Surgical Scrub

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Surgical Scrub

Let's see, because I know that you won't publish this, I am going to be brutally honest. Mother's are constantly presented with additional expenses not included when the courts determine the set child support. i.e. Doctor's visits, clothing, school trips and supplies, medications, lost income to take children to appointments and missing work due to illness and so forth.........all not included in child support. Stop whining, I have it tough raising three teenagers who have a father that pays child support, but that is it. No new shoes, dental visit payments, school trips.........nothing. Guys, if you really cared about your kids, you would cooperate more with the mothers, stop pushing them around and maybe compromise. This in itself would stop the bickering. Just live up to your responsibilities and take it like a mother!!!

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Nov 18, 2011
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Uses for Child Support
by: Amanda-IL

I am confused as to the sole purpose of child support. As I am reading through many of the comments here, it seems like those that "pay" child support would like to see that the support is used SOLELY for the child.....I propose this question.............If you "receive" child support and you spend this money on groceries, utilities, gas, medical co-pays, etc., isn't it being used for the purpose of taking care of the child? I have an ecclectic family...I have raised my step-son (whom I found this page about...and it has helped me...) my daughter that I adopted and my husband and I have one together. I am asked this question constantly....however, does anyone ever take into consideration ALL aspects of raising that child? We have co-pays for all children, food, medical expenses, gas for school and extracirricular activities, registration fees, utilities used, insurance for the car that is paid, etc. I AM TALKING ALL EXPENSES FOR THE CHILD, THAT WE PAY BUT ARE NOT REIMBURSED FOR. This is what child support is for. I have my own situationa and don't want to whine on here, but just had a raise for the first time in 10 years! It is justly so! Although each and EVERY dime may not be spent "on the child" with a receipt, all the money is being used in one way or another for that child. Whether it be through utilities, food, clothing, gas, etc! Nothing extravagent! By any means! I just get frustrated when I see that remark, the money is for the child...the money is being spent on the child, not drugs, clothing for me, or our other kids. The way I look at it, it all rounds out in the end, and the child support we do receive, will NEVER cover the entire cost of raising this child!

Aug 17, 2011
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Let me say this
by: Anonymous

I am married to a man who has an evil vendictive ex & they have 2 children together.He always paid his child support we kept copies of checks he paid her with.First the ex lied to her lawyer stating my husband never paid her anything what so ever well that was proven to be a lie since we have all copies.We both lost our jobs but we still managed to pay her what he could with his unemployment.I became pregnant with my 2nd child found a job & all started with the courts.It was court ordered that he notify her that he gained employment within 10 days of his start date which he did next thing we know he is served with papers for her seeking a raise in child support. Yes she had the 2 boys during this time she seeked help from DSS for food stamps & all that my husband has to pay in arrears but she lived with her fiancee both of them were too lazy to work.Well of course the child support went up but during the court hearing for that she was asked "where do you work?" her response "I quit my job I'm training for another job." BIG LIE!! She was asked why did she do that her reply "I don't know".Not even 2 weeks after her raise in child support we found out that DSS was investigating her for possible removing the kids from her custody needless to say we found out by a third party because DSS notified us. She left a voicemail on my husbands cell you have to take child #1 "I can't take this anymore it was all about the money the whole time its not about the money anymore!" Of course we took child #1 & have been trying to get child #2 since.When it was her weekend to get child #1 instead of her being a mother & spending time with him she would dump him off on her parents. She was suppose to turn over his part of food stamps to us his medicad card but never did.She kept his part up until last week when we had been involved with DSS removing child #2 because of the ex losing yet another job so her pregnant butt can go out partying with her fiancee that is abusive & lost her home & so on.It took us harassing DSS to get something done & DSS cutting of her supply of food stamps & medicade.They finally found her & child #2 he was turned over to us.Now we have to fight tooth & nail barely making it to fight her, DSS & the courts to keep custody of the kids because in this state if she shows she has "improved" she has a chance of getting the children back after she has neglected them.We are in serious need of a lawyer but can't afford one basically because he had to keep her & her boyfriend up.We are the ones that put child #1 in school because while he was with her he missed more days of school than attending & with child #2 potty trained him at the age of 3 1/2 taught him to ride a bike to swing dress & bathe himself.I am not bad mouthing all women or all men for the fact that I too once was a single parent for 10 years but I managed on my own. All dads are not bad its the selfish vendictive woman that they were once with that cause a lot of problems for them.

