoo.com

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I do believe the system is here to screw men over!
by: Anonymous

I am a mother of 2 bio kids and 2 step kids. My husband and I have been together for 15 years. We had two children together, he had one child from a previous marriage, and one that came into the picture 12 years later! which we never knew about. I watched my husband pay child support on his first daughter and watched how the system screwed him over. year after year, check after check. Now that the wheels have turned and we have custody of his other 2 daughters and they live with us full time with no visits from their bio-moms what so ever. we went after them both for child support! Wow oh wow is all I can say. We have been after one of the mothers for 4 years now to pay, has not paid a penny she picked up and moved to AZ and we have heard nothing since. If this was my husband, when he had to pay he would be in jail or fines, contempt etc! i just cant believe how the system goes after men but when the wheels are turn and women have to pay they get away with it. at least in our case it seems this way! I feel sorry for some of the good fathers out there who do try there hardest and they just get shoot down!

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Questions to answer
by: AnonymousClaudia

Well, my ex-husband paid me directly, and when I went to child support enforcement, they asked me many times if he pays. He did, but whenever he felt like it. He didn't have any proof, I did. I made sure they got that proof. So even though I had the opportunity to "stick it" to him (would have been to easy) I didn't. I believe that in 10/15 years I will have to answer to my kids about all this, and I don't ever want them to question my character or honesty.
Claudia

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QUICK RESPONSE TO MOM COMMENTS
by: Anonymous

Relax , it is clear that both the mother and father can be at fault for leaving their children's lives and dodging support payments, and we can all easily give thousands of examples why we feel the way we do but understand or maybe better yet keep an open mind because their is a large majority of fathers who have lost initial and following custody disputes due to the old fashion idea that still is very much prevelant in our family court system that the mother is better fit to raise our children, check it out it's true, when i went to court even the video they had prepared for us for mediation stated it takes both parents to raise our children and for the longest this hasn't been the status quo it is only now that they are realizing these mothers raising our children alone are not only failing but adding to failure rate of our youth (fathers too, I know) but for those fathers who want to be and are trying hard contribute their childrens lives but face legal fees, false allegations, support fees etc., the experience and struggle is overwhelming and heard on deaf ears to say the least, if woman want to take on jobs and do everything that men can do then a father who wants to be their for his children should also be given that chance without persecution or doubt, no disrespect to any women out there because without you their is no us but please understand our plight and add to the solution and not the problem ,peace out

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yeah I took him to court....
by: Anonymous

My ex and I are civil and yes at first I had to take him to court because he was denying our son, so yeah I took him to court to prove he was the father. I felt like all that had to be said and done after that was said and done. I then moved on and focused on the reason why I took him to court in the first place, our son.

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I'm mot saying...
by: Selina

Im not saying that there aren't mothers out there that are not using the system for financial gain. I was not one of them. Just like there are mothers out there that are fuck-ups there are fathers that are fuck-ups too. And yea, no cash goes in the hand checks, and money orders. When it comes to money nobody mother or father can be trusted.

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childsupport system ruins life's.
by: Anonymous

The childsupport system is designed to ruin mens life's.the system use the women to do it. the state's make money off of the childsupport system. the system know women will spend the money.Men dont spend money on thing's like women. women wake up the system is using you.

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querstion for Selina
by: Anonymous

IF you and youre ex are civil now why do you need the courts now?

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I FORGOT
by: Anonymous

I learned the hard way too never pay the ex directly and if so money order or check and keep reciepts I did exactly the same thing you did in the beginning which was pay to her cash she denied it and was forced to pay twice because i thought i was doing the right thing never again the courts said its her word against mine and she is the mother so they never lie i had to prove my right to be a father on more than one occasion her allegations went unquestioned but mine didn't matter one bit mothers dont lie and dont manipulate the system for financial gain

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your not alone
by: Anonymous

Been in similar situtation and my advice would be find a local organization in your area who deals with father custody issues and join it. When I lost custody I was in awe of how could this happen when your intentions were legit I was forced to find a father program by the court because of the allegations my ex made but it was the best thing for me cuz for one I found out I wasn't alone their is a mass of father being explioted by the system with no help from the court just another number to them anyways that group got me back on my feet and I know have 50/50 custody it wasn't easy it took a few years but I know can spend time with my child and be a father from bottom you can only go up find out your options talk with others in places that can help you JBanta in sacramento helped me and I am in their debt so find some group that will support you and assist you and it will happen not over night but in time your situtation will improve

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Don't characterize me.
by: Selina

I would like to write that no, not all women are greedy for the money. I worked very hard for my child when my son's father lived way better than I did and denied my son. I put food on the table paid the bills and the whole nine but I felt like I should not have to do it all by myself. I ended up doing most of it anyway and i knew what I signed up for when I became a mother. I say something now because I will not allow you or anyone else to characterize all women as greedy there are good women and men out there and i'll have you know that i'm with a man that takes care of his kids and the bullspit that his babys mother puts him thru all because he's with me. I will say that I did take my sons father to court and we are civil actually friendly toward each other now, but with or without him my son would be provided for.

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I FEEL youre pain. you dont see the women comment on this
by: Anonymous

I feel youre pain brotha. all men need to write pres. Obama about these laws. I dont see none of the women has come in here to comment about youre story.these women are greedy for the money.

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