the broken system

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the broken system

by dad
(san antonio, tx)

HERE IS A SOMEWHAT SIMPLE IDEA ....

-Why can't we (as paying parents)receive an itemized bill of WHERE OUR MONEY GOES??????

After all I am paying said amount to "support" my children (food, clothes, school supplies, etc.)

**Perhaps a credit card that issues a itemized bill to both parents???? WOW what a fricken idea!!!! A system that requires accountablility for all! I am held accountable for paying my dues, she should be held accountable for her side. You want fair, that is fair.

For all i know, the money could be supporting the mothers new Hooptie, or the mothers new boy toy, or to her little vacations and maybe to the mothers educational growth????

-I am thoroughly disgusted with how the system is run, it is a one sided system. And as with all GOVERNMENT run "systems" those who have money to fight the system prevail. Those of us that do not, have no chance of winning. Great system...

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the broken system

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It's complicated
by: Paul D. Ruddy

I'm a 57 year old father of a 15 year old boy who wants to get emancipated because I talk bad about his dead mother. The only thing I've got to say bad about her is that she got him started smoking pot at the age of 12 years old. I've had custody of him since he was 7 years old and his 'mom' never paid a nickle in child support. Do you think the judge ever suggested that she was a deadbeat mom? Even though the San Bernardino Dependency Court ordered that she would be barred from any visits absent evidence of her compliance with her bipolar medication regimen, the Victorville Superior Court refused to investigate the Dependency Court's transcripts until several years after ensuring that she would have regular visitation with my son. It took my son's elementary school principal's letter to the judge to get him to look at the Dependency Court transcripts. Yeah, I've got my ax to grind also. My problem is that when judges make bonehead decisions there's no accountability: They enjoy absolute immunity from lawsuit for making bonehead decisions. My son just got out of a 2 year placement which included 4 foster home placements. He's worse now than he's ever been. Yeah, it's about the kids. How can I tell!

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The Judge Was Forced To Rule In My Favor!!!
by: WantToTellYou But Can't

I won full custody of my child, from my ex who has done everything in his/her capabilities to keep me legally alienated from our child.

The sad truth is... Custody battles take forever.... And the money used that evolves around child support and in relation to child support goes everywhere eles but to your child/children.

It is used to provide financial assistance to the new seasonal flings, future ex-lovers, and there transitional hobbies, excessive clubbing, drinking, excursions, vacations, and it is all at your expense!

And the money very seldom goes to your child. It actually goes to "everyone else" but your child. To include the ex's lawyer hired to prevent you from gaining 50/50, to your own lawyer who takes his/her's sweet time to schedule your next appointed court date. Oh and don't forget when your ex is already predisposed to having relationship complications to keep you in the mental past, they will do virtually anything to maintain their wants and desires to seek self gratification. Prescription drugs abuse, recreational drug abuse, alcoholism, Oh lets not forget way I won. But placing your child in the custody of someone who is dangerous, (repetitive felonies, prison time, dealer, the list goes on and on).

The secret is you have to be patient, and trust me its a lot harder than you can fathom. However, my best advice to you is just be patient, b/c all custodial parents who "receive"; have share the same temptation of loosing focus as to what is really important (the child). I'm a firm believer in the phrase "If you don't utilize what was given to you the way it was intended"... in due time you will lose it.

And judges aren't stupid, they can see through b/s a mile away. You just need to ensure that you allow the "receiver" to have as much rope as needed to hang them self with.

In the end I went from getting 1weekend a month for almost 4years. to now getting full custody.

As words of encouragement I want you to know that you should keep your head up, and ignore the immature behaviors of your typical ex.

They will regret their actions when the time is right. And when your time comes, (I promise you). The hardest part you will have in your life will be "controlling you humbleness"

Just know that you could be the receiver anytime, but you keep destroying those opportunities every time you correct your ex, or try to control what they do with what you give them.

If your receiving you should give yourself a daily reality check, b/c you could very well be preparing your own noose, if it hasn't already been made for you.

Best wishes to the underdog. Because you are valued!!! And Non Custodial parents are the ones that keep America running!!! So take a break and let your ex-do their part, and take your job for a while.

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Agree, is about the money
by: Anonymous

It is about the money! Anyone who states it is not is a "receiver" Federal gives the state money per dollar they can get out of the man for child support, hence them not caring how many men they leave with barely enough money to live. Yes I also agree the children are to be supported but not to the extent the fathers can barely live or establish second family because he can not afford it. There are tons of men out there that get their child support set on income that includes overtime, profit sharing ect. As soon as they no longer have this overtime they fall into arrears, and to try to get it modified can take months but yet when the women want more, they will have a court day for her right away. As single people we all have to pay our own rent, bills, ect. so the cost of the child is all that should be covered, any thing more is extortion. If the Mother feels the child is entitled to share in the Father's wealth then she should let the child stay with the Father more often!

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IT IS ABOUT THE MONEY!!!!
by: Anonymous

First of all yes every child should be supported...but to what extent....
There are many of men paying beyond the basic needs of the child, and this is not right! The women get the tax free money, single mother benefits, claim dependent on taxes plus can shack up with another man and not be expected to be employed! The mothers should not be receiving so much CS that it contributes towards her estate, other children or new BF.

