STEP MOTHER FRUSTRATED!!!

by COUGAR
(NC)

I have a little bit of a different situation but with the same outcome. I married a man that had two young kids with his previous short term girlfriend. They were never married and he was very immature in not protecting himself. It would take me days to go thru everything so I will try to sum this up. Met him, he moved from OK to NC to be near them after he finally was tired of her cheating, not working and being psycho and made her move out. She lives in SC and until Father's day of 07 he paid her 1000 a month and had limited access to them. He hasn't had access to them since.


She controlled when he saw them, and tried every tactic to get money from him. When I came into the pix it got worse and she harassed me as well. She would call him and leave msgs on his phone telling his daughter (she would cry) he would rather be with his "B" than her. It was so bad but you get the idea.. We were married May 07 and June 07 Fathers day he was arrested in SC for domestic violence and she filed a retraining order for her and the kids, which wasn't justified (he was found Not Guilty after a yr and 1/2 of paying for lawyers and traveling to SC).

After thousands of $'s and so many lies she finally filed for Child support and won $1500 a month, Full Medical(200 being back child support, which makes no sense), even though she doesn't work, bought a new car, house and bought in 08 and was caught lying multiple times on the stand. He also only made 25,000 when they were together. How is this fair that they solely based it on his income at the moment and not his bills and what he did to accomplish what is rightfully his. I understand CS but in a reasonable term. I will never have a child now, and I am completely disgusted with this issue. Her lifestyle is what she has made of it. Now she doesn't have to work and we are paying her to live. We never heard the judge tell her to better herself and fill in for the slack she is distributing.

I could keep going trust me. I WILL NEVER RESPECT A WOMAN IN THIS ISSUE EVER AGAIN. MY HUSBAND HAS TRIED SO HARD FOR HIS KIDS AND NO MATTER WHAT HE HAS BEEN KNOCKED DOWN, EMOTIONALLY, AND FINANCIALLY. Now we have to come up with the money to try to get joint custody. RIDICULOUS!!!! Where are the guys rights and forget going back to the courts, who can afford it, unlike woman, men don't get a free ride. Plus, it is what it is and the courts could care less what the woman's status is, so they always win!



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Comments for STEP MOTHER FRUSTRATED!!!

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Feeling Y'alls Pain
by: Brittany

I am so in the same boat and I struggle with this so terribly. My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years now and his ex wife hates me. I have always encouraged his relationship with his children (2 boys, 1 girl). I love them to death. I do for them out of my own pocket as well as him. She put him on child support and he has to pay so much that it literally leaves him only 700 dollars a month for himself. he is so hurt by this. what makes the hurt worse is that he was helping her. he bought whatever she said they needed and gave her money on top. but now she has taken every penny he has. she is money hungry and does not work. she lives off unemployment and when it runs out she will get a job for just long enough to get herself fired and file for unemployment again. i found text messages that proove she is sleeping with his brother and she was bragging to him about how she will never have to work again. she is scum. she gets more than half of everything he gets. we can never afford to have children. she is not accountable for 1 cent of how the money is spent and what hurts me the most is the fact that i know not one penny of what she is getting from him is going to be spent on those children. it will be spent on her and all her boyfriends. i hurt for my boyfriend and i hurt for his babies. i was recommended to leave him and move on to richer pastures but i love him and i would die if i were in his shoes and he were to do that to me. we have a very tight, open relationship. we have to find ways to make this better but its just very discouraging. on a final note i hate how the court system sets aside so much for healthcare, daycare, food, etc. the children are on medicaid, she gets food stamps, section 8, and she doesnt work and the children are in school so she doesnt need daycare. we work nights and are home all day if she did need someone to keep them. if he is paying for healthcare and daycare and food and all that why not make her show that she is buying all that?