Aug 17, 2011
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Jan 26, 2010
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FAIR!!!!!!!!!
by: Fed Up Dad (NCP)

I will not Speak for other men but i will say what i think as a Father and non custodial parent. Moms who recieve moneys from the father in the form of child support should have to match on there end what the father has to pay....that is fair,then the women will understand the frustraion of fathers who are taken advantage of and most importantly those who are not allowed by the Mother to see there children. If a father pays $800.00 dollars a month for child support on one child,$200.00 a week the mother is screaming what about additional cost like school clothes and band lessons etc.etc. Unless you are spoiled beyond reality we all know unless it is a child with special needs it doesnt cost 200.00 a week to raise a child. If the mom only paid for what the 800.00 a month didnt cover you cant tell me in most cases it would even come close. to the 800 the dad had to pay. Sure you have to take care of them but more often then not that is the case, The mother wins and the father is bled like a goat with no assistance from the court while everyone supports the mother while she enjoys life with her kids and the dad is left wondering when he will get his fair share of love and time with the children that are equaly his. For the little girls who whine because what they get from the Father doesnt cover every single exspense i say to you its not supposed to, put your half in the pot,Having the kids is a privlidge not a burden, So the next time your child asks for something think to your self have i spent more then what the Father has paid me this month out of my own pocket? Your answer will 99% of the time be no, And if it is then good for you, your keeping things fair.

Jan 16, 2010
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Why doesn't every one just admit it.
by: Anonymous

More than half the primary custody parents do not use child support soley on the child as it was intended. I am a father of an 18 month old little girl that I love more than anything. But due to my now X wife's affair I only get my daughter every other week But I STILL PAY CHILD SUPPORT. WHY? So my X can drive a brand new truck and is always wearing new outfits. She accuses me of not taken care of my daughter but when I over paid child support she told me that was my loss and her gain. I am the one paying child support and taken care of my daughter every other week. So lets be real here. Most primary custody prents that get child support need it to take care of the children but that money should only be used on the children. But the court systems are flawed... They automatically give the children to the woman without looking at the cause of the divorce or asking the father if he wants custody. I think that the court should look at why people get a divorce and then decide after talking to both parents and learning why things went SOUTH in the marriage and then decide who the child should be with. And child support is supposed to be for the CHILD not so a person can drive a new vehicle or wear new cloths. The Child Support Office should make just like food stamps, The money goes to the child for food and diapers and clothing. Who ever has custody is going to put a roof over there head and pay electricty bills and water bills even if they didn't have the child, and they are going to have a vehicle to drive and they are going to put fuel in that vehicle and they are going to have insurance. So lets use Child Support for what it was designed for....THE CHILDREN. and everyone get on that page and things would be much better for the children and the parents. And I think more parents that don't pay child support would start because they know it is to take care of the child not to pay for the X's new things.

Semper Fi

Jan 13, 2010
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Whinning?
by: Anonymous

WOW I have never seen this many "women" being nasty to another woman. Us mothers whinning about not getting support? Well let me tell you something, I have two children, there has NOTHING to do with them, he has had every chance to have a relationship with them but has ddecided not to! So he feels like if he doesn't talk to or see them, that he shouldn't have to help support them. Why is it that we are whinning because we want help supporting these kids? If a man wants to see his child and is not allowed then he needs to take the step through the courts to do so.Every situation is different and to say that we are whinning because we don't get support is just IGNORANT! Do you have children? If so have you ever had to deal with the fact that the asshole decides that his kids aren't worth his time anymore because something else is more important so he takes off and doesn't call or help take care of them? You can't possible be a woman that has had to explain to her children why their father doesn't come around or try to tell them that their father DOES love them, he is just working and can't call right now! We lie and make excuses for these assholes EVERYDAY! And for the other "woman" below this post that calls women bitches who get pregnant on purpose to get a bank roll for the next 20yrs, you have to be the most ignorant one yet! Look up the facts, if you do you will see that there is a higher rate of NON PAYERS then there is payers! Most of these little boys don't pay child support! While your at it take a couple of courses in English and learn to speak it and write it, before you come on here and show just how ignorant you are. I don't see how you all even call yourselves women! The fact that you all think its ok for these dead beats to not pay support is the stupidest thing I have ever heard. Did either of you bother to read all the post on here? I don't think anyone has said that these fathers should not see their children but should have to pay support. I'm sorry if you hooked up with a guy who has kids and your getting their side of the story or they really are dealing with a woman that is just a pain in the ass. But that is not what all of us are about! So before you come on and try to play devils advocate get your facts straight and do some research!!!!

