by Supermadmom

My husband and I have been married for 13 years now. We have 3 children and have worked very hard for these 13 years just to make ends meet. He had a relationship with this woman before we married and after we were engaged she tells him she is pregnant the child is his, that she didn't want anything from him, but just to let him know. Now 13 years later she has filed for child support. Of course he is asking for a paternity test, but if it does turn out to be his biological son, then what. This is ridiculous. She has always had plenty of ways for the AG to contact us before now. It's not like we moved all over the country... same city and always with a listed telephone. So I have to ask... why now? This child is now 13 years old and trying my best not to sound demeaning, but neither of us really wants anything to do with this woman or her son. I know how that sounds, and my husband isn't a dead beat dad by any means and if ordered to pay child support, he will. But I honestly do not believe this child wants anything to do with our family and that his mother is just doing this for some estranged personal gain of her own. I have heard several stories that for cases like this the father may sign over his rights to the child and not have to pay child support, but other stories state that this is only an option if someone else is waiting to adopt the child. I'm sure there are people out there who have gone through something similar and would like to hear some of the different outcomes. If he can't sign over his rights and is enforced to pay child support on this child, what about visitation, especially since he really doesn't want anything to do with the child, nor do i believe the child wants anything to do with our family. Do we then force visitation on this child. My husband and I are not vindictive people and do not feel that anything good can come of forcing something like visitation on this child, but if we don't, then what are we paying child support for? Any open thoughts would be greatly appreciated.

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Sep 21, 2009
well let me tell you
by: sharon

I understand that this will cause a change, quite drastic perhaps, in your life and maybe even your lifestyle, but you claims to not eing vindictive fall short. The fact is, you just don't want that child to exist and the reality is that he does. Whatever she said when she was pregnant, you should have known and your husband should have known that this was always a possibility. You knew before you married him that this could happen. He is responsible for putting that young man on this earth, the same as the mother. What kind of man knows he has a child and just walks away from it? Even if it was a "mistake" it was his mistake and sometimes you have to live with the choices you make. Stop feeling sorry for yourself, you are not the victim here, nor is your husband, that child is. I wonder why you are so sure that child wants nothing to do with the person that made half of his being. Is it easier that way for you?

Aug 27, 2009
I am going through the same
by: Anonymous

I am sorry to hear about your situation but I am going through the same thing. My wife answers the door and a man asks does such n such live here and she answers yes. He hands her an envelope and asks her to sign for it. Its from family court asking for support for 10 year old girl. on 5/23/09 Your are to appear for court for child support. Well I I wanted to dispute it and was forced to take a blood test. The child is mine now I have to pay child support and the mother and I agreed on an amount and the very next day she files for more money. I can barely make it with the money we agreed on because I am unemployed. After the blood test I had the girl for a whole week. My wife and other two daughters excepted her and enjoyed having her here. But for the mother to try and get more money out of me without even giving me a chance to try and support this child without the courts intervening is just not fair. I have much to lose if I miss a payment on support, they throw you in jail now how can you support your family from there. The system is a mess and a person should be given a chance first. How do the base how much money a child needs without messing up someone elses life

Aug 11, 2009
by: Cindy

I am sorry to tell you,but he will probably be ordered by the court to pay. But that's not the worst, next they will go after your tax refunds, and then they will try to take what's in your checking and savings accounts until the balance is paid in full. We didn't find out about a child who was conceived after a 1 night drunken sexual encounter until the child was 17 years old. He was ordered to pay 18 years of child support, a whopping $60,000! We have paid about $20,000 over the last 8 years, but since there is a $40,000 balance,they try to get money from us any way they can. WE ARE NOT RICH! On top of the outcome, we had to pay $5000.00 for an attorney, because the mother and child lived in another state. So, all I can say is PROTECT yourselves any way you can and GOOD LUCK!

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