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Baby Mama Drama
by: Anonymous

I am in the same situation. My husband has a child with his ex. She is currently in a relationship of her own. She is now taking him back to court again to get it modified because now she isn't working and she wants him to pay for the childs medical which is fine but it would look like she could have called him and asked him to add her on his medical. We know what that's all about. I too have been going through this mess for 8 going on 9 yrs. It is very frustrating at times so frustrating that i have thought about getting a divorce just so I don't have to deal with this. These women are angry and miserable. My advice to myself and all of you other women is to not give them what they want and that is ATTENTION!!! I know it is easier said then done but if you think about it that is what they want. They want us to argue with the men over this, they want us to cry and be unhappy like them. So I say to ALL the women who have to deal with these kind of situations hold your head up high and be the woman you know you are and don't give these hateful,evil women what they want. Let's show them who's better and that my dear would be US!!!!!!

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Ladies! Let's do something
by: Anonymous

Hello - I wrote earlier on in this blog about my husband and his two children and two baby mamas. I agree with one of the other bloggers..if I knew it would be so stressful and draining financially I may not have married my husband. I don't have any children but I did want children but now my husband doesn't want children because of the bullshit he is going through with the courts. My husband is currently on unemployment and child support takes half of his unemployment check so he can't help me pay the mortgage for the house we purchased based on two incomes. I am so disgusted at this point. It seems there is no justice in sight. I want to extend an invitation to the young lady that said she fought the courts by herself and won. I would really like to know how to accomplish this for my husband. His son's mother will not allow him visitation and at this point I told him to just forget about it. His son is eight now. I told him when he gets older he will be able to have a relationship with him then and he will see his mother for the selfish bitch she is. I want to change the laws for all parties involved. I feel that a woman should only be able to have three children out of wedlock. After the third child she no longer can apply for child support. I feel that each state should use their child support offices as child pick up and drop off points for the parents. I feel that if women do not allow visitation at the drop off points then they shouldn't get any child support that month. If a man is spending time with his child then he should not be made to pay the full child support amount. I also think that both parties including step parents and boyfriends and girlfriends need to go to counseling (parenting) and counseling for how to keep families together or something like that. The government gets federal funding for their child support programs. The officials can do whatever that want with this money. We need to attack the federal legislation and each one of us individually attack our local legislature. We can do it, we just have to be committed. Whose with me? Please email me at eshantell@hotmail.com.

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Is he sure?
by: G. Young

With the girlfriends history, is he sure the kids are his? Or is he paying support for her "other" boyfriends kids? Was there ever a test? He can swab the cheek of the kids on a visit and send it in by mail for less than $100... start there first.

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Unfair and Unjust
by: Pissed At the System

My situation is similar although I am unmarried. My boyfriend has two kids with his ex and we had a child of our own almost two years ago. He wasn't allowed to see his kids for three years because she had a controlling jealous boyfriend. Although if she didn't get her support she made sure to call and cuss him or me out and file contempt. He has 50/50 custody and recently found out that he should've never been ordered to pay but with him being behind they won't address the matter until it is caught up. They system allows his ex to live on welfare and have everything paid for while he struggles to support himself and our child. To make it worse she left her controlling boyfriend and we now have the kids every weekend. We can barely support them when they are at our house because he has to pay all her bills via child support. I am so stressed and am sick of my child going without because she is too lazy to get a job and help support her children. The system is unfair and unjust for men. Its okay for the women to move on and not have to worry about support her family and yet the man can barely move on and be happy due to be ordered to pay so much to the ex. We struggle and yet we both make good money. Why is it that a nurse and a general manager can't make it between pay checks and yet a jobless, living on welfare women gets everything handed to her?

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Another Frustrated Step-Mom
by: Anonymous

Although I'm in the same situation, what is clear from reading this blog is every women has the same issue. We married men with children by another woman. My advice to other women is don't marry a man with children!! We wouldn't have stress, financial issues all which could possibly lead to just another divorce. We women know that women can be vendictive. My husband is a good father to our 2 children and we even took in his other 2 children which were from another country. She found out that we bought a house and all the problem started. We only bought the house for all of to live like a family. She didn't offer to pay anything knowing they were with us. I filed for them out of the goodness of my heart. They could not have come to America. She was living illegal in this country. The older son filed for her after he turned 21 years old. If I had to do this all over again. I would not have filed for them to come at all. Would I have still married knowing this would happen? Can't say truthfully yes... Not really worth all the stress. This is just my opinion when I see the magnitude of this thing. I just stay strong and try to encourage my husband to do the same. One other thing, you don't have to spend money in court on a lawyer. You can research things and file papers yourself. I did it and won our case for my husband's drivers license and they took off child care payment since he was 14 years old. But the would have left child care on if we didn't know how to petition the court ourselves. It's not that hard to do.