Jan 13, 2010
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Another story of instability...
by: Anonymous

I had been single six years...the mother of a son conceived in rape. I met up with a man I had know as teenager. He was finalizing his divorce. When we reconnected I had told him what I was looking for..in that I was trying hard to follow God and live right. He was excited to hear that. We started seeing each other. I asked repeatedly about his divorce. Making sure he was over her over it. He reassured me it was over long before the divorce and he had plenty of time to heal. Then the I love you's came and the this is "our family" (he has two children as well)I started working overtime to help with the debt from his divorce. The oldest started calling me Mama. My child was happy to have siblings. Long story short he never worried about preventing a pregnancy. I had taken the precautions. He never even asked. But the method failed us and I became pregnant. He wanted me to abort the baby. Pressured me for weeks. I cried and pleaded for our babies life. I was not going to do it but I didn't want him to want me to either. Long story short when he finally realized I wasn't going to he decided he didn't want me but once the sum of child support was figured then he loved me again then he would get mad and he would leave again. Then he tried to talk me into adoption. Lastly he flip his lid said all of the time we had together was a farce and he never loved me or my child. So he put his children and my child thru hell knowing he had no intent. Now because he doesn't want to be labeled bad guy so he threatens to go for custody? First you want to kill it and give it away and now you wanna be daddy of the year cause you gotta pay? Where are my rights to keep my unborn child from a man who is unstable and knowingly hurt 3 other children? His oldest spent a week in the hospital because when he was like 3 he put him on an atv and the baby hit the gas and ran into a brick mailbox and it fractured the poor little guys head! And I am supposed to want to hand a child I have ALWAYS loved over to a man who has displayed crazy behavior and be out of my site?

Nov 30, 2009
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Mothers have to do everything?
by: Arelcy

Let me get this straight. All you mothers out there whining about everything you do for your kids and you aren't getting your child support. Do you stop to think that you HAVE your kids and the dads out there don't? My husband has not missed a child support payment in 12 years yet he does not get to see his daughter anymore.

How is it fair that she can completely ignore the court order granting access and visitation, yet complain and get bossy when the check is a day late?

Whenever she asked for "extras" my husband was more than happy to oblige; it was for his daughter. However, when he was continuing to pay an extra $100 a month for horse back riding lessons that were no longer being taken and an extra $30 a month for guitar lessons NEVER taken, I think there is some injustice. The ex never bothered to tell him his daughter was no longer horse back riding.

There are 2 sides to every story and for every story of a mom "done wrong" there is one of a dad who doesn't get to see his kid(s).

Nov 23, 2009
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MOST WOMEN IN AMERICA ARE GOLD DIGGERS
by: Anonymous

I believe there are some good woman out there just asking for the fair. Look I'm a woman and I can totally see the Mom side of the story but what I see in CA is absolutly RIDICULOUS!
The way the Law is set COMPLETELY promote woman to get pregnant to have a 20 years retirement account.
First of all, if you get pregnant by accident go to get an abortion. Is legal and better that bring a person to this world in bad conditions. First BOTH PARENTS should have the right to decide having the baby or not.
Mostly here premeditate everything and then pregnant comes like: "What an accident and can't go against my religious beliefs" and then all the sudden they BECOME THE EVIL'S BEST FRIEND.
Im surround by many screw guys and women showing signs they're ready to take the chance execute the plan...
I guess the CHILD SUPPORT should totally be reviewed here. CHILD SUPPORT IS FOR THE CHILD not for these bitches.

Just to have an idea, I "heard" someone said to a guy she was INFERTIL and she got pregnant...I could tell absurds things about this crazy bitch here but really I'm not going to.
I just really thing the CHILD SUPPORT SHOULD HAVE BE CONTROLLED TO GO TO THE CHILD.

