Stay Postive

by by R
(Cincinnati, Ohio Hamilton)

When I became pregnant as like many relationship things change some for good some for bad, And maybe because I had a good paying job or maybe it was the environment I was in, Or maybe what was just in me haha besides the baby. For months all I heard was this child wasn't his.

That was ok with me, it wasn't like it made me angry or sad, like I said maybe it was the environment I was in because that wasand still is a common saying to the females once they found out that they were/are pregnant-maybe it was theirs or not. You know the saying momma's baby daddy's maybe. Well for me I knew, but also I have been surround by many Strong Women their is a difference WOMEN who have raised very respectable, productive, successful children with out the help of the father and don't misunderstand me there are Fathers FATHERS-MEN (there is a difference)out there that have done the same you just don't hear about them in the POSITIVE LIGHT.

Even though this person put me through the court system for custody and child support but ONLY through the Grace of GOD it didn't happen like that. From my experience it's not in good health for the child to be around the other parent depending on the circunstances. My case he is a crack coccaine user He claim now to have a psychological issue and the list goes on with a record about as long as to Pluto and back, my child doesn't want anything to do with him because they both are strangers and what has been seen in him a few times in the young life of my child wasn't good and these are the things that stand in the front of my childs mind. Please don't get it twisted my child laughs when reading the charges he keeps on filing against me but the sense of humor is what keeps us going.

Whether it's worth for the individual to keep going through this I question because the child needs stability and a strong Parent. Like I said my situation is differnent. I didn't look back when I left I left NEVER TO LOOK BACK!I Love my child as much as both parents should; NOT talking bad about the other person or acting out. Again I'm not trying to get it twisted when my child was younger oh if he would see us out he would and has crused me out and hollowed, you name it. But I kept my peace to show my child that I have to stand I wasn't afraid he's just simple annoying the safety of my child was and is my priority, my child is older and I teach my child to stand not to be disrepectful, not to fear, nor intimidated.

I say all this because still I wonder why some parents insist for the other to have an relationship with the child when it's clear cut that they don't want to. Why force it. The court feels that both parents need to engage with the child "THAT IS NOT OF A TRUTH" and because they got/have and degree still it doesn't make them an expert nor right. Just a person with a degree. Again every situation is different. To me it's about the child my child.

I just hate going to court when nothing is being resolved. EXCEPT I SPEND MORE TIME IN MONEY GOING TO COURT THEN WHAT HAS BEEN RECIEVED- THE COURT IS NO HELP. My child doesn't recieve support he made that clear in the beginning his quote "why take me to the
*$3!%* man's court I'm not paying any child support" ANY AND EVERY EXCUSE HAS AND IS USED AND IT'S OK WITH THE COURT APPARENTLY TO THE LAW- and yep he isn't paying, and the court is the one that order the support, and he is the one who file for custody in 2001 claiming I had an mental disorder and an abusive mother.

It is now 2010. WHAT HELP CAN ONE GET? I DON'T KNOW! I remember something was said to me by his probation officer-well you had the child. Oh I held my peace, but on the fore front of my mind was YOUR MOMMA and YOU DADDY TO". Well if you have the money to retain a lawyer which uhm yea, if it's worth it to you. You spend more money doing that, when that money can/could be spent for your child and your necessities. Because you are still in and out of the system and still haven't recieve any support. but you have to pay that lawyer. YOU DO THE MATH!! If you have the time go to your public library there is some infor Try your city court house and universities law library it's not easy. but it depend on the person and the situation. And yes ask for help on what you can. Just use wisdom when the time comes. True the judges and magistrates frown on not having a lawyer but at this time how can one afford one.

Research as much as you can. While in court dress approptiated, Stick to the facts of the order ONLY speak to the judge if you need to address the other party. It's not fun as I stated before I HATE IT. YES!! some different laws need to be put in place and HEAVYLY enforce I do have a few ideas, If you have the person SSI# see if that person has been paying taxes check out the IRS.gov web site.and your State.gov, If they file for SSI benefits check that, you can only get so much infor from them but make an appointment and or ask about getting the child(ren) on their benefits.

RESEARCH IS THE KEY it still might not get you what you want and or need but research. But nevertheless, Children know when they are TRULY LOVE so love them Pray and decide what's best for the child and yourself. Keep Postive stay away from as much negative mess as possible. Give yourself a time out once in awhile.
Always keep God on the for front of your life, and in your life and your life in HIS, teach your children to do the same.

As my child message she wrote to me, which has been on my computer for years
"SMILE EVERYDAY"
BECAUSE THE LORD HAS BLESS YOU :)

Chow