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just another step mother!!
by: Anonymous

It really seems like there are alot of crazy women out there.. my husband and i have been together for 10 years now he has 2 boys by 2 different moms, i knew this before we started a relationship, well one he married and divorced after 2 years, well long story short, his oldest son has been punished for years we had no phone number or address, everytime we got it she would change it. she lived off the system plus the support that was being paid, not only that she works under the table for her parents who own their own company so shes racking in the money, the new cars and whatever else she wants as we bust our asses to make sure the money is paid. well anyway the 2 boys live in the same otwn together and started attending the same school, so they met up after 7 years of no contact or anything he gets to talk to him but cannot see him without her being there because shes aftraid he will take him. well not true we have 2 boys of our own why would we want to even risk jail time, his son is now 16 and miserable wants to come out for the summer an get away, she wont let him. he rather run way from home than stay there but we cant afford lawyers and court plus hotels and everything else because hes military we live out of state we have to pay for all of that. does any one have any suggestions? please help

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Another Frustrated step-mom
by: Anonymous

I agree with you I have never talked bad about that B**ch in front of the kids but since they are 18 and 20 now, they see what a true B**ch she is! What comes around goes around! I truely believe that!

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Please note:
by: mother of four with saddened husband over his situation

It is not about him his ex or the hell the bi ch is putting him and us threw. It's about these poor children who are left to think that there dads dont lov ethem because they dont have enough money to plese these scandalist so called mothers. As far as court they dont care that we are broke and hurt because we have nothing by the time these men are drained financially and emotionally. And the new wifes are left to pick up the peices. Keep loving these kids and never talk bad about there mother s in front of them.

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Another frustrated step mom
by: Anonymous

We had court today and finally WON!! The judge told the mother "she is 18 lives with her boyfriend she can take care of herself,and unless she moves back in with you full time.. and you can prove it! I don't want to see you back in my courtroom!!" YEAH VICTORY! There is hope ladies!!

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what to do?
by: Anonymous

my husbands ex-girlfriend left the state many years ago with her 2 little boys & did not tell my husband where they were going. he was not on either of their birth certificates & did not give them his last name. he told me when i met him that he wasn't sure they were his because she always cheated. now she's back & she called my home phone # which is unlisted. i don't know how she got it. i did a people search on her & found out her address here which happens to be right around the block from where he works. to top it all off, i found out a few months ago that he had cheated on me for 4 years with several other women & i found out about that because he had an outbreak of herpes. i've been trying to keep my marriage together, but now i'm not sure what to do. of course i love him, we've been together 15 years & he wants to stay with me. can anyone give advice? i'm older than him & don't want to start over again with someone else & i just lost my job. please help.

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Soon to be step mother frustrated as well
by: Tracy

My fiancee has 3 children with his previous x-wife and there child have major emotional and mental problems because the way she acted after he left her. She said terrible things to the kids like he was replacing them because he was with me and I have 2 children of my own. She has called him countless names like loser and a hole and has told the kids to call him those things. His ex wife has major mental problems herself, she is narcisistic, and I believe doesnt actually care about the kids and only has them for the money. Her mother is the main caregiver of the children. She leaves them with her while she goes and parties and sleeps with random guys and is actually proud of being a sl#t.
They went off of one good year of my fiancees income when calculating child support and she also receives spousal maintainance. Now she thinks we should take the kids more than we should. We are supposed to have them for 2 weeks in the summer and she is saying no 4 weeks and even told the children that. He kept telling her read the court papers and she doesnt care. She thinks because we only have them on the weekends we are obligated to take them more when she doesnt work or any other responsibilties other than being a half #ss mother. The kids always come over in clothes that are two small or tore up and they are always all dirty when they come over. Yet in her eyes we have to give them a bath before that go back over to her house. I can go on and on about how horrible she is and all that she is done and how she lies to and manipulates everyone, even her own parents to get what she wants and all she wants is money, her free time, (she cant wait to get rid of the kids on Friday nights and is constantly calling and texting asking what time he will be there), and to make our lives a living hell financially and so far she is succeeding. He is going for a modification right now and hopefully all works out.