Resume: These bitches here get pregnant and totally think the have a BANK SET UP FOR 20 YEARS. If this is not enough the bitch that came from living in a basement, sick and asking for help still now after 7 years go to court twice a year to ask for more money. Because of the Laws allowing mothers to "protect" the best interested of the "CHILD" the man has to pay for his attorney and her attorney's fee cause she is a perpetual unemployed.
Now while she is going to Law School (I wonder why) and having a princess life she makes every single move to RUIN THIS GUY'S LIFE A HELL.
I LEARN HOW TO APPRECIATE HOOKERS AND PROFESIONAL MUCH MORE AFTER TO KNOW THIS STORY

I can see why there are some many crazy people in America. I'm so blessed I have parents. They werent perfect for SURE but at least I know the had be to be PARENTS AND NOT FOR MONEY.

Oct 22, 2009
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Not all dads are Dead-Beats
by: Anonymous

I disagree with your posting. As a new mother, married to a man who has to pay child support, I understand the struggle financially with having children. The economy is tough right now, and my husband was laid off from a pretty decent paying job. When we both worked, there was enough available to pay child support and be able to get ready for our child while still paying bills. My husband was laid off right after I was placed on maternity leave, and we began job searching day and night to find something for him. Finally found a job, which was a siginificant pay cut from what he had before. While he was jobless, he applyed for Unemployment and they RAISED the cost for child support.

Now he is working a 40 hour week and overtime when available so we can contiue to send money every month (IN FULL), but is slightly difficult when you make 10.50 an hour. These types of job are the only thing around at the moment. We were lucky that this place was hiring.

What I'm saying is, we are only concerned about the amount we pay, because the both of us struggle working 40 hours a week with a newborn, paying for her, bills and child support. Want to know the catch? The mother ran off to California with the child, got married and didn't even notify us, which BY LAW she has to at least do. So she has made it extremely impossible for my husband to see his daughter, AND has to pay for child support that is completely draining both of our paychecks.

And the harder part about that? We would have to spend about $20,000 for a child support case, and on top of having to pay for everything else, where are we to get that money so he can have custody? They don't give out help to fathers for that.

And he WANTS to be in her life. Sad isn't it when the father is made out to be the bad guy.

Sep 30, 2009
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AMEN!!
by: Anonymous

I have been divorced for 12 years and have a two daughters, 17 & 15. At the time of the divorce their father was a bar tender and claimed he made $30,000 a year - I carry the insurance on the kids and ALWAYS have... always. At the time of the divorce we agreed he would also pay half of anything "extra" as my girls were in cheerleading and dance classes. He has always paid 1/2 until 2 years ago when he got remarried. I have never had my child support modified in 12 years and now he owns his own company and is making over $100,000 a year, so I decided enough is enough as it always seemed to be a struggle to get any "extra" since the new wife....his child support for two kids was raised from $500 to $1200 a month however, there is several monies not calculated in his net income has he is able to hide his income by running his own business. Now the new wife and determined that no more extras will be paid and that I am no longer allowed to contact my ex either by phone, text or email.... and he agrees and does whatever she tells him. This whole situation is putting a huge strain on the kids and they are beginning to seperate from their father who only lives a couple of blocks away! Sad..... Why wouldn't a father be honest and do what is right by his kids? It blows my mind!

Aug 27, 2009
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Explain
by: Anonymous

Here's the way I see it. I had a boyfriend that always paid his child support plus all extras, he was a wonderful father to his children. For a time his children lived in another state and he did not get to see them. But he NEVER complained about sending money, His kids needed to eat, his kids wanted things like all kids do.Lets face it even parents that are together have a hard time making it on one income. When he went down for change over and had to draw unemployment, ya know what he did? He mowed lawns and delivered pizza at nite. For extra money for his kids. He was MORE worried about them having food n things they not only needed but wanted, then he was worried about if he got to see them or not. Sure he missed them , but he was NOT shelfish and kids came 1st. To him it was not about him, and what he wanted or how he felt, it was about the kids.
Then there is the matter of my grandsons father. What a joke!! To hear him talk about my grandson you would think he was a great loving father. Thats while he sits on a bar stool. And I don't trust him to watch my grandson. he is not protective, nor does he care if my grandson has anything. He comes 1st. When you ask him for something like money for a hair cut for his kid, he says well let him come over n stay the nite with me and maybe I'll get him a haircut. In other words who cares if he needs a haircut , unless I get what I WANT!!! When you really love your kids you don't complain about what you do or don't get out of the deal, its all about what THEY get regardless of the mother! And I hear way to much complaining from alot of fathers. I care barely eat myself=== I have been known not to eat when my kids were young, so they could. Times were hard, but my kids ate before I did. If you can't take care of your kids because you simply love them, {in which case you should not complain} then you have already or will lose them any way some day. They will turn from you any way one day. I am sorry for dads that don't get to see their kids, but as I read about all the complaining going on , I wonder why. Who complains about taking care of their kids and how can you put a price or condidtions on love?

