Punishment for home that doesn't hold the title primary home

by Allison
(Yankton, SD)

Our story is this, I am married to a man who brought three children into our marriage and we now have had four little girls together. My oldest stepdaughter lives with us and the younger two Stepsons live with there mother. We in past years had the shared parenting discount implemented to determine child support. Now recently the shared parenting discount changed in that now we pay child support on the two boys as if we don't have any visitation with them at all. Though when you count up the time we have them it adds up to over four and a half months out of each year. In our state there is no consideration for the other children in our home. The home that we are sending child support to also has a new spouse who doe'snt not pay child support to any former relationship, and with his income included our homes are two thousand dollars difference in yearly income.

We don't have a problem paying child support but we are going broke to sending an amount of money that makes no sense to a home that was already better off then we were before the shared parenting law changed. In what I mean by that is this, every year they take a family vacation, every three years they trade in there vehicles for new ones.

I don't condemn them for this, I am glad they can do it, this is something we don't have the luxery to do or should i say we save better I really don't know it's not for me to say. But on top of that We send money to this home and then still have to pay for all the boys clothing, and extra curicular activties, because she refuses. Even when she puts them in extra curicular activies in her home we still buy the acessories they need for that sport. Not that she asks us to but when we show up to watch them and they don't have wrestling shoes like the other children, we make sure they get a pair.

The oldest daughter who lives with us She rarely gets and never pays for anything for her. We were recently in a mediation session and she did not request anytime with her daughter. so this is nothing caused by us. Also considering the amount of time we have with the boys we also end up with medical bills. My biological children end up having to go with out because of an unjust system that is set up to punish any parent that is not set up as the parent with primary home, regardless of amount of visitation and amount of participation in there childrens life. I understand it for a a deadbeat parent but not one with our kind of input.

I also don't understand the courts view of the second family. The statement I hear from the judge and refereee is He knew the responsibilty he had before he had a second home. Well who knew the law would change and have no commonsense. Also a man whose ex wife had multiple affairs on him and then left him for another man, should'nt be able to go on and have a happy family life with a new wife and have children with her. And again the court is decided that all divorce is the mans fault regardless of the details.

Again I know that every situation is different but to me child support can in some situation turn into a punishment vrs a situation that puts the homes on equal playing ground for the well fare of the children. Our situation when they come to visit us now has left our home lesser financially not only for my biological children with my husband but for my oldest step daughter who lives with us and for my stepchildren when they come home. I actually have befriended the exwife regardless of the child support situation, and she told me that she knew that we shouldn't have to pay so much but that she wants us to give up some of our visitation and then she would agree to lesson the payment every month.

WE WOULD NEVER DO SOMETHING SO DISGUSTING OVER MONEY. So we pay and now I am looking to try and redo with our legislators the child support laws to make it fair for both sides. I do understand situation where there is deadbeat parents. I could use some advise to make it fair for both sides.

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