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FEDUP STEPMOM 2
by: Anonymous

My husband was married to this coniving woman for as long as pat stayed in the army.(no time) my husbands mother came into some money and gave all her kids some including her only grandchild. the bank account was in my husbands and his childs name. His ex stole the money. Well anyway when they got a divorce, she said she did not want any child support, she just wanted him to take care of his child. She onlywanted him to not get on child support because she knew she would get more. Well he tought about it and put himself on child support because he knew whatever he did would not be enough. she was so angry at him. Mind you he was still doing all the extra. A couple of years later, the same B...ch that didn't want child support sued for more. He was still doing all the extra. Well we are at it agian, we actually have court tomorrow for more child support. She had the nerve to call a few min. ago to see if he had a lawyer, she needed to know if she had to change anything on her paperwork. He is normally with us on the holidays and weekends, she wouldn't let him answer bhis dads phone calls. He called him from my cell phone, they answer. She is full of bull. oh yea she makes just as much money if not more than my husband. I really wish the good dads like my husband had a chance. It's devils like her that make it bad nfor good women like me. I can go on and on i'll just sign off as feed the f up.

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Another frusrated step-mom
by: Anonymous

I think there is alot of us out there and something needs to be done! I also married a man with two children the youngest will be 18 tomorrow is not attending school,lives with her boyfriend and we have court next week, they want to RAISE our child support and we should not be paying anything anymore.We have no money for lawyers so I guess were just screwed.We have to abide by court orders but the mother and child support agency do not!

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Step Mother Frustrated
by: Cougar

I appreciate all of you comments and I am glad to see that Others understand my dilemma and have a few of the same thoughts. I wish there was something we could do and not take this crap any longer, but honestly after all that she lied about and her status it has came clear that there is nothing going to change for the man. Very Sad. Yes, I have cried for a long time and I have gained a crap load of weight due to depression. And that is the tip of the iceberg. Thanks so much.

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The thorn in my side!
by: Tammy

I agree! I have had this thorn in my side for 11 years now! None of the money even gets to the kids, we still have to buy clothes get hair cuts and everything else, and for what??? The kid doesnt even come to see his dad! I am sick of this crap! The system does not even care about the fathers. His ex-wife leaves the little boy home alone all of the time while she works the night shift and then sleeps all day. Now she wants more money? I already took one of them to raise my self because she kicked him out at 12 years old! What kind of mom deserves a dime of money??? I hate the system and want some changes too! Where are the rights for hard working men who pay child support on time and pays medical and everything else and gets NOTHING in return!

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WE SHOULD DUE SOMETHING
by: mari

hi my name is mari and have have the same prombles and i am streesd out with the ex i we should due something about is

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your so true
by: mari

thank you for your blog i feel much better to fine someone that is going true the same problems. there times that i just what to cry... i see who my husmen try to be a good father but in the same time he what to me a good husmen....
and i just have 6months marry to him i don't have kids and just seeing the problems that the ex bring i don't think i what to have them i wish someone could due something for us

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I understand your pain
by: Anonymous

Hello - I am kinda in a similar situation. I married my husband who had two children by two different women. I want these men to get a clue and strap it up! Anyway after we got married both of his children's mothers decided to put him on child support to be spiteful. But neither one of them embraces or nourishes a relationship with him and his sons. It pisses me off that he has to pay so much to them both, it doesn't leave anything for me and what if I wanted to have children? I am like you. I don't have any but after going through all of this I don't think I want any. The system is corrupt and is only about making money. I live in GA where do you live? I am trying to recruit some people that will write letters with me to their state legislatures, attorney generals, and other politicians in their local area. Additionally write letters to celebrity talk show hosts and any author who has written a book on child support issues. I am volunteering with my local father's rights reform group. Maybe you should volunteer with yours as well. The more we know, the more power we have to fight. If we all banned together I know in my heart that we can make a difference. If you are interested please email me at eshantell@hotmail.com. We need a support group too, women who have to deal with crazy baby mama drama.

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