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HA
by: Anonymous

REALLY! So you really want to know that $2.50 goes to gas everyday to take the kid to school. That is a crazy idea. Children needs clothes, lights, a home, gas to get to places, food, etc. there is no way a parent could provide you with a detailed list. I swear! If the child support did go the new car oh WELL. A child has to have a parent that has a functioning car that can get the kid to and from school, the parent to and from work (paychecks are still needed). Get over it!

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It's Not About the Money!
by: Anonymous

Why are we continuing to make these situations about money! It's not about the money, it's about the children! Parents have gotten so wrapped up today in who's paying what to whom, we have forgotten about what's most important...the children. It's not about who's dating whom, who has the better house or car, who's degree is on a higher level, or, for that matter, who's the better parent (unless, of course, one or the other is abusive, criminalistic, and or has a severe drug abuse history). The children are what matters and, ultimately, they are the ones who suffer the most in these battles. No, I don't like my childrens' fathers either, but I could care less about them or their lives, or even their money. At this point, I could care less if they're even their for children or want to be a part of their lives. What I don't want is for my children to suffer irreparable damage because of ongoing "drama" and court battles. As parents, we have a hard enough time trying to survive in this mixed-up, crazy world (no jobs, money, health insurance, etc.), and I'm trying to teach my children that no matter what, they can survive. We all know that the courts are no help when it comes to these issues, yet we continue to run back and forth asking for them to change the rules, only to get even more frustrated and upset with the new rules. The Courts were not there for the reproductive process and they shouldn't be involved in deciding what's best for our offspring. Please stop fighting about the little things and take care of your babies. After all, they are "our" future.

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Going to jail doesn't help either
by: Anonymous

The problem is that it's even worse than a debtor's prison, because at least when you go to debtors prison, your debts are forgiven upon your release. If you go to prison with child support, your debt continues to accrue including interest and penalties.

What really needs to happen is that the entire system needs to be revamped from the ground up. If you didn't make the majority of the income during your marriage, you should not be expected to pay child support at all, ever. If you make below poverty level wages, you should not have to pay child support. If you demand sole custody of the children to the point of virtually cutting the other parent out of their lives, you should also have to take sole responsibility unless you can prove that the other parent is unfit to the point of being completely unable to care for the children (in other words, physically abusive, on drugs or an alcoholic). There definitely also needs to be accountability for where the money goes. I think a debit card for which the statement is sent to the non-custodial parent is a good idea. This way, the non-custodial parent can make sure that the money is being spent as it should. I myself was extremely upset when I sent my first child support payment only to hear from my children that their father and his wife bought gym memberships when they received the payment.

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I agree that this is a broken system!
by: Anonymous

If I knew then what I know now I would have tried to reason things out with my exhusband a little better and maybe tried to really work something out, but he kept on trying to state that he was the better parent and why was he trying so hard as if to justify himself as a male in this world...I was getting child support and because of my poor choice in men I fell into this horrible mess with child support! I am achy and hurt at times reaching 50 year mark this year! I have a year and a half left to pay and I am in arrears as of to date over 4,000.00 and I never get to see my older son who was emancipated off or my younger son who is with his dad! If I claim disability I get no where because I refuse to slip into a system like that just to do it regarding child support.......I am tired and exhausted finally getting more hours to try and catch up for all the crap I have had to deal with regarding my moms death and never seeing my kids is hard! My ex husband has used my kids as pawns for a long time and now they had to take on a foster kid to make ends meet! Do I really need to support that whole frickin' household or just my kid!!! Actually the guy from child support enforcement asked one time did my ex ever adopt his present wifes kids?!! Are you serious?! What the hell?!!!! They were basing it all on who was living under his roof as to what the child support amount would be!!! Amazing how this is so screwed up!!!!! She had 3 kids by 2 other men and then they got a foster kid on top of that!!! To make up for the emancipation of my older son off of the child support amount!!!!! Helllllo!!!!!!! I see a defunct system here that is really screwed up.....will I really be able to see my kids across the crystal shores or when?!!!!! I keep feeling like I am in the delivery room just giving birth to my 2 wonderful boys and having them snatched away hurriedly by the RN's and that's been like that off and on for a long time! Sometimes I had custody a while back and I tried too hard like a dummy to be nice and bend over backwards for my ex husband.....too trusting!!!!! Now it's a brutal long haul until my younger son graduates! No win situation right here!!!!!!!!!! It's absolutely antiquated and outdated.....DEBTORS PRISON is the term a bankruptcy lawyers wife told me was the term used for someone who can't pay there debts.....well I might need to enjoy the color orange soon!!!!!

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Don't have babies if you can't afford to
by: Anonymous

For those of you paying into child support, you can not recieve itemized lists of what it goes to for privacy reasons first of all. Which to you may not seem right but its a liberty we have thanks to the great nation of USA. The comments regarding below poverty not paying child support, too bad. Your child. You need to help pay for the needs and so on for your child. Can't afford it? Shouldn't have had a child. You need to take a step back and think about the child. Using the money to pay for a car? Yep, guess what that car is doing? Driving your child to and from school, hospital visits and ensuring the custodial parent has reliable transportation so they may continue to work, drive to the store to feed said child and so on. I do not condone the ones who misuse the support for their own selfish reasons. This issue will forever be just that, an issue. Bottom line. You have a child, you must support the child.

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the broken system

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