Aug 24, 2009
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Good Father Missing out
by: Anonymous

I am a Father that has worked hard to get custody of my daughter. and I know from experience what a SD is because my biological father was a SD. But not all men are just SD. Take into consideration my situation.... I cam home after serving my country in the war to find out that my wife had been cheating with her x boyfriend and continued to cheat after I got home, then she ended up pregnant and was not sure whose the child was although she wouldn't admit that. We seperated and she moved in w/ her parents. She got custody and I got court ordered child support. She has repeatedly kept me from seeing my daughter and wants more money but drives a new truck. Now who is just the DONOR in this case. I love my daughter and want to give her the world unlike I was given. But the system says the mom is the best parent to raise a child so tell me "What is the matter with this system" when a good man can't get custody of his daughter from a cheating x wife who lets her mom and dad raise my daughter.

Aug 22, 2009
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anonymous
by: liz

I agree with everything shes saying, its tuff to be a mom and moms do have it alot harder.PERIOD.

There really is not much more to say because there is no argument against that. It the law of society and its been like this ever since the beginning of mankind.

Aug 17, 2009
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The other side...
by: Anonymous

One of the commentators asked what the issue was with the "red tape" and how the "guys" (corrected to non-custodial parents) are getting screwed. Well, I'll be more than happy to try and shed some light on that:

Scenario:

A non-custodial parent pays his child support without complaint, tries to visit or have some kind of contact with his child. After 10 years at a good job making 50k a year, the plant closes down, he loses his job. He tries to get child support enforcement to place a hold on his obligations while he tries to get a job to make some kind of payment. Times are rough, the economy is going to pot, and no one is hiring. The custodial parent is tired of waiting for the father to get a job, and activates the court system to get him for arrears. The father is trying to get a job, and has documentation of interviews, dates and locations of interviews he went to, but no job. He lives in a small community, and cannot afford to move. He drives a 1985 toyota that is falling apart, and lives in a one room shack, all in the name of ensuring that he can meet his obligations. The court tells him to fork over what he owes, or he will lose his license and be placed in jail.

Now, let's look at some key points in this not-so-far-fetched story:

1) Always paid on time
2) Lost job
3) Documented efforts to get new job, cannot get hired
4) Has been jobless for an extended period of time, very poor local prospects for employment
5) Is threatened with losing license and imprisonment

Of most interest to me is the loss of one's license and the imprisonment. If you take away someone's license, how are they supposed to get to work so that they CAN earn money to meet their obligations? That never made any sense to me. And imprisonment? How does that "encourage" someone to pay child support? If anything, imprisonment destroys any chance of someone getting into several well paying fields and/or positions.

Those are just some of the points that cause frustrations and anxiety amongst non-custodial parents in most states. I understand AND AGREE that both parents have an EQUAL responsibility to provide and raise a child. But when you consider the bureaucratic nonsense that is involved when the courts enter into the picture, all of that goes out the window for both sides.

I'll repeat the most damning of all of those points: Imprisonment. I'll never understand what that solves in regards to child support.

Aug 13, 2009
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Did you read?
by: Anonymous

Did you read any of the other post? Or did you just decide to skim through and pick out what you wanted to miss read? No one is putting a price on being a mother, what we are trying to say is that it is unfair for any one person to be the only one responsible finacially for these children. Good for you that you raised 3 children without finacial help from DAD. If he was a part of your childrens lives then that is great! Listen and pay attention to all that you read please. I said in an earlier post, that most of us single mothers do work and work our talls off to take care of our children. If isn't fair to the children that they have less or can't do extra activities because "dad" doesn't help. And yes the key word is SD, I did give myself away to a man that I loved very much and when it didn't work out and we split, he was more interested in partying and getting high, then having anything to do with his kids. I begged him to please get clean that his children needed HIM! Not his money but him! I would be more then happy and have said to him time and time again that he needed to get his life together and be there for his children. That he needed to be a role model for his kids,a sense of strength for his kids not just a pay check. I for one am not asking him to be a Bank of America and I don't think that alot of mothers are, I do think that yes he needs to be there and also help out finacially. Sorry that you didn't read and pay attention and that you are so eager to just stir the pot that you aren't able to see this. I'm glad that you where able to raise 3 kids alone without help, but many women can't due to their jobs.

Aug 12, 2009
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As a matter of fact......
by: Anonymous

I don't get support, because although I have given them (the child support office) all the info they need to find his sorry ass, they still claim to not be able to locate him. As far as you saying be happy he is even paying support....are you kidding? If you read my other post you would see that I said there are alot of women that take advantage and to put it nicely are just plain bitches about the whole thing. But that is not every woman just like not every man is a sorry bastard who doesn't take care of his kids.Please explain to me how you guys get screwed. I'm not being a bitch I really want to know how the system works for the other side. If you are a man paying support explain to me your res tape and how you get screwed. I am very interested, because I have only been on this side trying to get support. I am not a difficult woman, I don't try to be nasty. I only want what is right and fair for my kids. And if we all took a step back and look at that instead of trying to just be nasty, we might actually get this whole child support thing right. I do not think it is fair that only the mother is responsible for taking care of everything outside whatever the judge see's fit for support. In alot of states, no make that most states, it is not fair. If he says he has no job and can't afford support, then he is off the hook. Why is that ok? I am not off the hook. I still have to make sure that my kids have EVERYTHING they need. It was bad enough before but now with the economy the way it is, it makes it even harder. My kids still needed shoes and clothes to start school last week, I had to buy them. I am just saying that BOTH parents need to pay equally for the care of the children. Both parents need to take an active roll in their kids lives unless it is unsafe for the children.

Aug 12, 2009
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money too?
by: Anonymous

You can't put a price on being a mother!!!! I have raised 3 children on my own, and without help from dad. However, I would never say you need to pay and do your part! I would rather my children spend time with their father! Yes, doctor visits, school visits, buy school clothes, school supplies, etc! I would rather them be a dad than send money every month. After all, I can work, and more than happy to have a job. You don?t need money and all the extras, do you? So all of you ladies who want money, no visits, and whatever else you can get. It sounds like vengeance! Let it go, and let them be a parent and not a Bank of America. They key word was SD!!!!! You gave yourself away!

Jul 20, 2009
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Are you kidding!
by: Fed up mother

She needs to stop whinning? You must be a bitter man, we as women (well most women)work our tails off to support our children with NO help from the SD (sperm donor) When we file for child support we are put through the ringer in order to get it. How is it fair that the SD be allowed to only pay x amount of dollars for the child per month but we the mothers have to cover EVERY thing else! We have to pay for school suplies, school clothes, Dr visits, new shoes,new clothes when the weather changes, school trips all of this cost extra money out of our pocket but the SD only has to pay his support. In case you forgot, it took two people to equally make this child, why does it not take two people to equally support this child? I will not say that there are not women out there that take advantage of the system, but there are many women struggling EVERYDAY to keep our heads above water and these sorry SD's simply float through life. Changing jobs so that they won't have their checks garnished, working under the table so no one can find them. Not all fathers are bad, but there are alot more bad then good, do some research and you will see for your self. As far as you telling her to stop whinning that is just pathetic, you must be one of those sorry SD's who thinks that by paying support for your kids you are punishing her. Well no you are punshing your kids! Grow UP to all the dead beats that don't know what a MAN really is! That just makes me sick!

Jul 18, 2009
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You need to be happy he is paying child support
by: Anonymous

Hey you need to stop your whining if he is paying childsupport what is the problem? What do you expect? Most of the men that right their story is PAYING CHILD SUPPORT But because of red tape they get screwed so I say they have every right to be pissed!!!! You need to do your part 2 and stop picking on men that get screwed!!!!!

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